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How to Know if You are Not in Love Anymore

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Love, as true as it may be, can at times start to fade away. Read about how to know if you are not in love anymore and the little signs that matter.

how to know if you are not in love anymore

Do you feel like love is slipping out of your relationship slowly and you can’t do a thing to stop it?

Love that is neglected can take on a shade of hate and anger, and eventually take a turn for the worse.

It can be stopped though, but when you reach a stage where you question your own love, you do need a lot of work and effort to bring the romance back in the air.

When both of you are not in love anymore, a relationship that can easily succeed starts to become a burden of frustrations and pain.

Ever find yourself questions your own relationship and whether you’re doing the right thing by staying a relationship that gives you no joy?

Find out how to know if you are not in love anymore, and make up your mind on the next step towards happiness.

How to know if you are not in love

While the emotion of falling in love is intense and blissful, the emotions of falling out of love can be just as intense.

When you’re falling out of love, the signs may not be clear at the beginning.

But as time passes by, you’d start to see a few of these signs crop up now and then, for no reason at all. How to know if you are not in love? Well, use these signs.

Your partner irritates you

Your partner may be watching the telly, preparing dinner, or just having a conversation on the phone. It doesn’t matter what they do, but every now and then, you’d just have a sudden urge to scrunch up your face in annoyance or grumble to yourself. You may have no idea why, but the very sight of your partner may start to irritate you. [Read: Annoying boyfriend signs and annoying girlfriend signs]

You’re not excited anymore

At the beginning of a relationship, your eyes light up with happiness when you see your partner or have a fun conversation with them. Do you feel restless or bored when you spend time with your partner, or do you look for ways to stay back at work or stay out more often with your own friends? You’d know you’re not in love anymore if your partner just doesn’t excite you anymore.

You’re only interested in yourself

One of the signs of a happy relationship is the unconditional love that both lovers have for each other. As the relationship starts to lose its romance, both partners start to become selfish, be it about sharing food, dressing up well or helping each other grow. When you start to fall out of love, you wouldn’t mind letting your partner suffer as long as it can be advantageous to you.

You’re constantly looking out

You may have a nice time with your partner, and everything may seem perfectly fine on the outside. But in your own mind, are you constantly appreciating beauty and hoping for a chance encounter to cheat on your partner? You may not be trolling websites for extramarital affairs, but you try to meet other prospective dates all the time with the hope of cheating on your partner. [Read: Men who stare at women]

When you consciously try to cheat on your partner all the time, you’re not in love. You just like the stability of a backup relationship.

You know you deserve better

If you’re wondering how to know if you are not in love, this is one of the subtle signs that can spell doom in the months or years to come. You may like your partner and have a great time with them, but deep within, do you truly believe you deserve better? You may think you’re cleverer, better looking or just too good to be true, but if you’re in a relationship knowing full well that you’d leave your partner the minute someone better walks into your life, really, is that even love? [Read: Why are women fickle in love?]

No together time

One of the main aspects that hold a relationship together is communication and togetherness. Sometimes, as love starts to fade away, both of you may start to spend less time with each other. And eventually, before you know it, weekends and holidays may pass without either of you taking an initiative to spend time with each other.

You may love hanging out with your own friends and having a nice time. But if either of you can’t spend a few hours with each other and don’t really care about communication and togetherness, there’s no hope for the relationship to survive unless both of you take the initiative to come closer. [Read: Communication in a relationship]

You’re jealous of your partner

Are you secretly jealous of your partner? A teensy bit of envy is certainly acceptable. After all, if you are going out with an attractive and charming person, you are going to be awed by them now and then. But when the awe and envy turns to green eyed jealousy, the relationship starts to get shaky.

But if you do take that a step further and try to secretly jeopardize their success, it’s better to end the relationship rather than face the bitter consequences.

Do you spend more of your man’s money when you’re angry with him? Do you purposely keep your woman occupied with other things just so she can screw up her presentation the next day? Well, these little acts could seem like a childish way to get back at a partner, but it’s actually a deeper psychological agenda to put down a partner, which in turn can bring both of you down. [Read: Dealing with jealousy in a relationship]

You have no respect for your partner

When you lose respect for your partner, you wouldn’t think twice about yelling at them or even scorning them for a small mistake, even if there are others around. When you think your partner’s a loser, a worthless slob or a despicable human, you definitely can’t be in love with them. You’re probably putting up with them only because you don’t want a drastic change in your lifestyle.

You can’t really be in love with someone you don’t respect. It’s as simple as that.

[Read: How to stay in love forever]

Other signs – Are you out of love?

Here are a few signs that may confuse you into wondering if you are not in love anymore. If you’re experiencing any of these signs in your relationship, it definitely doesn’t mean you aren’t in love. But it does mean you and your partner need to work on your relationship.

# You argue a lot

Arguments are a sign of misunderstandings and not loss of love. In fact, as long as the arguments are constructive, it can also help better the relationship. But there are always better ways to understand each other. For starters, it’s called communication.

# Don’t have sex anymore

You could jump and bounce off beds like two horny bunnies at the start of the relationship. But as the relationship matures, there is a possibility of losing the sexual enthusiasm. Bring back the desire in bed by recharging those energizer bunnies with sex appeal and whatever else that can turn either of you on. [Read: Don’t want to have sex anymore?]

# Not indulging in PDA

When you’re young in love, both of you may be holding hands all the time and pecking each other’s cheeks like birds and bird seeds. If you had a hard time getting to a room in time at the beginning of your relationship and find that both of you have now lost the urge to get cuddly all the time, it doesn’t mean you don’t love each other. It just means that your love has matured beyond infatuation into something calmer.

