Never dirty talked? There’s nothing to be scared of. These tips will help you know exactly how to talk dirty during sex and turn the heat up in bed.
When you hear the phrase, dirty talk, especially as a beginner, it’s kind of an overwhelming idea. Oh god, how to talk dirty during sex? Won’t I sound like a complete fool? These are thoughts we all have when we first start talking dirty.
Most of us think dirty talk needs to be complex phrases and words, but it’s really not that complicated.
Basically, dirty talk is describing sex in a simple and forward way. That’s it. That’s all there is to it. Now, I know it’s easier said than done. But once you get past the initial fear and possible awkwardness, the words will come flying out of your mouth.
You’ll become a dirty talk pro in no time. Really, it doesn’t take much for you to get the hang of it. So, all you must do is relax and don’t put so much pressure on yourself.
Whatever you hear on Pornhub isn’t realistic or natural, so don’t think you need to sound like an awkward and dramatic porn star. The thing about dirty talk is what makes it good is when the words come naturally from you.
#1 Keep it simple. You’re not trying to reinvent the wheel here; it’s already here. What makes dirty talk good is its simplicity. Remove all the porn phrases you’ve heard throughout your life, and focus on simple phrases.
Essentially, you’re verbalizing sex with dirty talk. So, while having sex or foreplay, think about what’s feeling good. For example, if your partner is a good kisser, let them know. Say, “your lips are making me hard/wet.” [Read: 15 dirty things to say and do in bed that are effortless]
#2 Talk to your partner. Does your partner even enjoy dirty talk? Everyone is different. Some people enjoy specific types of dirty talk, others aren’t into it, and some are indifferent. So, before you start using dirty talk, ask your partner if it’s something they’d like to hear during sex. Ask them what their boundaries are, and what they don’t like in dirty talk.
#3 Say what feels comfortable for you. When it comes to knowing how to talk dirty during sex, you’re the one saying these words, and they need to feel comfortable for you. Sure, your partner may have more experience with dirty talk, but that doesn’t mean you need to rush to their level.
#4 If you want to use vulgar language, you can. But it’s not a necessity. Everyone is different, and this also includes your partner. This is where you should find the happy medium. You may enjoy using vulgar language, but your partner may not like being called names, for example. This is where communication plays an important role.
#5 No, you don’t need to talk the whole time. Here’s the thing, dirty talk doesn’t mean you need to constantly be talking with your partner during sex. It’s like adding spice to a dish. A couple of dashes here and there, but you’re not pouring it on the entire time your dish is cooking. Do you get what I mean? When you feel you want to express yourself, then do it. [Read: A guide to talking dirty and turning your lover on like no one can]
#6 Dirty talk can be instructional. Don’t underestimate dirty talk. Yes, it can be used to describe your sexual satisfaction and to build up tension, but it can also be used to give instructions.
Instead of telling your partner, “I don’t like the way you eat me out,” dirty talk can be used to direct your partner without putting them down. You can also direct them before sex. For example, “When I come home, I want to see you naked on the bed…”
#7 Dirty talk isn’t just for the bedroom. You don’t need to save dirty talk just for the bedroom. Instead, you can use it during foreplay and send naughty texts to your partner in the morning or while they’re at work. Don’t assume that dirty talk is only during sex. [Read: 20 sexy text messages to start a naughty conversation]
#8 Dirty talk doesn’t need to be R-rated. Thanks to porn, everyone thinks dirty talk needs to be hardcore, but it’s not the case. Sure, some people like dirty dirty talk, but you need to read your partner. Using vulgar words on someone who isn’t turned on from it isn’t what you want to happen. Saying, “You taste so good” or “I love your body,” is also dirty talk. [Read: How to use sexy talk with your love in ways that makes them melt with desire]
#9 Discover trigger words. Your partner probably has a favorite part of their own body, and sexual activities they prefer over others. You can use this knowledge in dirty talk. With time, you’ll notice what seems to arouse them the most, then you know what you focus on.
#10 If your partner didn’t like what you said, talk about it. Naturally, you’re going to probably test out words and phrases, seeing which ones turn you and your partner on the most. This means there is a chance you may say something that doesn’t jive well with your partner. It happens. But when it does happen, talk about it. [Read: How to talk dirty to a girl without annoying her or turning her off]
#11 If you feel pressured, don’t do it. If you’re not feeling comfortable with talking dirty to your partner, you don’t need to. You should never do anything sexual that makes you feel pressured. If you choose to incorporate this into your sex life, that’s your decision.
#12 Always check in with each other after. After every sexual experience, whether you used dirty talk or not, create a routine with your partner and check in with them. Maybe they would like to try to use dirty talk next time, or maybe they don’t enjoy some of the things you say. Whatever the case, you should communicate with them. [Read: How to talk about sex without sounding like a pervert]
#13 It’s not a competition. Maybe your friends have told you about their sexual experiences, and this makes you want to push yourself more in the bedroom, but sex isn’t a competition. This is your sexual journey, and you need to do what you’re comfortable with.