How to Masturbate for Women, 45 Self Pleasure Secrets + Solo Orgasm Tips

Learn about self-pleasure secrets and how to masturbate for women, with research-backed tips to explore your body and master the art of solo orgasms.

So, you want to know how to masturbate… Honestly, you’re not alone, literally. According to research, over 94% of women have masturbated at least once, and most say it’s the easiest way to reach orgasm.

📚 Source: Dekker et al., 2019, Masturbatory Behavior in women

But knowing you can masturbate isn’t the same as knowing how to do it. That’s where this guide comes in, with honest, helpful, and research-backed tips to help you explore your body, chase that solo orgasm, and feel seriously amazing doing it.

Need the quick-and-dirty version? Here you go:

• Start slow, and use your hands or a toy, whichever feels right.
• Clitoral stimulation is key for most women.
• Mood matters, so set the scene, relax, fantasize freely.
• There’s no “normal” so whatever feels good, is good.

Now scroll on for the full deep dive, because self-pleasure isn’t just sexy, it’s self-care. And yes, we’re going to talk about the science, the strokes, and even the showerhead.

How to masturbate – A woman’s guide to self-pleasure 

Remember, masturbation isn’t something only “easy” women do, it’s actually good for your health, your happiness, and your self-confidence. Research has found that women who masturbate regularly report higher sexual satisfaction, better mood regulation, and even improved sleep.

📚 Source: Debby Herbenick, et al., 2010, Sexual behaviors and health status among adult women

So, sit back, relax, and get ready to let your fingers do the walking (if that’s your preference) with these female masturbation tips to guide you into your most satisfying solo orgasms.

Whether you’re just starting out or you’re here to unlock the next level of self-pleasure, this guide has something for you.

[Read: How to squirt – 22 squirting orgasm secrets to make yourself or a girl squirt]

We’ve rounded up all the real, juicy tips, from mental hacks to physical tricks, that’ll help you discover exactly how to masturbate for the best solo orgasms of your life.

1. Get Comfortable

Before you even touch yourself, make sure you’re comfy, emotionally and physically. This means dim lighting, locked doors, clean sheets, a warm room, or whatever helps you fully relax.

2. Learn Your Anatomy

Take a moment to look at your vulva using a mirror. Get familiar with where your clitoris, labia, and vaginal opening are. Understanding your body visually helps remove shame and build confidence in what you’re exploring. 📚 Source: Meston & Buss, 2007, Why Humans Have Sex

3. Set the mood 

What gets you in the mood for self-love is personal. Do what you have to do to set the scene to ensure you totally enjoy yourself. 

Take a bath, light some candles, and play soft music: whatever it takes to make you feel sensual and sexual. [Read: The absolute best songs for a sensual and sexy time]

4. Try new places

You know the old saying, location, location, location. You may masturbate in your bedroom or shower, but why not switch it up? Of course, don’t masturbate in front of a school—be smart. 

But if you’re walking through the forest or in your car, test it out. Just don’t do it where anyone can see you. If that happens, you can get into big trouble.

5. Privacy is key 

Unless you’re into getting caught or pleasuring yourself while someone else watches *which, by the way, can be lots of fun too* make sure you’re totally alone and won’t be disturbed. [Read: Amazing types of female orgasms all girls can experience in bed]

Nothing kills a good solo love session quicker than worrying about being interrupted.

6. Know that masturbation is mental 

What you need to know is that while sex is physical, it’s really more mental. If you’re having a bad day, you may not be feeling as sexual, which means you’re probably not going to arouse as easily. 

So, whether masturbating or having sex, it’s all in the mind.

If you want to masturbate, relax your mind and don’t go into it nervous or stressed out. This is just you exploring your body. [Read: How to have sex with yourself and learn what turns your body on]

7. Create a Mind-Body Feedback Loop

You don’t always need to be in the mood to start touching yourself. In fact, sometimes it’s the touching that creates the mood. This is called a mind-body feedback loop, and it’s totally real. Your body and brain are in constant conversation, and sometimes, the spark starts from the outside in.

📚 Source: Basson, 2001, Female Sexual Response: Context and Relationship

Try this: Touch your arms, thighs, or breasts gently, even if you’re not fully turned on yet. Notice what feels good. You may be surprised how fast your brain catches up with your body.

