When you’re single, wondering about finding love comes with the territory. Whether you’re trying to plan your future or are just feeling lonely at the moment, it is comforting if you could peep into your future and have the accurate answer to “when will I find love?”
The thing is, unless you’re a psychic, there really is no way to know for sure.
And that is alright because it isn’t about knowing when you’ll find love, but who you will find love with, how you’ll find love, and how you’ll know when you’ve found love.
Finding love isn’t about simply finding it but finding the right love. You can find love in all the wrong places and with all the wrong people. But finding true love and going about it in the healthiest way is most important. [Read: All the reasons why being single is also tons of fun]
If you strip the poetics and analyze love’s blacks and greys, love is an evolutionary mechanism that allows us to perpetuate the species. It starts with chemical reactions in the brain that translates into the attraction between sexes, thus paving the way for reproduction.
But one thing that separates us from the rest of living things is our ability to perceive it as a more complex concept. Guinea pigs don’t go out on dates, and they certainly don’t get mushy from watching Pretty Woman.
Human love includes far more things than just reproduction. In choosing a partner, we consider compatibility, physical appearance, economic standing, intellect, personal interests, taste in music, and all those other things that you advertise in your Tinder profile. [Read: 55 funny quotes about love and all its complications]
According to various studies, we are at our most obsessed with finding love from late teens to early adulthood. It makes sense as we reach sexual maturity during that period of our lives.
It’s like your body giving you a nudge and telling you, “It’s time to reproduce.”
This question is easier to answer than the traditional, “What is love?” For most people, love develops over time. [Read: How long does it take to fall in love? The answer to know for sure]
There is no standard period because love can surprise you in a few moments or arrive slowly within years. It’s different for everyone, but the ending is always the same.
They say love happens when you least expect it. That is absolutely true. You can’t control how it happens or who it will happen with.
You just have to be ready for it. So, when exactly can you fall in love?
Surviving a dangerous experience, free-falling on the first date, running away from the cops – all these are examples of high-intensity experiences.
Some of them are illegal, which is not recommended when looking for love, but a simple adrenaline rush can lead two people to believe that they can develop strong emotions for each other. Well, whatever works for you.
They say the best foundation for love is a great friendship. Despite the prevalent conflict over being in the friend zone, there are still a lot of friends out there who realize that they’re in love with each other. [Read: Are you falling in love with your friend?]
Don’t knock it until you try it. Nothing beats the power of persistence. Do your best to impress the person you like and show them that they mean the world to you. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.
Just know that you have the advantage of showing your sincerity and having enough exposure to make a difference. Sooner or later, the one you love will realize that you genuinely like them and are able to make reasonable sacrifices to show them that you care.
Studies have shown that there is a truth to this age-old belief. It may not exactly be love, but it is very close. [Read: Love at first sight – The dreamy signs that reveal it’s very real]
Scientists consider it a spike in a person’s initial attraction to someone they saw for the first time. It’s not exactly a promise of forever, but it shows that your strong feelings for someone are already there from the start.
Being in love and being in a relationship are completely different things. There is a big gap between the period of attraction and the development of deeper feelings. The good thing is that when you are in a relationship already, falling in love with each other will be easier.
Before we talk about the secrets to finding love, remember why finding love, especially true love is so hard. So many of us want a relationship so badly that we overlook red flags to get it.
We settle or convince ourselves we’re happy just so we’re not alone, and we are closer to our end goal of marriage, a family, or stability. [Read: What does true love feel like? 20 feelings that describe it best]
Focusing on the end result instead of enjoying the ride is what gets us in trouble. It prevents us from finding true love. It pushes us into being ashamed of being single or into unhealthy relationships.
Wanting the end result of love more than wanting to experience true love is where things go wrong.
So, in this case, we are bound to seek relationships either way. The question is defeated because we are wired to pursue love whenever we can find it. But the sad thing is, sometimes, it doesn’t really work out for us because:
[Read: Unlucky in love? How to turn things around and change your future]
In the modern world, there are so many things to do, but so little time to do them. You could be anything you want and you want to achieve lots of things.
Maybe you find yourself dedicated to a life of adventure where you’ll travel the whole world and experience everything it has to offer. Or maybe you’re more suited to domestic life or just looking to get rich.
