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How to Have a Threesome With The Right Rules

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Three can be a crowd if you don’t plan it right. Find out how to have a threesome using the perfect threesome rules to have a great time in bed.

Click here to read the introduction on threesome sex and what you should know before inviting a third person into bed.

Ménage à Trois - Threesomes and its Rules

To indulge in a successful ménage à trois, you need to know the real rules of threesome sex.

Now there are no hard and fast rules, but a few guidelines can definitely help you have a great time.

The ground rules of ménage à trois

To actually enact a fantasy like a ménage à trois, you need a third person who’s willing to share the bed with you.

It’s usually preferable to involve someone who’s not a friend or a co-worker. I mean, really, what if your partner and your friend end up meeting often and have sex without you?!

But then again, if it’s trust and safety that you care about while having a threesome, you could use a good friend that you know will not let the word spread. [Read: How to have sex with a friend]

Comfort is the key to a good ménage à trois.

But if you want to make sure it’s a secret that you and your partner take to the grave, take off on a vacation [Read: Fun on the beach], and find a good looker who’s ready for both of you! But one word of caution, never ever take someone whom you or your mate works with. The word will spread and/or the ménage à trois will turn into an affair!

In bed with the third person

Now whenever you’re involving another person in bed with you and your own lover, the rules are simple and almost always the same. You can read the rules for swinging to know everything you need to follow while involving a third friend in bed.

After the ménage à trois

After you guys orgasm, let’s admit it, things are going to feel weird in bed. There you three are, lying in bed, and wondering what next!

If there’s just three singles involved, then by all means, stay back. There can always be another round in a while! But the best thing to do here is split up if there’s a couple involved. The couple stays together, and the single leaves.

For the couple, this is the time to talk about it, and cuddle up. If you haven’t realized it already, you’ve just banged another person while your mate was watching! So let your mate know that you’re still in love, and that was just sex. Great sex, of course! And another word of advice, don’t fall in love with the third person. It can happen. In most cases, it always does. Avoid contact unless it’s sex on your mind.

The three rules of threesomes

Are there any specific rules to have a threesome? Can there ever be one? Of course, there are. A threesome isn’t as simple as it seems. It’s not just the bang-bang followed by scampering.

Threesomes can, at times, emotionally hurt a lot more than an external affair. So use these three important rules each time you decide to bring in a third mate.

Threesome Rule One – Ground rules

Always have ground rules before you enter a ménage à trois. You don’t want your man to penetrate into the other woman, let him know that it’s off limits. You want the third person to leave as soon as the sex is over, let it be told. You may only end up feeling uncomfortable if you close your eyes and open them to see your woman kissing another man.

So whatever pisses you off or makes you feel awkward, apply ground rules and let all three of you know when things are going overboard. Remember, you do want to have happy times, not frustrated ones, after doing the deed.

Threesome Rule Two – Pleasure up

Everyone’s in it for their own pleasure, when you’re involved in a ménage à trois. But that doesn’t mean you should finish yourself up and sit down against the bed-post pouting and sulking about the crowded bed. Slow your pace and see that all the three involved are excited to be there. Even if your body is over one person, you still have your hands free, don’t you?

Try your best to see that all three of you climax almost together. If you can pull that off, you’ve got the ménage à trois thing going really smooth!

Threesome Rule Three – Play Safe

This is a good one, and one that shouldn’t be overlooked. All three of you may be safe and clean off STDs, but there could be a good chance that one of you could be having a symptom that is in the dormant stage.

You don’t want things to go from good to bad, and bad to worse. So while having a threesome, make sure you stock a good pile of condoms on the bedside. Each time the man penetrates another woman, the condoms have to be replaced. And if you’re using hands, restrict one hand to each person’s privates, so you don’t play a part in the transmission. There may be no problems in the first place, but prevention is always way better than getting a disease with no cure, right?

