Should I Give Up on Him? 17 Things That Aren’t Going to Change

Even the question, should I give up on him, means you somehow think he will change. The chances of that are very slim, period. It’s time to move on!

should I give up on him

If you ask, should I give up on him, then I have some good and bad news. The good news is that you still have feelings for him that run deep. The bad news is that you still have feelings for him that run deep.

There are times when we can be in love with people who aren’t good for us. You can love someone who isn’t good for you or who will never be able to give you what you need to feel loved and fulfilled.

Should I give up on him? 17 signs it’s time to move on

Let me preface all of what comes after this by saying that there is no such thing as a perfect man. As hard as it is for all girls to accept, none of us is perfect either. But, there comes the point where you aren’t just overlooking minor irritants. If you feel as if you sacrifice something critical in your life or one of your needs for someone else, it might be love, but that doesn’t make it right.

We all go through peaks and valleys in our relationships. If the valleys are harder to climb out of and the peaks aren’t all that high, then you really must stop and ask yourself why you stay. Somewhat like a net equation, the good times should outweigh the bad, or it just isn’t worth wasting your life away.

#1 You keep praying he will change. If you keep praying that things will change between the two of you, then what you are really doing is praying that he will change. There is one thing that I absolutely know is true in this world. It is that the only person you can change is yourself. If he isn’t what you want or need, or doesn’t supply you with what you need to feel whole, he isn’t ever going to. [Read: Selfish people – 15 ways to spot and stop them from hurting you]

#2 He simply can’t give you what you need. Sometimes the hardest thing to realize is someone you love isn’t what you need and never will be. If you invest in someone, then sometimes it seems selfish to want more than what they provide you.

The problem is that you only get one go around in this lifetime. Don’t spend it regretting not being with someone who doesn’t make your life happy and fulfilled.

#3 You have a voice in your head telling you something isn’t right. That little voice in our head’s a bitch, yep! But, you know what else she is? She is almost always honest. As much as you might hate to come to terms with what your head tells you because your heart says differently, the inner voice is always right.

It is your soul telling you that something isn’t the way it should be. [Read: 20 right reasons for walking away from someone you love]

#4 You have to beg for love and attention. If you beg for his love and attention, then you deserve better. You should never have to beg for someone to adore and treat you with the respect you deserve. Make no mistake, if someone ignores you or pays you not an ounce of attention, that is a lack of respect.

You don’t want to go through life with someone who doesn’t think the world of you and you shouldn’t. That would be settling.

#5 You have very different goals in life. If he hits the corporate ladder running and wants to spend his life without kids and traveling, then stop thinking he will change his mind once he knows what you want. If you want to stay put and have the picket fence, then maybe you just aren’t the right fit.

It isn’t fair of you to want him to give up on his life’s goals or to give up on your own. So, if they just don’t meld, then it isn’t giving up. It is realistic and saves you from a lifetime of arguing and heartbreak.

#6 You fight about the same things over and over. If you fight about the same things now as you did ten years ago, then you aren’t ever going to stop fighting about them. There are just some things in relationships that can’t be reconciled.

If you tried to meet him halfway and he won’t budge, or you can’t forgive him for something even though you tried; then it is time to let go and move on. It is okay to finally say “I just can’t do this anymore.” [Read: The biggest secrets of a love-hate relationship]

#7 He won’t talk things through with you. You can’t have a relationship with someone who won’t talk to you or communicate. If he thinks that talking through problems is irritating, runs from you or any conflict, or simply can’t sit down and have a civil conversation about problems in your life, then you aren’t ever going to be able to have a peaceful union.

An unreasonable person will always be unreasonable. They run, and you chase them forever. Maybe don’t think about it as giving up but just stop chasing. [Read: All the reasons why chasing a guy never helps]

#8 You feel depressed and lonely. If you feel depressed and lonely all the time, then you have to let go and move on. There is nothing worse than feeling alone, besides feeling lonely with someone.