[Read: Public display of affection laws]

# Spending more time with others when you go out

When you both go out, does your partner spend less time talking with you and spends more time with other people? While this may seem like a sign of falling out of love, your partner may just be excited to socialize with others. After all, both of you do spend a lot of time together and your partner may just want to interact with a few other people whenever they get the chance.

But if this does bother you, speak to your lover about it and work something that’ll be productive. Flirting with a few new friends isn’t worth more than the happiness of a great relationship.

[Read: The best way to end a relationship]

How to know if you are not in love anymore? Well, you know the signs. Use these signs and find out for yourself if you and your partner need to rework on your relationship, or walk away before both of you pay the price of a bad romance.


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Have your say!
  • Mike
    December 19, 2011 | Permalink |

    I never really stare at women. I only discreetly glance if I happen to notice an attractive woman in the room/cafe/etc. So now I feel creepy for even doing that. Charlie Sheen had it right the whole time.

  • Nikki
    January 21, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hi my name is Nikki I am 29 years old been with my partner for 12 years and I am no longer in love with him and don’t no how to ask him to leave as he has been violent in the passed I have 2 kids with him my son loves his dad very much I’m scared of losing my son if I do ask him to leave

  • GeneP
    February 13, 2013 | Permalink |

    Nikki, you need to get some help…NOW. Call a shelter, a minister, someone to help you get out of this situation. I don’t know the age of your son, but if he is old enough to understand that abuse isn’t healthy and you all need to leave, then I would suggest explaining that to him as easily as possible without making his dad out to be a monster. He is still his dad and you don’t want to come off as the ‘parent who hates so you have to hate, too’. If he’s too young to understand this, then it is your responsibility to protect yourself and your children and you son will learn the truth as he grows up. Again, a shelter, minister, therapist, or other professional can help you deal with your son’s emotions about this, too.
    The bottom line, you need to be responsible for yourself and for your children! Keep all of you safe, at any cost. Get help NOW!! (call a hotline if you think you have no other place to turn. they can point you to someone in your area that will give you the help you need).
    I wish you the very best! I’ll check back here to see how things are going, if you’d like to share.

  • oli
    March 4, 2013 | Permalink |

    me and my partner we been together for 3years nw… its was good from the get go..until 2011 , she became ignorant of our relationship telling nasty words like “i dont love you anymore” “u forcing me into the relationship’ “u stupid” and i begged her each and everytime. we share a 1year old daughter. i got fed up in january this year and told her hoe i was feeling inside.. how she treated me… i took a break for a month. i thought ill be okay! i realised that the love is gone… we tried fixing things up… i just dont want to be with her… i like her but the spark and romance i have for her its gone… i love my daughter so much… m will to sacrifice the terror just to be with her!

  • March 30, 2013 | Permalink |

    I really need help on this topic. I’m 24 years old and I’ve been with my partner for 5 years now.
    Our relationship hasn’t been the best for the last 2 years. As he was talking to other girls via Internet. And told me he kissed another girl also a year after that. I must say that I got him to that point as I didn’t show any interest in him. And I really did love him.
    But lately I’ve notice that he irritates me very easly. And when he tells me he loves me. I never say it back. I don’t believe that he does love me. as he wouldn’t of hurt me the way he has in the past. I can not get over all of the things he has done to me in the past. When we should be moving forward. Dont get me wrong he has been the best bf ever since that stuff happened. but i just feel so trapped in this relationship he is my first love. And I resent him for everything he has done.
    I don’t no weather or not I do love him or if I’m just comfortable with him…?

    Please help

  • Martin L
    April 1, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hi,

    @Nikki: You have a son with this man, whom you survived 12 years with. Rather than asking him to leave, why don’t you help him change? Men often need the communication and direction of their female counterpart to fix their hidden ills. What sort of a partner/woman/love are you that you run away when you notice the partner does not behave according to your imagination? My advice would be to ignore all people, who advise you to break up. Just read GeneP’s response; it is as if he/she wants you to suffer the same failure which she has endured. Beauty lies in consistency. Think about your child. You will ruin the child’s mental stability and bereave him from his beloved Dad. You need to COMMUNICATE with your man. If you don’t communicate with him about your worries, then you’re an evil woman in my estimate. Men get comfortable after some time, but they always entertain good intentions to keep their families together. If you fall out love and don’t tell him (and thereby take the chance for him to change) then your son’s sorry future of emanating from a broken family will rest on your shoulders.

  • NaiNai
    April 9, 2013 | Permalink |

    I have been with my bf for 3 years and we moved in together a little over a year ago. We were so happy and in love before we lived together and were ready for the move so we did it. The past couple of months have been really hard though. We argue a lot and I just do feel like I’m happy with him anymore. Everything he does is starting to irritate me which starts an argument and the situation usually results in me being lead to believe that I am overreacting. He hardly ever takes the blame for anything wrong that he does where I always own up to my faults. I am a kind hearted person and I really want to work things out but it seems as though we have lost our communication — he never takes me seriously and our arguments are never constructive, nothing ever changes. Most of the time we argue about how I feel unappreciated in the relationship and it doesn’t feel like he notices/cares about me anymore. He’s not willing to change his ways to better our relationship he says “that’s just the way he is.” I also wanted to mention that I am the only serious girlfriend that he’s ever had but he is not my first love. I know what it takes to make a relationship work and when I try to voice that with him, he throws it back at me saying I think I know everything. He has a hold on me that’s hard for me to walk away from and it’s been eating me up inside. I have been contemplating moving out for the past few months but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I regularly threaten to move so now he doesn’t take me seriously and I know that’s my own fault but I don’t want to make a mistake walking away. I’m holding on hope because I really think things can be fixed but I’m to the point where I’m tired of fitting and I’m starting not to care anymore. After reading this article, I think I may be falling out of love.