Some people just love their careers too much to be distracted by a relationship. You want to be a writer, a scientist, an artist, a musician, an actor, a professional athlete, etc. [Read: 20 very practical things to consider before you give up on love]
You’re too preoccupied with pursuing your dream to be worried about finding the right person to be with. So you’d rather wait.
You recently got out of an 8-year relationship, and you feel as if the carpet was pulled beneath your feet. That’s normal.
You think about all the time, effort, resources, and emotions that you invested. The fact that you’re back to square one frightens you, and you think you’ll never love again. [Read: The subtle signs that you’re starting to fall out of love]
At this point, you feel tired of fighting for love to no avail, so you’d shut yourself out from other people, and become cynical, and cautious. Sometimes if it’s really bad, it screws up your worldview and you end up becoming bitter. Hating couples, men, women, or whoever broke your heart.
Aside from previous relationship experiences, some people have personal issues that could affect their desire to pursue relationships.
Betrayal of trust during childhood, parental abandonment, sexual abuse, low self-esteem, and anti-social behavior could account for some reasons why some people are afraid or experience difficulty forming meaningful relationships. [Read: Attachment styles theory – 4 types, 19 signs and the ways you attach yourself to others]
You dismiss the people who show you genuine affection because it doesn’t “fit” your definition of love. Oftentimes, you live in the illusion that the longer the wait, the more magical it will be when the time comes.
Well, the only thing you accomplish is that you shut yourself off from people who actually love you. Years later, you “stop” believing in love, because you think it’s not coming your way.
But in fact, love has looked you in the eye many times before, but you ignored it because it’s not like how it happened in A Walk to Remember. [Read: 19 Unrealistic expectations in love we want to believe but shouldn’t]
Let’s discuss two of the most confusing and misleading aspects of finding love.
– Love and lust. Lust isn’t bad. It only gets worse if you confuse love with lust.
Love is wanting to spend quality time with your significant other to form meaningful experiences, while lust is being nice and doing her favors just to get into her pants.
Remember, lust can be sated by a person or an object, while love grows and endures. [Read: Lust vs. love – 21 signs to know exactly what you feel for each other]
– Love at first sight. Only a few people can be graced with experiencing happily ever after the first time around. When we first experience love, we think it’s the real deal.
Oftentimes, we are too young and too naive to realize that there’s more to real love than dates, strolls in the park while holding hands, and waking her up early in the morning by holding a playing boom box right in front of her house.
So, how do you find love? How do you find a guy or girl who wants something more than a casual hookup? Well, stop looking. [Read: Psychology of attraction – 6 types and the ones that make you fall in love]
You don’t have to stop wanting a relationship or marriage. But what you have to do is stop searching for it. Stop looking everywhere for a relationship.
Be open to finding friendships. Be open to meeting new people even if it may not work out. You don’t need to rush into something to find true love. It isn’t like the movies.
Accepting all outcomes and just enjoying the experience is what really lets you get to know someone and feel your feelings instead of letting your desires fuel your feelings. [Read: 20 foolproof lessons you need to know if you truly want to find love]
It probably seems impossible to change the way you think about dating. When you want to find love, letting that desire go can seem fake. But it is worth the struggle.
Instead of focusing on what you’re doing wrong, what is stopping you from finding love, or when you’ll find love, follow this guideline to find love the right way. [Read: Rules of dating – The unspoken guidelines that make the best dates]
As we said before, finding love is not as easy as it sounds. Being open to love, however, is definitely a breeze. It doesn’t sound as appealing as finding love. Why do people fall in love? They fall in love because they are ready and willing to accept it.
You love your family and friends because you wanted to love them. You didn’t reject the feeling, because you know that there’s nothing to fear from it. This is because it’s easy to accept love from the ones who are willing to give it.
The people who have difficulty finding love are the ones who are searching for it the wrong way. You go out and wear your best clothes, and smile for the pretty boys and girls, but never truly know who or what will make you fall in love. [Read: How to not be nervous on a date and be super calm instead]
Once you realize that finding love means being open to the possibility of it first, everything will fall into place.
Just because they don’t have the best car or the highest-paying job, doesn’t mean that love is immediately off the table. Explore your possibilities and reject the non-negotiables like bad personalities and irresponsible behavior.
