If you’re wondering how to stop being jealous for no reason, then look no further. Here is how to live with peace of mind and stop feeling jealous.
Jealousy is an ugly part of dating and it can poison a great relationship. And the worst part, it is often brought on by our past circumstances rather than rational things happening now.
One small thing can set off jealousy. If you’ve been lied to or cheated on in the past, noticing your partner’s cute coworker could be enough to set it off. Even the fear of abandonment or low self-esteem can make jealousy get out of control.
When you feel jealous, it can make you so frustrated. You may very well know that your partner is loyal, but you can’t shake those jealous feelings. It seems like you are jealous for no reason. So, how do you stop being jealous for no reason?
How jealousy can affect your life
Jealousy can eat away at your mind. It can overtake your trust and drive you crazy if you let it. And as a result, your romantic relationships, personal relationships, and your career can even suffer.
Behaviors associated with jealousy push people away. If you indulge in jealous behavior, you may end up without friends or family that want to be around you. Of course, it’s hard to live like that.
If this sounds like you and you want to make a change, we can help. [Read: Little ways to stop being so jealous in a relationship]
Intense jealousy is never good for romance or life in general
Intense jealousy not only puts a strain on you, but also puts a lot of pressure on your partner.
If he or she has to constantly reassure you that there’s nothing going on when you’re not around, there will likely be consequences. Your lover may start withdrawing himself or herself from social situations in the fear of sparking your jealousy.
And you, on the other hand, will always feel like you need to control your partner’s every move in order to make sure he or she remains faithful.
Therefore, when you feel like your jealousy will soon rear its ugly head, it’s important to take a deep breath and stay calm. Don’t let your suspicions override reason.
And most importantly, don’t let jealousy be the driving factor in your relationship. Allow yourself to trust your partner a little more, and you’ll see just how beautiful a trusting and loving relationship can really be. [Read: How to get over insecurity in a relationship]
How do I know if I’m jealous?
Some people think it’s obvious and everyone should know when they’re jealous. However, for others, it’s not so cut and dry. So here are some signs that you are feeling jealous.
1. You feel like the “Green Eyed Monster”
Believe it or not, Shakespeare was the one who coined the term “Green-Eyed Monster” because he thought that being envious of other people was harmful.
If you feel like that’s your persona because you’re always feeling envious, then you’re likely a jealous person. [Read: Envious friends – 18 signs of friendly envy & what makes them feel it]
2. You feel like you need to compete with other people
Because you feel like you’re not good enough, you always need to compete with other people. You want what they have, so you constantly rival them. But it can be difficult to be self-aware enough to realize your intentions.
3. You undermine other people’s success
When someone achieves something, instead of being happy and supportive of them, you try to demoralize them. You use it as a coping strategy to deal with your negative emotions when someone is “better” than you.
You might say something like, “anyone can do that,” and deny their capabilities and skills. This is an attempt to bring them down to where you think you are instead of lifting them up. [Read: How to stop being jealous of someone else’s success]
4. Your attachment style is toxic
You might get overly attached to people. And you know that. But not all envious people are cruel or mean. You might just come across as needy and clingy. And that is a sign of jealousy too.
5. You give people fake compliments
You might say negative things about people behind their backs, but to their faces, you will give them compliments that you don’t really mean.
That is because you tend to gossip, which stems from your insecurity and the fact that you resent others’ success. [Read: Why am I so jealous? Look at the hidden reasons and learn to fix them]
Are you jealous for no reason?
Oftentimes, when you’re jealous, it can feel like there is no reason. You trust your partner and know they aren’t cheating. You know they treat you right. But, you just can’t shake those feelings of insecurity.
Even though your rational side tells you that there is no reason to worry or be jealous, your emotions won’t abide by your mind.
The reason for this is most likely your past. You could be in an amazingly healthy relationship, but sometimes your past emotional traumas can come back to bite you in the butt. [Read: Feeling relationship insecurity? Here’s how to let it go and learn to love more]
No matter how long away or how much we are over them, our past relationships and romantic experiences steer us into the future.
