It’s mid-afternoon and you don’t want to send him a message to early or too late. After all, you don’t want to look desperate. You have your phone gripped in your hand, a bead of sweat streaming down your forehead. You’re staring at the screen, hand shaking, and you type out “heyyyyyyy.” We’ve all been there, but please, just put the phone down. It looks like you need some help to text the guy you like.
The right way to text the guy you like
Trust me, I’m the queen of how NOT to text a guy you like. I only realized my talents for chasing guys away when I noticed that no one ever seemed reply to me. But I had no idea why. My texts were very detailed, lengthy, and filled with hundreds of emojis—what could possibly be wrong with that?
If you just read that and saw nothing wrong, then I’m here to help. Spoken from someone who has lived this horror, I’ve discovered ways to text the guy you like without driving him away. If you’re not getting the reaction you wanted, don’t freak out, you have some time to redeem yourself and get the conversation going with your crush. Here are some tips to follow in order to have a great conversation with the guy you like over text.
#1 Start off strong. Think of yourself as an author writing a book—you need to grab his attention right in the beginning, or he’ll lose interest and move on. Just texting him, “Hey, what’s up?” isn’t going to do it. I mean, sure, you might get a reply, but you don’t want any old a reply; you want a conversation, you want to form a connection.
If you’re in the same class, then start a conversation about what you learned or something funny that happened. If there’s a funny YouTube link you saw, send him the link so you two have something to laugh about together. [Read: 36 racy, random funny questions for flirty guys and girls]
#2 Ask him a question. You have to keep the conversation going somehow. If you feel it slowly dying, then ask him a question to reignite the conversation. But, you do have to remember that this isn’t an interview. Ask him questions, yes, but don’t make him feel like he’s sitting in front of his potential boss. If you feel like this guy can’t do anything but answer questions, maybe you two aren’t connecting like you’d hoped. Which is okay—it doesn’t sound like he’s a thrill to be around, anyway. [Read: 60 get to know you questions for a new romance]
#3 Be original. Of course, it’s easy for us to say, “Don’t be boring.” But when you text the guy you like, there’s a chance that you may freeze up and act nervous, making your conversations slightly stiff and flat. You can usually come up with some original texts when you’re in a relaxed state.
So, before sending a text, take your time and try not to overthink it. Think of it as if you’re texting a guy friend. Don’t be afraid to start an interesting conversation on topics that he may not know about. You can talk about a movie you recently watched or some interesting fact you just found out about.
#4 Keep him hooked. This is crucial. You need him to stay engaged in the conversation. This is the time when you should be yourself. Don’t just reply to his messages with a “haha” or “yeah.” Make a comment or ask him a question to further the conversation. Send him pictures *not nudes* of where you are or what you’re doing. This will also relax him and get him to open up more. [Read: 10 ways to build sexual tension the flirty way]
#5 Be flirty. Being flirty with the guy you like is the best part. This is the part where you can tease him and be slightly sexual without having to put your feelings on the line. Tease him, be playful, use an occasional winky face or sexual comment to get him going. “I want you inside of me” is not flirty. That’s beyond flirty. I mean, at least have dinner with him first before you pull out those lines. By being flirty over text, you can build up the sexual energy and pull him in, making him want you more.
#6 No yes or no answers. We’re too old to be sending these one-worded texts. No. Yes. Yawn. Get with the times, girls. This will not make the guy try harder and want you more. You’re not mysterious—you’re boring and pushing him away. If you answer yes or no to his texts, he’s going to go elsewhere. Sure, you may be hot, but if he can’t talk to you, he’s going to find another woman who can. Get those thumbs moving and put in a little effort. [Read: How to keep a conversation going with the opposite sex]
#7 Let the conversation take its course. I know, I freak out too when the conversation dies. Will he text me back? Should I text him something? Don’t be the one to always start the conversation. If you are, he’ll let you do all the work. You don’t want that. You want him to chase you.
So, if the conversation is going strong, then continue with it. If the conversation naturally dies out, then that’s also okay. You don’t have to be talking for hours and hours a day via text. If you’re worried or unsure if he’s interested, wait a couple days and see if he starts a conversation with you. That’s when you know he’s interested.
#8 Do not text the guy you like when you’re drunk. I cannot emphasize this enough. Just put the phone down. You’re not going to look cute. You’re going to come off as a mess. Yes, I know, you’re a drunk mess, but he doesn’t need to know that. Let him get some sleep without your constant stream of nonsensical texts vibrating his phone. He’ll appreciate your ability to contain yourself and will likely respect you all the more for it.
#9 Lay off the neediness. The whole damsel in distress bit is getting old. Don’t text him 85 times a day. Don’t get angry when he doesn’t reply within two minutes. If he needs to go back to work, let him, and then let him text you. Neither gender appreciates someone who’s constantly seeking attention from them. It’s needy and desperate. So just cool down. If you act like you have a life, then he’ll be even more interested in you. [Read: How to meet “the one” without appearing desperate]
#10 Don’t be too revealing. If you’re just starting to talk to him, perhaps pouring out your failed relationship history or the fact you can never seem to get a boyfriend isn’t the best start. Keep your personal information to yourself for a while. You don’t need to tell him everything so soon. But if you do have to tell him something personal, do it in person. That way, nothing can get misinterpreted and you’ll be able to read his facial expressions. [Read: How to make a guy like you by making him want you]
Planning out how and when to text the guy you like can be a painstaking business. But the better prepared you are for any and all possible outcomes, the more confident you can feel that you’re going to get that hook, line, and sinker.
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