8. Breathe Like You Mean It

We forget this one all the time, but breathing is a major turn-on tool. Deep, slow breathing helps your body relax, increases blood flow, and lets you feel every stroke more intensely. It also keeps your mind from drifting into tomorrow’s to-do list.

📚 Source: A. M. C. Larraz, et al., 2024, Mindfulness-Based Interventions and Sexual Function

Try this: Inhale slowly for 4 seconds, hold for 2, then exhale for 6 seconds. Stay with that rhythm as you touch yourself. The deeper your breath, the deeper your orgasm.

9. Reclaim Your Inner Narrative

If a voice in your head still says, “This is weird,” you’re not alone. A lot of us grew up with shamey messages about masturbation, especially as women. But here’s the truth: pleasure isn’t dirty, shame is just outdated programming.

📚 Source: Camilla Graziani, et al., 2024, Sexual Shame and Female Masturbation

Try this: Say something out loud before or during solo play like, “My pleasure is mine. I deserve this.” You’re not weird for touching yourself, you’re wonderfully human.

👉 Want to learn a few more masturbation secrets and techniques for women? Use these guides:

• 48 Tips, Types & Positions to Touch and Finger Yourself and Make Yourself Cum
• Pillow Humping: What It Is, 48 Best Positions & Sexy Ways to Hump It Right
• How to Get Turned On: 26 Sexy Secrets to Turn Yourself On & Get in the Mood
• 32 Hot & Slippery Ways to Make Yourself Wet & Get Aroused Really Fast
• 24 Moves & Positions to Use a Dildo & Secrets to Enjoy It Like the Real Thing!

10. Get into the groove 

The buildup and the mood are the two most important things before you masturbate. While we can easily be turned on by a five-second kiss, the same can more or less be said about getting into the mood for some “me” time.

You can light up some candles, apply some scented lotion all over your body, turn up some Marvin Gaye, and do a little sexy dance in front of the mirror in your best lingerie before you get down on yourself. 

Depending on each person, turning yourself on can vary in timing, but the important thing is you are comfortable and ready for some self-action. [Read: How to turn yourself a lot more using your five senses]

11. Don’t rush through it 

If you’ve ever watched porn, then you’ll see them masturbating as fast as they can- but that’s just for the camera. You’re living in reality. You don’t need to rush through the experience to achieve an orgasm *unless speed turns you on*. 

By slowing down, you’ll have better control of the movements and feel your body’s reaction. Experiment with speeds, positions, pressure, and strokes when you masturbate. 

12. You’ll need to focus 

Going at it alone requires focus and concentration, especially if climaxing is your ultimate goal. Without the aid of a partner, it is up to you to be everything you need to satisfy your urges. [Read: How to focus on yourself – 27 ways to create your own sunshine]

Think sexy thoughts and don’t be afraid to include someone you want to get down and dirty with in those thoughts to really turn yourself on.

13. Let your fantasies run wild 

Double your pleasure by fantasizing while you masturbate. In your mind, you’re free to think about anyone and do anything your little heart desires. 

If your fantasies take you straight to Dirty Town, go with it – anything goes when you’re in your own head. [Read: How to fantasize about someone else and not feel guilty]

14. Explore your entire body 

Don’t just go straight to petting the kitty. Take some time to explore and tease other parts of your body too. After all, pleasuring yourself should be an all-encompassing experience. 

Run your hands over your body to discover all the different areas that like to be touched.

15. Begin with a massage 

Relax your muscles and tune into the feel of your body by giving yourself a massage. Using a light and firm touch, run your hands over your arms and across your shoulders. Rub tense muscles in your neck. Notice how soft your skin is. 

A massage is a great way to help your body prepare for a mind-blowing orgasm. [Read: How to give a sensual massage and work your magic]

16. Don’t neglect your breasts 

For most women, the breasts are a major erogenous zone. Don’t leave the girls out when you’re going solo. 

Gently squeeze, pull, and trace your nipples with varying degrees of firmness to get your motor running and keep it in high gear. [Read: Tips for women who want a mind-blowing orgasm]

17. Definitely use lube 

Using a good lube helps make the whole experience more sensual and pleasurable. There are many different types of lube on the market, so experiment to see which one helps you achieve the strongest orgasms.