Even though these are “secrets” to finding love, they aren’t all that hidden. So, although you may want to roll your eyes at this list and think it won’t help you find love, take a moment and really consider it. [Read: How to get a boyfriend – A no-nonsense guide to finding a great guy]
Instead of saying you can’t let go of wanting a relationship, just try to focus on these things and see if love finds you because that is usually how it happens. Love finds you when you aren’t expecting it, not the other way around. [Read: How to get a girlfriend – A guide to find and win over the perfect girl]
Finding love isn’t about finding something serious after one date. It isn’t about being in a labeled relationship. Finding love is about the experience of respect, trust, and communication with this person. [Read: How to find love and be open to all that life has to offer]
Be open to the possibilities. Maybe, someone, you least expect is right for you. Maybe someone who moves slower than you want to is just what you need.
That doesn’t mean that you need to be in an open relationship if you’re uncomfortable about it or wait for someone to be on the same page as you, but you should be open to taking your time.
Accept that things could work out but not the exact way you pictured it. [Read: How to be emotionally available so you can actually find love]
You may think being yourself and being open are opposites. You want to find love, so being open to other things seems like you’re being fake. In reality, your wanting to find love isn’t who you are, it is what you want. [Read: Are you losing yourself to impress someone you’re dating?]
Something that prevents us from finding love is hanging onto rejection. We let our egos drive our actions. We are hurt that someone turned us down, so we dwell on that and can’t get them out of our heads which stops us from finding our true love.
Accepting that not everyone we date will be the right match is so important. Not everyone will like you as you don’t like everyone.
Let go of the idea that someone who seemed to like you no longer does. Accepting rejection and unsuccessful relationships helps you move on. [Read: How to lose feelings for someone and let go of the might-have-beens]
Love isn’t about becoming one together. It isn’t about finding your other half. It is about finding someone that you respect and who respects you. Knowing what you deserve is so important.
That doesn’t mean you need to have a list of characteristics for your soul mate or have to be picky. It means you need to know you deserve someone who will treat you as an equal and respect your opinions.
It means you deserve someone who knows your time is important, and won’t waste it. [Read: How your self-respect affects you and the relationships you’re in]
This is one of the hardest parts of finding love, but it is so important. You may feel like you love someone after a few weeks of fun. But in reality, life includes hardships, and knowing you can handle them together is important.
Letting this person into your fears and worries is important. If you can’t let down the walls that have been built up due to your past, you won’t be able to truly be in love. [Read: How to open up to people, be vulnerable and welcome life]
So many of us live like we’re running out of time to find love. Maybe you wanted to be married or pregnant by a certain age. Maybe you wanted to be with someone for a certain period of time before being engaged, or you wanted to travel for a year.
Let go of that. There is no perfect age to get married. The pressure you feel to find love now or soon is being put on you by yourself and society.
Regardless of how lonely you are, wanting to find love this very month or year isn’t going to make it happen. You cannot force it or will it to be.
Your love will come when it is meant to. Yes, it sucks to hear, but being patient is key.
Do you know how the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result? Well, how’s dating going?
If you keep downloading the same dating app and talking to people about the same things and going on the same dates with the same mindset, what do you think will happen?
Try a different app. Try a different location for your date. Meet someone who isn’t your type. Talk about something else. [Read: Apps like Tinder – 10 handpicked alternatives to try something new]
And think about dating in a different way. It isn’t a means to an end but its own experience to get something out of.
You may think you’ve always been a perfect date or partner. And even though you’ve been loyal and respectful, you aren’t perfect. No one is. You can always do more and do better.
Every date gives you a chance to learn more about yourself. Learning to love yourself for your strengths and weaknesses will lead you to realize that you can do better and make smarter choices. [Read: Narcissistic relationship pattern and the 7 stages you have to face when you date them]
Being happy with the single life isn’t always easy. And that doesn’t mean that you have to love being single and stop wanting love to find it, but enjoying time spent with yourself is important.
Knowing that you can validate yourself and enjoy your own company helps you find love with confidence and prevents you from becoming codependent on a relationship. [Read: How to stop loving someone else and love yourself more]
You really should take this seriously. You want to find love and be in love and feel love, but why?
Is it because you truly crave that feeling and the closeness? Or is it because you feel like you should? Is it because you’re lonely and sick of explaining why you’re single?
Knowing why you want to find love is just as important as how you find it. [Read: 19 sure signs you’re falling in love]
Recognizing love is difficult. Lust, admiration, attraction, and just a strong liking can all be confused with love.
Someone might think they are in love only to realize months or even years later that it was infatuation. When you’re truly in love, you don’t want to change the other person.