    We are both 22, I will be 23 in a couple of months (I’m a few months older than him) so we are young but I am way more mature and experienced than he is relationship wise. I want more out of a relationship than what I had in high school and I’m sure his maturity level has a lot to do with this. I’m not pushing marriage or anything like that but just a more mature relationship, I mean we live together, I thought we were growing but now we are at a holt and he seems comfortable knowing that I’m always going to be here so everything else is out the window.

    Help!

  • Jess
    April 11, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hi, @ nainai
    this situation honestly sounds similar to mine. I am going through the same thing. It honestly feels like your stuck in limbo. I have desided to leave my patner of 4 years. Cause I used to do the exact same thing. I would say I’m moving and now he knows that I’m not going to. And never takes that seriously. I found myself even wanting to meet other guys which is wrong I no. But it has taken me to this point where I am considering other men in my life.
    I think maybe you and your patner should have some time apart. it will clear your thorts more. i found this very useful and i have made up my mind. i do believe you are showing sgins of falling out of love.
    And I no deep down in your heart you no what has to be done if you are feeling this way.
    All I can say is it doesn’t get any better and this is from my own personal experience. I’m not saying its going to be the same for you. But you are feeling the same as how u felt and I have learnt the hard way.

  • Lola
    April 23, 2013 | Permalink |

    I need help please I have been with my partner for 12-1/2 years and we have a son together but I don’t know if I still live him or not but after reading this article it is very clear we fight all the time we don’t have sex not for a long time and if we do I don’t enjoy it at all he us 20 years older than me and our likes and interest are VERY different , before I didn’t care to sacrifice my likes for him and try to do the best that I could to please him my 8 years old son loves his dad and I don’t blame him he a great Dad when he can and I say can because I think he doesn’t have his priorities strait he owns his own business and it’s all he care abouts ,I understand that’s how we pay for our things but we need family time too , he says he understand that but never does anything to try to make it happen I really don’t know what to do I don’t want my Don to loose his Dad and all that comes from a family but at the same time my life is just flying by and I have not accomplish any of my dreams because I am always too busy working in his at least that’s how I feel his business is now going through the toughs time ever but my life just keeps getting worst please help me would I be a horrible mom and person if I tell him I don’t love him anymore and that I want to leave
    P.S I have tried talking to him about this but he just gets mad and starts yelling and says I don’t see any problem or things I am doing wrong I am just trying to support my family
    Please advise me ASAP

  • Emkay
    May 8, 2013 | Permalink |

    Nikki!!!
    DO NOT listen to Martin. He is wring and sounds like an abuser himself.
    Domestic violence is ILLEGAL and it is not your fault.
    Your son deserves to grow up in a household free from abuse, and he deserves a strong mother who loves him as a role model, not a man who hurts others.
    Please please please call a refuge, or even police when you decide to leave. Be SAFE! Many women do get killed when they leave their abusers, PLEASE take care if yourself and your kids. You deserve to be happy.

  • Ally
    July 12, 2013 | Permalink |

    I need help too. After reading this article Im sure that the romance has gone between me and my boyfriend, He irritates me all the time and we have fights. The relationships started out great, We’ve been together for 1.5 years and decided to move in together at the beginning of this year, we found a place and we are going to move next month, BUT I JUST DONT FEEL LIKE IT ANYMORE, Im not excited being with him and to be honest I am thinking about meeting new guys. I know this is not right I have given him hint that I might have been falling out of love but he was so crazy about me and he wouldn’t let go. And since we are going to move together I dont know if its a good time for me to break up with him (he will take care of the rent all by himself or might end up having no place to go). Part of me just wanted to break up and the other part of me thinks that I should stick with him because he loves me so much and I should take responsibilities for him as well. I am scared of moving in with hime now and Im sure I will end up move out from that place after couple of months. I think Im pretending to be excited about the moving in thing is just to comfort him. I really dont know what to do, I tried to fix the relationship and he still thinks I love him but deep in my heart I know I just wanted to get away.

  • Hayley
    July 18, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’m 24 years old and about 1 year ago my boyfriend bought a motorcycle, we have been dating for 3 1/2 years now and all he cares about are his hobbies and I feel like I sit on the sidings and watch. We go to dinner and he worrys about getting home too late cause he will be tired. He can’t even sit down and enjoy dinner with me. Everything we have ever done together in this past year has been in advantage for him. He used to buy me flowers and actually care that he had a gf but now I feel like I’m just loose change in his pocket. Worthless and in the dark. What do I do?

  • Louie
    July 21, 2013 | Permalink |

    So im louie, ive beein with my wife for 6/7 years since highschool, im 21 now and we have 2 kids ..i notice their isnt much love left ,and constantly want to be single and im just fed up with how my relationship is going. Were always arguing and fighting with words, its like id rather be at work than home with her.. But .the thing i hate the most is beeing away from my kids, weve broken up several times but i come back, idk why!? I just dont know what to do anymore,i feel hopeless..i love my kids and always responsible, plz some one give me advice..thanks

  • sharon
    July 28, 2013 | Permalink |

    my boyfriend is every womans dream.I can clearly see that all my friends admire me.problem is he is crazily in love but amnot.every one thinks am crazy not to be in love witj him.should I keep tryin to love him or walk out?

  • lee
    August 14, 2013 | Permalink |

    I am in a married live I do not want to be in he is so unfaitfull to me will he ever be faitfull again

  • Rianna
    August 30, 2013 | Permalink |

    Martain are you really serious? Seriously?.. No man should ever touch a women with violence! Or vs verse. There is no working things out right now! There’s no talking! And there is no! Keeping parents together under these circumstance whatsoever! She needs to leave! Her son does not need to be around that! It is not health for child development in anyway! If this man goes through some type of anger management, and counseling for a couple years, maybe he can try a new relationship in the future. As for her, she needs to leave until he is willing to get help. Your in my prayers hun.