If you’re too embarrassed to buy lube at the store, try purchasing it when you buy tampons. It makes sense, and no one will be any the wiser. [Read: Perfectly good lube substitutes that work just as well as the real thing]

18. Get in touch with your clitoris 

If you and your clitoris aren’t close yet, make it a priority. The clitoris is the key to the Big O for most women. Here are a few ways to stimulate this sex spot to unleash the most amazing sensations.

a. Use your fingers

Slowly and gently rub your clitoris. If direct contact is too intense, try stroking around it rather than directly on it. 

Experiment with different types of touch and movement to find what feels the best for you. [Read: A step-by-step guide to achieving multiple orgasms]

b. Use a vibrator

Some women like them, and some women don’t. Stimulating your clitoris with a vibrator can quickly bring you to orgasm if you’re pressed for time. 

If you find the vibrations too overwhelming, try turning down the speed or using a washcloth or towel between you and the vibrator to lessen the effect.

c. Use the showerhead

Using a removable showerhead to direct a stream of water onto your lady bits is very sexually stimulating, especially if it has an adjustable spray feature. [Read: Accidental orgasms – sexy ways to make the unexpected happen!]

Play around with the different settings until you find the one that does the trick for you.

d. Use a pillow

A more “romantic” self-pleasuring technique uses a strategically placed pillow to simulate sex with a partner. Place a soft pillow between your legs like you’re riding a horse. Squeeze your thighs together and rock your pelvis back and forth. 

19. Penetrate the vagina 

While it’s true that many women cannot achieve orgasm from strictly vaginal penetration, it doesn’t mean that you should neglect it altogether when you masturbate. [Read: Deep penetration – naughty ways it can push you over the edge]

In fact, penetrating the vagina during masturbation can unlock hidden pleasures you never knew existed. Here are a couple of things to do to include your vagina in the fun.

a. Use a dildo

Similar to a vibrator, a dildo is simply a phallic-shaped device meant to be inserted into the vagina during sexual play. You control its movement by thrusting it in and out of your vagina at your own preferred pace. 

Dildos come in all shapes and sizes, so be sure to visit your local adult store or shop online to find your favorite. [Read: Reasons why some women just don’t like a dildo]

b. Use your fingers

If the idea of using a dildo doesn’t appeal to you, use your fingers instead. Gently insert one, two, or more fingers into your vagina and move them in and out in a way that feels good.

c. Find the G-spot

Although a mystery to many women, the G-spot can get you singing its praises wholeheartedly once you find it. 

The G-spot, located inside the vagina, is a small, rough patch on the upper front wall. It is easier to find it when you’re aroused, so stimulating this sex button should be done after you’re good and ready. 

Use your index and middle fingers to find your G-spot. Once you do, make a light “come-hither” motion. You’ll feel the area become more pronounced the more turned on you get. 

Alternately, you can lay your fingers flat against the spot and move your arm to rub back and forth. [Read: How to find and tingle your G-spot without a flashlight]

20. Do double duty 

It takes a little bit more effort and practice, but penetrating the vagina and stimulating the clitoris is the ultimate in orgasmic pleasure. Use a dildo to penetrate the vagina while you use your fingers to play with your clitoris.

21. Try some porn 

It’s not for everyone, but if you’ve never watched porn while pleasuring yourself, you might be missing out. While most think porn is a guy thing, it has the same effect on some women, too. 

Don’t rule it out until you’ve tried it. [Read: Reasons why watching girl-on-girl porn can help you masturbate better]

22. Read an erotic story 

Nothing gets the juices flowing better than the imagination and a good erotic story. Dubbed the “female version of pornography,” erotica fuels your fantasies. It might not be for you, but you owe it to yourself to give it a try at least once.

23. Try edging 

If you don’t want to orgasm right away, edge. Edging is when you stop masturbating right before orgasm. Then, slowly start masturbating again. It makes the orgasm stronger, and you’ll have an explosive orgasm at the end. 

You can do this stop-and-go method as much as you like. [Read: Learn the art of edging for sizzling orgasms]

24. If you’re not into it, you can stop at any time 

There’s nothing worse than masturbating because you think it’s something you have to do. If you’re not feeling sexual or simply not interested in it, then don’t do it. This isn’t something that you have to do.

