When your sex life isn’t what it used to be, we tend to point fingers at our partners. Listen, it’s not your fault *or their fault*. When you get into a routine, sex always seems to take the backburner.
Now, I’m not saying routine is bad, we all love cuddling up on the couch on Thursday nights for our favorite series. But, you don’t want to let Gossip Girl to come before your sex life.
22 sizzling tips for how to spice up the bedroom
So, what about the hot, steamy sex you used to have? Where did it go? It may be lost, but it can be found. Like many people, you may not know how to spice up the bedroom for you and your partner.
Will it take some extra energy? Yes, it will. What will happen to your Games of Thrones night? Record it. You have more important things to do. The bedroom won’t heat itself, people. So, let’s get that sex life up and running ASAP. [Read: Top 50 kinky ideas for a sexy relationship]
#1 Acknowledge your lack of sex. Listen, it’s not a nightmare. You’re actually not having sex. So, it’s time to acknowledge that your sex life is fading. Accepting this fact will help you start to make the necessary changes you’ll have to do if you want to know how to spice up the bedroom.
#2 Why aren’t you having sex? Perhaps you and your partner are in a slump, slightly disconnected. That will just take more effort from both parties. Or it could be for another reason, something that can be easily fixed.
Maybe one of you works too much and are too tired at the end of the day to do anything. Or you have a new baby. Maybe your partner is always traveling, which could be another reason why your sex life is lacking. Try to see the root causes of you two not having sex. [Read: 30 super sexy ways to spice up your sex life]
#3 Start out of the bedroom. If you want to know how to spice up the bedroom, then start outside of the bedroom. Sounds counter-intuitive, but it’s not. Of course, having sex helps to have more sex. But, you don’t have to wait until you’re naked to be sexual with your partner.
While they’re at work, send them a dirty text. Get them excited to come home and see what’s waiting for them. It’s a great way to develop a playful energy between you and your partner. [Read: 10 sexy conversation starters that’ll get both of you horny in no time]
#4 Send dirty pictures. Dirty pictures are not only fun to receive but they’re fun to take. Wear something sexy or wear nothing at all. You don’t have to send them a full nude, you can send them their favorite body part of you.
It’s a great way to get the sexual energy flowing, and it’s a great strategy for how to spice up the bedroom. When they’re downstairs watching TV, send them a dirty picture from the bedroom. They’ll come running.
#5 PDA. When you see couples all mushy in public, you probably roll your eyes and moan in annoyance. But listen, that couple is having sex. So, don’t be afraid to hold hands or kiss each other in public. Why not? If this increases the bond between you and your partner, then kiss them all you want in public.
#6 Compliment each other. You need to show your partner that you appreciate them. Everyone wants to feel wanted and loved. So, give them a compliment, when you want – don’t force it. By complimenting your partner, they’ll notice that you’re paying attention to them and you’re noticing the details. [Read: How to be a happy couple that’s envied by all other couples]
#7 Work on communication. In order to know how to spice up the bedroom, you’re also going to have to communicate well. Your sex life may not be at its peak because you’re always arguing. It’s time to give it a rest.
You and your partner need to learn how to communicate effectively. Why would your partner want to have sex with you after you insulted them? Exactly. So, verbally insulting people isn’t an effective way to get laid.
#8 Have sex anywhere but the bedroom. Everyone has sex in the bedroom – it’s basically the most predictable and traditional place to have sex. So, don’t have sex there. Go have sex on the kitchen counter, on the sofa, in the shower, or in the car. You don’t have to do this all the time, but it’s fun to spice things up a bit and go against the status quo. [Read: 20 kinky things to do with your boyfriend beyond the bed]
#9 Incorporate toys. Go to the store and buy some sex toys. Try out beads, vibrators, dildos – whatever looks fun to you, try it out. The worst thing that can happen is that you two don’t like anal beads. Big deal. Also, you two will be laughing your way to orgasming.
