Being in an abusive relationship can be a confusing thing to deal with. Firstly, there isn’t just one type of abuse that could be going on. Secondly, some people don’t even realize they’re in an abusive relationship until it’s far too late. If you find yourself needing to know how to get out of an abusive relationship, we’re here to help.
Getting out of an abusive relationship is harder sometimes because you don’t actually want to leave. You may also be in so deep with someone that you have a family together. And it only adds to the difficulty of getting out of the abusive relationship.
What are the different types of abusive relationships?
For those of you who think there are only physically abusive relationships, you’re not alone. Many people think it’s only an abusive relationship if there’s physical evidence someone injures you. Although that is definitely a type of abuse, it’s not the only kind. [Read: 16 abusive relationship signs of a devious lover]
You can also be emotionally and mentally abused. Maybe someone doesn’t physically hurt you, but they threaten you to the point where you feel as though they would. You could also have an abusive partner that uses manipulation and insults—both of which are still abuse.
How to get out of an abusive relationship
No matter which situation describes what you’re going through, you need to get out. Nobody is worth compromising your mental and physical health. If they really loved you in the first place, they wouldn’t be treating you so terribly.
However, it’s often easier said than done. That’s why we’ve put together a list of the steps to take to get out of an abusive relationship. Don’t let your abusive relationship ruin you. Please get out before it’s too late.
#1 Realize you are actually in an abusive relationship. Many people in abusive relationships are in complete denial. You must first realize your relationship is unhealthy before you try to get out of it.
Notice the warning signs and ask others if they think it’s an abusive relationship as well. Normally, your friends and family will have already mentioned something about the unhealthy behavior in your relationship. [Read: 17 relationship red flags most people completely ignore]
#2 Go to your support system. Go to those friends and family members and talk to them about your situation. Odds are they’ve been waiting for that day to come so they can help you out of something terrible.
Your support system helps you throughout the whole process. Their main purpose ensures you never revert to staying there. They can be present whenever you need them, and they should always help you get out of that abusive relationship.
#3 Keep your decision quiet. A lot of the time, voicing the fact you’re going to leave only places your significant other on edge and makes them angry—which leads to more abuse.
If you’re planning on leaving and trying to get your affairs in order to leave peacefully, then keep your decision quiet. Don’t announce it. Don’t go around talking about it to anyone other than your support system. This gives your abusive partner nothing to get angry about and allows you to leave without a fuss. [Read: 25 ways to end a relationship without making it messy]
#4 Avoid abusive situations. If you’re trying to get out of the relationship, the best thing for you to do is gain back some confidence and power.
You may need to just avoid them in general to stay away from this. That’s perfectly fine. However, don’t arouse any suspicion in them because that only makes matters worse. Just keep your distance to help leaving them go smoother.
#5 Have somewhere you can go. Make a plan on where you’re going to go when you leave them. This can be a friend’s place, your parents’ place, or even a new apartment if you get it together before leaving them.
The point is you want to have a place to go that is safe for you to stay away from them. When they find out you’re leaving, it will not go over well so be sure you have a place to go where they won’t be able to bother you. [Read: 16 clear signs it’s time for you to leave the relationship]
#6 Gather all important documents. If you’re living together then you probably have all your tax documents and identification in the shared place. You can’t just walk out and then politely ask for them. Your abusive ex-partner is not going to be willing to just hand them over nicely.
Make sure to gather all these forms and cards before you leave and without making them suspicious. Get them out and to a friend’s place where they can be stored safely until you’re completely out of the relationship and away from them.
#7 Have someone with you when you actually leave. If you do live with them and need to move your belongings, you’ll want to have someone with you because it won’t be a fun situation to be in alone. They’ll be angry and hurt—two things that cause some people to act abusively.
Get a few different friends or family members to be with you just so they don’t even have the chance to try and make you stay, and so you can get everything out of there quickly. [Read: How to recognize and end toxic relationships]
#8 Remind yourself why you’re leaving. If you’re in an abusive relationship, it can be hard to keep your wits about you. You’ve been abused for so long that you get lured back into their charm and forget about leaving.
Constantly remind yourself why you’re leaving and why you two can’t be together. Put yourself above anything else when you’re in an abusive relationship. It can help you see clearly. [Read: How to recognize and stop selfish people from repeatedly hurting you]
#9 Get the police involved if necessary. Some people can’t hope to get out of an abusive relationship if it’s severe enough to warrant police involvement. If you don’t feel safe and are terrified to even attempt to leave, the police can escort you.
The law enforcement in your area will come to your aid and simply stand by as you move your things and leave them. They protect and help you in any abusive situation if it’s so extreme that it needs it. [Read: Emotional manipulation: 14 ways people mess with your mind]
#10 Cut them out of your life COMPLETELY. Now that you’ve got out of the relationship, you must remove them from every other aspect in your life. COMPLETELY get rid of them and everything about them. Otherwise the abuse continues even without them.
Get rid of all their stuff, delete and block their number, unfriend them on all social media, and don’t let them have any way of contacting you. This makes it easier for you to get over them and to see clearly, and it doesn’t give them the opportunity to further the abuse.
[Read: Emotional abuse signs: How to spot an emotional abuser]
Figuring out how to get out of an abusive relationship will not be easy. But with these steps and tips, you’ll be able to get out of there and realize you’re worth so much more than what your partner provided you.
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