[Read: How to start swinging]

Ménage à trois Pop Quiz

Q. Can you do this or think about it when you’re not horny?

A. If you can’t, then give up on the thought. You’re still not ready for it!

Ménage à trois Pop Quiz

Q. Do both of you talk about having threesome sex, or is it just one if you?

A. If it’s just one of you, sorry, you guys still aren’t ready!

Having a ménage à trois can be fun and exciting. It can also increase the sizzle in bed, just as long as you understand how to have a threesome and follow the right threesome rules to play a safe game.


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Have your say!
  • November 4, 2012 | Permalink |

    Hi, I want to have a 3 some and watch my wife have sex with another man, but scared it could damage our 10 year marriage.

    She is happy to do it, but wondered if anyone has any experiences to share about positives and negatives!

    Dave

  • Kellee
    November 4, 2012 | Permalink |

    As long as there is an understanding up front as to what both you want and except then go for it. My husband & I have done it and we look forward to doing it again. We are always looking for others to join us weither its a single girl, single guy or another couple. It’s opened up a new world of sex for us and we enjoy it. We trust each other and love each other very much and l.ow it’ll just be the two of us together in the morning.

  • John
    November 9, 2012 | Permalink |

    I’ve brought up having a threesome with my wife – with another woman, preferably, but another man also – and sometimes she’s considerate, but other times she seems put off. She would love it “if everything worked out,” but doesn’t really go out of her way to flirt or discuss possibilities while in public or online. She’s even confessed to me that she’d be curious to hire a prostitute and watch while I have sex with her, but never follows through and doesn’t like discussing it. She’s all over the place and I’m very confused. What do I do?

  • Ali
    November 13, 2012 | Permalink |

    I had an absolutely wonderful 3some this past weekend w/a great couple. I had been talking to them online for a bit and it just happened to work out that we were able to meet up. I’m the “single chick” that makes the 3 in 3some for them. I’m very different than most other girls, and enjoy sex a lot, and am able to separate love and sex. I’ve had 1 or 2 other 3somes of that nature in the past w/no issues, but never had it as an ongoing thing. I’ve also had some 4somes, one involving just me and the other chick making out and playin while our guys were doing us and one where my male fwb and female fwb and another male all went to bed together. They were all good experiences in my book. Too much thought going into these things can cause problems, while not enough thought is a bad thing as well.

  • Erik
    December 15, 2012 | Permalink |

    Hy all. Last night my girlfriend told me she with really enjoys having sex, whether it is with me or someone else. Even though we are in a committed relationship, she still wants to have sex with other people. She told me she has fantasized about me and her being in a three way with another man or another woman.

    Part of me is for it. The idea of me being with her and another woman is fine with me, but I know at some point I would have to be fair and let her get another guy involved. That is an idea I have not been able to stomach. She assures me that she truly loves me and only me and that I will always have her heart and that it would be okay because she would be coming home with me. I am still am uneasy about it.

    She says it is because I am insecure and lack self confidence and I tell her it’s because I am old fashioned and prefer to be monogamous in a relationship. She feels the same way about monogamy, but only after marriage.

    Would appreciate any advice or opinions on handling this situation so my girlfriend and I can both be happy.

  • phil
    January 11, 2013 | Permalink |

    When me and my wife have sex its great but as we have been married for 20 years things are repetative, however i do say to her how about a threesome she would not let it be a woman so another man is fine but this conversation only takes place when we have sex,hovever she did say you will suprise me, i didnt reply the next thing i have said to try a persuade her was well we were having sex and another man came into the bedroom would you turn him away her repl was no i think lust would take over. Does anyone have any advice on getting her to have a threesome

  • Dude
    January 20, 2013 | Permalink |

    My girl has been with me for a while but has expressed that she is a bit bicuriuous. I have suggested the idea of a threesome to her and managed to make her wet at the thought of it. Maybe if I can find a bisexual girl that meets her standards I could pull it off, but where to find such a woman?

