When your sex life isn’t what it used to be, you might start to point fingers at your partner. However, it’s probably not their fault. When you get into a routine, sex always seems to take the back burner. When this happens, what you need to do is learn how to spice things up in the bedroom and make an effort – both of you.
Now, we’re not saying routine is bad. After all, we all love cuddling up on the couch on Thursday nights for our favorite series. But, you don’t want to let that come before your sex life.
When the passion dulls a little, don’t panic. All long-term relationships experience this. But if you allow it to remain dull for a long time, it can cause problems. Instead, learn how to spice up your sex life and watch it burn in all the right ways! [Read: Being sex positive – why this matters and why you need to get on board]
When you are in a good relationship, there are many benefits to having more sex, as well as spicing things up in the bedroom.
Couples who have more sex tend to be happier. They have more intimacy, lower divorce/breakup rates, and both partners feel less stress.
Fundamentally, learning how to get out of a sex rut and learning how to spice things up in the bedroom is essential for a happy relationship.
Because, after all, sex is a very important part of a fulfilling relationship. Some people feel that having a sexual connection with their partner is crucial to their happiness.
But why is that specifically? Well, let’s get into some of the reasons why sex is so important in a relationship. [Read: The lack of sex in a relationship – Why it happens and what it means]
Having sex on a regular basis bonds the two of you together.
On a biological level, that’s because intimate acts, like cuddling or having sex, release oxytocin in the brain, and that improves emotional intimacy. As a result, you will also feel more affectionate outside the bedroom too.
In a monogamous relationship, sex also increases your level of commitment to each other. Expressing love through sex increases the likelihood that you will stay together.
And that makes sense. After all, if you’re not intimate with your partner, aren’t you just glorified best friends or housemates?
Learning how to spice things up in the bedroom could save you from the dreaded friend zone, no matter how long you’ve been together
Well, everyone knows this, right? Sex is great, and it’s a fun activity that you only share with your partner. So, it can be said that it is a “favorite pastime” that a lot of happy couples have. [Read: Happy sex life – What a good sex life should look like in real life]
When you know your partner finds you attractive, it can make you feel confident and sexy.
Without having sex, you might wonder if your partner still thinks you’re attractive or not. But with regular sex, you already know.
Having sex on a regular basis can also play a role in an individual’s overall well-being. When couples connect through sex, they feel more affectionate, and because of that, they’re more likely to have sex. So each one feeds the other.
As you can see, there are a lot of physical and emotional benefits to having a good, healthy sex life with your partner.
For some couples, it’s easy to do. But for others, it takes a bit more effort. If that’s you, don’t worry because you can learn how to spice up your sex life with ease. [Read: How often do couples have sex? Is your sex life dying a slow death?]
What happened to the hot, steamy sex you used to have? Where did it go? It may be lost, but it can be found again. Like many people, you may not know how to spice things up in the bedroom.
Will it take some extra energy? Yes, it will. Will you have to put off watching that new episode of your current TV show? Yes, but whatever. You have more important things to do. The bedroom won’t heat itself, people.
So, let’s get that sex life up and running ASAP. [Read: Top 50 kinky ideas for a sexy relationship]
Listen, it’s not a nightmare. But, it’s time to acknowledge that your sex life is fading. Accepting this fact will help you start to make the necessary changes if you want to know how to spice things up in the bedroom.
Perhaps you and your partner are in a slump, slightly disconnected. That will just take more effort from both parties. Or it could be for another reason, something that can be easily fixed.
Maybe one of you works too much and is too tired at the end of the day to do anything. Or you have a new baby. Maybe your partner is always traveling, which could be another reason why your sex life is lacking.
Whatever it is, try to see the root causes of you two not having sex. [Read: 30 super sexy ways to spice up your sex life]
If you want to know how to spice things up in the bedroom, then start outside of the bedroom. Sounds counter-productive, but it’s not.
Of course, having sex helps to have more sex. But, you don’t have to wait until you’re naked to be sexual with your partner.
