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How to Break Up with Someone You Love: When it’s Hard but Right

Learning how to break up with someone you love will never be easy, but just because its hard doesn’t mean it isn’t right.

How To Break Up With Someone You Love

Ending a relationship is painful, especially when you’re still in love with them. Knowing how to break up with someone you love will help, but it won’t take the pain away.

It’s confusing and tricky, and you never really know what to say or how your soon-to-be-ex will react. You don’t want to hurt them. And you don’t want to hurt yourself, but there is a reason you want to break up with someone you love. You have to keep reminding yourself of that.

Try not to focus on excuses to stay together when you know you shouldn’t be. Sometimes doing what’s right isn’t easy, but that doesn’t mean you should put it off any longer. Bite the bullet and learn how to break up with someone you love. [Read: Reasons behind why love starts to hurt when you’re in a bad romance]

Breaking up with someone you love

Breaking up with someone you love sucks. You still care deeply for them, don’t want to hurt them, and you don’t want to lose them.

This person is still so important to you, but being in a relationship isn’t right, and you know it. Whether you love someone else, want different things, or simply think it’s time to move on, it is hard to end something when there are still feelings.

Because of these feelings, you might procrastinate. You will enjoy your time together and maybe even convince them things are great when you know what is inevitable.

Another way you might deal with breaking up with someone you love is by being distant. If you stop reaching out and seem off, it seems like you’re pushing them away. Part of you feels like without a confrontation, it’ll be easier and less painful.

Unfortunately, that is only the case for you. You are making it easier on yourself by slowly backing away and hoping they get the hint. To them, this is cruel and disrespectful. You know they deserve better than that.

And, while we’re on the subject, it is also cruel to start a fight hoping they’ll break up with you. Don’t do this. Don’t force their hand, so you aren’t the bad guy.

All of these are cowardly ways to break up with someone you love. Remember, you love this person. Even though you are breaking up with them, they deserve decency, respect, and honesty. [Read: How to end a relationship on good terms]

The risks of breaking up badly

When you break up with someone you love like a coward, there are always rebounds from both sides of the relationship, and there are sobbing calls and make-ups and breaks up and a hell of a lot of tears.

You want to end it on the best terms possible and being sketchy and dishonest is not how you do that. You want to be straightforward. If you aren’t, you will regret how you ended things. You will hold onto them and they, you.

It will be more difficult for the both of you to move on than it has to be. Why break up badly when that doesn’t have to be the case?

If you really want to know how to break up with someone you love, you need to stay away from quick and easy ways because there is no such thing when love is involved. [Read: Should you ever date your ex again after breaking up?]

Before you break up with someone you love

When you’re considering a break up, you need to ask yourself a few questions to understand your own mind. You need to really consider why you’re doing this because they will ask. If you can’t answer that question for yourself, how will you answer them?

Can you really handle the break up and can you stay firm with your decision? These questions will help you find that out. [Read: The BEST break up advice around]

1. If your partner asks for a second chance, what would you say?

Would you cave? Is there a chance? Is there something they could say to change your mind? If you came looking for tips on how to break up with someone you love, the odds are you’ve already struggled with this and made up your mind.

Letting them change it back now will only delay the inevitable and force you both to go through all of this again.

2. Why do you want to break up?

This is probably the most important question. You want to be honest with yourself and your partner. Do you want to be single? Do you feel you’ve outgrown each other? You still love them, but has that love changed? Does it lack trust?

Don’t make something up. Be honest. [Read: 10 reasons you shouldn’t give your ex another chance]

3. Why haven’t you done it yet?

Every time I’ve been broken up with, I wondered when they started thinking about it. How long were they pondering this before actually doing it? How long were they pretending to be happy?

So, what is making you hesitate? Is it that you still love them, and it would be easier to stay together instead of going back out in the dating world? Would you be lonely? Are you afraid of hurting them? What is it that is making you not do it?

Even if you don’t tell them how long you’ve been thinking about the break up, you should know the answer to this.

4. Are you just angry with your partner?

Are you sure you want to break up? Or do you want a break? Do you need time apart to deal with a fight or something that happened? Can this be sorted out with open and honest communication?

The odds are, even if you really do want to break up and it is the right thing to do, you will regret it from time to time, especially during the coming weeks. But that is part of a break up. Will you truly regret the break up or mourn the relationship? [Read: Steps in taking a break in a relationship and how it works]

If you haven’t answered these questions, you aren’t ready to break up with your partner. You still love them whether you want to break up or not, but you aren’t prepared until you answer these questions. Be honest with yourself. If you have answers, don’t wait any longer.

How to break up with someone you love

If you know you have to end things even though you love your partner, here is how to do it.

Now, don’t expect these tips to make this break up hurt any less on either side. You will both cry and miss each other. But, if you follow these steps, you can save both of you many tears, anger, and even months of wondering.

This is how to break up with someone you love with the least bit of blowback.

1. Prepare yourself

When it comes to a break up, you never know what to expect. Prepare yourself for the truth of the situation. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been with this person for months or years. You do not know how they’ll respond.

You may think you know them so well, but remember, they likely have no clue this is coming. Be aware of that before going in. This is not a situation you can control. All you can do is express yourself and listen. You can’t change how they feel about it.