  • Angelina
    April 4, 2013 | Permalink |

    “You don’t want your man to penetrate into the other woman, let him know that it’s off limits.” – Uhm, why is everybody automatically associating “treesome” means two women and a man (what also your picture mildly suggests) and not two men and a woman? Just because most cis-men are assumed (and expected) to set different standards for themselves than for women, love their harem’s fantasies but are afraid and feel threatened when it’s the other way round? Do women* never feel threatened or afraid about not being “(good) enough” for one guy or what? Do cis-male views and conditioned fantasies/behaviours always have to be catered while others are marginalized? By the way, do gays and lesbians even exist in your worldview, too (or bisexual men for that matter)? And beyond that binary stuff: there are also people who do not fit into stereotypical gender roles/definitions of sex or do not identify. What about them? Are they doomed to live in celibacy just because you divide the world into black and white?

  • Leslie
    April 5, 2013 | Permalink |

    I recently had a threesome and invited a best friend (male) to join us. I chose a best friend because I knew he would keep it safe. My wife had many times declined my request, but on this occasion, she said maybe, which led to a yes and so I arranged it the same day. I was aprehensive as to wether my wife would not enjoy it, but at least it would have been an experience that I had longed to do. As it happened my wife did enjoy it and arranged for more sessions. Now to cut a long story short, she started seeing my friend behind my back. Married for 26 years, I never believed she would ever do this. Now my marriage is on the rocks as they want to be together alone, with no possibility of saving my marriage which is now literally destroyed. If you are thinking of having a threesome please be aware of the possible consequences. I did my research prior to it , to look at the pitfalls but never dreamed it could happen to me. I will never try to live a fantasy again. It is the worst thing I have ever done.

  • Evelyn
    May 24, 2013 | Permalink |

    Im very bisexual and want to have a threesome with my boyfriend but im afraid that during it he will show signs of lusting after the other girl more than me.

  • patrick
    July 26, 2013 | Permalink |

    I have had threesomes and group sex and all of it was amazing. I found that actually, though I completely enjoyed a threesome with 2 women, I also enjoyed the threesome with 2 men. It’s surprising how open a person gets when having sex. The best experience was DVP (double Vaginal Penetration) which provided some of the most intense orgasms i have every had. If given the chance I would do it all again.

  • cindy kilgore
    September 24, 2013 | Permalink |

    I just had a threesome for the first time and I am about to go for another one. I am single and exploring my sexuality I’m straight but been very bicurious about what it would be like to have sex with both a man and a woman. the first threesome was bad! he was weird and had a tiny penis that turned me off! and when he touched me it felt like I wsa being molested! and she was just ok. I sucked on her tit! and french kissed her and they both rubbed on my tits and played with my nipples! he sucked on mine! I got no pleasure of the deal!!!!! and I an looking to enter another threesomesounds promising I hope this time I can get sexual pleasure out of it and maybe have a great orgazmn!!!!!!!!!

  • TOGETHERNESS
    September 30, 2013 | Permalink |

    Rules are very important in 3 way my advice would be if your not sure don’t try it , but it must be shared MMF/FFM

  • jaszyweewee
    October 31, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’ve had a couple. One with two dudes n a chick. One with two dudes. One with guy girl. And one with two dudes which was awesome !

  • Rayzell
    November 16, 2013 | Permalink |

    I have been very open with my man about an interest with a W/MW threesome, he is all for it, of course, I too have my rules, those of which are the other female will be asked to strickly focus on servicing my man, so BASICALLY, I DO NOT want any girl on girl, the whole point for me, is to “get off” on having my man pleased thru out. As we turn to porn to look for THREESOMES, its almost non existent to find a THREESOMES that fit my criteria. I don’t look forward to girl on girl, but at the same token, when I watch him go down on me, I wish I was right there next to him, sharing the experience and what it entails. Ofcourse, but possible, and the thought of sharing the experience on another female ….does nothing for me……

  • Rayzell
    November 16, 2013 | Permalink |

    * OFCOURSE NOT POSSIBLE *

  • LaLa
    December 10, 2013 | Permalink |

    So I want to surprise my boyfriend for his birthday with a threesome ( 2 women 1 man ) . Any ideas how I should surprise him ? Like should I tell him before it happens or just bring him in the room ? Help

  • milly
    December 15, 2013 | Permalink |

    Just wondering about threesomes and guilt after

  • Kim
    February 13, 2014 | Permalink |

    Me and two of my male friends one of which I’m already sleeping with want to have a threesome but we don’t really know how or where to start……. I’m really nervous but pretty excited at the same time I just don’t want anything to be awkward. We’ve all been talking about it but don’t know how we should get this going when it does finally happen, any tips?

