Going solo, self-pleasuring, flicking your bean, onanism. Female masturbation goes by many names, yet it comes as no surprise that many women are still hush-hush about their solo stints. Learning how to masturbate isn’t something you’ll hear talked about that often, but why not? Self-pleasure is an important part of life!
The National Health and Social Life survey reported that 58 percent of women don’t get their hands dirty on themselves. If that’s you, you’re denying yourself one of life’s greatest, most satisfying pleasures—especially when you’re not doing it right. [Read: 34 life-changing steps to fall in love with yourself all over again]
Everyone has their own way of getting the job done, but just in case you’re in need of some direction or are simply looking for new ideas, the following tips will definitely come in handy.
There is no right or wrong way to pleasure yourself. If it feels good, go for it! Female masturbation is way more than just bringing yourself to orgasm *although that is pretty awesome*. It’s about exploring your body and satisfying every aspect of your mind, body, and soul.
Whether you’re a pro at it or you’re a novice discovering herself for the first time, we’ve got a long list of self-pleasure tips just for you. [Read: Sexy solo sex positions that are guaranteed to pleasure you]
Remember, masturbation isn’t something that only “easy” women do; it’s something most women do. So, sit back, relax, and get ready to let your fingers do the walking *if that’s your preference* with these self-pleasure tips.
What gets you in the mood for self-love is personal. Do what you have to do to set the scene to ensure you totally enjoy yourself.
Take a bath, light some candles, play soft music: whatever it takes to make you feel sensual and sexual. [Read: The absolute best songs for a sensual and sexy time]
Unless you’re into getting caught or pleasuring yourself while someone else watches *which, by the way, can be lots of fun too* make sure you’re totally alone and won’t be disturbed. Nothing kills a good solo love session quicker than worrying about being interrupted.
What you need to know is that while sex is physical, it’s really more mental. If you’re having a bad day, you may not be feeling as sexual, which means you’re probably not going to arouse as easily. So, whether masturbating or having sex, it’s all in the mind.
If you want to masturbate, relax your mind and don’t go into it nervous or stressed out. This is just you exploring your body. [Read: How to have sex with yourself and learn what turns your body on]
The buildup and the mood are the two most important things before you masturbate. While we can easily be turned on by a five-second kiss, the same can more or less be said about getting into the mood for some “me” time.
You can light up some candles, apply some scented lotion all over your body, turn up some Marvin Gaye, and do a little sexy dance in front of the mirror in your best lingerie, before you get down on yourself.
Depending on each person, turning yourself on can vary in timing, but the important thing is you are comfortable and ready for some self-action. [Read: How to turn yourself a lot more using your five senses]
If you’ve ever watched porn, then you’ll see them masturbating as fast as they can but that’s just for the camera. You’re living in reality. You don’t need to rush through the experience in order to achieve an orgasm, unless speed turns you on.
By slowing down, you’ll have better control of the movements and feel your body’s reaction. Experiment with speeds, positions, pressure, and strokes when you masturbate.
Going at it alone requires focus and concentration, especially if climaxing is your ultimate goal. Without the aid of a partner, it is up to you to be everything you need in order to satisfy your urges.
Think sexy thoughts and don’t be afraid to include someone you want to get down and dirty with in those thoughts to really turn you on. [Read: How to focus on yourself – 27 ways to create your own sunshine]
Double your pleasure by fantasizing while you masturbate. In your mind, you’re free to think about anyone and do anything your little heart desires. If your fantasies take you straight to Dirty Town, go with it – anything goes when you’re in your own head. [Read: How to fantasize about someone else and not feel guilty]
Don’t just go straight to petting the kitty. Take some time to explore and tease other parts of your body too. After all, pleasuring yourself should be an all-encompassing experience.
Run your hands over your body to discover all the different areas that like to be touched.
Relax your muscles and tune into the feel of your body by giving yourself a massage. Using a light and firm touch, run your hands over your arms and across your shoulders. Rub tense muscles in your neck. Notice how soft your skin is.
A massage is a great way to help your body prepare for a mind-blowing orgasm. [Read: How to give a sensual massage and work your magic]
For most women, the breasts are a major erogenous zone. Don’t leave the girls out when you’re going solo.
Gently squeeze, pull, and trace your nipples with varying degrees of firmness to get your motor running and keep it in high gear. [Read: 10 tips for women who want a mind blowing orgasm]
Using a good lube helps make the whole experience more sensual and pleasurable. There are many different types of lube on the market, so experiment to see which one helps you achieve the strongest orgasms.
If you’re too embarrassed to buy lube at the store, try purchasing it when you buy tampons. It makes sense, and no one will be any the wiser. [Read: 13 perfectly good lube substitutes that work just as well as the real thing]
If you and your clitoris aren’t close yet, make it a priority. The clitoris is the key to the Big O for most women. Here are a few ways to stimulate this sex spot to unleash the most amazing sensations.
a. Use your fingers
Slowly and gently rub your clitoris. If direct contact is too intense, try stroking around it rather than directly on it.
Experiment with different types of touch and movement to find what feels the best for you. [Read: A step-by-step guide to achieving multiple orgasms]
b. Use a vibrator
Some women like them, some women don’t. Stimulating your clitoris with a vibrator can quickly bring you to orgasm if you’re pressed for time.
If you find the vibrations too overwhelming, try turning down the speed or using a washcloth or towel between you and the vibrator to lessen the effect.
c. Use the showerhead
Using a removable showerhead to direct a stream of water onto your lady bits is very sexually stimulating, especially if it has an adjustable spray feature.
Play around with the different settings until you find the one that does the trick for you. [Read: Accidental orgasms – 7 sexy ways to make the unexpected happen!]
d. Use a pillow
A more “romantic” self-pleasuring technique uses a strategically placed pillow to simulate sex with a partner. Place a soft pillow between your legs like you’re riding a horse. Squeeze your thighs together and rock your pelvis back and forth.