  • Rianna
    August 30, 2013 | Permalink |

    My advice to all of you.. Take these signs that are listed above, you and your partner go over them together. Allowing you both to voice your opinion on how each of you feel about these? It’s better to agree and find out now that you to are no longer compatible, then you both living in an unhealthy relationship

  • Reanna
    August 30, 2013 | Permalink |

    My goodness… this is all what I feel right now.

  • TheTruth
    September 9, 2013 | Permalink |

    first of all these days there aren’t that many nice women out there to meet as it is, since so many of them are playing games today and think they are all that.

  • michelle
    September 11, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hello
    I crusly need help nd advice, I have been with my bf fo 2yrs nw and we hv an 8mths old baby. Bfo I fall pregnant I caught him in bed with my frnd bt I fogave dem. Den wen I was in my first trimester of my pregnancy he cheated on me with his ex from another city. He would go der constantly nd lie 2 me saying his visting sum frnds. He evn blocked me on facebook so dat I dnt find out abou his affair. Bt I dd find out, de chic called nd sweared @ me as if I’m da bitch. Dey broke up, bt still he ddnt hv time fo me. He would always go out with friend, he would disappear for da whole wknd. I’d cry evry nyt and day. Afta gving birth I realized dat I’m jst waisting my time with him. Nw his telling me da he has changed nd we shld 4get abou the past. I jst cnt 4get dat easily, I still resent him fo wat he has put me through. I cnt evn kiSs him or hv sex with him. He dsnt wana leave me alone.
    Please help me,what must I do?

  • sonny
    September 15, 2013 | Permalink |

    Jesus Michelle. I’m sorry but your writing is just terrible! Blah!

  • javi
    September 15, 2013 | Permalink |

    After reading this it is evident that I am no longer in love with my girlfriend, however we have a 4 month old baby boy whom I love with all my heart and that keeps me from leaving. But man I cant picture a life of romantic misery as they say “for the kids”….breaking up with her does not mean I would be a deadbeat dad. This is complicated

  • Z
    September 22, 2013 | Permalink |

    @Michelle

    The most apparent message I get from your comment is that you’re simply not mature enough for a relationship. I’m sorry if this hits you the wrong way, but it needs to be said and I really hope you listen. And just so you know, I am not some over-privileged person who has never faced adversity– I am a Black woman born and raised in some of the countries worst Public Housing and my advice comes from the heart.

    From what I could understand from your story, your BF sounds like a typical man-boy who messes around with questionable girls. Your best option is to simply not be one of those girls. Step out of the cycle of immaturity and better yourself as a woman and a mother. The most important person in your life right now is your baby and the best way to honor him/her is to put ALL of your energy into your motherhood, education and career. Along with self improvement, you must do better for yourself relationship-wise because if you continue fooling around with little boys you will do a great deal of harm to your child. He/she will either learn to emulate the infidelity and man-child behavior or accept them as normal qualities in a man. Also: AIDS. It is still rampant and if you are a female who dates young Black or Hispanic men then you are the most at risk. This is not racism; it’s simply statistics. At this point, sex with your promiscuous BF is Russian roulette.

    It is possible that personal growth and time to mature can make him a better man, but you can’t count on that because you can only control your own choices and mentality. Right now you need to put everything you’ve got into bettering yourself, only then can you demand (and deserve) a thoughtful, intelligent, strong and morally sound man in your life. That goes for friends as well– if your circle of friends is your circle of drama then it’s time to step out of that loop and build yourself a better social life from the ground up, leaving anyone who is envious, immature or vindictive behind. Don’t let anyone pull you down.

    The last advice I want to give to you is this: BF is your child’s father and he has every right to be there for his child so please give him the opportunity to be in his child’s life and take extra care to keep the romantic relationship and the parental relationship between the two of you completely separate.

    Be a strong, beautiful woman with integrity and maturity and you can have the amazing life that you deserve. I truly wish you love and happiness and I hope this helps you in some way <3

  • Z
    September 22, 2013 | Permalink |

    @Martin L

    That was the worst advise that I have read in a long time. You honestly come off as someone who either condones spousal abuse or is an abuse apologist. Shame on you.

    Be strong Nikki, hope you got from him. No one should ever tolerate physical abuse.

  • Paola
    September 27, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hello i need help and advice, I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year & he’s been my first love . We live together and he just started working but before he wasn’t working
    We would spend so much time together he would ne the sweetest guy ever to me but now that he works he doesn’t really have sex with me or treat me like hoq he use to I’m slowly getting tired of it & if it’s just me or he doesn’t wanna be with me . He tells me he does but i really don’t know if i should believe it or not ?

  • Eye reen
    October 14, 2013 | Permalink |

    After reading this article, I finally realized that my boyfriend might be falling out of love to me. He gets so irritated easily like last night when I called him. I thought he’ll be happy but he isn’t and seems I was a disturbance to what he’s doing. And suddenly I realized all the things he have said to me before that no man who loves his girl would say or do. He told me prior to what happen last night that he doesn’t care about me and that he gets bored talking to me sometimes. We’re in a long distance relationship. Now all I know is to distant myself from him and try to think about things.