So, even though you may think you are being jealous for no reason, there is a reason. It probably has nothing to do with your partner or current relationship, but fear of being hurt in the past.
No, it isn’t rational, but it is normal. If you haven’t fully faced the pain from a past relationship or the impact of it, it could be sabotaging the relationship you have now.
Or if you struggle with your self-esteem and confidence, you may think you don’t deserve the relationship you’re in. These things can subconsciously lead to jealousy that takes over your mind and even your life.
Even though feeling jealous due to your past is common, it doesn’t mean you have to suffer. You can stop being jealous for no reason. [Read: Am I unlovable? The one thing you need to remember when you feel unloved]
What makes some people more prone to jealous feelings?
Almost everyone experiences jealousy from time to time, other people are much more prone to jealous feelings than normal.
Studies have shown that men are more jealous of physical cheating and women are more jealous of emotional cheating.
One of the main reasons people get so jealous is because they don’t feel like they have the ability to handle the “unknown.” This “not knowing” makes them anxious, and eventually, jealous.
Here are the three most common reasons some people are more prone to jealous feelings.
1. Insecurity
This is the number one most common reason for jealousy. People might feel inferior to other people, so they don’t feel confident or good enough to keep another person interested in them in the long term.
As a result, they experience a lot of jealousy. [Read: Why am I so insecure? 41 signs & 51 ways to deal with insecurity and fix it]
2. Obsessive thinking
Some people’s brains just seem to work overtime more than others. This always generates new anxieties and worries. This thinking style creates a habit for people to overthink and obsess about things, inevitably making them jealous.
3. Paranoid personality
Some people just have an overall paranoid approach to life. While it can be extreme in some cases, such as schizophrenia, most of the people who are paranoid fall toward the milder end of the spectrum.
In other words, they don’t have a diagnosable disorder, but their paranoia still complicates their life. [Read: Toxic relationship – what it is, 107 signs, causes, and types of love that hurt you]
Is jealousy a sign of love?
The answer to this question is both yes and no. The reason jealousy can be a sign of love is that people can experience jealousy when they fear losing someone they love. It’s natural to want to keep your loved one. And if you feel anxious about it, then you can get jealous.
However, you don’t have to love someone in order to feel jealous. You can be jealous of your friends, neighbors, or a random person on social media that you never met. [Read: 25 secret signs of a jealous friend & how to deal with their envy]
You see, at the root of jealousy is feeling insecure. So, if someone is feeling insecure about themselves and comparing themselves to other people, then it’s very likely that they will feel jealous of others.
So, that’s why the answer is both yes and no that jealousy is a sign of love.
Is jealousy healthy in a relationship?
This is another question that isn’t always easily answered. There are two ways to look at it.
First, a small amount of jealousy can be good sometimes in a relationship. For example, if your partner didn’t care at all that you were flirting with other people, it could be a sign of apathy on their part. [Read: Healthy relationship – 27 signs, qualities, and what it looks like in real life]
If someone really cares about and loves you, it’s natural to feel a little bit of jealousy. It shows that the person is emotionally invested in the relationship.
However, if there is extreme and persistent jealousy in a relationship, it can be toxic and destructive. If one person *or both* are constantly jealous and questioning their partner’s every move, it’s definitely not a healthy relationship.
You see, jealousy exists on a continuum. Some people are extremely jealous on one end, and others are hardly ever jealous. So, a relationship that is healthy will find itself somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. [Read: Clear signs you’re walking on eggshells in your love life]
What causes jealousy in a relationship?
While the causes of jealousy can be individual, there are some common causes of it in relationships. Here are some of the top ones.
1. Lack of trust
Some people just don’t trust anyone. This can be because of a past experience or because it’s just in their paranoid nature. So, if there is a lack of trust in a relationship, then it will naturally lead to jealousy. [Read: Trust issues in a relationship – 22 whys & ways to get over it together]
2. Low self-esteem
As we mentioned earlier, low self-esteem and self-worth are at the root of jealousy.
