Entering a new relationship can be a wonderful thing. However, you may come to a point where you realize that you’re not in the relationship for love, but for other reasons. You may think you’re in love, but when you take a long, hard look at your relationship, it may not be love that’s keeping you from leaving. [Read: 50 simple questions to help you check if you’re compatible]
Being in love with the wrong partner can be a big problem, because it prevents people from finding better dating options who would give them what they need. It also keeps them trapped in a situation that is incomplete for both parties. Because of this incomplete satisfaction, resentment can gradually build.
Even though it is a problematic situation, many people still find themselves in love with the wrong person. They pass up other dating opportunities and spend too much time and energy invested in a relationship that doesn’t fulfill their needs.
Why you’re still in love with the wrong person
There is hope! Once you find out why you are still in love with the wrong person, you can get to the bottom of it, and hopefully be able to move on. So what are the main reasons why this happens?
#1 He or she is very attractive. Physical attractiveness can be one of the key reasons why you are still in love with the person who you know is wrong for you. The reason why physical attractiveness could be the culprit is because it can often blind you to the person’s negative qualities.
For example, say you find your partner to be extremely hot – the fact that you are so attracted to him or her might be causing you to overlook the fact that he or she is emotionally unavailable or extremely immature. However, the longer that you are with the person, the more that you will get used to their attractiveness, and then you will be able to see their other qualities in a more objective light. [Read: Are you really in love or just in lust?]
#2 You have mommy or daddy issues. These issues may attract you to people who treat you the same way that your parent or parents treated you. The reason why this occurs is because you might be unconsciously looking for a way to resolve your emotional issues regarding your parents in another way.
For example, your father may have been very emotionally toxic, so you may seek out a guy who is emotionally toxic in a similar way. This can give you another opportunity to confront the same issues, and try to get a better ending than you had with your toxic father. [Read: 18 critical signs of an unhealthy relationship]
Also, people can become attracted to what is familiar to them. So if your parents were extremely sarcastic, you may seek out a very sarcastic partner, or fall in love with one, even if you know that he or she isn’t right for you.
#3 They make you laugh. If your partner has a great sense of humor and can make you laugh quite frequently, this can be something that keeps you in love with him or her even if they’re wrong for you. Frequent laughter and entertainment are benefits that can be hard to overlook when evaluating a partner.
#4 You live with them. Living with your partner can create a unique sense of bonding that can really make an impact on you. When you live with someone, you spend a lot of time together, and you get a certain comfort from having them around. However, being comfortable with someone and having a healthy relationship with them are two very different things. [Read: How to make living together before marriage work for you]
#5 You went through a major life experience with the person. Going through a major life experience with a person is another unique bonding experience that can keep you in love with them for longer.
For example, say that your partner was there for your college graduation, or your first apartment move in, or a major triumph at work. These types of situations can make you associate success with your partner and may keep you with him or her, even if you know that you should move on.
#6 Your partner is very wealthy. They say that money can’t buy you love, but sometimes it can have a significant impact on how you feel about a person. Money represents success, the ability to pay bills, the ability to have nice things, a higher social status, and a whole host of other things.
The comforts money can provide may be blinding you to the fact that you’re not exactly in a healthy relationship. To know if this is the only thing that’s keeping you “in love,” try to imagine if you can still stay with your partner when all the money is gone.
#7 You have history. The simple fact of having a long history can keep you in love with someone even when you know that he or she is no longer right for you. Relationships can develop a sort of momentum over time, and occasionally this momentum can push aside your concerns about certain negative aspects of your partner.
#8 Your partner is extremely nice. Having a partner who is extremely kindhearted can be something that may cause you to remain in love with them. Kindness is a great quality to have in a partner. And you wouldn’t want to repay your partner’s kindness by leaving, right?
The problem with this is that kindness shouldn’t be the only thing that’s keeping you together. No matter how nice someone is, you still owe them the courtesy of being honest with the fact that their kindness is the only reason you’re staying.
#9 You have a lot in common with your partner. You may think that because you have a lot in common with each other that you are meant to be together. Just because you’re into the same movies, music and events, doesn’t mean that this should be enough to keep you together. There’s more to a healthy relationship than common interests, so don’t let shared interests be the sole basis for staying.
[Read: 12 signs you’re unsure about where your relationship is headed]
It can be hard to admit that you’re staying in a relationship because you think you’re in love, when in fact, there are just some qualities that you happen to like about your partner. Take a step back and look at your relationship objectively. This will help you see if you’re staying with the wrong person for the wrong reasons.
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