  • Arlene
    October 17, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’m 39 he’s 57 we constantly argue i try my best to make it work and he always ends up doing or saying something that ticks me off also when I ask him to throw the garbage or carry the laundry bag after I do the laundry and he looks upset or obligated to do it I’ve always been a very independent woman and it really bothers me i can’t count on him for nothing not even manly things for example i needed brakes for my car and he knows how to do it but I had to pay a mechanic im super fedup i recently bought him a plane ticket but I bought it one way he thinks he’s returning but I don’t think I’m taking him back am I wrong for that I can’t even stand looking at him it erks me what advice do you give me ps desperate need advice

  • Arlene
    October 17, 2013 | Permalink |

    Isn’t it sad too how I’m not happy intimately either but my ex and I were very sexually active passionate happy even if we didn’t do sex and we cuddled kissed slept in each others arms literally and with this man i feel nothing and I don’t desire him that’s y me and my ex are still sexually active we bumped into each other and felt the passion just by seeing each other and we started seeing each other again the only bad thing is when we lost communication for 2 years he met someone me as well

  • kate
    October 24, 2013 | Permalink |

    I have been with my boyfriend for six years. We were high school sweethearts and each others first loves but I”m just not sure if I love him anymore or if I am just comfortable. It pains me to think of not being with him, but I don’t know if its in the way that it is supposed to be.. I care for him, I know that, but he irritates me every day, I find myself being short with him but he doesn’t treat me like he used to.. I’m not stupid, I understand relationships wind down but its like I’m not even in the room with him half of the time. And, he is so negative and gets worked up over everything, he never used to be this way, and I try to calmly talk to him but he just ends up ruining the whole day with his pessimistic attitude. I can’t tell if i am convincing myself there is still love there or if i am not giving the relationship the nurturing it needs.. I really feel like I’m trying.. I dont know what to do

  • crystal
    October 29, 2013 | Permalink |

    I been with my husbin for 10 years and I dont want to do anything with him or havesex with him but I havethree kids and he said if I leave he will kill him self and I dont know how to tell him without him do anything to harm himself or others what should I do

  • heather
    November 8, 2013 | Permalink |

    ive been w my husband for 15 yrs.. and i fell out love with him many many years ago. and ive stayed because he is sick. but i can no longer stay with him only because he is sick. ive met someone ive fallin in love with for the first time. i never really loved my husband i got married cuz i had to not becuz i wanted too. i knw he loves me and is staying ignorant to the affair i am having i need to knw how to make him understand i want more out life then hospitals and doctors. but i dont want to destroy him when i leave. so how can i tell him i no longer love him w out hurting him.

  • Cynthia
    November 9, 2013 | Permalink |

    I been married for 17 yrs. I know we both don’t love each other the way we just to, I found many emotional and signs of physical affairs on his behalf and it has broken my heart deeply. He says he loves me but I just don’t feel the same for him. We have 2 beautiful boys together and it hurts me to break their hearts if I leave. I cannot take the pain they would go thru as they adore their father.
    I don’t know what to do anymore, we have taken counseling in the past but things really didn’t changed cause he went back to cheating on me again.
    He suggested counseling again but at this point I just don’t believe him anymore. Help!!

  • Rosario Villalobos
    November 21, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hello i have 5 years with my boyfriend we have 3 wonderfull girls. He has two jobs he Works a Night shift and an evening shift so he sleeps all morning we dont see each other as we used to. When i call him he always tell me im busy and when he is with me his always on the phone he tells me that he loves me but is not like before and i dont feel the same way about him anymore i dont feel like having sex anymore he Jst want to jump the romance straight to sex does that mean that he dont love me?

  • Maria
    November 29, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hi,
    I’ve just read this colum and found it very intriguing.
    I have been in a relationship for 3 years now. Initially things felt strong and right, and we both thought strongly and seriously of one another ( I mean he took me to meet his parents within the first month together).
    Currently I’m feeling empty and confused with my feelings.
    I loved that we spoke fondly about our future a year ago and started to make plans. He took me ring shopping, we spoke about the type of wedding, family life style etc.
    But from a few months ago I feel like all that is lost, promises and plans have gone out the window.. And I’m feeling myself cheated and deflated.
    I am a very driven and independent person, and when I make decisions I like to also get his opinion, but lately it feels like his jealous, or that his suffocating me in negativity, when things don’t need to be.
    I’m at the point, if and when he does decide to pop the question, I might say no?
    Very confused, as to if I should chuck in the towel, or work on us.. But I don’t want to be alone on working on us as a couple.

  • Stacy
    December 2, 2013 | Permalink |

    Maria, I feel the same as you… I have been with my bf for 5 and a half years and for the last 3 years I have been waiting (and hinting) for him to propose and everyone knows it, he also has taken me to look at rings before. However now the waiting has turned into almost resentment… all my friends have gotten engaged and married and I wonder why not me? Now I think if he proposed I would say no too, although it’s what I always thought I wanted?
    He invited me to dinner tonight to ‘talk about things’ and I think I am going to suggest we go on a break… It’s so hard to get through the confusion

  • Sylvia
    December 10, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’m not sure what to think any more , my husband cheated on me two years ago and last week he was inboxing her on fb when he knew it would be trouble to our marriage ! Please I need advice should I stay or go ?

  • liliana
    December 20, 2013 | Permalink |

    Wow!!! After reading this I guess I’m not in love.. But the more that I Google things like this deep inside my hart I know the truth.. I don’t have to Google things like this cuz I have the answer to my questions.. I’ve been married 9 years I’m 26 years old have 2 kids. And I know for a fact I’m not in love..
    My best advice for e everyone is you should know when your not in love.. You should know when to walk away.. You should know CU’s I do and I still Google things like this lol..

  • Bridget Padilla
    December 23, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’ve been talking to this guy for almost two years now, but we have only been together for 3 months. And lately I just feel like we click, I don’t try to see him not even talk lately. It’s like he irritates me for no reason. I want to be with him but sometimes I just wanna be on my own and not have to check in constantly with a guy!

