Disrespectful boyfriends seem to be an epidemic. They sprout up everywhere in different shapes and sizes with different interests, different styles, and different jobs. They are young and old. Learning how to deal with a disrespectful boyfriend will matter in life.
Some disrespectful boyfriends are tricky and manipulative so you don’t know he is disrespectful until you are in deep. Others show you their true colors right from the start.
But with the rise of the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements, it’s time to speak up and shut down disrespectful boyfriends. They must go. [Read: 25 signs of disrespect in a relationship that shouldn’t be tolerated]
Should you deal with a disrespectful boyfriend?
This is the question you should answer before going any further. Should you even be dealing with a disrespectful boyfriend? Does he deserve your effort?
The answer is no. Sure, some guys are worth the effort and some guys are totally clueless on how to treat a woman. There are plenty of guys that will listen and learn. They will try to see the situation from your point of view and do better.
If you have a boyfriend like that, keep him and teach him. But, from my experience, there are a lot of boyfriends with no desire to be respectful.
It is hard for me to say this or even accept it as reality, but there are a large number of men who are boyfriends or husbands that just do not respect women. Maybe they think their job is more important than their girlfriend’s, or they expect their girlfriends to do all the cooking and housework. [Read: 22 early warning signs of a really bad boyfriend]
Then there are boyfriends who seem to be respectful on the surface, but when push comes to shove they still have toxic masculinity at the forefront of their minds. They put their careers first, expect you to take on the traditionally feminine roles, and even try to control your actions.
Disrespectful boyfriends are often set in their ways and there is no changing them, so why deal with that when you deserve so much better? Don’t.
If you think your disrespectful boyfriend is beyond help and too close-minded to see how the world is advancing to make us all equals, dump him and spend your time with people that respect you. [Read: 20 misogynist red flags that reveal a disrespectful man]
How to deal with a disrespectful boyfriend?
As awful as disrespectful boyfriends are, there are some of these guys who are actually clueless. Boys will be boys is not an excuse for disrespectful behavior, but they will never change their behavior if they don’t know they are doing it or how to fix it.
Some men actually want to grow and become better people. As do we. By sitting idly by and letting our disrespectful boyfriends treat us badly, we avoid potential confrontation but also doing nothing to change the situation.
We can improve ourselves, our boyfriends, and our relationships by speaking up. Talk to your boyfriend and help him to understand why his actions are so disrespectful. Once he understands how what he does makes you feel, he will want to change if he is a decent person.
From there, work together to help him outgrow any patterns of behavior he has become accustomed to and you can work on patience. He will not become prince charming overnight. [Read: 16 reasons why your boyfriend is so mean]
These disrespectful behaviors our boyfriends have are not random. They have seen these behaviors from TV, people in their lives, and for years this behavior was rewarded. In a sense, many men are conditioned to be disrespectful to their girlfriends.
You and your boyfriend should work together to recondition him into his own man who respects you and all women. But how?
#1 Work together. First things first, it is not just you dealing with a disrespectful boyfriend. This is a relationship. You deal with it together. If you feel like you are in it all alone, you might as well be. Drop the dead weight and respect yourself. [Read: Why you should run if you see these relationship red flags]
#2 Talk it out. If your boyfriend is disrespectful, it is likely he has been this way for a while. He will not change overnight and this will require more than one conversation to sort out.
Talk to each other. Let him know where you are coming from. If you don’t tell him, he will never know and this behavior will continue.
#3 Create a safe space. We all deserve respect, especially in a romantic relationship. But, because it seems like something so basic that is lacking, we can get quite frustrated when talking about it.
Before beginning your discussions, create a safe space so you both feel comfortable sharing and don’t hold back. Let each other know if you feel disrespected. Be sure to only talk about it when you are in this space. [Read: 18 emotions you shouldn’t feel in a healthy relationship]
#4 Answer his questions. Firstly, let him question. As much as we expect everyone to understand the progressive and feminist standpoint, that is not how the world is just yet. You can see his disrespect so clearly and think it is insane he can’t understand, but let him develop at his pace.
Let him ask questions. As dumb as they may seem to you, the answers you give are what is driving him to be better, so be patient with him.
#5 Share your feelings. As I said, this is not a one-time conversation. You can’t tell him he is being disrespectful and expect him to change his behavior from that. Let him know why his behavior is wrong and how it makes you feel.
If he cares about your feelings he will try, but he has to know what your feelings are. Tell him how you feel when he is disrespectful and how you would like to see the change happen.
#6 Remain calm. Anger is a big part of this issue. When we have been disrespected we feel like we are seen as less than. We feel betrayed and misunderstood. We feel like we are being looked down upon.
These feelings make us frustrated and angry. We deserve better. But getting angry and lashing out will not fix a disrespectful boyfriend. All it does is reignite anger and disrespect. Remain calm, that is the best way to deal with a disrespectful boyfriend. [Read: How to fight fair in a relationship and grow closer]
#7 Remember your feelings are valid. Through all of this, you give a lot. You put up with something that shouldn’t really even happen, and it wouldn’t in a perfect world. But, our world is far from perfect and everyone can be better.
So no matter how much you are not perfect, remind yourself your feelings are valid. You deserve to be treated with respect. You have every right to ask that and even demand it from your boyfriend.
#8 Give him a chance. As much as I think dumping him is totally justified, if you are willing to work on this and think he has the potential to change, give him a fighting chance. Do not give him a deadline. People do not work that way.
When it comes to learning how to deal with a disrespectful boyfriend, let him try. If he messes up, remind him that these are the moments he is being disrespectful. Give him a chance to right his wrongs. If he still goes back to his old ways, dump his disrespecting ass.
#9 Are you respecting him? When we are disrespected, we automatically go into a mode where we demand respect. That is perfectly fair. But, within this headspace, we lose respect for him.
We cannot expect him to respect us if we do not respect him. This is a two-way street. It is all about being treated equally. You cannot look down on him because he wasn’t filled with progressive knowledge before you got together. [Read: How to show respect in a relationship and love each other better]
#10 Go to therapy. If all else fails, visit a professional. This offers you a safe space you may not be able to create on your own. An unbiased third party looks at your relationship from a new perspective and provides new insight.
They can also assign you exercises to use when these disrespectful moments arise. Couples therapy is not just for marriage, whether you have been together for four years or four months, you can benefit from a healthy space to work on issues like a disrespectful boyfriend.
[Read: The signs you’re being used by a man and it is time to ditch him]
You should no longer be wondering how to deal with a disrespectful boyfriend. You have choices. Work it out together, dump him, or find someone who can direct you to the right path for your relationship.
Liked what you just read? Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life.
Related in LovePanky
I Want a Boyfriend: 23 Ways to Make Your Dream Guy Come to You
Does He Love Me? 37 Signs He’s Past Like & Totally in Love With You
Clingy Boyfriend: 16 Signs He’s Doing Too Much & How to Shut it Down
What to Look For in a Guy: 40 Things that Make a Man Worth Dating
LOVEPANKY IN YOUR INBOX
Get the very best of LovePanky straight to your inbox!