Okay, let’s admit it. All of us double text almost all the time! But is it as bad as many people claim it is? Of course, not. We double text and triple text and multiple text loads of gossip and information with our friends. *almost every day!*
You don’t really care when you take your phone out of your pocket and see 10 notifications from a close friend. In fact, you may be excited by it or even laugh with anticipation!
Where double texting actually becomes an issue is specifically in the initial stages of getting to know someone – more precisely, in the hookup and dating world.
Weird, isn’t it? That just sending someone two text bubbles in a row makes you clingy or needy? That’s a bit much, to be honest, but it’s the new truth. Double texting is simply not acceptable these days, but then again, what is a double text, and what exactly defines it, and what’s acceptable and what’s not? Ah, the tricky questions!
We’ll get to all of this right here, and by the time you’re done reading this feature, you’ll never make a double texting faux pas ever again!
[Read: Being left on read – What it really means if someone doesn’t text you back]
Double texting is a texting rule where you aren’t supposed to send two or more text messages to someone before you receive a text back from them.
Generally, the thought behind this is that someone who texts multiple times without receiving a response text first does this because they’re clingy and needy, and don’t have the social decency to give the other person some time to respond to their text in the first place.
But that doesn’t really explain anything, does it?! It just leaves us with more questions!
How long should you wait? Is it double texting if you say “Hi” in one text and ask a question “what are you doing?” in the next text? When does a relationship cross the point of double texting where you can send 10 texts in a row without being branded as clingy?
Let’s take a deeper look into double texting, and understand it better so you never look clingy again!
[Read: Am I texting too much? The clearest signs you’re turning into a clingy texter]
There’s a golden rule of double texts? Yes, there is! And if you can remember this one single rule, you’ll be able to tell if a text is a double text, or two texts sent one after the other.
Do you text someone and ask them a question, and then, text them again later with a “?” or some other question that is literally the exact same question as the first question?
If you’re texting someone because you feel “ignored” by them, big chances are, you’re double texting.
Are you texting someone the next morning because they didn’t respond to you the earlier night? That’s double texting as well.
Simply put, the golden rule of double texting is this – If you’re texting someone with the excuse to get them to respond to your first message, that clearly is double texting!
That’s about it. If you’re honestly texting them about something else, that’s not double texting. But then again, if you’re texting them something completely different in the hope that they’ll text you back instead of ignoring you, that’s double texting again. [Read: The rules of texting – The 15 unwritten rules you always need to remember]
Read the room! If you think someone’s not answering your text, and you’re still texting them, that’s just needy. And that IS double texting.
Double texting is basically a person’s attempt to hide the fact that they want another person to respond with urgency. It doesn’t matter if you’re sending a meme, sending a message to them on another social media app, or just about anything else. If you text someone with the intention of getting them to text you back sooner, that is a double text.
Remember this – the biggest sign of double texting is when someone doesn’t respond to you *5 minutes or five days, it makes no difference*, and you continue to pester them with more texts in the hope of getting a response.
Just don’t. You don’t look cool or extra-friendly. You just look annoying and pathetic!
Before we get to more rules of double texts below, let’s take a look at this conundrum. Is it a double text if you send multiple texts as part of one conversation while waiting for an answer? One word – No. That’s not double texting. BUT try to restrict yourself to a few texts at once, not 10 texts in one go. That would be a bit much for a new friendship or relationship.
No one likes reading big paragraphs of text, it looks scary and kind of intimidating as well! So it’s a lot easier *and nicer* to break a big paragraph of text into a few smaller text bubbles. It looks neater and is easier to read. But really, try to restrict it to a few text bubbles.
If you have something longer to say, give them a summary in one text *a couple of lines*, and send a voice message after that to explain it in detail. That way, they get the gist of what you want to tell them in their notifications and they can decide to text you when they can. [Read: How to get to know someone over text and build a real connection]
Ah, another tricky issue! How long should you ideally wait before you text someone again at the risk of it looking like a double text? This depends on you, the person you’ve texted, and any other unexpected situations.
Generally, it’s expected that anyone who does intend to text you back should text you back within a couple of hours. The two-hour wait gives anyone enough time to complete whatever it is they’re doing. So two hours, and you should have received a response.
