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Double Texting and Second Texts: 10 Basic Rules to Play It Cool

There’s this negative notion on double texting – and for a reason. If you’re afraid to seem too clingy, keep reading to find out what the rules are.

Double Texting

Back in the day, we didn’t even have cell phones, can you imagine? So, double texting wasn’t an issue. But times have obviously changed, and it’s a dilemma. Landlines were about as good as it got back in the day.

All the jargon like double text, ghosting, and breadcrumbing were just human behaviors that we didn’t feel the need to label or discuss. We now live in the modern dating era where you can’t send double texts to someone you like because you’ll be seen as eager or clingy.

Thankfully, there are rules you can follow to play it cool with double texting.

What is double texting?

Double texting is a concept in dating like any other. It’s the rule that you aren’t ever supposed to text someone unless they text you back equally. This means there shouldn’t be a whole lot of blue, blue, blue, blue followed by a short blip of white.

It can be seen as very clingy and attached, especially when you do it because the other person fails to reply. This is why there are rules you should follow. Double texting is a way that you only give as much in a conversation attention-wise as they do. It is a way to ensure that you aren’t coming off too overzealous or needy.

What are the signs of double texting?

One of the things you should watch out for is when you’re subtly checking to see if they’re still alive or have an intention to respond. You’ll see double texting when you’re trying to hide the fact that you want them to respond with urgency.

Another sign is if you try to text them the next day, even if they haven’t even responded yet. When considering these signs, if they haven’t responded, it’s not an excuse to text them more or keep pestering them with texts. [Read: Rules of texting: 15 unwritten texting rules you need to remember]

Why should you follow the rules of texting?

Unless you seriously want to turn off your crush or seem too eager, then we highly suggest following the rules of texting. You’ll scare them off from texting you ever again *who wants to text with someone who floods your inbox, after all?*

The importance of following through the rules of texting is so that there’s a mutual exchange of conversation and you don’t end up pushing them off. If you ignore these and just follow through with what you want, then your dating life will be affected.

A lot of conversations initially happen over text before having that first date, as it’s text conversations that help you see a gist of their personality. [Read: 15 texting rules for guys to master the art of charm & being smooth]

So, what are the basic rules of double texting?

The rule goes that you text for text. You don’t send a whole bunch of shit and get nothing back. Unless your goal is to make them never text you again, then you should follow these basic rules. Trust us, you’ll thank us for these rules later on. [Read: Texting etiquette – 20 unwritten rules of savvy flirting]

1. Never have your line of text more than theirs

If you have a paragraph and their answer is one word, then you are coming on way too strong. I know you’re really anticipating them to text back or at least speed up in their texting game, but you need to calm down a bit. Keep it simple and do your best to match the number of lines they send.

Otherwise, it’s going to be seen as too eager and clingy. Keep it simple stupid, is your mantra until you get to a phase in your relationship where the games have ended, and you won their heart. [Read: 20 flirty ways to text your crush and get them interested in you]

2. Never text back before you get an answer

I know it’s so difficult to text someone and then sit and wait. What a lot of people don’t tell you is that it’s necessary, so you don’t end up overwhelming them or scaring them away with your double texting. If you text them, you can’t text them again, and I mean absolutely can’t, until they return your text message, even if it’s just an emoji.

Stop the excuses of sending them another text and claiming it’s just wrong sent – they know these kinds of moves, and they’ll absolutely see right through you. A response is grounds for a reply. No response is grounds for, well, no response.[Read: Texting your crush – a step by step guide to doing it right]

3. If you haven’t gotten an answer, then wait

It’s common to think that maybe they didn’t get your message, so you’ll send another text again. All good things have to be waited for. If you really are interested in this person, then you have to control yourself and wait until they give you an answer, any answer. We assure you, they did receive the message, and maybe they’re just busy or doing something else.

It would be best if you waited for their text instead of flooding their inbox with your text messages. We can convince ourselves of anything if we want to. If you think to yourself, “maybe the internet wasn’t working, and my iMessage didn’t go through, or that they just got busy, read your text, and forgot to answer… stop it.