  • Ash89
    January 4, 2014 | Permalink |

    I have a question/advice I’m 24 and my boyfriend is 38 we been together going on 2 years. We had a miscarriage last year I believe it was in gods plans because every since then our relationship has went down hill. He has an 11 year old daughter who lives with us. When I ask he to clean her room he comes in and tells me to clean our room. When it comes time for the things I need I get in trouble and a lecture about spending money but when his daughter needs something it’s fine. I don’t understand why he treats me this way. I’m still sad over the miscarriage and he gets upset at me over it. I’m not happy any more and when I talk to him about having a baby he tells me to go get with a guy who doesn’t have a job so I can’t get sooner care because we can’t afford insurance what do I do? I told him I was leaving and he told me to go he isn’t a chaser that shows right there he doesn’t love me but I can’t bring myself to leaving I can pack my stuff no problem but walking out the door is my issue I need guidance knowing it will all be ok

  • Jade
    January 4, 2014 | Permalink |

    HELP.. I’ve been with my partner for 9 years and have 2 children with him and feel completely confused we always argue rarely have sex and when we do I can’t wait for it to be over I work and make excuses to avoid going home I live him but don’t know if I’m in love with him … We had a bit of Argument and I left for a few dats to sort my head out is wrong today that after 4 days awY from him I don’t miss or think about him he wants to restart but I’m unsure what to do please help need advice don’t just want to oh back for the kids sake

  • sweet
    January 15, 2014 | Permalink |

    Hi,
    My husband and I have been married for 5 years now. I am working out of town and I only come home once a week. There is just one thing I have noticed, when my husband goes out, he never says anything. While we were asleep, he wakes up in the middle and then go out without any notice. When I am calling him he automatically says he is going to do something and I would drop the call. I am wondering as he still cares for me I can feel that, we have a kid and he loves him so much. I am worried that if I leave him my son will be sad.

  • pretty purple
    February 4, 2014 | Permalink |

    we are in relation since 2011.
    I feel like things were better b4
    now I get irritated by him, he don’t talk much! n I don’t like going in a public restaurants coz he is always staring here n there or busy wid his cell :(
    but when we go in somewhere full of privacy he gets mad for sex! :( everytime he wanna go in a extreme point I somehow stop him n say no, plz, don’t ! n he go angry!

    sometimes it jst feel like its all abt SEX!

    he has cheated on me b4 n I tried my best to make him love! now I jst feel he doesn’t worth it :(

    I don’t wanna be with him anymore! just the thing is I can’t forget him :(

  • Boi
    March 20, 2014 | Permalink |

    At pretty purple

    It’s not that your relationship is about sex. sometimes women don’t wanna understand that
    all men want is to spend time with you being happy and playful and at the same time don’t restrict him when it comes to sex. THEN you will see how everything will fall in place. some women think restricting your men when it comes to sex it make him want you more but it actually frustrates him even more that he starts to wonder with his eye.

  • kat
    April 24, 2014 | Permalink |

    hi, i read this searching for a reason why my boyfriend of 2 years are simply not working anymore. i am always irritated with him granted sometimes we have our good moments but lately whenever he speaks i get mad. our relationship always consisted of fighting mainly because he doesn’t understand what i am saying even after i try to explain it calmly he always makes these promises that he will change but we always find ourselves in the same fights until i’m fed up and tired of all of it. we are both in college and he isn’t use to studying so i literally have to act like a mother to him and make sure he does everything that he promised to do but in the end he doesn’t do them until i get fed up and tired and threaten to break it off due to me not being able to trust his word. so now every fight we have i find it hard to trust what he says to me. which is a problem because he doesn’t understand why i don’t trust him and over and over again i would try to explain that giving me empty promises and constantly being disappointed at him is the reason why. i’m just so tired of all of it i feel so drained it feels like chore or obligation to be with him i literally feel empty, dead sometimes and hopeless that he will ever change. so we took a break a week later he tells me that he has changed and will never give me empty promises again and be responsible and help make decisions in our relationship but i just can’t bring myself to take him back i feel like i would be back-tracking and it will never change also i’m tired of all it even though i know i will miss him so much; i just couldn’t. i mean who can actually change the way they are in a week?? that is the kind of promises he gives me all the time. god knows I’ve given him enough chances and always talked about what was eating at me. it’s just hard to move on even when i know i still care about him. help!! should i take him back or move on???????
    p.s all of this has kinda driven me in the hands of another i never cheated on my boyfriend but now i have these every confusing feelings for another person. which gets me to think that even though i care about my boyfriend i am no longer in love with him. i just feel so sad and confused. Help please!!!!!!!

  • Kel
    May 13, 2014 | Permalink |

    Hi I was with my ex girlfriend 3 years and before that friends with benefits for two, she ended it in January saying silly reasons but I know I was giving her hard time for her less and less time for us… She says she’s got so many hastles with her family and her daughter and work that she’s exhausted and just wants to go home and get in her pyjamas and to see me was a extra burden as she also says of her family but that she can’t just get rid of them.. We work together so iv never been able to just avoid her so we do talk and my initial hurt had lessened, if I asked to get together she’d say she has no time for a relation just now and when she is able she will be with me as she’s not interested to no man and I’m her best and only friend, and she feels comfortable with me… I try not to text her as I don’t want to become to friendly but she’d always reply and seeing as we work together we had to talk..she’s tired and I see she’s exhausted and sometimes irritable cos of it but she lets me massage her at my office and when I say massage I mean everywhere (but I avoid chest and her lady bit of course but that’s almost brushed on… I’m confused what she thinks cos that is unbecoming of an ex and even just a friend.. She did say before she has no urge for sex since she’s exhausted and she can’t give me what I want in a relation at the minite and isn’t prepared and if I decide to move on when she asks me .. She says it will be her Loss but she don’t want to be selfish and expect me to wait… I don’t act needy or anything … Just masaage her and nice to her … Any input ?

