Breaking up is always shitty. I used to just make my boyfriend hate me, I was too much of a pussy to do anything. Who wants to break up with someone? Unless that turns you on. But for the rest of us, knowing how to break up with someone who loves you is hard to do. You have to meet up with them, sit them down, talk about how you feel, and then watch them crumble in front of you.
Are you now free? Absolutely, and sure, it may sting, but it does feel like a weight has been lifted, right?
How to break up with someone who loves you
But when you dump someone who loves you, it’s not that easy. I mean, the actual breaking up may be easy. However, if they really love you, they may not be as easy to get rid of as you once thought.
You were their world! You were their life! What does that mean? Yes, you know what it means, the “I love you” texts, the 1am drunken phone calls—they start rolling in. But you avoid that from happening if you break up with them properly.
Because you’re going to have to do it eventually. I mean, they’re not going to do it for you.
#1 If you think it, it’s over. If you think about breaking up with them, well, that’s a pretty good sign you should follow through with your thoughts. I mean, whenever I thought about breaking up with my boyfriends, I eventually did. I mean, it may have taken me months or years to do so, but I did it eventually. Listen to your gut. [Read: Should we break up? 17 signs you’re past the point of no return]
#2 Sit down with yourself and make sure it’s what you want. So, I know I just said that you should follow your gut, but I also understand that sometimes it’s not that easy to do. Regardless, you should sit down with yourself and think about what you really want and if you’re getting that from your relationship. If not, then you definitely know what you need to do.
#3 Know that you won’t be friends after. Yeah, don’t expect them to call you the next day, asking how work was. Actually, don’t expect anything for at least a year or so. You don’t really know your partner’s feelings towards you, so it may take longer for them to move on then you expected.
Point is, consider this as if you lost a friend. I know, it’s sad, but if you think of it like that, you won’t be tempted to talk to them. [Read: Why staying friends with your ex doesn’t work]
#4 It’ll never be the right time. Okay, there will be some moments which are better than others, but there’s always a holiday coming up so it doesn’t matter. You need to break up with them ASAP, not only so you can be single but also so that they can grieve and move on. If you keep holding back, you hurt both of you even more.
#5 Prepare yourself. If you live with your partner, you should already have preparations made for after you break up. You should know who you’re going to be living with for the time being, where your things will be stored, etc.
You don’t know how the breakup is going to go, so having a plan set in place is a good idea. [Read: Keep the peace: How to break up with someone you live with]
#6 Don’t surprise them. This isn’t a birthday party, it’s a breakup. There’s no need to pick them up from work and on the way home drop the “I think we should breakup” line. Be mature about this and consider of their feelings. Tell them that you need to talk. That’ll be a good hint that they should be expecting shitty news.
#7 Use the word “I.” This is about you. It’s about your feelings towards your partner and the relationship. So, use the word “I.” You need to tell them what isn’t working in the relationship for you and why you want to break up.
So, saying something like “I feel that we aren’t connected like we used to be” is a way to show them your feelings. By doing this, you’re not creating false emotions for them. [Read: Breakup talk – 25 tips to end a relationship without making it messy]
#8 Honesty is the best policy, but don’t be a dick. Be honest, people want to hear honesty, especially when it’s concerning a breakup.
That being said, there’s no need to tell your partner that you’re breaking up with them because they’re bad in bed. Rather, you’re breaking up with them because “you don’t feel the chemistry anymore.” Don’t degrade and strip them down of their self-worth. Be classy.
#9 No, don’t say the “let’s be friends” line. Oh god, please don’t. That’s like the worst thing you can hear from the person you love. It basically means, “I don’t see you as someone I want to spend my life with, but rather someone I can sit at Starbucks with once every couple months and catch up.” So, cringe worthy, I mean, come on. Now, if they later message you to go out for coffee or to be friends, that’s different.
#10 Don’t text them. Don’t like their status on Facebook, don’t like their pictures on Instagram, or text them when you’re bored. This isn’t some game, this is someone’s emotions. You need to leave them alone so they heal.
When they’re ready, they’ll like something on your Facebook page or wish you a happy birthday, or some shit. The point is, you let them come to you. [Read: How to break up when your partner doesn’t want to]
#11 Don’t make it a dramatic goodbye. You’re not in The Notebook. This isn’t some romantic-drama, so just keep it cool. Breakups don’t have to be filled with yelling and crying, I mean, they can be, but why not just leave the relationship on a positive note? Why not leave the door open for a possible friendship further down the road? When I mean further down, I mean years from now. But you get what I’m saying.
#12 No breakup sex! DO.NOT.DO.IT. I don’t care if your partner used to be a model, don’t do it. They love you and if you sleep with them, that only causes more problems. In fact, you’re an asshole if you do it. Let them heal, let them have time on their own—now you’re using them for sex and that’s not cool.
#13 Analyze the relationship and the breakup. Yes, you’re single, but now you need to look at the relationship and the breakup. What went wrong in the relationship? What do you want in future relationships?
This is hard for them, but it’s also a learning lesson for you as well. Or else, you end up in the same relationship over again. [Read: How to end a long-term relationship like a grown-up]
#14 If they’re trying to move on, let them. Listen, you have the upper hand because you’re the one who isn’t in love. For you, it’s great but don’t be the person who abuses this. They’re trying to move on, so you flirting with them or becoming jealous when they go on dates isn’t helping. That’s actually your ego and you need to tame it. They’re just trying to move past their pain, so let them.
[Read: Example conversations to break up with someone without hurting them]
Who said breaking up was fun? It’s not, but using these steps on how to break up with someone who loves you, you can do it in a way that doesn’t make them eat a tub of ice cream while staring at your photo. I mean, that’ll probably happen anyways, but you know, not for months on end.
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