Are you single and hating it? Do you wonder why and how some people find love so easily, whereas it’s taking you forever to find your soulmate?
We have all walked past mismatched couples in the street and thought, “How the hell did she score a guy like that?” or thought nasty thoughts like, “She’s with him because he’s loaded.” Don’t even bother denying it. That’s what humans do best. We question, we complain, we compare.
We have all been in loveless slumps. This is when everyone around us seems to be bursting with joy in their relationships, and we end up sitting at home all alone, raking our brains and trying to figure out why we’re single. You may think that you’re absolutely divine, but what you think you’re projecting to the world and what you are actually projecting may be two different things.
This could explain why you’re still single. More often than not, your single status has to do with your attitude, not so much what you look like or what you do for a living. Too many people focus on the materialistic stuff and not what really counts, so when it’s time for them to go on the prowl for a potential mate, they fail miserably, and come home empty-handed.
People are wiser and less naïve than they were back then. The fact that people are dating more before settling down gives them the chance to sample what’s out there. This builds experience, and this is how your potential partner can smell bullshit, or desperation, or really low self-esteem, or a bad attitude from a mile away. No matter how many layers of nice clothes you wear or how fancy your car is, you can still be single if you don’t get rid of some bad habits.
What are you doing to keep yourself single?
Here are 10 things you may be doing to sabotage your odds of finding true love in the dating world.
#1 You think you’re not good enough. If you have been single for a while, there’s a very good chance that you have this awful habit of telling yourself that you’re not good enough for that cute barista, for that hot accountant at work, for the gym instructor with the abs of steel, or for anyone else, for that matter. If you think you’re not good enough, then every potential partner who comes your way will think that you’re not good enough, too.
Confidence is key when trying to score a mate, so be sure to exude it from every pore. It doesn’t matter if you’re not the sexiest, if you’re not the funniest, if you’re not the smartest, or if you’re not the best-looking person in the room. All that counts is how confident you are about how you look and feel. It will shine through, and you will be the flame that all the moths are drawn to.
#2 You think you don’t deserve a relationship. You’ll be surprised at how superstitious some people can be. I have a friend who blames karma for being single. She thinks she doesn’t deserve a good relationship because she treated her last boyfriend like dirt. Hence, the universe is retaliating by keeping her single as punishment.
#3 You think you’re not ready. You need to stop telling yourself that you’re not ready for a relationship. By constantly telling yourself that, you’re just messing with your mind and turning that nonsensical thought into reality. I will be the first to admit that digging yourself out of the darkness after a hard breakup is very difficult. However, you must relearn how to put yourself out there, and leave the past behind.
Heartbreak sucks, but you cannot let it hold you back from finding someone new. If you keep clinging on to the past, you will never experience a brand new future.
#4 You’re obsessed with timing. I personally think that people who use “timing” as an excuse for not getting into a relationship are kidding themselves. There’s no such thing as “the right time.” There are some exceptions, of course, and they include still being married, being bankrupt, or dealing with mental issues. Anything other than those signifies cowardice.
Life is short, and you don’t know if you’ll even have tomorrow to play with. It’s all about ups and downs, and there will never be a time when everything is absolutely perfect. If perfection is what you’re waiting for, then you’ll be single forever. Stop hesitating when it comes to matters of the heart because if you don’t jump in, you’ll never know just how great it could be.
#5 You’re a gossip monger. As the saying goes, “What Susie says of Sally says more of Susie than of Sally.” No one wants to date someone with a big mouth and bad attitude, so be sure to vanquish that habit today. Keep your life and the lives of those around you drama-free, and you’ll find that potential partners will be more eager to date you.
#6 You’re too picky. Stop finding fault with everything and everyone. Being a high maintenance diva is not a good look on you or on anyone else, for that matter. If you’re picky, you’re going to drive some real gems away. Finding fault in everything and everyone will only work against you. For example, if you complain about how he dresses or what she does for a living, you can rest assured that you’ll be single for a long time. No one will be good enough for you if you don’t let the little things go. [Read: 9 reasons your ideal man wish list isn’t working for you]
#7 You have impossible expectations. Sure, everyone wants to date a Ryan Gosling or Cara Delevigne, but that’s not going to happen. Snap back to reality, and stop envisioning the impossible. So what if he’s a little soft around the edges? He has a good heart, and he will always be kind to you. So what if she talks too loudly in restaurants? She’s funny and makes you laugh.
There’s nothing wrong with setting standards for yourself, but you need to seriously keep your expectations realistic if you don’t want to be single for the rest of your days.
#8 You don’t know what you want. Life is for the living, and there’s no point in wasting it by blindly making your way through life. Set clear goals for yourself, and figure out what you want. Do you want to be with someone who wants to live a nomadic life of travel and adventure? Do you want to settle down with someone who wants a family? Are you keen on dating someone who’s fine with an open relationship? Do you only want a “fun buddy?” Sort out what you want, and the rest will come easy.
#9 You’re unhappy with yourself. If you’re unhappy with yourself, you have to realize that it is obvious to those around you, including potential lovers. It shows in the way you act, talk, and walk. Who do you think potential dates are going to flock to at a party: the one sitting with hunched shoulders in the corner or the one smiling and dancing on the dance floor?
Unless you can learn to love yourself and be confident with who you are, you will never be able to fully love another. Potential partners can sense that, and trust me when I say that no one wants the drama of having to deal with your emotional baggage. [Read: 11 tips to fall in love with yourself and be a better you]
#10 You reek of desperation. It’s obvious in the way you interact with potential partners, and you can be sure that desperation stinks way more than sour milk. Reign your desperation in, and act like you could have the pick of anyone in the room. If you truly believe that, then everyone else will too, and you’ll find it much simpler to score a date.
At the end of the day, you must realize that you are what’s keeping you single. Finding a partner has nothing to do with luck, and karma has nothing to do with it, either. It has to do with you and your attitude. So what are you waiting for? Fix that attitude today, and you can be sure that you won’t be single for much longer.
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Born in Singapore and raised in Malaysia to multi-racial parents, Lianne is a self-proclaimed travel and food junkie. Having traveled extensively around the wor...