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Relieved After Breaking Up? 20 Happy Reasons Why It’s a Very Good Sign

Are you feeling relieved after breaking up with someone? You might feel guilty about the relief and wonder why are. Here are all the answers you need.

relieved after breaking up

You were in a relationship with someone, whom you believed to be your soul-mate and the love of your life, but things started to go a bit awry, and before you knew it, the relationship was hitting the stony depths of rock bottom, and separation became an imminent reality. But now you’re relieved after breaking up.

You worked so hard at saving the last vestiges of anything that was still good about the bond you shared, but it still wasn’t enough.

When the breakup came, you cried or vented or went on a depression-fueled drinking binge… or maybe you didn’t do any of these things and experienced the one thing you didn’t expect to feel… Relief.

Why were you relieved after breaking up?

This relief may have come as a bit of a shock. You loved your partner after all and there are so many great things about them that you’re going to miss.

However, it couldn’t have been as perfect a relationship as you had convinced yourself, and there must have been issues beneath the surface that didn’t make your relationship feel right.

So what was that thing that you were so relieved about? The following list outlines the main reasons people become relieved about a relationship ending.

1. You felt suffocated in the relationship

You may have had the most attentive, caring, and helpful partner alive, the one that all your friends constantly comment upon saying how lucky you were and how they wish they could find someone similar.

However, sometimes having someone’s undivided attention around the clock can be a touch suffocating. Were they one of those people who were always on the phone with you? Always turning up uninvited? Never had any interests of their own?

Maybe the relief you felt was due to the fact that you could now unfurl your wings and live your own life again without having every footstep observed and assisted. [Read: 37 ways to stop being clingy and holding on so tight that you push them away]

2. Your relationship was abusive

This is a difficult one, as most people would find it hard to believe that physical abuse is something that could so easily go unnoticed all the way to the break-up stage.

However, there are different types of abuse and emotional/psychological abuse is just as despicable and potentially even more harmful.

Maybe you were convinced that you couldn’t do anything on your own without this person, because of a carefully orchestrated emotional terror campaign carried out subtly over a period of time, in order to compensate for your ex’s fears and inadequacies.

The relief here is from knowing that you are a better and bigger person than that and that you were able to free yourself from abuse. [Read: 21 big telltale signs of emotional abuse]

3. You were no longer attracted to your partner

You might be scared of the ‘shallow’ label, but attraction is a big deal. Whatever your definition of attraction may be, whether it’s mental, physical, sexual, or otherwise, it’s still important to have passionate or at least romantic feelings of attraction towards your partner.

However, if the attraction is no longer there, then what was a loving relationship becomes a friendship, and the relief probably comes from knowing that you are now free to treat it like one.

4. You had a disappointing sex life

If you come away from your bedroom exploits feeling that you had more excitement the last time you bit into a tuna-mayo sandwich, then this could be another reason why you are feeling relief.

Although sexual prowess and innovation are not the be-all and end-all of a relationship, it is a huge part of developing an emotional connection.

Your relief may spring from the fact that you no longer have to pretend to feel lust towards your partner, or it may be because you’re now free to have more exciting sexual exploits elsewhere. [Read: 9 awkward signs you’re having bad sex with your partner]

5. You were cheated on

Being cheated on is another big reason you’re feeling relieved after breaking up. Whether directly responsible for the separation or not, cheating is something that no relationship should have to tolerate.

You may have found out or even had it confessed to you, but even if after much thought, you decided to put it behind you and give the relationship another go, things will never be the same.

The bond of trust has been broken and there will always be an element of unease at the back of your mind. Plus, you also have to work on rebuilding the trust within your relationship.

The fact that this unease has finally been dealt with by separating from your cheating partner may also be a reason for this feeling of relief. [Read: Who cheats more? Men, women and their specific needs to cheat]

6. You’ve found someone more suitable

Although you’ve never considered cheating on your partner for a moment, you may have found someone to whom you could potentially be attracted.

Whether it’s dazzling wit, great looks, or blinding intelligence, they just blew you away and made your ex-partner seem, well, just a little bit ordinary. Although you might never have meant any harm to anyone, the relief you feel is that associated with being free to pursue this new, attractive person. [Read: How to tell if you’re starting to get attracted to someone]

7. Your relationship was unstable

They might have been the funniest person you’ve ever met and had you in stitches around the clock. And they might have had Hollywood looks. Or perhaps they were a veritable Albert Einstein. But what they couldn’t do was save money, hold down a job or commit to any normal life plans.

The former qualities may have worked their magic on you throughout the short term but eventually, you woke up to the fact that your partner was idly throwing his or her life away, and consequently yours with it.

Escaping from a dead-end relationship or a deadbeat partner would definitely make you glad you got away.

8. Your partner bored you

This point is kind of the opposite of the previous one, a situation where stability was ALL you had. In this case, however, you might have chosen a home-maker as a partner – a sensible choice that many people make. Food on the table and a good roof over your head are guaranteed.

But the relationship could have been passionless, uninspired, methodical, and even downright BORING! Maybe you’re feeling relieved due to being in a position where you can now inject a little passion back into your life, where you can start living a little bit crazy and enjoy all the things you’ve missed. [Read: 15 reasons you’re bored with your relationship]

9. There’s some unexplained tension in your relationship

For no discernable reason whatsoever, you and your partner may have started to get on each other’s nerves.

