15 Very Obvious Signs You’re a Serial Monogamist

Are you very rarely single? Do you often jump from one relationship o another? If so, it could be that you’re serial monogamist without even realizing it!

serial monogamist

Are you someone who has had a series of long-term relationships? Are you hanging on to an unhappy relationship because you fear being alone? Do you notice a pattern when it comes to the people you date? If you’re nodding along, it’s entirely possible that you’re a serial monogamist.

You might wonder why it’s a bad thing. If you’re monogamous that means you’re not cheating on anyone, right? Well, yes, but you have to question your motives. Sometimes being single is a good thing. It helps you to focus on what you want and allows you to find someone who suits your values in life. Being worried about being alone can force you into relationships that just aren’t right for you.

To work out whether you are indeed a serial monogamist or not, let’s explore the subject in greater detail. [Read: Is monogamy for you? How to know your needs and what works for you]

What is a serial monogamist exactly?

If you’ve never heard the term, a monogamist is a person who is exclusive with one partner. But if you’re a serial monogamist, you are someone who continues to be in an exclusive relationship, one after the other, without ever having a break in between. A serial monogamist is a person who loves being in love, and always finds himself or herself in a relationship all the time!

Let’s thing of someone who we could give you as an example of a serial monogamist. How about Jennifer Lopez? Can you remember the last time J-Lo was single? Neither can we. She tends to go from relationship to relationship pretty quickly, and that’s the very definition of a serial monogamist. [Read: Monogamous relationships and your mind]

Is being a serial monogamist a bad thing?

Yes and no. As we’ve already mentioned, it totally depends upon why you do it. If you don’t realize it and it just happens, then perhaps there’s no issue to worry about. Life goes that way sometimes. However, if you do it because you’re not a fan of being alone or being single, that’s something altogether different.

Let’s check out the pros and cons to make the answer to this question clearer.

The pros of serial monogamy

1. You’re never unfaithful, making you a trustworthy partner

2. You develop strong relationships which enrich your life [Read: What makes a good relationship? 30 Signs of a great relationship]

3. You learn a lot about who you are in a relationship and what you can give to a partner

4. You learn about what you will and won’t put up with in a relationship

The cons of serial monogamy

1. Relationships don’t tend to last too long, meaning they fizzle out before they really get a chance to start

2. You become bored quickly and move on

3. You don’t have time to just be single and learn about who you are as an individual

4. It could be that you’re using serial monogamy as a mask for something else, e.g. lack of confidence [Read: The 9 main relationship stages every couple goes through]

Is serial monogamy a conscious choice or just an accident?

It can be either. Some people choose to be serial monogamists. They prefer this because it allows them to have the security of being in a relationship, but for some, they know it doesn’t mean forever. You could argue that in some ways it’s a form of casual dating because the monogamist almost knows that they won’t stay with that person, but they’re not sleeping around either. As the name suggests, a serial monogamist is exactly that – monogamous and never cheats. [Read: Seriously, can someone please define monogamy?]

However, for some it’s just that they adore being in love and can’t help but fall for people easily. That in itself can be a problem. The feeling of being in love and all the wonderful things it brings is meant to be because you’ve met someone special. That doesn’t mean you should do that one after the other. You can’t fall in love properly with everyone you meet!

So, is it a choice or an accident? For some it’s a choice, for other it’s an unconscious thing that they do without understanding why. Now, we’re certainly not downplaying the good sides of being a serial monogamist. Fair play for being so faithful, but you do need to know that your motivation is positive and not because you’re simply uncomfortable being alone.

Obvious signs you’re a serial monogamist

It should be noted that one gender isn’t more prone to serial monogamy. Both men and women can be serial monogamists. On a negative note though, many may see this as a turn-off, and may be wary of dating someone who is a serial monogamist.

Do you think you’re a serial monogamist? Learn what the big signs of a serial monogamist are, and find out what you can do to change that, or understand yourself better. [Read: How to be in a relationship when the world of monogamy is so new]

1. You start and form relationships easily

Some may even think too easily. A serial monogamist doesn’t have any trouble finding someone to date. There is normally instant chemistry between the two of you, which may even have you easily smitten by them.