People who love themselves tend to experience jealousy a lot less frequently. When you have low self-worth, you think that no one wants you and that they would rather be with someone else. [Read: How to build self-esteem and love life with simple life changes]
3. Fear of abandonment
Because a person who is jealous fears that someone will leave them for someone else, there is this constant anxiety with the fear of abandonment.
They could have been abandoned by their parents or another important person in their life. Whatever the reason, this person was unable to cope with the abandonment. So, they think everyone will leave them for someone better.
4. Anxious attachment
When someone has the fear of abandonment, then they become anxious. They will be clingy and needy because they think that if they’re not, then the other person will leave them. This anxious attachment is unhealthy and leads to a lot of jealousy.
5. The past
Maybe someone has been cheated on by one or more partners in the past. That will naturally make them paranoid that everyone will do it to them too. And so, it makes them more jealous of other people because they don’t want to be cheated on again.
Effects of jealousy on relationships
Everyone knows that jealousy isn’t a good emotion to feel. But it doesn’t just affect the person who feels it, it can negatively affect your overall relationship as well. Here’s how.
1. Impairs your ability to love without barriers
Unconditional love is the ideal that everyone should strive for. That means you love the other person exactly the way they are, and you have no fear of them leaving. But when you are constantly jealous, you’re not able to love your partner without barriers.
2. Creates tension in the relationship
When a person is jealous, they are constantly on edge and radiating negative energy around their partner. Whether or not they are direct about their jealousy or they keep it to themselves, their partner will definitely feel the tension between them.
3. Can affect the physical, emotional, and mental health of both partners
Jealousy, just like any other negative emotion, can affect people’s overall health. [Read: Emotional roller coaster – are you stuck on an unhealthy ride?]
Jealousy brings stress into your mind and body, and studies have shown that stress is the top cause of most diseases in the world. So, it can eventually destroy your health in many ways.
4. It ends up negatively affecting commitment in relationships
When someone is excessively jealous in a relationship, it pushes the other person away. Whether or not they have a good reason to be jealous doesn’t even matter. One or both of them will eventually become less committed in the relationship.
How to stop being jealous for no reason
So, we have established that you aren’t being jealous for no reason. There is a reason, it just isn’t based on the present. Realizing that is the first step to stop being jealous for no reason.
Figuring that reason out and facing it will help you get a hold of the meaning behind your jealousy and lead to its end.
But, how do you go about dealing with your past affecting your current relationship? Following these steps can help you on your jealousy-free journey.
1. Where did your jealousy come from?
If you are wanting to stop being jealous, it’s going to first take self-reflection. So, ask yourself where does your jealousy truly come from? Jealousy doesn’t just sprout from nowhere.
You probably don’t want to hear this, but it’s very likely that you have an issue with your self-esteem if you’re having jealousy problems.
If you feel 100% great about yourself, why would you feel jealous of others? Think about this and try to dig deep in order to find the source of your jealousy.
2. Dig even deeper
Instead of passing your jealousy off as an irrational fear and burying it deep inside, face it. If you know your partner is honest and loyal, figure out what in you is struggling.
Are you feeling inferior to someone in your partner’s life? Do you crave attention? Are you scared of being hurt again? Is your mind accustomed to being left or cheated on so you are building up a wall to prepare for it? [Read: We accept the love we think we deserve – why don’t you think you’re worthy?]
3. Understand your past
Sure, this is easier said than done. Facing your past takes a lot of strength and patience. You really need to think about your prior situation and how it affected you.
Sometimes, facing your past is a lifelong journey, but acknowledging the facts and dealing with them will help you rationalize your jealousy and release it from impacting you so much.
Your past is a part of you. To some degree, it will always affect you. But you can learn how to let your past teach you without holding you back. Appreciate the experiences you’ve had, whether good or bad.
All those moments have led you to now. Think about what your past has done for you. And look at how you’ve changed since then. Try to live in the present with your lessons but not the pain. [Read: Honest secrets to let go of the past, be happy, and look to the future]
4. Face what your jealousy is doing to you now
The next step to stop being jealous is to really examine how jealousy is affecting you.