While they’re at work, send them a dirty text. Get them excited to come home and see what’s waiting for them. It’s a great way to develop that playful, naughty energy that is in abundance at the start of a relationship. [Read: Sexy conversation starters that’ll get both of you horny in no time]
Dirty pictures are not only fun to receive but they’re fun to take. Wear something sexy or wear nothing at all! [Read: How to take good nudes: 36 tips for the sexiest naked selfies ever]
You also don’t have to send them a full nude. Instead, you can send them a picture of their favorite body part of yours and leave them desperate to see the rest of you.
It’s a great way to get the sexual energy flowing, and it’s a great strategy to spice up your sex life. When they’re downstairs watching TV, send them a dirty picture from the bedroom. They’ll come running.
When you see couples all mushy in public, you probably roll your eyes and moan in annoyance. But listen, that couple is having sex. So, don’t be afraid to hold hands or kiss each other in public.
If this increases the bond between you and your partner, then kiss them all you want in public. [Read: Public display of affection – How to do it, PDA etiquette, and 26 must-knows]
You need to show your partner that you appreciate them. Everyone wants to feel wanted and loved. So, give them a compliment when you want to – but don’t force it.
By complementing your partner, they’ll notice that you’re paying attention to them and you’re noticing the details. That’ll certainly spice up your sex life. [Read: How to be a happy couple that’s envied by all other couples]
In order to know how to spice things up in the bedroom, you’re going to have to communicate well. Your sex life may not be at its peak because you’re always arguing. If so, it’s time to give the bickering a rest.
You and your partner need to learn how to communicate effectively. Why would your partner want to have sex with you after you insulted them? Exactly. So, verbally insulting people isn’t an effective way to get laid.
Everyone has sex in the bedroom – it’s basically the most predictable and traditional place to have sex. So, don’t have sex there. Go have sex on the kitchen counter, on the sofa, in the shower, or in the car.
You don’t have to do this all the time, but it’s fun to spice things up a bit and go against the status quo. [Read: 20 kinky things to do with your boyfriend beyond the bed]
Go to the store and buy some sex toys. Try out beads, vibrators, dildos – whatever looks fun to you, try it out!
The worst thing that can happen is that you don’t like anal beads. Big deal. Also, you will be laughing your way to orgasm.
Everyone loves missionary. However, it’s a good idea to switch positions sometimes. If a new position daily is too much too soon, then try out a new position every week.
It’s important to not get yourself stuck into a sex routine. You don’t want to be able to recite the order of the sex positions that you and your partner use.
Trying new things is a great way to learn how to spice things up in the bedroom. [Read: 30 days sex challenge – 30 naughty positions for 30 days]
Sex doesn’t have to be this long, romantic, sensual experience. Sometimes, great sex can be in five minutes with both of your pants down to your ankles. Quickies are unexpected and very heated.
It’s a great way to put some pizazz into learning how to spice things up the bedroom. Especially when you go about your day in anticipation of when it will happen!
Some of you are probably cringing at this one, but don’t knock it until you try it. And if you’re not having sex, well, you can’t lose much by trying it out.
Find out what kind of porn turns you and your partner on, and put it on the big screen. It’s a great way to see new positions and plus, there’s something arousing about watching other people have sex. [Read: Ways to make married sex feel like a one-night-stand]
The worst advice your mother probably ever gave you was not to play with your food. We feel like that advice isn’t complete. Okay, don’t play with your food at dinner; however, play with your food in the bedroom.
Whipped cream, chocolate, candy – whatever it is, try to incorporate it into sex. If you want to learn how to spice up your sex life, then getting your partner to lick whipped cream off your body is certainly one hot way to go about it!
Nurse? Can you help me with my robe?
It’s time to put on that costume and get to work. Role-playing is a great way to test out your acting skills and get to be someone else in the bedroom.
Buy a wig, change your voice – do whatever you want. You’re not you right now. You’re a firefighter, police officer, or doctor. [Read: Sexual role play – How to try it and the 35 best role-play ideas for couples]
It’s important to go on date nights. Having sex is important, but you also want to take the time to sit down and just enjoy each other’s company – outside of the bedroom. Go to the movies together, out to a new restaurant, or to a festival.