#10 Try a new position. Everyone loves missionary, however, it’s a good idea to switch up the position a bit. If a new position daily is too much too soon, then try out a new position every week. It’s important to not get yourself stuck into a sex routine. You don’t want to be able to recite the order of the sex positions that you and your partner do. [Read: 30 days sex challenge – 30 naughty positions for 30 days]
#11 Have a quickie. Sex doesn’t have to be this long, romantic, sensual experience. Sometimes, great sex can be in five minutes with both of your pants down to your ankles. Quickies are unexpected and very heated. It’s a great way to put some pizazz into learning how to spice up the bedroom.
#12 Watch porn together. Some of you are probably cringing at this one, but don’t knock it until you try it. And if you’re not having sex, well, you can’t lose much by trying it out.
Find out what kind of porn turns you and your partner on, and put it on the big screen. It’s a great way to see new positions and plus, there’s something arousing about watching other people have sex. [Read: Ways to make married sex feel like a one night stand]
#13 Play with food. The worst advice your mother probably ever gave you was not to play with your food. I feel like that advice isn’t complete. Okay, don’t play with your food at dinner. However, play with your food in the bedroom.
Whipped cream, chocolate, candy – whatever it is, try to incorporate it into sex. If you want to learn how to spice up the bedroom, then get your partner to lick whipped cream off your body.
#14 Role-play. Nurse? Can you help me with my robe? It’s time to put on that costume and get to work. Role-playing is a great way to test out your acting skills and get to be someone else in the bedroom. Buy a wig, change your voice – do whatever you want. You’re not you right now. You’re a firefighter, police officer or doctor.
#15 Go on date nights. It’s important to go on date nights. Having sex is important, but you also want to take the time to sit down and just enjoy each other’s company – outside of the bedroom. Go to the movies together, out to a new restaurant, or a festival. If you two stay on the couch, not much is going to happen in the bedroom. [Read: How to have great sex with your lover]
#16 Spend a night in a hotel. For some reason, when you’re in a hotel everything is different. You’re relaxed, you don’t care if the room is messy, and you don’t have to cook. It’s a vacation. So, why not rent a room in a hotel and just go all out? You’ll have amazing sex, and plus, you can rent porn off of the TV, killing two birds with one stone.
#17 Flirt. Flirting is fun. I flirt with everyone, which probably isn’t a good thing, but I like it. You need to flirt with your partner. It’s the best way to ignite the flame and tease your partner. They’ll come chasing after you start flirting with them. [Read: Foreplay moves that work ridiculously well on men]
#18 Track your sex life. Part of process of learning how to spice up your sex life is knowing how you’re doing. Take a look at how much you’re actually having sex. On your calendar, track the amount of sex you’re having on a regular basis.
While you’re applying some of these tips, keep recording the frequency to see if it’s making a difference. If it’s not, well, there may be an underlying issue with your partner. [Read: 10 things that can improve your dwindling sex drive]
#19 Be the one to initiate. Perhaps you just need to be the one to initiate sex. For instance, I like having sex, however, sometimes I’m too lazy to initiate it even when I want it. So, try being the one to make the first move. If they don’t want to have sex, they’ll let you know.
#20 Just have more sex. Shockingly, if you have sex, you’ll continue to have more sex. If you’re always saying no, there’s a good reason why you’re not having sex. So, you’ll need to start saying yes and try to have more sex. As you start to have sex, you’ll notice that you’ll continue to have more and more. Yup, you’ve gotten that wheel rolling. And that’s how to spice up the bedroom. [Read: 9 sexiest foreplay moves you can ever use in bed]
#21 Surprise them. Your partner is eating lunch, and they look up from their sandwich to see you staring at them with, you know, that look. They were expecting to eat a sandwich and go for a nap, not end up in doggie style. But you don’t only have to surprise them with sex. You can surprise your partner with a weekend getaway or something they’ve been eyeing in their favorite store.
#22 Do something romantic. Remember when you first started dating? You guys were probably heavy into the romance. Flowers, chocolates, sensual music – all that jazz. So you’ve been together for a couple years, but that doesn’t mean the romance is dead.
If you want to know how to spice up the bedroom, you’ll need to work on the romance side of it as well. Go for couple’s massages or a candle light dinner.
[Read: Naughty sex games for couples to feel horny again]
If you’re suffering from the bedroom blues, you’ll need to try to get out of that slump. Try out these tips for how to spice up the bedroom if you want to have sizzling sex with your partner.
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