Is it making you lose focus at work? Are you spending time on social media stalking the people in your partner’s life? Are you losing trust in your partner for no rational reason?
Facing what your jealousy is doing to your life will motivate you to take more steps to let it go.
5. Make a list of what you want to work on
That’s right. Grab a pen and paper and make a list of the things you want to work on.
Do you need to work on gratitude? Do you need to appreciate the things your partner does for you? Or do you need to separate your relationship from the past?
Whatever it is, write down what you want to work on. After doing so, reflect on what you’ve written at least once a week to see your progress.
6. Talk to your partner
Communication is key to a healthy relationship. So, make sure you’ve properly communicated with your partner about how you’ve been feeling.
For many, it feels downright embarrassing and insulting to admit that they’re jealous of someone. But sometimes, this is all your lover needs to know in order to stop making you feel jealous all the time.
You could explain that you’ve noticed that he or she has been spending a lot of time with a certain person and that you’d like to know why.
Don’t make it sound like too much of a confrontation as it may make your partner clam up. Instead, casually mention the object of your jealousy and your boyfriend or girlfriend may already take the hint.
Once your partner understands how and why you’ve been feeling jealous, the right response from them is to try and help you overcome the negative feelings you’re experiencing. Talk to your lover about reasonable options that would help reassure you that there’s no need to be jealous of anyone in your partner’s life.
7. Find healthy methods of coping
Consider what will help you in moments when your jealousy is erupting.
If your partner is out with people from work and you’re feeling jealous, what can you do to face that? Would it help to just talk it out with a friend or your partner? Should you write out your feelings? Do you need to reason with yourself about the facts of the situation?
Different things work for everyone, and it could take some time to figure out what works for you. [Read: How to let go of resentment and stop feeding the hate – really start living!]
8. Practice self-love
When we believe we are not worthy of love, we self-sabotage our own happiness. But by practicing self-love, you can start to build up your confidence. When you love yourself, you feel worthy of an honest relationship. Only then will your jealousy and fears will begin to dwindle.
The first step to learning how to stop being jealous is to figure out how you can feel great about yourself. Hit the gym. Get some help from friends.
Realize all the amazing qualities you have to offer. Gaining confidence definitely diminishes that envious monster living within you. [Read: Sense of self – what it is, 36 signs, and steps to raise it and feel great]
9. Experience… And then explain
There may be times when you fly off into a jealous rage simply because you saw your significant other texting someone or talking to someone who may potentially be a threat to your relationship.
But before you go off into a barrage of accusations, stop yourself for a moment. Ask yourself a few questions about what you’re feeling. Try to find out why you’re jealous, to begin with.
Why is my partner talking to this person? Is it unreasonable for them to be talking at this hour? Has this incident happened before, and what was my partner’s explanation for it?
Am I jealous because I feel like my partner would cheat on me? Am I jealous because this is exactly how I felt when I was cheated on in the past? Does this jealousy stem from something I’ve experienced in the past or something that my partner has done or said?
Once you’ve pinpointed the main reason for your jealousy, you will then have a clearer picture of what you believe is happening. This will help you gain a new perspective on the situation, and it can also help you to stop being jealous.
10. Don’t let your imagination consume you
When there’s a situation that you’re not completely clear about, it’s easy to let your imagination fill in all the bits that you don’t know yet. That is crucial to remember if you want to know how to stop being jealous.
A boyfriend who’s always working overtime might be a philandering jerk who’s sleeping with his coworker. A girlfriend who doesn’t pick up her phone may be a liar who’s still seeing her ex.
But when this image of your partner really sticks to your mind, you may start picking out behaviors that prove that your theory is right. And that’s when paranoia and jealousy get out of control! [Read: How to stop overthinking – secrets to go from overthinker to relaxer]
Before you start imagining and recreating fictitious scenarios where your partner is cheating on you, there are two things you can do:
First, you can find a different way of looking at things. Your boyfriend might really be clocking in some added hours because he’s just been promoted. Your girlfriend may not have picked up her phone because she was driving.