If you stay on the couch, not much is going to happen in the bedroom. When learning how to spice things up in the bedroom, sometimes you need to think of the bigger picture. [Read: How to have great sex with your lover]
For some reason, when you’re in a hotel everything is different. You’re relaxed, you don’t care if the room is messy, and you don’t have to cook. It’s a vacation.
So, why not rent a room in a hotel and just go all out? You’ll have amazing sex, and plus, you can rent porn on the TV, killing two birds with one stone.
Flirting is fun. You need to flirt with your partner. It’s the best way to ignite the flame and tease your partner.
They’ll come chasing once you start flirting with them. [Read: Foreplay moves that work ridiculously well on men]
Part of the process of learning how to spice things up in the bedroom is knowing how you’re doing. Take a look at how much sex you’re actually having and track it on your calendar.
While you’re applying some of these tips, keep recording the frequency to see if it’s making a difference. If it’s not, well, you or your partner may have an underlying issue. [Read: Things that can improve your dwindling sex drive]
Perhaps you just need to be the one to initiate sex. It can be nerve-wracking if you’re not used to it, but try being the one to make the first move. If they don’t want to have sex, they’ll let you know.
When learning how to spice things up in the bedroom, this is always a winner.
Surprisingly, if you have sex, you’ll continue to have more sex. If you’re always saying no, there’s a good reason why you’re not having sex.
As you start to have sex, you’ll notice that you’ll continue to have more and more. Yup, you’ve got that wheel rolling. And that’s how to spice things up the bedroom. [Read: Sexiest foreplay moves you can ever use in bed]
Your partner is eating lunch, and they look up from their sandwich to see you staring at them with, you know, that look. They were expecting to eat a sandwich and go for a nap, not end up in doggie style.
But you don’t only have to surprise them with sex. You can surprise your partner with a weekend getaway or something they’ve been eyeing in their favorite store.
Remember when you first started dating? You were probably heavy into the romance. Flowers, chocolates, sensual music – all that jazz. So what if you’ve been together for a couple of years, that doesn’t mean the romance is dead.
If you want to know how to spice up the bedroom, you’ll need to work on the romance side of it as well. Go for couple’s massages or a candlelight dinner to get the heart singing. [Read: 30 really sweet and romantic ideas for couples to feel loved and connected 24/7]
Now wait, hear us out. Plan a date with each other and pretend like you are having an affair. You’ll never realize how sexy it feels until you try it.
Meet each other in a restaurant and seduce each other like two lusty lovers. It sounds kind of messed up, but this is a great way to learn how to spice things up in the bedroom.
You two may have fallen in love as young teenagers. But just because that was years ago doesn’t mean you shouldn’t behave like one now and then.
Get creative and behave like eighteen-year-olds over a weekend. Dress like one, hang out in places you used to, and make out like teens! [Read: How to have playful banter and keep the flirting alive forever]
One of the best ways to have great sex is by focusing on foreplay. Spend just 15 more minutes making each other horny before having sex.
Both of you will end up having better sex. Caress and compliment each other’s bodies during those 15 minutes! [Read: What is foreplay? 17 sexy ideas to make anyone feel horny around you]
Look good and start working out if you have to. Pamper yourselves with fragrant scrubs, sexy lingerie, and get yourself a new haircut. Regardless of what tactic you use, focus on feeling sexier.
One of the best ways to learn how to spice things up in the bedroom is to feel the best version of yourself. If you feel sexy, you’ll look sexy. [Read: How to increase your sex appeal]
Just because you’re in a long-term relationship doesn’t mean you have to refrain from enacting your wildest fantasies. Make a list and talk about it with your partner. That way, you can indulge in them together. [Read: Top 16 sexual fantasies for guys and top 16 sexual fantasies for girls]
If you know you can have sex whenever you want, it’ll lose its charm. Avoid having sex now and then, and save it for days when you go clubbing or indulge in something exciting.