  • Maddi
    May 30, 2014 | Permalink |

    So I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 2 years now, we started dating when I was 16 (I’m 18 now). Lately I have been thinking a lot about other guys and what it would be like to be single, I am starting to resent the fact that I am so secluded and sheltered. I feel as though I’m not going to be able to do all the things that young people get to do. The difficult thing tho is that I am extremely lonely, I have no friends and i am scared that if I break it off with him I will be indefinitely lonely and will have absolutely no one. I feel guilty for even thinking these things because my boyfriend is so lovely and had never done a thing wrong – never cheated, never abused. He has also told me in the past that the only reason we would ever break up is if I left him. It’s just more recently I don’t feel that spark I used to. We never have sex, it’s mediocer and I always have to insinuate it. At the start of our relationship I had low self esteem issues and fully relied on him most of the time, but I have gotten better now and am independent and sometimes feel like he is holding me back of my full potential. For him he’s happy to spend the rest of his life with me but for me there’s ALWAYS that thought in my mind that says “you haven’t even seen the world, how do you know that the first fish in the ocean is your fish? “. Please help I feel so guilty because he doesn’t deserve this but I also need to find myself and live my life.

  • Elizabeth
    June 1, 2014 | Permalink |

    I feel like Im distancing myself from my Boyfriend. We have been together for 6 years i realize all i do is either be with him all day or at work. I dont have time for me anymore and the things that i. want to do every single friend that i ever have he never approves. My relationship is Boring! He tells me he loves me but I feel like I annoy him all the time and it feels like it is forced. Half of me wants to see how it is being single just me i dont want to sleep around or anything.., but i feel along the way i forgot how to be an individual and side tracked my dreams to be with him.

  • shell
    June 2, 2014 | Permalink |

    Hi I really need some good advice on my current situation, I have been with my husband for 15 years, married for 4, we have 2 children age 11 and 9. I dont think I want to ne with him anymore, its is very hard as he is a great guy who helps round the house,great Dad,hard worker and loves me to pieces. He isnt the same man I fell in love with tho, he has let himself go and I dont find him attractive anymore, cant stand to look at him, dont want to talk to him, dont laugh at his jokes, basically I dont enjoy his company and im embarrassed to be with him, he has put on lots of weight, dresses scruffy, has bad breath which is an off put and if I mention anything he goes off on one. I think he might be depressed! He has had a lot of family trouble in the last few years and said all he has is me and kids, and in covos he has also said im his life and he couldn’t live without me, how can I tell him I dont want him no more, please help x

  • kk
    June 2, 2014 | Permalink |

    I need advice, I have been with my partner for 6 years, we dated at the end of my senior year in hs which I got pregnant right after he is my first everything we now have 3 kids togegher, I don’t feel happy he says hurtful things to me, he told me a week ago he didn’t know if he loved me and he didn’t know if he wanted to be with me, then next day tells me something completely different… like I said I don’t feel happy with him and right now we are talking about if we wanna try to work it out or not , but I don’t want the same thing to happen in 6 months from now, I just feel stuck and need advice.

  • scared mama
    June 13, 2014 | Permalink |

    Hi,
    I have been in this relationship with my bf for nearly 2 years now. I knew from the beginning it wasn’t going to work but he lived in the city that I wanted to move to so we were just going to hang out and have casual sex. We started dating before I moved down and I screwed a lot of guys before I moved down, because he would take off for DAYS to do drugs and I thought he was cheating on me I didn’t really know what he was doing all I knew was hes a drug dealer so I figured what ever no hard feelings I’ll just go off and fuck and party myself since I was 19 and had just gotten out of a serious long relationship. (Yes I was going through a crazy faze didn’t know where to go made some bad decisions) ANYWAY, I really started to like this guy so I became faithful to him and moved to the city with him. Things just got worse, we fought all the time and it was NOT the big adventure I thought it would be because we moved down broke and with no car. I became very depressed, and he always held his past relationships drama against me, as if it were my fault. I was just about to leave and say fuck it when I found out I was pregnant! Having our relationship the way it was I became even more depressed but stayed because of the baby, after a few months we went back to our home town where he started to deal again and thus would take off for days and constantly lie and be on and off of drugs so he would always be an ass hole I got so depressed during my pregnancy I gained 100 pounds!! After having the baby things got a LITTLE better in regards to him coming back when he said he would but he would still take off. We finally went back to the city and we have been fighting lots, he has started taking off again (its how he “deals” with his problems and when we fight) he also has 2 other baby mama’s one of which lives here and is a complete PSYCHO always stirring shit up, things have been getting really bad, we had a break then I came back cuz Im too weak of a person to leave and the I finally had enough and broke up with him and immediately found out I was pregnant… so here I am in this shitty relationship, so depressed I’m 200 lbs I have a 8 month old and I’m 4 weeks pregnant I can never bring myself to have an abortion but I’m just so SOO mad at this guy my feelings are leaving for him I don’t even want to kiss him right now or say I love you I just don’t know what to do.. maybe I won’t leave cuz I do t want to move back in with my parents back to the small town and raise 2 of his kids and not even have him be there for them cuz he is not there for his 3 other kids . . I don’t want to start all over again.. idk wtf to do.. well I know what I should do but I can’t!!!!!!! UGHH

  • Older No Wiser
    July 3, 2014 | Permalink |

    Sounds like lots of people know when they aren’t in love and even when they have not been in love for a long time. One of the earliest tell tale signs is when you start having ugly little conversations in your head with your partner where you “tell them off.” You are having that conversation in your head because you know that if you have it out loud you will hurt your partner or damage the relationship and you don’t want to do that…..yet. That means either you still care about and respect them or that you fear them. Fear and dread are love killers. Period. If you fear your partner you can’t love them. If care and respect are keeping you quiet you still have a shot but you have to find a way to have that conversation in a way that doesn’t aim to wound. But If you are having those ugly conversations for real, not only are you not in love but you are actively killing your love and you should get help or leave. Probably both. If you are a woman or man don’t assume verbal abuse is less damaging or painful than physical abuse. You can heal from a broken rib but a white hot word poker said with venom and contempt can ache and throb forever. I am not saying that insults or verbal provocation justify physical violence. Of course they don’t. But you better know that words can cut like a knife. In the same way most men can physically intimidate most women, most women are stronger than men in word battles and when they engage they can carve up their partner, tie him in knots, even convince him to admit he was in the wrong when she knows and he knows it isn’t true. Nothing about that is loving and the first fight like that is a sign your relationship is in serious trouble even if you mostly deleriously happy.