At a certain point, ask yourself whether you are better with or without him. What is it exactly that he does besides making you feel stuck and continually waiting for him to step up and be the person you need him to be?

#9 No matter what you say or do, nothing ever gets better. No matter what you say or do, things never get solved. You know why? He doesn’t want them to. If you have a guy who says things like “I just don’t want to fight” but runs from you, bottoms you out by shutting you out, or continually does the very things he knows will hurt the most, then it is intentional.

It isn’t that he doesn’t know how you feel, he doesn’t care. Don’t sit around waiting for someone who doesn’t care about you.

#10 There is no “I” in this team. If he wants his life to remain his life, that isn’t going to change. Probably what he learned through his parent’s relationship, keeping secrets and lives separate is something that makes your life hell.

If you have been together and he still keeps everything to himself that isn’t going to change.

#11 He is selfish. Selfish people don’t change. If you wait for him to grow up and act mature, but have been waiting for a very long time, then it isn’t maturity. It is a selfish man. You can’t have a relationship with someone who only has himself in mind. You won’t ever exist. [Read: 22 early warning signs of a really bad boyfriend]

#12 You find yourself always giving up what you want for what he wants. Trust me on this one, if you sacrifice now, you will always be. The reason you give in and give up is that you learned to. That isn’t going to change. Things aren’t going to get any better when you finally stand up for yourself, he isn’t going to like it.

#13 You are afraid of him or his reaction. If you fear him or his reaction, then it is time to leave, period. No one should make you fearful in a relationship. Whether he withholds love or physically abuses you, if you are fearful and just follow along, then the answer to should I give up on him, is YES!

#14 You are afraid to be alone. At some point, if you even ask this question, then you have to ask yourself why would you not give up. Maybe you are just afraid to be alone or that someone else won’t come along.

Believe me, someone will. There is always another relationship around the bend. And, if this one isn’t the one, the right one will come along. [Read: Fear of being alone – How to let go of this fear and find your peace]

#16 He doesn’t care about your feelings. If he truly doesn’t care, like you can stand in front of him crying or you are in trouble, and he doesn’t come to your rescue, then leave. That is never going to change. You can’t teach someone to care about you. You can’t beat him into it, and you certainly can’t keep begging for it. If he doesn’t care about how you feel, then you let go.

#15 He is a narcissist. A narcissist only cares about one person—himself. Likely, you are nothing but a means to his end. If every time you start to walk, he comes running to you, but couldn’t be bothered that you exist when you are by his side, then you are dealing with a personality style that not many people survive. Run now while you still have your self-esteem intact.

Narcissists won’t change because they aren’t capable. Lacking something called empathy, they couldn’t even if they wanted to. [Read: 14 signs a narcissist is playing mind games with you]

#16 You are just two very different personalities, oil and vinegar. If you are a “soft sensitive” and he is the “I don’t give a shit,” then you face constant misunderstandings. The peace that you crave will elude.

Personality styles don’t change as much as you might wish they would. If you have come as far as you can, and he has too, and you still can’t seem to meet in a happy medium, you won’t ever be happy. [Read: Do opposites attract or push each other away?]

#17 His family won’t vacate *especially mommy*. If his family is a major contention in your relationship, that won’t change. If he goes running to mommy every time he has a problem, or his family doesn’t like you and they all talk about you, it is a nail in the coffin forever. If you think that you’ll win them over, you won’t. He fosters it, and he isn’t ever going to stop.

Deciding to leave someone you love is one of the hardest decisions in the world. The definition of insanity is performing the same behavior and expecting a different result. If no matter how you approached your relationship it simply isn’t getting you what you want, then it is time to let go and move on.

It isn’t really about giving up on him, as much as recognizing that you may just not be the best for one another. Giving up on him implies that he is going to change if you just hold out long enough.

[Read: Feeling trapped in a relationship? Should you stay or break free?]

So, take heart, it is going to be painful, but the sun will rise tomorrow. You’ll find your new normal and a guy that you don’t ever have to ask if you should give up on him. He supplies you with what you need from the start.

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Julie Keating

A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...

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