9 Reasons Your Ideal Man Wish List Isn’t Working For you
Do you have an ideal man wish list to find the guy who’s perfect for you? Well, here are 9 reasons why doing that may not really work for you!
So many of us are searching for Mr. Right. In our minds, we usually have a vision of exactly what our very own Mr. Right would ideally be like. For some, this vision is clearer than others, but more often that not, if you ask a woman what she would wish for in an “Ideal Man”, they could give you at least a couple of different ideas.
But the question is, is our “Ideal Man” the same as Mr. Right? How many people who have settled down in happy and successful relationships, could put their hand on their heart and say that their partner is the ideal man that they have always dreamt of?
9 reasons why your Ideal Man wish list isn’t working for you
It might not be productive to assume that this is the case. You could spend your life searching for your ideal man, only to find that he is not for you! Here are 9 reasons why sticking to your ideal man wish list might not lead you to Mr. Right.
#1 Your list may be too physical
Often, when you discuss your ideal man with your friends, it’s all about hair color, eye color, height and style. You can’t deny that we all have preferences. Blondes or brunettes, tall or taller, long hair or short hair. We are all a little shallow.
But although looks are important, you will be better off throwing some ideal personality traits at the top of your wish list, because a list of physical attributes will get you nowhere. After all, it means nothing if your partner is ideal to look at, but they have a rubbish personality and don’t make you happy!
#2 You’re missing other opportunities
If you are hell bent on finding your ideal man, you are probably setting yourself up for disappointment in the first place, but are you also letting other opportunities pass you by? Just because someone isn’t your “perfect man”, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t perfect for you! They just may not be what you were looking for in the first place.
By focusing on your wish list, you are most likely being too closed-minded. Open yourself up to new opportunities and love interests by interacting with men who aren’t necessarily your type. You may be surprised, and you may discover that in doing so, you will develop a whole new vision of your ideal man! [Read: Do opposites attract or do they actually push each other away?]
#3 Are you compatible?
An ideal man must equal an ideal relationship, right? In theory, he’s perfect for you, so what could possibly go wrong? Unfortunately, the truth is, you can never assume that because a person has the ideal qualities that you are looking for, that you would be compatible as a couple.
After all, you’ve established that he is your ideal, but are you his? No doubt he will have a “type” just as you do, and you might not be it. Sadly, it is just the way love works. [Read: 15 qualities and traits all men secretly crave in a woman]
Plus, he might be exactly 6ft with dark hair and brown eyes, is kind, considerate and gets on famously with your mother, but do you have anything in common? Do you have the same passions in life? Similar life goals and ambitions? No matter how perfect your partner is, if you have different interests or want different things out of life, there will be no foundation for an ideal relationship that will go the distance.
#4 Faults and flaws aren’t a bad thing!
An “ideal man”, by his very nature, is perfect and without fault, right? But is that really what you want in a man? I’m sure you can admit that you have plenty of your own faults, is it not better that your partner has their fair share? If you are not perfect and ideal, how can you expect your partner to be?
We all, without exception, have days when we don’t look our best, when we are moody and annoyed for no reason, when we are selfish and thoughtless. It is better, for our own self esteem if nothing else, that our partner is the same! Also, we often underestimate how attractive both physical and emotional flaws can be. After all, it is imperfections that make people interesting and unique. [Read: 10 harsh dating lessons you need to learn to make dating work for you]
#5 Your list isn’t consistent
Our tastes and preferences are constantly changing, even if you don’t realize it. Take a look back at your first crush, be it someone you went to school with or perhaps a celebrity. Do they align with your preferences and your ideal man wish list as it stands today? Probably not! Your ideal man wish list may even be different this week than it was last week. Not only do our tastes mature with age, but we are all, as human beings, flippant and indecisive!
So, the point is, is there really any point making an effort to find the “ideal man” of your fantasies if you don’t truly know what you are looking for? Even if you found him, he might be ideal now, but further down the line, you may wish for different qualities in your partner.
#6 Are your expectations too high?
Our expectations from relationships and our partners, like a lot of things, are heavily influenced by the media *probably more than you might realize*. You might think that your ideal man is a carbon copy of Harry Styles or Channing Tatum, but if they had not been brought to light to you by the media, would you have ever considered their carbon copies to be ideal if you encountered him in day to day life?
Conversely, through overexposure to “above average” or “ideal” men in the media, are your expectations of men heightened to a level where you would perhaps disregard a more “average” man who might actually be a great guy in real life?
Is your ideal man some knight in shining armor from a movie who makes wild, romantic gestures and sweeps you off your feet? In truth, life, romance and men can’t always be like that. But, that is not to say that the average man wouldn’t make you feel happy or special. [Read: 12 things you need to look for in a guy before you date him]
#7 Do you feel under pressure to impress?
Whether you like it or not, the success and attractiveness of our partners is another thing for us to be judged by in society. And this isn’t new. After all, Jane Austen wrote entire novels about it. Some people care more than others, for sure, but many of us are subconsciously or consciously competing to have the most attractive or most successful partner.
Is it possible that you are seeking an ideal man for this purpose? You may not have even realized it, but are you searching for someone who would ideally impress your family, and make your friends jealous? Do you feel under pressure to impress? You may have even bypassed someone who could make you truly happy because they were not the ideal man for this purpose.
#8 Dating your ideal man isn’t the answer to your problems
Quite often, we feel the need to compile an ideal man wish list to combat the issues we’ve had in previous relationships or to somehow make up for the shortcomings in other parts of our lives. We might try and find a man that is more successful and more attractive than our ex to try and heal the pain from a break up. Or perhaps, you think an ideal partner would make you forget about your dissatisfaction with your career and life.
In truth, a relationship is no better or worse if your partner is “more ideal”. Yes, you might make your ex a bit jealous, but the relationship itself will still have its problems even if your partner fits the criteria of your ideal man. And your career will still dissatisfy you with or without an ideal partner, you will just have one more person to complain to! [Read: Low self worth, its effects and easy ways to see yourself in better light]
#9 Your list is unrealistic
You might think your “ideal man” is out there somewhere, just waiting to be found. The sad truth is, he probably doesn’t even exist, so you are probably wasting your time looking for him in the first place.
Human beings are ever changing, multi-dimensional and unreliable. We aren’t necessarily the same person from one day to the next. For every good quality we have, we also have a catalogue of faults and flaws. And, we frequently change the way we look because we get bored easily. It is impossible to pin a person down, and describe their look and personality in its entirety. Humans are just too complicated.
People change, and so does your ideal man wish list!
Your list is always going to be too specific, and there are so many qualities that you wouldn’t have accounted for. Someone may tick all the boxes on the list on one particular day, but after a bad day at the office, they might be far from ideal. Someone else might have all the qualities you are looking for, but they may have several other traits that could not be described as ideal.
So, is it time to readjust your priorities when it comes to looking for Mr. Right? Dismissing the idea of your “ideal man” is likely to open you up to a whole new world of opportunities to find the one person that makes you truly happy. Perhaps it might be a better idea to create a new wish list, and search for a man that makes you feel happy, valued and supported. You might be surprised by who you find.
It’s easy to build a fantasy ideal man wish list from a young age and dream of a man who’ll whisk you away into the sunset. But as you squint your eyes and look towards the horizon for that knight in shining armor, are you missing out on all the other gentlemen who are trying to win your affection?