If you’ve ever been cheated on, you know how hurtful it can be. You also know that a cheating partner always acts slightly different than they normally do. That’s how they get caught. This change in behavior is most often known as the affair fog.
However, not every victim will be able to tell when their significant other isn’t being faithful. Sometimes their affair fog can be so subtle that it’s hard to tell. And often times, people don’t even think badly of their partner’s change in behavior.
The negative effects of staying with someone who’s not faithful
I’m probably not going to be the first or only person to tell you this but I’m going to say it anyways. You can’t stay with someone who’s not faithful. You just can’t. For your own mental health, things have to be ended.
Now, if you’re married, it may be a different story. You can potentially go to counseling and work through the infidelity. However, when someone cheats on you, there are lasting effects like lower self-esteem, trust issues, and more.
For that reason, a relationship will be nearly impossible to get back to normal after a partner cheats. [Read: What to do when you think your partner is cheating]
What is affair fog and how can it help you catch the cheater?
When someone is cheating, they have an affair fog. This refers to their behavior and their state of mind. When they’re with someone else, they may start to internally process what they’re doing and justify it. That means they need to make themselves feel less guilty.
In order to do that, they start placing blame on their significant other. They can convince themselves they’re not doing anything wrong by fabricating false ideas about their partner. If you want to know if your partner is cheating, look for these signs of an affair fog so you can put an end to the infidelity.
#1 They seem distracted. An affair fog is all about your partner being under a sort of “spell” by someone else. They’re distracted and not themselves. If you notice this type of behavior from your significant other, monitor it closely.
When they seem spacy and not present during conversations, it’s because something else it taking up space in their mind. That could be the person they’re seeing on the side. [Read: 18 ingenious ways to catch a cheating partner in the act]
#2 They’re in a good mood – until you bring up their good mood. This is definitely something an affair fog is known for. If your partner is having an affair, they’re on a high. They feel great! Imagine how you felt when you first fell in love with your partner. You were giddy and in a great mood.
An affair fog works the same way. They’re going through all those same feelings they had in the beginning of your relationship, just with someone else. So they may be in a good mood, but they’re also feeling very guilty. And when you remind them of why they’re happy, it fills them with that guilt and takes them down from that high.
#3 They start fights out of nowhere. This has a LOT to do with the affair fog. Often times, when they’re cheating on you, they need to justify their actions. They know what they’re doing is wrong but instead of stopping, they find reasons to make it okay.
So they start picking fights with you just to stay angry with you. Because in their mind, if they’re mad at you, they can justify why they’re being happy with someone else. [Read: 8 things to tell yourself when fighting with your significant other]
#4 They get annoyed at nice things you do for them. Do you have a habit of doing nice, sweet things for your partner? If you were in a previously healthy relationship, then you probably did all the time. Is your partner getting annoyed with those things now?
If so, it could be the affair fog. When you do nice things, it ruins the image in their head of you being this awful person they’ve concocted in order to justify their actions. You being nice makes them feel even more guilty so in order to get rid of those feelings, they want to get you to stop doing those things. AKA, they get mad when you do.
#5 They pull away from you emotionally. This will be very obvious. When you’re very close with someone and they pull away emotionally, you should be able to tell. They won’t discuss their feelings with you and they won’t really ask you how you’re feeling anymore.
This is a means to protect themselves from feeling guilty. If they’re not emotionally attached, they won’t feel as though they’re hurting you – even though they are. [Read: 20 revealing signs that show you’re growing apart emotionally]
#6 They’re putting their hobbies and interests on the backburner. When some people get deep into an affair fog, they forget about their real life altogether. As a means to pretend they’re not doing anything wrong, they dissociate themselves from the norm. So if they’ve stopped engaging in their normal hobbies and interests, something could be up.
#7 They are upset with you for seemingly no reason. Again, this happens because mentally, they’re tearing you apart for being a horrible partner. This can be completely false. You could be the best boyfriend or girlfriend in the world but if they’re having an affair, that fog will make them see you as a villain who’s not allowing them to live their life.
Those negative thoughts about you will make them mad at you all the time. You could’ve done nothing wrong at all. It’s all internal. The affair fog is making them manipulate themselves. [Read: Affairs and the big role ego plays in it]
#8 They use the phrase, “you just don’t understand me,” when arguing. Your partner is going to cause fights if they’re cheating. That’s what happens when the affair fog sets in. And these fights will be baseless. They’ll argue about anything and when you make a valid point in the argument, they’ll start saying things like, “you just don’t understand me.”
They do this to justify the fact that they’re with someone else – someone who “really understands” them. They’ll convince themselves you don’t get the real them just to feel better about themselves.
#9 They put you down. Again, this is all about getting rid of their guilt by pushing you away. The affair fog will cause them to say hurtful things. They’ll start seeing your flaws and voicing them where they never would’ve said anything before. These random put-downs are a huge sign you’ve got a cheater on your hands. [Read: 16 abusive relationship signs of a devious lover]
#10 They treat you badly out of seemingly nowhere. They stop doing little things you used to love. When they don’t appreciate you anymore, something is off. Usually, it’s an affair fog.
When someone is under someone else’s spell, they’re made to believe that you’re in the wrong. They try to rationalize their behavior by telling themselves that you’re the one who’s not good to them. So they behave accordingly by refusing to do nice things for you.
[Read: 17 clear signs you’re being cheated on]
Spotting someone in an affair fog can be really tricky. Some of their behaviors may seem and even be innocent. Make sure you’re paying close attention in order to catch an unfaithful partner.
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