But it’s always ideal to give someone 24 hours to respond to a text. Why 24 hours? Because that’s the magic number and time by when every single person on earth will some kind of have access to a phone, even if there’s a death in a family. [Read: How to stop texting someone when that’s all you want to do]
If someone chooses not to respond to you even after 24 hours, it’s pretty clear they don’t want to respond to you. So what does that mean? It means you need to evaluate your current relationship with them and ask yourself if a double text is worth it!
If it’s a good friend and they haven’t responded to you, chances are, they’re not feeling great about themselves, or they just want some alone time. They will respond when they’re feeling more perky and up for a new conversation, and you can pick up on the conversation from there.
But if you’re concerned about them, you can text them again after 24 hours and ask them what’s up or give them a call. But chances are, they wouldn’t be too happy to get another text from you. *because that would only stress them out more!* [Read: How to keep a text conversation going when you have nothing much to say]
What if it’s someone you just started dating, or someone you met online, or even a new friend? What then? If it’s someone you don’t know well, put your phone aside and walk away.
Don’t send a double text to someone who is clearly ignoring you, and doesn’t care about hurting your feelings. They probably don’t like you, and if you do send them another text, they’d only roll their eyes and brand you as clingy. Take the hint, and walk away. [Read: 20 signs you’re being ghosted or on the verge of being ghosted by someone]
If you do want to text them because you’re angry and bitter, you can text them three days later, and probably tell them goodbye as well. That’s not a double text, that’s you taking control and telling goodbye.
BUT again, this will not make you look good. It makes it very obvious that you’re hurt by them ghosting you, and you’re clearly still pining over them. Chances are, they don’t care about you, and your text will only leave them with a smirk or a laugh. Why would you want to give someone a laugh at the cost of your pain?
So what’s the best thing you need to do here? Put your phone down, complain about it to a good friend, or just keep yourself busy. Do not text them ever again if someone you recently met doesn’t text you back even after 24 hours. [Read: Guys who ghost and then text again – How should you respond to these people?]
The simple answer – When you trust them. If this is someone you know well, or hang out with often in real life, go blow their phone up with a hundred memes, texts, and voice messages. They won’t care. They may laugh or call you crazy, but they still love you and it’s all in good jest.
Of course, the real question is, why would you blow someone’s phone up with a hundred texts in the first place. Do you really have nothing better to do? But all said and done, if you’re close to someone and both of you know each other very well, it’s completely fine to call them out if they don’t text you back soon. [Read: When your best friend ignores you – The why’s and the best ways to fix it]
Unless you seriously want to turn off your crush or seem too eager, we highly suggest following the basic rules of double texting. You’ll scare them off from texting you ever again *who wants to text with someone who floods your inbox, after all?*
The importance of following through with the rules of double texting is so that there’s a mutual exchange of conversation and you don’t end up pushing them off. If you ignore these basic rules and just follow through with what you want, then your dating life will go downhill.
A lot of conversations initially happen over text before getting to that first date, and that’s totally normal. How else are you going to get to know someone better? But just don’t cross the line from cute to clingy by ignoring these double text rules.
You don’t send a whole bunch of texts and get nothing back. Unless your goal is to make them never text you again, you should follow these basic rules. Trust us, you’ll thank us for these rules later on. [Read: Texting etiquette – 20 unwritten rules of savvy flirting]
If you have a paragraph and their answer is one word, then you are coming on way too strong. Of course, you’re really anticipating them to text back or at least speed up in their texting game, but you need to calm down a bit. Keep it simple and do your best to match the number of lines and text bubbles they send.
Otherwise, it’s going to be seen as too eager and clingy. Keep it simple stupid, is your mantra until you get to a phase in your relationship where the games have ended, and you won their heart. [Read: 20 flirty ways to text your crush and get them interested in you]
It’s so difficult to text someone and then sit and wait for their response. What a lot of people don’t tell you is that the wait is all part of the game, so you don’t end up overwhelming them or scaring them away with your double texting.
If you text them once, you can’t text them again, until they return your text message, even if it’s just an emoji.
Stop the excuses of sending them another text and claiming it was sent accidentally – everyone knows these games, and they’ll absolutely see right through you. A response is grounds for a reply. No response is grounds for, well, no response. [Read: The accidental text on purpose – When to use this and when you must avoid it]
It’s common to assume that maybe they didn’t get your message or they missed the notification, so you send another text again. Don’t do that.
If you really are interested in this person, then you have to control yourself and wait until they give you an answer, any answer. We assure you, they did receive the message, and maybe they’re just busy or doing something else.