  • annholy
    March 13, 2014 | Permalink |

    Me and my long time partner (father of my kids but we aren’t married yet) tried threesome with an old colleague. I was the one who initiated it, it was spur of the moment so we were not able to set rules. I asked them to kiss, I noticed1 how my partner lay the girl down so passionately (something that he rarely do after 9years of being together) but I let it slip. Now I went down on her and my partner went to her for a blowjob. While his dick was in her mouth, I noticed2 that he was whispering in her ears (something like: ” Do you want me to fuck you?”) So I got pissed, he noticed so he sat down away from us. Me, being a gentle lady (who believe in the “Golden Rule”) I continued pleasuring her until she came (even if there where no moans at all: Necrophilia). I felt taken for granted, shunned aside, forgotten.

    Now topic came back up while we were intoxicated that he wants to see me with another girl. I already told him what I felt the last time and he already said that he got carried away and that he should’ve let me get in control. This time I already set ground rules but I’m still reluctant. Should I/we try it the 2nd time around?

  • Marie
    April 19, 2014 | Permalink |

    My husband and I have been married for 6 years we are both very sexual people and are looking to add another male or female into the mix or maybe even both. I am very nervous as I have never done this before although it is something that we both are interested in.

  • shary
    June 19, 2014 | Permalink |

    I would like to say I’m a bit confused and need advise, my husband has always wanted to see girl.on girl, and yes I think it’s hot too but I also have mixed feelings, not sure the outcome after the excitement and arousal is over, ,,, its got to be weird, I want to please my man…but I also don’t want to loose my man, how can we do this and still respect each other as husband and wife? Can it be a one time thing?
    Help advise

  • Mila
    June 27, 2014 | Permalink |

    So my boyfriend really wants a threesome. And when I say ‘really’, I mean ‘one of the first things he brought up to me after 4 months of dating was his desire to have a threesome’. I asked him why, and he said he was curious. I admit, I played along for a bit, bringing up friends and co-workers as “Possible Toys” – I am bisexual and tend to find women and bisexual men a lot more fun to play with then straight men. But after a while, I lost interest while he continued to ask me “What about her?” “How do you think she would sound?” “Do you think she would make a great toy?”

    I tried to get back into it for him. I flirt with his haut female co-workers, which he continues to dislike. I had sex with him while talking about what I’d do with another female, which he always interrupted to add himself to the picture. I gave a rule, saying that I didn’t want him penetrating the other. He said there’s no point then. I said if we bring a female once for him, we have to bring a guy once for me. He said he didn’t want to be around another…. male’s member.

    I mean, I want to, but I want it to be fair. I am selfish with my partner and can only share so much. Any advice?????

  • Andrew
    July 25, 2014 | Permalink |

    Ohhh

  • Sexy
    September 6, 2014 | Permalink |

    My husband wants to have threesome and I’m not 100% sure and wants it to be with one of are Bi friends? The part I can’t seem to wrap my head around is him actual doing her I feel like that is betraying our marriage. Is that wrong if me? I think about and find it somewhat hot in one hand and than the other hand I don’t think I can go through with it. Is that common or is that selfish ? I would like to spice up our sex life more but not knowing if this is what it is.

  • Tide
    November 30, 2014 | Permalink |

    My wife and have been having a threesome with my best friend for years, we all love it, sex is great, and our sex life is even better than ever, once we are done with with oral/for play she always want to do him first while she sucks me, I am much bigger than he is and she said when I do her first it does not feel as good with him because she is not as tight, does this seem to sense? Or is she just excited to do him first?

  • ceelow
    December 6, 2014 | Permalink |

    My wife and I have been together since high school, we are now 40 and still have a great sex life, I have always fantasized of having a threesome, girl -girl and me, we have literally learned everything together and we are great at it, we have 4 beautiful kids from it, we have talked about it but never actually tried, I really would love to have this fantasy before while we are still young and good looking, please help us decide on how to go about it.

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