Plan this right and it can be a huge turn-on.
Get naked and give each other a sensual massage without focusing on sex. Pleasure each other and let the fingers linger a while in the tingling spots.
As long as the focus is on helping your partner orgasm, it’ll make both of you feel good. [Read: The perfect romantic massage to turn your lover on]
Introduce tantric sex into the bedroom to have a passionate and intense sexual experience. It will take some practice, but you know what they say; practice makes perfect!
This isn’t exactly a terrible way to spend your time either, right? [Read: Tantric sex tips for first timers]
Nothing beats the excitement of wild and kinky sex when your sex life is starting to slow down a little. Talk about your fantasies and bring your kinky fetishes and lusty desires to life.
Just go for it!
Don’t wait for your partner to be around to seduce them. Send a few sexy photos in the middle of the day and tease your partner into wanting more when both of you get together at night.
Sexting is a great way to get the fire burning again. Just make sure you’re sending your sexts to the right person! [Read: Seductive selfie – 34 best sexy selfie poses and tips to show yourself off]
Make a video together while having sex. Delete it after the act if having a sex tape freaks you out, or make sure you store it in a safe place.
Watching yourselves having sex in the video and having sex at the same time can be a huge rush for anyone.
Use full-length mirrors alongside your bed to heighten your sexual experiences. You can have sex really close to the mirror if you want to recreate a foursome sexual fantasy. Watch yourself or imagine another couple.
This is one of the hottest ways to learn how to spice things up in the bedroom! [Read: How to be kinky – 42 steamy tips to explore sex outside of normal]
Moaning in bed or whispering sexy nothings is a huge turn-on that can’t be explained. Talk to each other in bed and you’ll arouse your partner in no time. [Read: How to moan and look and sound sexy AF while having sex]
The mind is the biggest sexual organ we have. Create fantasies and imagine them together. It’ll be a bigger turn-on than you think.
You can also search for sexy texts online and read them to one another. You’ll be hot and heavy before you know it!
Try something new all the time. Have sex in a car or on a beach while on a vacation, skinny dip, or even with another couple in bed.
As long as you create new and exciting memories all the time, sex can never ever get boring. [Read: Sexual bucket list – 35 dirty ideas to build your naughty wishlist]
Nothing can tarnish your relationship as long as there’s love and trust in the air. You may indulge in many kinky ideas or even go as far as swinging.
But as long as there’s love and trust, both of you can always find a way to rekindle the excitement of sex without losing each other.
If you’re only looking for ways to have better sex with your partner and not a way to cheat on your partner, then your relationship will definitely stand the test of time.
Yes, there are sex coaches out there who can help you rekindle the passion in your relationship. Just make sure you’re both open to this before trying otherwise it might cause more problems. [Read: 46 expert-level tips and secrets to be a better lover and feel amazing in bed]
Just be careful you don’t burn anything!
Cooking is a great activity to do together anyway but when you’re both semi or totally naked, well, you can imagine where it’s going to lead.
There are lots of things you can do to get yourself in the mood for sex that doesn’t actually involve having sex.
We’ve mentioned cooking in no clothes, but massages, sexting, and suggestive conversations are all great ways to get the fire burning. [Read: Making time for making love made easy]
Relationships aren’t always easy, especially in this day and age when everyone is so busy with their life. So, maintaining a good, healthy sex life with your partner does take some effort.
However, if you do it right, it should feel effortless.
The opposite side of the spectrum isn’t so shiny. If you allow an unsatisfying sex life to become the norm, you’ll quickly see that your relationship suffers. After all, sex is an important part of a union and without it, things can sour.
You should enjoy the bliss of romance and work on keeping the passion boiling with new and sexy things to try together. That way, you’ll stay bonded and have a much better chance of your relationship lasting.
[Read: Happy sex life – What a good sex life should look like in real life]
If you’re suffering from the bedroom blues, you’ll need to try to get out of that slump. Try out these tips for how to spice things up in the bedroom if you want to have sizzling sex with your partner.
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