If this doesn’t calm your raging imagination, the second thing you can do is try to find another activity that will distract you until your partner can give you a reasonable explanation. Don’t let your emotions rule your imagination!
11. Resist the urge to compare
Envy and jealousy are very closely linked. So it’s very likely that one of the main reasons you’re jealous of someone is because this person has qualities that you think you lack. Top that off with the attention your partner gives this person, and that’s just adding fuel to the fire. [Read: Jealousy vs. envy – 22 signs to tell them apart when they feel the same]
As tempting as it is to compare yourself with the object of your jealousy, stop yourself before you start pummeling down your self-esteem.
Even if you think this other person has positive characteristics that you don’t have, think of this: of all the smart, funny, good-looking people in your partner’s social circle, why did he/she choose to be with you?
No matter what qualities other people around your partner may have, at the end of it all, it’s still you who gets to be his or her honey. Have a little more faith in yourself!
12. Practice being happy for others
Remember to be happy for people who are fortunate and have great things. A lot of the time, we look at someone who has a lot of great things and think about how lucky they are.
One way to get rid of that feeling is to try being happy for others. If someone else has something you want, think about how hard they worked to get there and appreciate that. Truthfully, they probably worked hard to have what they do and that can actually be inspiring. [Read: Steps to change your life and find your happiness]
13. Avoid being around those who make you jealous
If there is someone who you can’t seem to overcome your jealousy for, steer clear of them. Learning how to stop being jealous can be really hard if the one person who makes you feel that way is always around you.
Get rid of them and focus on bettering yourself and your self-esteem. That way, when you are around them again, you’ll be able to handle your envious behavior.
14. Try to be around positive people only
Jealousy breeds more jealousy. Meaning, if you’re always around people who are jealous, you’re more likely to take on that mindset. That means you’ll have to start getting rid of all those negative people.
You want to surround yourself with positivity and people who make your life better. So stop putting time and effort into people who are only making your jealousy worse.
15. Learn to appreciate what you have
Another way to stop being jealous is to appreciate what you have. Many of us look at our lives and think about all of the stuff we don’t have. We see what other people have and then get jealous that we don’t have that. Stop for a minute to think about all you do have.
Learn to appreciate those around you and the great things in your life. Because it could always be much worse – guaranteed. Be appreciative. That behavior will help take the place of jealousy.
16. Work on building trust
This is especially important if you suffer from jealousy in your relationships. You may get overly envious of your partner talking to someone else who’s just a friend and it can ruin a lot of great things in your relationship. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship and make it last]
You need to work on building that trust. And if you have trust issues, you have to share that with your partner. That way, you can both work together to solve the problem. You won’t have to deal with it all on your own.
17. Get support from friends and family
If you’re a jealous person, your friends and family know. And better yet, they want to help. Going to them for help is a great way to get an honest opinion of the matter. They might be able to see something you can’t see yourself.
They may point out the fact that you only get jealous around certain people. This is something you may not pick up on but they will. Don’t be afraid to sit down and have a discussion with them. They’ll only want to help.
18. Figure out what makes you happy
Often, we feel jealous when we give too much of ourselves to a relationship.
If you find your partner’s needs always come first, they always get to choose, or you just give in all the time, then it is not uncommon to feel jealous. They are enjoying their lives, while you are being someone else and forgetting about your own needs.
If you cater to your own likes and do what you want to do, then you don’t have to envy that you gave up who you are to make someone else happy. Put your wants and needs first for a change. Do things that make you happy and you might stop feeling jealous and start feeling more worthy day by day. [Read: 17 relationship red flags most people completely ignore]
19. Be okay with being by yourself
Fear is one of the biggest drivers of jealousy. If you fear being alone, that fear may make you jealous when you don’t really have a cause. We all fear the loss of a loving relationship. [Read: How to let go of your fear of being alone and find peace]
But, if you are always jealous and suspecting of their behaviors, then it just might be that you aren’t okay with losing them. Because you’d be alone with yourself again. In reality, if they did cheat and you lost them, you will be okay alone. These are just your irrational and obsessive thoughts telling you otherwise.