You accept them for who they are, flaws and all, and still want to share your life with them because they make you want to be your best. [Read: What is love? The easy signs to recognize it when you see it]
You cannot make someone love you. You can’t even make someone like you. Forcing a friendship into a relationship or a date into more is not how you find love.
Even if you think you’re in love and can’t go on without this person, if they don’t feel the same way, you cannot force it upon them. You can’t woo someone into loving you.
Love doesn’t have to be a natural process that you both feel at the same time, but it shouldn’t feel like pulling teeth either. [Read: How to be mature – A guide to growing up and face life like an adult]
This is one of the major reasons people are looking for love. Their friends are all coupled up, they see constant engagement announcements on social media, and they question why they aren’t there yet.
Well, everyone has their own path. It may seem like everyone you went to high school with is married with a baby on the way but it only feels that way.
Plus, just because someone posts a cute photo together as a couple doesn’t mean they are in the perfect relationship. [Read: 16 alarming symptoms of social media addiction and how it makes you more insecure]
A friend of mine was in the worst, most controlling relationship of her life while posting the cutest couple of photos that so many people were jealous of.
Remember that someone else’s success doesn’t leave less chance for you. Just because someone may be at a different point in their life than you doesn’t mean you’re falling behind or need to catch up.
This is something so many people seem to forget. Love isn’t this uncontrollable thing that just happens to you. It isn’t crazed passion or endless heartbreak. Love is taught by your parents and family and friends. [Read: How to take control of your love life and find the love you want]
You learn it and apply it to those you wish to. When people say they can’t help but love someone, it isn’t true. It may feel overwhelming, but love is something you can control.
If you know you want to move across the country for work in a year, take that into consideration when looking for love. It may feel less than romantic to think about practical things, but practical things are what end most relationships.
Falling in love with someone who wants different things than you will not end well, so consider that. [Read: 50 relationship questions to test your compatibility instantly]
Your past has made you who you are. It has taught you lessons and made you smarter, but it can also hold you back. Being cheated on can make you scared of it happening again, but you have to remember that not everyone is the same.
If you let your past betrayal apply to your current relationship, you won’t be able to trust them because of something someone else did. That only prevents you from finding love.
Find something to be happy about that you don’t have to ask for. Look at your life and appreciate the things that you already have. [Read: 17 life secrets to smile more often, feel great, and laugh your stress away]
It’ll make things easier for you because you’re not moping around, simply because you haven’t found the love of your life. Besides, everyone knows that the happiest person in the room is the most attractive one.
Don’t make the search for true love a job. Don’t invest all your time in finding the person you want to spend your life with.
Yes, the global population is significantly imbalanced in terms of gender, but it’s not like everyone’s already paired up. The person for you is still out there. Why not enjoy yourself while waiting for them? [Read: 40 ways to have fun with friends, beat boredom, and create new memories]
Your Mr. or Ms. Right probably exists, but they’re not here now, are they? Mr. or Ms. Right Now, however, is right in front of you. You can’t know everything about a person at the first glance.
There are layers to every person, and not exploring them may cause you to lose your chance at finding love. Even if the relationship doesn’t work out, the least you can tell yourself is that you tried.
The more you fixate on a person that’s not interested, the more you close yourself off to those who want to be in a relationship with you. If you fail to notice the people who should matter, why bother looking for love at all? [Read: 12 signs she’s just not into you]
You don’t have to change your appearance, but you do have to improve on it. Wear what’s appropriate in different settings, be as clean as possible and always mind your manners.
You never know who you’ll run into or meet in random places, so it’s best to be on your game whenever you go out. [Read: 20 easy fixes ways to make yourself more attractive and way more desirable instantly]
Confidence is the most attractive trait in a person. No matter what style you carry, you will always look amazing if you know you look good. If you appreciate yourself, someone out there will definitely do too.
That means outside your house. Stop looking at this feature and go outside. Unless you’re adamantly convinced that the love of your life is on OkCupid or Tinder, go out and feel the sun on your skin or the cool and balmy breeze of the night.
Make yourself available by not being isolated. Just make sure that you’re having fun and taking care of yourself in the process. [Read: 33 best places to meet eligible men]
Don’t be afraid to look for love, just because people say it’s better to wait for it to come to you. It will arrive whenever it’s supposed to, not because you made the right moves or wore the right outfit. Those things simply help improve your ability to find the perfect person for you.