Take your time with this. 

25. Add some anal play into the mix 

We assume that masturbating means solely focusing on the vagina or penis, but you’re forgetting that other parts of your body are just as fun. 

Now, most of us get a little scared when we hear the word “anal,” which is why it’s best to test this out on your own first. [Read: 17 benefits of anal sex that’ll make you and your bum wanna bend over]

While masturbating, circle your anus with your finger and slowly put it in. See how that feels, just make sure your finger is lubed up.

26. Don’t forget other erogenous zones 

If you’ve watched porn, crappy porn, they mostly focus on the vagina and penis when masturbating. What they completely leave out are the other erogenous zones.

These are areas of your body that are sensitive to stimulation – ears, neck, mouth, lips, nipples – touch these areas while masturbating, and you’ll have sparks of electricity shoot through your body.

Try pinching, pulling, squeezing, and rubbing these areas. [Read: How to lube yourself up and drive you wild]

27. It’s going to take practice 

When you masturbate, you’re basically learning what your body likes on a sexual level. So, you’re not going to touch yourself once and suddenly become a guru of your vagina. 

You’re going to have to masturbate a decent number of times to understand what speed, pressure, strokes, and positions get you aroused.

Don’t get discouraged after the first time, you’ll need countless more to perfect this skill. [Read: Learn to explore yourself and get in the mood]

28. Explore different toys 

To further take your orgasms and the whole experience up a notch, you can bring out some toys. Sex toys. 

While there are thousands to choose from when it comes to adult toys, a good vibrator is your best friend when it comes to female masturbation.

If you find the idea of going into an actual adult toy shop a little unsettling, especially if it’s your first time, you can try shopping online. [Read: Must-try sex toys for naughty first-timers]

It’s best to choose one that has different speed limits and vibrating patterns so you can easily adjust depending on your own personal preference.

29. Master the techniques you like 

When you have all the toys and your masturbation ambiance down pat, it is important to know and master the techniques that give you the best orgasms every time. 

With this comes a good understanding of your anatomy and what parts of your vagina give you the most powerful sensations. [Read: Female orgasm denial – the step-by-step guide to hold back and explode]

Here are a few ideas: 

a. The Classic technique is simple as you just need to use your four fingers to rub back and forth or side to side against your clit and the rest of your outer vagina.

b. The U-Spot, meanwhile, allows you to stimulate your clit and the inverted u-shape portion around it, and just above your urethral opening, using your finger. [Read: How to masturbate the right way – sexy self-pleasure tips for women]

c. The Featherlite is another technique that is best for those who have overly sensitive clits where direct and hard pressure can become painful. This technique applies the lightest pressure on the very edge of the clit using your finger.

d. Fingering is another great way to get off, in which you penetrate yourself using your fingers. You can do this using your own natural juices or by using lubes. And don’t forget your G-spot! [Read: How to touch yourself and leave yourself satisfied]

30. Be in the mood

Before anything else, you shouldn’t force yourself to masturbate. If you’re not in the mood then don’t push it. Give yourself some time to relax and when the feeling is right, go for it.

When it comes to masturbation, it’s something that’s done out of pleasure, not out of force. So, rule number one: masturbate when you feel like it. [Read: How to finger yourself and feel ecstasy]

31. Karaoke masturbation

You can thank the Japanese for this one. There’s actually a game show in Japan where contestants win a penis-shaped cake by the time the song ends while getting a hand job and singing. 

Well, why not do this in real life? Whether you have a vagina or penis, put on your favorite song and see if you can beat the clock. [Read: The 15 most common types of sex toys you should know about]

32. Have a masturbation staycation

You’ve heard of people who have staycations in their own homes, well, why not have a masturbation staycation? On your holiday, stay at home, buy a couple of sex toys, watch porn, listen to an erotic podcast, and spend the weekend in bed masturbating.

33. Use a mirror

You read right. You probably didn’t think about using a mirror while you masturbate, but it’s a different and fun way to explore your body. 

Plus, if you were ever wondering what your genitals looked like from a different angle, well, now’s your chance. [Read: Sizzling ways to control your orgasm with edging]

34. Fruits and veggies

If you haven’t tried it before, then why not give the old fruit and veggie masturbation technique a try? Of course, you’ll need to put a condom on anything you use. 