If you were important enough and they were as into you as you are them, then they would not have “forgotten” or would text to see why you haven’t texted them. [Read: Why did he stop texting me? 13 rules you should follow]

4. Never text late at night or at an off-hour, or you could be waiting FOREVER to get a message back

If you text late at night when you’re not sure if they’ll receive it, you’re setting yourself up to fail. Texting them late at night will result in a disaster with regard to your text conversation.

If you want to increase the likelihood that they will text you back quickly, and you can have a conversation, try to pick a time of day where they won’t be busy or distracted. Especially if you want the conversation to be engaging and continuous, then don’t text them at an off-hour. [Read: The texting and follow-up guide after a great first date]

5. If you’re going to text, be straightforward and not wishy-washy if you’re waiting for an answer

If you want to get an answer, then don’t be vague. Sometimes when you text someone something completely meaningless and vague, they aren’t sure if they are supposed to answer it or if it’s just some information that you are sending.

You want to ensure that your texts are concise and direct to the point. Don’t confuse them with your texts. If you are going to send along something you saw that was funny, make sure to include a caption that indicates you are expecting some sort of answer like “what do you think?”

That way, they know that you are looking for a response. [Read: She didn’t text back? 20 reasons why and what to do next]

6. Keep the texting going by asking easy and fun questions instead of getting too serious

There’s no denying the fact that deep questions are fun in texts, especially as it helps you develop a connection with someone. Since a text conversation is how you get to know someone, stick to light and easy questions first. You can always ask them more profound questions when you go on a date but until then, stick to easy questions.

When you come on too strong or hit a nerve, the other person can simply put their phone down and walk away leaving you with a text hanging that doesn’t get answered. From there, you can’t text anymore, and it’s like being stuck in the mud.

If you want to keep the double texting going, make sure to make them want to engage by not getting too serious.[Read: How often should you text someone? 17 must-know rules of texting]

7. How long have you been dating?

When it comes to the rules of double texting, you need to consider how long you’ve been dating. Obviously, you wouldn’t risk double texting someone you just started dating, as you’ll likely scare them off! However, there is one loophole in double texting you should consider, and that’s only if you’ve dated for a significant period.

If you’ve already been texting and dating for months and you have a real connection, then you won’t scare them off with double texting. It’s really all about how close your relationship has gotten.

The only reason why double texting is frowned upon is because it’s not something you should do when you just started dating someone. No matter how much you like them, resist the urge to do so. 

8. What are they usually doing at the time you texted them?

Another thing you should take note of when you’re tempted to double text is the time you texted them. If you texted in the middle of the day, which is the timeframe people are often working or busy with something, then you can’t expect a response right away.

People often text or chance their phone whenever they have a free time – often in the mornings and evenings. Always take note of the time you text them before sending a double text. [Read: How to keep a text conversation going when you have nothing to say]

9. Do you feel a connection?

Let’s talk about feelings and gut instinct for this one. You might not realize this, but they might already be ghosting you. If you feel like there’s no real connection and that they aren’t as consistent in their texts anymore, they might be on the verge of ghosting you.

Before sending them another text as to why they’re not responding, think about the fact that they might be slowly letting you know there’s just no connection, and it’s better to move on with your lives. It sucks, we know, but it does happen! [Read: How to tell if there’s no chemistry and you should stop trying]

10. Don’t double text unless they do it too

Rules and standards aside, there are people who are okay with double texting, especially if they like the person. If this is the kind of person you’re texting, then you’re okay with double texting *as long as you don’t go overboard.*

Of course, that doesn’t mean you should keep texting them either! Try to find the balance, but as long as they aren’t o=pushed away by your double texting, then you should be fine.

So, what are the rules for double texting?

To sum it up, double texting is a dating theory where you can’t text someone until or unless, they text or text you back. This means if they already texted once and you responded, then you shouldn’t follow up with another text.

Unless they’re the type of person who’s okay with double texting and unless you’ve been dating them for an extended period, then it’s not something you should do.

If you ramble on, continue to send texts that go unanswered, or bombard their messages with shit, then you are going to run the risk of irritating them and turning them off. Never seem more eager than they are.

The key to double texting is that you never text more than you are given. That is, if you don’t want to seem too eager to clingy. As long as you follow these ten rules above, you should be fine!

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Julie Keating

A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...

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