Be brave by giving yourself the chance to be seen, heard, and understood by the people who will appreciate you. Don’t rely on serendipity alone because that factor simply aids you in finding the one you love.
It doesn’t guarantee that you will get it. You have to go out there yourself and accept whatever comes your way. [Read: How to meet men and find your elusive Prince Charming]
Whether you’ve been searching for love for 6 months, 6 years, or longer, holding out hope is important. Have no expectations for the outcome of a date or a flirtation, but always have hope.
Having hope that you’ll find love is what keeps you positive. It is what lets you break down your walls and get to know someone. It is what encourages you to take the risk of being hurt for something that is worth it.
Without hope, dating becomes an endless mind-numbing experience of meaningless dates without connection. In order to find love, you need hope. [Read: Feeling hopeless – how to stop feeling overwhelmed and find hope again]
Enjoy the bad dates, the sloppy kisses, and the funny pick-up lines. And also enjoy the three dates that lead to a friendship. Enjoy the month of awkward dates that led to you finding a new friend, a new job, or a new accountant.
You should really cherish the time it takes to fall in love because your life doesn’t begin when you fall in love, it is happening right now. [Read: The 20 cutest, most adorably awkward moments in a new relationship]
Love can be described as something similar to breathing. You breathe in and then breathe out. Doing too much of one is unhealthy, so one must take care to put love and oneself in a constant balance.
There is no wrong answer to the question. Whether you choose to pursue it or to wait for yourself to come to terms with it, you should always remember that in the end, it will serve to satisfy your happiness.
Relationships won’t work out the first time, but these failures always serve to teach us about ourselves and our significant other. [Read: How to get over feeling unwanted and start feeling desirable again]
Circumstances can place us at an advantage to pursue love or shove us into the corner to be at the mercy of waiting. Try to consider these ideas to find out which of the two suits you most:
As mentioned, the modern world provides us with so many ways to live our lives, and with it, little time. No one knows if your time here will be cut short by a mishap or illness, or if you get to live to a ripe old age. Remember the wisdom of the late Robin Williams: Carpe Diem.
If you like someone, don’t fire random shots in the air. Take the chance and get to know the person. Shared experiences are the most effective adhesive to forming a strong relationship.
The more experiences you share together, the easier for you to form a deeper kind of relationship. [Read: How to enjoy life and make it memorable]
The common factor of your failed relationships is you. Not to demotivate, but maybe you should stop blaming and start introspecting. Notice that people who have been in a lot of failed relationships always put the blame on other things except on themselves.
Maybe you were indeed the victim and got cheated on, or maybe the relationship slowly died and lost its spark.
But if you still linger on that relationship or put yourself in a similar self-destructive relationship pattern, don’t you think it’s about time to rethink your life and the choices you make? [Read: 5 life-altering lessons you can learn from regret]
Love should be mutual for it to work. If this balance gets upset, the relationship may deteriorate and ultimately fall apart. Again, love is like breathing. This basic sense of fairness is the backbone of any relationship.
If you think your partner is not making any effort in the relationship and you’re unhappy, maybe it’s time to reconsider. But don’t be rash. Talk about it. Give it another chance for both your sakes.
If it works, then great, if it doesn’t, it’s better. Nothing is worse than staying in a relationship that’s sucking your energy. Break up, learn, and move on. Back to number one, life is too short to be wasted on an undeserving relationship. [Read: The big reasons why empathy is important in a relationship]
There are times that you’ll feel tired and disillusioned about love. You’ve been in so many relationships that failed, even if you gave all your effort. It’s easy to end up closed to the world and bitter, but this will never ever do you good.
Never stop loving. You can give all the reasons you want to never love again, but sooner or later, you’ll find yourself in that situation that made you fall in love in the first place. [Read: Do you believe in love or have you given up on it?]
If everything else fails, remember, the only person who could love and take care of you is yourself. This does not mean selfishness but asserting the respect that you deserve. If in any case you find yourself single again, take some time for yourself.
Go soul-searching. Maybe you’re looking for love in the wrong place or maybe it’s the wrong time. Rethink and rediscover the things that make you happy, and go for it.
[Read: The simple things you should do that will bring your soulmate to you]
The process of finding love can take some time, but using these tricks and tips will help speed things up a little bit. It’s not the end of the world if you don’t find love tomorrow, because there will always be another day to meet the right person for you.
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