It’s important to keep your body clean and healthy. But a cucumber can add some fun, plus, you can make a salad out of it right after. [Read: Homemade dildos for when the moment strikes unexpectedly]

35. Mutual masturbation

If your partner is hanging around, why not try out mutual masturbation? At first, it can be a little intimidating because we usually masturbate alone. 

So, sitting across from your partner and masturbating may seem odd at first. But after a couple of seconds, it’s very, very hot.

👉 Want to masturbate, but don’t know where to start? Use these guides:

• 41 Self-Pleasure Secrets to Give Yourself an Orgasm & Have Sex with Yourself
• How to Squirt: 22 Squirting Orgasm Secrets to Make Yourself Or a Girl Squirt
• Solo Sex Masturbation Positions Moves That Feel Just as Good as Sex
• Hands Free Orgasm: 19 Secrets & Mind Tricks to Think Naughty and Orgasm
• First Orgasm Stories: People Confess About Their First Time

Why do people masturbate? 

Not only does masturbation feel good, but it’s also a way that people can release built-up sexual tension. It’s especially beneficial for people who don’t have partners or if their partners aren’t willing or able to have sex.

Masturbation is also a safe alternative for people who don’t want to get pregnant or get a sexually transmitted disease. 

In addition, if a couple is having problems conceiving a child, it’s also necessary for a man to masturbate to give a semen sample. [Read: How to have sex with yourself and learn what turns your body on]

Finally, if someone has sexual dysfunction, masturbation might be prescribed by a sex therapist to allow the person to experience orgasm *mostly for women* or to delay it *in men*. 

Masturbation is a personal deal 

Everyone has their own way of getting the job done, but in case you need some direction or are simply looking for new ideas, the following tips will definitely come in handy.

There is no right or wrong way to pleasure yourself. If it feels good, go for it! [Read: Sexy solo sex positions that are guaranteed to pleasure you]

Female masturbation is way more than just bringing yourself to orgasm *although that is pretty awesome*. It’s about exploring your body and satisfying every aspect of your mind, body, and soul. 

Whether you’re a pro at it or you’re a novice discovering herself for the first time, we’ve got a long list of self-pleasure tips just for you.

The Emotional Power of Self-Pleasure

Masturbation isn’t just about orgasms, though, obviously, those are great. It’s also one of the most powerful emotional tools a woman can use to connect with herself.

For a lot of women, especially those raised in sex-negative environments, masturbation is their first act of sexual autonomy. You’re not performing. You’re not meeting anyone else’s expectations. It’s just you, your body, and your pleasure. That’s powerful.

Self-pleasure can:

• Help you reclaim your body after trauma or shame
• Improve self-esteem by reinforcing that your body deserves love and attention
• Act as a form of emotional regulation, especially during stress, anxiety, or loneliness
• Deepen your sense of self-acceptance and sexual identity

📚 Source: Justin P. Dubé, et al., 2020, Masturbation and Emotion Regulation

In fact, research shows that women who use masturbation as a coping mechanism during stressful periods report lower levels of anxiety and a stronger sense of control in their lives. That’s not just sexual release, it’s emotional healing.

So the next time you’re feeling off, overwhelmed, or emotionally tangled, remember: self-pleasure isn’t selfish. It’s self-repair.

Benefits of masturbation

You might think that masturbation is instinctual for some people, but there are a lot of benefits. And that’s probably why they do it. Here they are. [Read: 37 health benefits of masturbation, bad side effects, and other must-knows]

1. Feels good

This one is obvious, isn’t it? Why would people masturbate if it didn’t feel good? Everyone knows that an orgasm is a very enjoyable experience.

Plus, it releases all sorts of chemicals into your brain and body that make you feel good too.

2. Lets you discover what gets you hot

When you’re with a sexual partner, they might be selfish and not ask you what you want or what feels good. Or they might only focus on their own needs. But when you are flying solo, you can explore your body and see what gets you turned on.

3. Releases built-up sexual tension

Everyone has their own sex drive, but some have a very high one. In these cases – whether they are men or women – masturbation can release that built-up sexual tension.

And when you don’t have a sexual partner, it’s a great way to let that energy out. [Read: What causes sexual tension – what exactly does it feel like?]