While it’s true that many women cannot achieve orgasm from strictly vaginal penetration, it doesn’t mean that you should neglect it altogether when you masturbate.
In fact, penetrating the vagina during masturbation can unlock hidden pleasures you never knew existed.
Here are a couple of things to do to include your vagina in the fun.
a. Use a dildo
Similar to a vibrator, a dildo is simply a phallic-shaped device meant to be inserted into the vagina during sexual play. You control its movement by thrusting it in and out of your vagina at your own preferred pace.
Dildos come in all shapes and sizes, so be sure to visit your local adult store or shop online to find your favorite. [Read: 7 reasons why some women just don’t like a dildo]
b. Use your fingers
If the idea of using a dildo doesn’t appeal to you, use your fingers instead. Gently insert one, two, or more fingers into your vagina and move them in and out in a way that feels good.
c. Find the G-spot
Although a mystery to many women, the G-spot can get you singing its praises wholeheartedly once you find it. The G-spot, located inside the vagina, is a small, rough patch on the upper front wall. It is easier to find it when you’re aroused, so stimulating this sex button should be done after you’re good and ready.
Use your index and middle fingers to find your G-spot. Once you do, make a light “come-hither” motion. You’ll feel the area become more pronounced the more turned on you get.
Alternately, you can lay your fingers flat against the spot and move your arm to rub back and forth. [Read: How to find and tingle your G-spot without a flashlight]
It takes a little bit more effort and practice, but penetrating the vagina and stimulating the clitoris is the ultimate in orgasmic pleasure. Use a dildo to penetrate the vagina while you use your fingers to play with your clitoris.
It’s not for everyone, but if you’ve never watched porn while pleasuring yourself, you might be missing out. While most think porn is a guy thing, it has the same effect on some women, too.
Don’t rule it out until you’ve tried it. [Read: 10 reasons why watching girl-on-girl porn can help you masturbate better]
Nothing gets the juices flowing better than the imagination and a good erotic story. Dubbed the “female version of pornography,” erotica fuels your fantasies. It might not be for you, but you owe it to yourself to give it a try at least once.
If you don’t want to orgasm right away, edge. Edging is when you stop masturbating right before orgasm. Then, slowly start masturbating again. It makes the orgasm stronger, and you’ll have an explosive orgasm at the end.
You can do this stop-and-go method as much as you like. [Read: Learn the art of edging for sizzling orgasms]
There’s nothing worse than masturbating because you think it’s something you have to do. If you’re not feeling sexual or simply not interested in it, then don’t do it. This isn’t something that you have to do.
Take your time with this.
We assume that masturbating means solely focusing on the vagina or penis, but you’re forgetting that there are other parts of your body that are just as fun. Now, most of us get a little scared when we hear the word anal, which is why it’s best to test this out on your own first.
While masturbating, circle your anus with your finger and slowly put it in. See how that feels, just make sure your finger is lubed up. [Read: 17 benefits of anal sex that’ll make you and your bum wanna bend over]
If you’ve watched porn, but crappy porn, they mostly focus on the vagina and penis when masturbating. What they completely leave out are the other erogenous zones.
These are areas of your body that are sensitive to stimulation – ears, neck, mouth, lips, nipples – touch these areas while masturbating, and you’ll have sparks of electricity shoot through your body. Try pinching, pulling, squeezing, and rubbing these areas. [Read: How to lube yourself up and drive you wild]
When you masturbate, you’re basically learning what your body likes on a sexual level. So, you’re not going to touch yourself once and suddenly become a guru of your vagina.
You’re going to have to masturbate a decent amount of times to understand what speed, pressure, strokes, and positions get you aroused.
Don’t get discouraged after the first time, you’ll need countless more to perfect this skill. [Read: Learn to explore yourself and get in the mood]
To further take your orgasms and the whole experience up a notch, you can bring out some toys. Sex toys. While there are thousands to choose from when it comes to adult toys, a good vibrator is your best friend when it comes to female masturbation.
If you find the idea of going into an actual adult toy shop a little unsettling, especially if it’s your first time, you can try shopping online.
It’s best to choose one that has different speed limits and vibrating patterns so you can easily adjust depending on your own personal preference. [Read: 13 must-try sex toys for naughty first timers]
When you have all the toys and your masturbation ambience down pat, it is important to know and master the techniques that give you the best orgasms every time. With this comes a good understanding of your anatomy and what parts of your vagina give you the most powerful sensations.
Here are a few ideas:
a. The Classic technique is simple as you just need to use your four fingers to rub back and forth or side to side against your clit and the rest of your outer vagina.
b. The U-Spot, meanwhile, allows you to stimulate your clit and the inverted u-shape portion around it, and just above your urethral opening, using your finger.
c. The Featherlite is another technique that is best for those who have overly sensitive clits where direct and hard pressure can become painful. This technique applies the lightest pressure on the very edge of the clit using your finger. [Read: How to masturbate the right way – 14 sexy self pleasure tips for women]
d. Of course, fingering is another great way to get off, in which you penetrate yourself using your fingers. You can do this using your own natural juices or by using lubes. And don’t forget your G-spot!
When you learn how to masturbate, you’re not just enjoying yourself intimately, but you’re putting your own needs first. That’s important in life.
Masturbation can also help you to learn the things you like in the bedroom. You can then share that knowledge with your partner and have a much better sex life as a result.
[Read: Female masturbation – 17 naughty facts about the naughty secret]
Remember, most women do it or have done it at some point in their lives. Use the tips above to learn how to masturbate and discover more about your likes and dislikes in the bedroom when it comes to self-pleasure and solo orgasms!
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