Realize people come and go sometimes. If you were truly okay with yourself and knew that you would survive losing them, even if you didn’t like it, then you wouldn’t run around worrying so much about them liking someone more than you.
20. STOP snooping
Constantly checking their actions through social media, going through their phone, or looking for receipts won’t give you the answers you need. In fact, it just adds more fuel to your fire.
You either believe and trust them or let them go. Constantly trying to play the “gotcha” card isn’t fair to your partner. It certainly isn’t doing you any mental favors. [Read: Snooping in relationships – are you snooping?]
21. Think positive unless you have a reason not to
Another way to stop feeling jealous is to reprogram your thoughts to think positively. Ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy? You might be creating one.
If you continually accuse your partner, look for proof of their infidelity, or confront them with distrust, you might get the very thing you are so afraid of. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t trust them. [Read: Is your negative thinking ruining your life for you?]
You need to prove them a liar and a cheat eventually gets old. You end up losing them, whether they cheat or not. So, what is the purpose of always expecting the worst?
22. Forget about their past
Even if they cheated in the past, that does not mean they will cheat again. You have no idea what their former relationship was like.
Although the phrase, “once a cheater always a cheater” may be true in some instances, you can’t assume you know their previous situation. So, let their past stay in their past. [Read: Retroactive jealousy – why is your lover’s past making you jealous?]
23. Keep parts of you separate, but not secret
If you merge yourself with someone, then you lose a little bit of yourself. That is a super scary feeling.
That means if you lose them, you lose yourself. That type of anxiety and fear brings out the green monster in us all. To combat this, maintain a little bit of your anonymity to make sure you aren’t overcome with jealousy at the slightest fear of loss.
24. Don’t cheat
If you cheat, then you are going to be jealous. Oftentimes, when partners cheat, they deflect jealousy onto the other person. They feel trust issues and jealousy of their own when they have been unfaithful.
So the easiest way to combat this feeling and stop being jealous is to not cheat. Even if you just cushion it, it drives your insecurity. Guilt is a very powerful driver of jealousy!
25. Listen to that inner voice, but only when it is rational
Try to ignore the inner voice fueled by fear. Listen to the one that tells you what is really in their heart. There are very few times when our true inner voice is wrong. It probably tells you to stop and find peace, not continue your witch hunt. You just have to stop and listen, really listen.
26. Never, ever play mind games
Jealousy may often bring out the worst side of people in a relationship. If you want to put an end to your jealousy, one of the worst things you can do is play mind games with your lover. Mind games will inevitably break your lover’s trust in you. [Read: Mind games in a relationship – why play, when it’s okay, and how to stop it]
27. Realize there are a million fish in the sea
Sure, they might be the best thing you ever had, but if you are so jealous that they will cheat on you, they can’t be as awesome as you think.
Decide for yourself if they are the type of person that will hurt you by cheating. If you believe they are, then you need to move on. A healthy relationship wouldn’t involve so much jealousy. So remember, if they choose to hurt you, then they do you a favor. There are many people out there who never would.
28. If warranted, lose them
If it is something that they are doing that makes you jealous, you confront them, and they refuse to change, then it isn’t a matter that you stop being jealous. You should move on to find someone who makes you feel loved and secure, not anxious and jealous.
In the end, if you are always jealous, then it isn’t a relationship that makes you feel secure. If you can’t find a way to get past the jealousy, then stop worrying about getting over it and get on with it. [Read: 59 signs it’s time to break up and give up instead of trying to fix a relationship]
29. Get professional help
If your friends and family aren’t enough, seek some professional help. It takes courage and strength to seek out a professional to better your life.
Sometimes there’s a much deeper issue at play with jealousy and you might not be able to figure it out on your own. Speaking with someone who can help you see what that issue is will definitely make learning how to stop being jealous a lot easier.
[Read: How to stop being insecure – 15 steps to transform your life]
If you find yourself feeling threatened easily in your relationship, just use these 29 tips for how to stop being so jealous in a relationship, and it’ll definitely help you take a step in the right *and happier* direction.