  • Star
    July 20, 2014 | Permalink |

    I’ve been with my bf for almost 2 years off and on and I don’t know if I still love him. It hurts when were broken up but doesn’t it all the time? I don’t like to text him I use to be happy to text him back and I never wanna hang with him. I feel like I could have a better relationship with another guy because he screams at me and doesn’t let me do anything I don’t know if I just need to talk to him about space or leave for another guy I don’t know. Help please.

  • Young and not-so in love
    August 25, 2014 | Permalink |

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 months, he is my dream guy physically and he treats me like gold; I know that he loves me more than anything. Over the past 2 months I’ve been getting more and more irritated with him. Every little thing he does annoys me. We don’t have sex.. He really wants to but I just don’t want to be intimate with him anymore. I just feel trapped. I find myself thinking about having relationships with other guys, though I wouldn’t ever cheat on my boyfriend. I don’t want to leave him, but I don’t feel very happy anymore. When he talks about being together forever or kids, I cringe, but I fear seeing him with someone else and I’m scared of dragging it out and becoming miserable just to break his heart worse. We’re both 18, but I’m afraid of what will come of him if we break up; I’m basically his whole world and he would be completely crushed. What do I do? :(

  • pinkrose
    September 9, 2014 | Permalink |

    hello I really need some advice, My hubby smoing pot and it really made me feel bad don’t know what to do. my head its like exploding if i remember he smoked the pot.

  • Myra
    September 17, 2014 | Permalink |

    Hi, I’ve been in a 4 and a half years long distance relationship, things were great in the beginning distance was never an issue for both of us, chemistry was there, physical attraction, same goals in life, etc! everything seemed great but sincerely after almost 5yrs u would expect some commitment from your partner, sadly he isn’t ready yet and I can’t longer wait for him, no one would! I wanna be married (38 yo) I’m not getting any younger and wanted to spend my life with this guy, I was sure he was the one for me but lately I do not even wanna talk to him,when he says he loves me I rarely say it back, he does not call as much as he used to which I’m fine with it cause we always argue about stuff and irritates me easily, love is gone that I’m sure I just need to find the right moment to get out of this “relationship” that is hurting me….thanks for reading!

  • Emma
    October 30, 2014 | Permalink |

    I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, everything was great when we first started dating, he was the perfect boyfriend in my eyes, he would take care of me show me that he loved me. We moved in together 10mo being together, now we are 13 yrs apart. We get along well the only thing is that he is not financially responsible, and as an older man, I would think he would be mature and be able to be responsible. I’ve tried to work things out with him, but he gets mad all the time. I believe that’s what is ruining our relationship. I work as well I help with bills, but it seems Ike he is always broke. I don’t know where his money is being spent on. Help!

  • Roselle
    November 9, 2014 | Permalink |

    I’m in high school and until 11th year, I’d never known what it is like to be around someone special. I was a happy girl, the topper of the class, I was unbeatable. But in year 11,i.e, 2013, I got into a new school and since I sing, I got acquainted with a guitarist guy out there. At first, we were friends. Just friends. But then, within 3-4 months, he fell for me while I still considered him a friend. And I don’t know how, he talked me into loving him. Since then, we’ve had a very short relationship. We had to get separated because my family didn’t accept him since he was from a different community. In India your family is a major deciding factor and you have NO privacy if you’re a girl especially. Yes, it’s true. We still talk, but I feel I deserve much better. When I was in the relationship, I’d done terribly bad in my academics. Now I’m trying to rise. The final exams are just a few months away. I love the memories, but he irritates me. I’m sorta jealous of him since he scores better. Should we walk away?

  • Jussi
    November 16, 2014 | Permalink |

    Hey I’m 17 year old boy I’m in love with my girlfriend who is also 17 years old we are now in Long distance relationship but now Things are crazy. Last week she was so in love with me again and dunno why she missed me so much and she was so sorry that before that week she wasn’t into me she just had so much things to do so she could not focus on me and she apologize deeply and she said she dont ever want to lose me and I didn’t want her to be sad so I chatted with her and told her all sweet things and how much I miss him like every single day and that last week has passed and things changed again now she just see me as guy who she just have to chat all day long and said I was trying too much… I was upset dont know what should I do we been in love for 8 ½ months. I just love her and do she need space and it is possible that spark what is faded can come alive again? I’m just so scared to lose her will things be better? She said I used too much to tell her sweet things and I love you etc.. Now she almost doesn’t feel anymore those words.. And she said I’m like little boy she likes me more if I’m like a man with will of steel something like that but yeah.. I just want to know what to do.. She said she doesn’t seems to care or interested in me she just doesn’t see spark in me anymore but she doesn’t want this relationship to end so she is working hard on it to think things and get fresh mind.. She said she doesn’t even know what to think first.. But then I said I think you just need space and own time whole while and then when she doesn’t feel that way anymore then we can start from new page our relationship. We are going to meet on xmas holiday so we must wait 5 week more and we will be hanging around like 2 week :) but she did say last week that even we broke up or something she will miss me and come back to me or even there is some relationship problem I said there is 1000 things to solve problem than broke up so she agreed and I want really solve this problem I just need some help. I know she still loves me but she just can’t think yet. And she said this week was so weird and crazy she know herself that her mind isn’t everything alright. But help me!

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