Oftentimes, however, you might commit too soon. Shortly after meeting this person, you’re quick to call them your boyfriend or girlfriend. There sometimes may even be talk early about moving in together and marriage. You eventually end up revolving your whole world around this other person. You want to know EVERYTHING there is to know about them: cats or dog? hot or cold? hamburger or hot dog? And that’s all great, but often in the process, you start to lose a bit of your identity in the relationship. And that isn’t so great. [Read: 10 reasons why saying ‘I love you’ too soon sucks!]

2. You really hate dating

I mean, who doesn’t? However, you are someone who will avoid it all costs. Although you like the idea of dating, when it comes to actually trying it on, you can’t stand it. You need to be with one person, exclusively.

It’s not that you don’t only like being in a relationship, but you actually prefer it. You enjoy the physical intimacy a relationship can offer. Although you have tried dating multiple people, you find yourself interested in only one particular person. [Read: Is serial monogamy easier on the heart? – Why so many people turn into serial monogamists]

3. You have hardly been single, or maybe even never

Are you someone who hangs onto a relationship as long as possible *even if you’re unhappy* because the thought of being alone is far worse than being in a sour relationship? Do you fear that you might be alone forever? If you’re the type to bounce from one relationship to the next without ever being on your own in between, it’s possible that you could be a serial monogamist.

A serial monogamist tends to have to be with someone to feel complete. But there’s likely a void that you are using another person to fill. Perhaps you’re insecure and need the constant attention and approval from the opposite sex. This only proves that you’re not ready to be in a relationship.

If you’re not with someone, and it feels like your whole world is crashing down on you, it’s time to reevaluate yourself. Although you may think there’s a stigma attached to being single, it’s very important to take time for yourself. This can be a problem for serial monogamists because they can’t seem to stay single long enough.

4. After a break up, you’re quickly onto the next person

This likely ties into why you’re never *or hardly* single. You are constantly on the rebound, and believe the quickest way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Sometimes, when serial monogamists start to feel things fizzle with their current partner, they will keep their options open. They will start looking for other prospects, even before things have ended, just to be ready. Just to make sure they won’t be alone. [Read: 18 subtle signs you’re already having an emotional affair with someone without even realizing it!]

5. You choose quantity over quality in a relationship

At first, things are probably wonderful for the serial monogamist. There’s undeniable chemistry with the other person, but it ends very quickly. You not only go from one relationship to the next, but they’re generally short-lived. This is because your expectations are way too low.

Since you’re someone who is scared of being alone, it’s inevitable that you put quality aside and take whoever comes your way next. But for your own good, you really need to learn to be more selective in the dating process. [Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad new partner]

6. You’re a romantic at heart

It’s true. You believe in the notion of one true love, and being with one person for the rest of your life. If you can’t see yourself with your current partner for the rest of your life, you end things. This could be why your relationships are so short lived. You are always actively seeking that one person for you though. Every time you meet someone new, you’re always so sure this is the one. But then a new prospect comes along, and the process starts all over again. [Read: The single’s guide to creating a perfect romantic meet cute in your life]

7. Deep down, you want to be in a committed relationship, but you find yourself not able to take that next step

Don’t get us wrong, serial monogamists want to commit to a long-term relationship. You truly want to take the next step in the relationship, whether it’s moving in together or getting married, but for some reason, you can’t.

After reaching a certain point in the relationship *maybe after a few months, or even a year or two*, things start to dwindle. You begin to feel trapped and almost claustrophobic with someone. The arguments ensue. Why is this? It’s likely because you fear the emotional intimacy a relationship has to offer. So in the end, you call it quits. [Read: 10 sure signs you’ve got the fear of long-term commitment]

8. There’s more of a physical connection than an emotional one

Do you have this need to give physical affection to someone? Perhaps even crave it? Is your relationship based more on a physical level than emotional? This could be another sure sign that you’re a serial monogamist. If you can’t connect with your partner on an emotional level, it’s going to be hard to continue it.