A cloud descended upon the relationship and turned everything sour with arguments erupting at every turn over the silliest little things, like the right way to make a cup of coffee or whether to leave the toilet seat up or down. 

There may have been a deep-seated love between you both that seemed too good to throw away for a time, but that relief you feel is obviously due to having escaped all that tension and bickering. This is a huge reason for being relieved after breaking up.

10. You have mismatched levels of intelligence

Another difficult one. Everything else might be perfect – again with the looks, the sex life, the charisma, the sense of humor – but one day you woke up and realized that you’d actually like an intelligent conversation with the supposed love of your life, or you may pick up on the fact that your partner wants to have more intellectual conversations that you can’t keep up with.

If you’re the one who’s more intelligent, you may be relieved at not having to simplify everything you want to discuss. If you’re the one who feels like your partner is way too smart, your relief may be from the fact that you no longer have to feel like every conversation is a college lecture. [Read: 15 highs and lows of dating someone smarter than you]

11. You have different relationship goals

Maybe you have always wanted to get married, have a family, and settle down. But in the end, your partner didn’t feel that way.

They might have even told you that they did want those things in the beginning, but changed their mind as time went on. Or maybe they never really did want it, but they told you they did so they wouldn’t scare you away. You can’t build a long-lasting relationship with different goals.

12. You were fighting too much

Everyone says that relationships are difficult and they take work. But they shouldn’t take that much work. Sure, couples have disagreements and fight from time to time. That’s normal. But if you and your ex were fighting all the time, then that’s toxic. So, it’s no wonder you’re relieved that you broke up.

13. Your personalities were too different

If you are an extrovert, social, and have a lot of friends but your ex was an introvert and a homebody, that doesn’t work very well.

They say opposites attract, but they are also not very compatible with one another. The extrovert gets angry because the introvert never wants to socialize. And the introvert is hurt when the extrovert wants to hang out with their friends all the time. [Read: Dating expectations – Type A vs. Type B personalities]

14. There was no emotional intimacy

In a good, healthy relationship, you have emotional intimacy. You feel connected and close to your partner.

But as time goes on, sometimes partners drift apart from one another. And it’s sad to feel all that emotional distance between the two of you. You’re both withdrawn from each other, and it’s a very lonely place to be.

15. You weren’t friends

Ideally, you should be best friends with your romantic partner too. Or at least very good friends who genuinely enjoy each other’s company.

But if you found that you would rather do things alone or with other people, then you weren’t friends with your ex. You have to like someone as a person in addition to being physically attracted to them.

16. They were selfish

This is a big reason you are feeling relieved after breaking up. In a relationship, both people need to put their partner’s needs at least equal to – if not before – their own needs.

So, if your ex only thought about themselves and what they want, but never asked you want your needs were, then that is not fair. It’s exhausting to be with someone who only thinks about themselves. [Read: Selfish people – 20 ways to spot and stop them from hurting you]

17. They ignored you

There are many ways you can ignore someone. You can ignore someone by playing video games, watching TV, going out with friends, shopping, or just simply sitting on the couch and not talking. So, if you were being ignored, then you would definitely be relieved after a breakup. After all, you might as well be alone if you’re going to be ignored.

18. They had addiction issues

Addictions are always toxic and have a negative effect on the addict and on the relationship as a whole. And it doesn’t always have to be an addiction to drugs or alcohol.

It could be an addiction to video games, golf, shopping, or anything else. The point is, if the person is spending too much time on their addiction, then they are taking time away from the relationship with you.

19. You had mismatched ambitions

Maybe you are very career-oriented, and they are not. It’s difficult for people who have mismatched ambitions to be together.

The ambitious one thinks the other person is lazy and boring. While the other one thinks the ambitious one is materialistic and obsessed with money. They just don’t understand each other’s psyches at all. [Read: Do opposites attract or push each other away? The must-know truths]

20. They weren’t good with money

Disagreements about money are one of the top reasons couples break up. If one person is a spender, and the other one is a saver, that is a very bad combination.

So, if you’re the one who was responsible with money, it’s not surprising that you would be relieved after a breakup. You no longer have to worry about where your money is going because you are the only one in charge of it now.

What to do after your breakup

So, now that you know the reasons why you are relieved after breaking up, what are you going to do now? Well, for starters, it’s time to celebrate!

After you get settled back into your new life, you should do a post-breakup “autopsy.” In other words, you want to figure out what went wrong. How did your relationship get to the point of the breakup? [Read: Self-discovery after a breakup – how to happily move on]

Maybe you weren’t good at seeing the red flags in your partner in the beginning. Or maybe you changed. Whatever the reason, you need to look at how you can do things differently in the next relationship.

You might have to choose a different type of person or notice the red flags earlier. Regardless, if you don’t do some reflection, you might make the same mistakes in the future. And you don’t want to do that, do you? 

[Read: 16 lessons to recover from a breakup one day at a time and move ahead]

There should be no shame in feeling relieved after breaking up. After all, the fact that you’ve broken up means you have both admitted that something was amiss in your relationship. Feeling guilty about your relief will only hold you back, so just accept this feeling and move on with a smile!

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Carol Morgan LP
Dr. Carol Morgan
Dr. Carol Morgan has a Ph.D. in communication and is a professor at Wright State University where she loves corrupting young minds. As a relationship and succes...