2. Remember the reasons

We love clutching at straws and looking at the good side in everything, especially if it involves a big change in our lives. Don’t be afraid of change, especially if it will make you feel better and happier. You may still love this person, but a healthy and happy relationship requires more than love.

Remind yourself why you’re doing this. Don’t convince yourself it is best for them, but it is best for you. When you break up with someone, it is for your own happiness, and that is okay.

Remind yourself you deserve to be happy. It will give you the strength to stick with your decision. [Read: 10 stages of a break up and how to get through them]

3. Have the conversation

Call your partner and tell them you need to talk about something important. Don’t elaborate on the discussion, but make it clear that you want to talk about the relationship. And do it in person.

You’ve already admitted you still love this person, so they deserve at least that much respect. I would recommend not breaking up with them in complete privacy or public. So, what does that leave? A park bench, going for a walk, an outdoor restaurant.

You don’t want to make a scene in public and make them feel uncomfortable in this situation, like they can’t show their emotions. And if you’re in complete privacy, like at your house, there is the risk of getting back together due to chemistry or intimacy. Breaking up with someone you love is hard enough without this risk.

Give this conversation the attention it deserves.. [Read: If you still love someone, should you let them go?]

4. Remain respectful

A break up can be one-sided or mutual, but there’s no reason for you to throw out accusations. Even if they haven’t made you feel special lately or recognized what you need, don’t be cruel. There is no need. It’s an easier way to do this because having them be mad at you can seem easier. It feeds into your guilt.

You almost would rather be made than take it with so much class because you feel you deserve to be punished for hurting them. Don’t do this. Let them know you feel like you’ve grown apart and don’t see you moving forward together. You don’t need to attack or be mean.

Being cruel during a breakup only makes it harder, more painful, and is beneath you. [Confession: An ex’s shocking revenge story]

5. Be honest

If you don’t know how to break up with someone you love, trust your gut. Be honest. Let them know that you’ve been struggling with this and don’t want to hurt them, but you’ve made up your mind. Don’t leave it open-ended. Don’t imply you want to be friends or say you think you are unhappy or don’t really want to be in a relationship.

It can seem harsh but be straightforward. If you offer up hope, even with a word like maybe or saying “I think I want to break up,” they will hang onto that. They don’t move on. Instead of easing your truth with those words, say, “I want to break up” or, “I am unhappy.”

You may want to say you still love them, but at this moment, that will ease your pain more than theirs. Be honest about what you want so there are no misunderstandings. [Read: Why is getting over a breakup much easier if you break up first?]

6. Answer their questions

If you really want to know how to break up with the one you love and end it wholeheartedly, you need to get into the specific details. You need to be willing to hear them out and answer their questions.

As much as I don’t believe closure helps all that much, answering their questions will let them walk away with at least some level of clarity and dignity.

I always say you don’t owe your ex anything after a break up, but you do owe them respect when you are still having that final conversation. It may hurt, but at least you’ll be able to tell your partner how you feel. Explain the real reason behind why you want to end the relationship.

7. Thank them

Once you’ve explained yourself and heard them out, it is time to wish each other the best. Even if you are still in the midst of your pain and they, theirs, being classy and respectful is important here.

Saying goodbye on a high note or as good as possible will let you remember the relationship peacefully and without holding a grudge. Thank them for all the good times. Let them know you are glad you met them and appreciate what your relationship was.

You may feel a wave of overwhelming relief and, yet, a painful realization that you’ve just broken up with someone you love. It’s normal to feel conflicting emotions. You do not need to decide whether you want to stay as friends or not right now. [Read: Circumstances when exes can stay friends and times when they just shouldn’t]

8. Give them space

Do not check in with them. Try not to reach out to their friends or text them or send them a funny meme. You just broke their heart and probably part of your own. Let them grieve.

Even if you want to be friends eventually or run in the same crowd, take time apart so you can properly get used to life without each other before reintroducing a friendship.

9. Do not comfort each other

This can be very hard to avoid, but try not to let it happen. You can hug goodbye and have one last kiss, but use your self-control. If you start comforting them it becomes very confusing. You are both upset, but leaning on each other right now will make things harder.

The person hurting them is the same person whose shoulder they are crying on? How is that helpful? The same goes for you. If you are sad about having to end things with someone you love, vent to your friends. Do not let them comfort you. That only makes it harder to stick to your reasoning and puts your guilt on them, which is unfair. [Read: How to resist the urge to call your ex]

10. Final goodbyes

You’ve done it. You know how to break up with someone you love. And I’m sorry. No matter how well it went or how calm it was, it sucks. There is no way around that. You will mourn the loss of this relationship. You will miss them. Maybe you’ll want to text them or drive by their house.

Depending on how long you’ve been together, this can really be excruciating, and to be honest, none of these things will ease that pain. They may help you both come to terms and find peace a little bit sooner, but don’t find yourself under the impression that you can avoid the pain of a break up with someone you love.

[Read: 10 important things you HAVE to do after a breakup to feel better]

Now that you’ve understood the steps behind how to break up with someone you love, learn to end the relationship gracefully and peacefully. It’ll hurt and confuse you, but both of you should live happily as individuals rather than live unhappily as a couple.

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The editorial team of LovePanky comprises relationship experts and real-life experts that share their experiences and life lessons. If you want the best love ad...