9. You generally find being alone quite uncomfortable

A serial monogamist often has problems with independence. That doesn’t mean you’re likely to need someone by your side all the time, but you may find the idea of being on your own quite uncomfortable. This is probably one of the most worrying signs to recognize because it pinpoints a negative reason for your behavior. Being on your own isn’t a bad thing, even if it’s just to go to the store or head out for a meal alone. It gives you time to think and process the day. [Read: Fear of being alone: How to let go of your fear and find peace]

10. The really serious parts of a relationship are quite terrifying to you

As we’ve already mentioned, it’s not that a serial monogamist doesn’t want to take the plunge, it’s that there’s something stopping them from taking it over the line. If the serious things in a relationship makes you come out in a cold sweat, perhaps that should ring alarm bells. We’re talking about things like making long-term plans, meeting the parents, or even moving in together.

11. You don’t really take the time to find out about your partner’s relationships in the past

Not that you should actually care too much about whether or not your partner has a long dating history or not, but you should at least take the time to explore the things they tell you. For instance, are they divorced? Were they cheated on in the past and it could be a reason why they’re a little hesitant at the start? These are all details which help you to get to know your partner better and enhance your relationship as a result. When you don’t take the time to find out, it’s because you’re not intending to stick around. [Read: How to talk about a past relationship with your partner]

12. You don’t actually get to know your partner that well

This one sounds odd, right? A serial monogamist often loves the idea of being in love, but that’s the problem. They love the idea, but not the actual practice. You can love someone properly until you get to know them, warts and all. If you don’t take the time to do that or you jump in too quickly, you really don’t know this person at all.

13. You have grand ideas of love

We’ve mentioned that a serial monogamist is romantic, but it’s quite likely that your idea of love is unrealistic. You have that Disney love in your mind and when real life doesn’t quite life up to it, you become annoyed, disillusioned and decide that there’s something wrong with your relationship. Of course, that leads you to move on to the next on, constantly chasing your romantic ideal. [Read: 20 Secrets that will help you find the one]

14. Your friends can’t remember who you’re dating

This isn’t because they don’t care, but because they’ve lost count and can’t keep up! That’s a pretty solid sign of a serial monogamist and one that you shouldn’t actually be that proud of. Don’t let your partner hear your friends mention their lack of knowledge about your current relationship. Not only is it hurtful but it will lead them to question your motives and commitment to them.

15. You find the honeymoon period a serious thrill

You hate dating but you love the honeymoon period. You skip past the confusing dating part and you’re straight into those crazy, butterfly-laden early days when everything is hearts and roses. For you, this is a serious thrill and something that you find quite addictive. once the relationship settles down and becomes more mundane, as it always will at some point, you move on. [Read: 13 Signs the honeymoon phase is starting to wane in your eyes]

So, are you a serial monogamist?

Do any of these 8 signs sound like you? If you’re still unsure whether you’re a serial monogamist, take a look at your past experiences in relationships.

What should you do if you jump to different relationships, often only lasting a few years? It’s time to take a break from being in a relationship, a break being longer than one week, perhaps even a month or six. Although a terrifying idea, it’s crucial for you.

Remember, being single isn’t the end of the world!

Oftentimes, you may confuse being alone with loneliness. Don’t! Contrary to what you believe, it’s actually healthy to be single. If you’re a serial monogamist and find yourself single for the first time in forever, this is your opportunity to find yourself and develop fully as a person. Use this time to find your hobbies and interests. This is your chance to do all of the thing you couldn’t do when you had a partner. But at the same time, it’s important to mourn the relationship and let yourself heal. [Read: 15 reasons why being single can be so much fun too!]

Once you’re happy and comfortable on your own, that’s when you know you’re ready to be in a relationship again. That’s when you know you can be truly happy with someone else. It’s important to understand that you won’t be single for the rest of your life. You are going to grow and learn to love yourself. Don’t let being a serial monogamist hurt your prospect of meeting a really great person.

[Read: 16 signs you’re definitely not ready for a serious relationship!]

If you see these signs of a serial monogamist in you, wean yourself off from your intimacy issues and your fear of boredom in an existing relationship. And if you’re single, try to understand yourself and your real wants first before plunging headfirst into a relationship.

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