It would be best if you waited for their text instead of flooding their inbox with more text messages. You could come up with a million excuses to double text them – maybe the internet was down and your iMessage didn’t go through, maybe they read your text and were about to text back when they got a call and forgot all about it, and whatever else… No, stop it!
If you were important enough and they were as into you as you are into them, then they would not have “forgotten” or would text to see why you haven’t texted them. [Read: Why did he stop texting me? 13 rules you should follow]
If you text late at night when you’re not sure if they’ll read it, you’re setting yourself up to fail. Texting them late at night will just leave you anxiety-ridden and angry. Did they read it? Are they going to see it? Will they respond to you?
If you want to increase the likelihood that they will text you back quickly, and you can have a real conversation, try to pick a time of day when they won’t be busy or distracted. Remember, if you want the conversation to be engaging and continuous, then don’t text them at an off-hour. [Read: The texting and follow-up guide after a great first date]
If you want to get an answer, then don’t be vague. Sometimes when you text someone something completely meaningless and vague, they aren’t sure if they are supposed to answer it or if it’s just some information that you are sending.
You want to make sure that your texts have a clear question if you expect an answer. Don’t confuse them with your texts. If you are going to send a meme or a picture of something you saw that was funny, make sure to include a caption that indicates you are expecting some sort of answer like “what do you think?”
That way, they know that you are looking for a response. [Read: She didn’t text back? 20 reasons why and what to do next]
There’s no denying the fact that deep questions help you develop a connection with someone. But since we’re texting here, deep is not easy, so stick to light and easy questions first. You can always ask them more profound questions when you go on a date. But until then, stick to easy questions with quick answers if you want to avoid double texting.
When you come on too strong or hit a nerve, the other person can simply put their phone down and walk away leaving you with a text hanging that doesn’t get answered. From there, you can’t text anymore, and it’s like being stuck in the mud.
If you want to avoid double texting, make them want to engage by not getting too serious.[Read: How often should you text someone? 17 must-know rules of texting]
When it comes to the rules of double texting, you need to consider how long you’ve been dating. Obviously, you wouldn’t risk double texting someone you just started dating, as you’ll likely scare them off! However, there is one loophole in double texting you should consider, and that’s only if you’ve dated them for a considerable period of time – say at least three months.
If you’ve already been texting and dating for months and you have a real connection, then you won’t scare them off with double texting. It’s really all about how close your relationship has grown.
The only reason why double texting is frowned upon is because it’s not something you should do when you just start seeing someone. No matter how much you like them, resist the urge to do so. [Read: How to not be a boring texter and keep your crush really interested]
Another thing you should take note of when you’re tempted to double text is the time you texted them. If you texted in the middle of the day, which is usually when people are often working or busy with something, then you can’t expect a response right away.
People often text or glance at their phones whenever they have some free time – often in the mornings and evenings. Always take note of the time you text them before sending a text, unless you want to slip into double texting territory. [Read: Should I text her or wait? What to know before you pick up your phone]
Let’s talk about feelings and gut instinct for this one. You might not realize this, but they may already be ghosting you. If you feel like there’s no real connection and that they aren’t as consistent in their texts anymore, they might be on the verge of ghosting you.
Before sending them another text asking them why they’re not responding, think about the fact that they might be slowly letting you know there’s just no connection, and it’s better to move on with your lives. It sucks, we know, but it does happen! [Read: Why did they suddenly lose interest in you? And what you can learn from it]
Rules and standards aside, there are people who are okay with double texting, especially if they really like the person. If this is the kind of person you’re texting, then you’re okay with double texting *as long as you don’t go overboard*.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you should keep double texting them all the time! Try to find the balance, but as long as they aren’t pushed away by your double texting, then you should be fine.
To sum it up, double texting is a texting rule where you can’t text someone until or unless, they text you back. This means if they already texted once and you responded, then you shouldn’t follow up with another text.
If you ramble on, continue to send texts that go unanswered, or bombard their inbox with memes and pointless texts hoping for a response, then you are going to run the risk of irritating them and turning them off. Remember, don’t appear way more eager than they are.
[Read: Texting before the first date – 15 best ways to start things off]
The key rule of double texting is to never text someone more than they text you. That is if you don’t want to seem too eager to clingy. As long as you follow these rules above, you should be golden!
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