4. Relieves pain

It might sound ridiculous to think that masturbation can help relieve pain. But it’s true! When you orgasm, endorphins are released into your body which helps to naturally alleviate pain.

In fact, it can help up to 75% with someone’s pain threshold.

5. Helps you sleep better

Masturbation can also help you sleep better. Oxytocin and endorphins are associated with relaxation. So, it makes sense that it can help you sleep, especially if stress and anxiety are keeping you from sleeping.

How often should you masturbate?

There’s really no optimum answer for how often you should masturbate. Some people are happy with never doing it, and some people do it multiple times a day. [Read: 40 best homemade dildos and sexy household things to masturbate with]

People have different sex drives, sexual preferences, and privacy levels. There are also religious and other undertones that come into play as well. Some people might feel guilty masturbating.

With that said, there are some guidelines in order to find the right amount of masturbation for you. 

First, you feel happy with how much you are masturbating and it’s not stressing you out *whether it’s too little or too much*. [Read: Why am I so horny? 21 signs, reasons, and hypersexuality and when to seek help]

And if you view masturbation as a positive, pleasurable experience, then you are doing it right.

However, you might be masturbating too much. So, if you feel like masturbating is distracting you from important responsibilities, your social life, or your sex life, then maybe it’s time to cut back.

Masturbation myths

There are myths about everything in the world, and masturbation is no exception. You may or may not have heard some of these. But even so, it’s good to review them so you know the truth. [Read: 110 MUST-KNOW interesting sex facts, myths, and strange secrets about sex!]

1. It can cause blindness, headaches, or vision problems

Think about it, if having an orgasm during sex doesn’t cause blindness, headaches, or vision problems, why would someone masturbate?

The human population would probably die out if this myth was true because then no one would want to have sex either! 

2. It can make your genitals shrink or grow, or change their sensitivity, color, texture, or appearance

Typically, not a lot of our body changes after reaching adulthood. Sure, growing older will make you get wrinkles and have aches and pains.

But overall, we don’t magically grow taller or shorter. And your genitals also don’t change from masturbation.

3. It will stunt your general growth or development of your sexual organs, or make you more or less fertile

Sex and having an orgasm are not only natural, but it’s necessary for procreation.

So even if people masturbate during puberty, it won’t change their general growth and development of their sexual organs. And it definitely won’t make you infertile. [Read: Queefing – what it is, 23 reasons why girls queef and secrets to make it stop]

4. Masturbating means you aren’t satisfied with your sex life

Some people have extraordinarily high sex drives, and sometimes their partners can’t keep up with them.

So, having masturbation to supplement their libido doesn’t mean that they aren’t satisfied with their sex life. Plus, some people like solo action from time to time.

5. Masturbation is unnatural

If masturbation wasn’t natural, people wouldn’t do it, right? We all have the instinct to procreate. And people like the way sex feels. So, why wouldn’t they like the way that masturbation feels? It’s perfectly normal for any human being to masturbate.

You deserve a little alone time for self-pleasure 

Learning how to masturbate isn’t just about chasing orgasms. It’s about reclaiming your body, tuning into what turns you on, and giving yourself the attention you fully deserve.

There’s no right way to self-pleasure. Some days it’s slow and sensual, other times it’s quick and primal. And guess what? All of it counts. The only rule is this: do what feels good for you.

Whether you’re still figuring out what you like, or you’ve already mastered the solo orgasm, this is your reminder that female masturbation is not weird, wrong, or selfish, it’s deeply human, and honestly, kind of magical. And if science says it’s good for your mental health? That’s just the cherry on top.

So go ahead, take your time, touch yourself with intention, and remember: your body is not a mystery to solve. It’s a story to enjoy.

[Read: 40 Best Homemade Dildos & Sexy Household Things To Masturbate With]

Remember, most women do it or have done it at some point in their lives. Use the steps above to learn how to masturbate and discover more about your likes and dislikes in the bedroom when it comes to self-pleasure and solo orgasms!

👉 Read these guides next to take solo sex and masturbation to a whole new level!

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• Oils as Lube: 22 Best Oils for Sex, Must-Knows, & Lube Alternatives to Avoid
• Female Blue Balls: What is the Blue Bean, How It Feels & How to Fix It ASAP
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