In the modern dating world, knowing how to flirt over text is extremely important. Back in the day, all you had to do was get someone’s number, call them, ask for a date, and get to know them in person. What a world, right?But, now you have to know how to flirt over text in order to make a connection and possibly get someone to date you.
It isn’t so much about the first impression, but about how you come across when you’re texting someone. Are you confident? Do you come across as desperate? Or, maybe you’re clever and funny? [Read: Learn the best ways to make conversation over text]
Because most people don’t jump right into an actual date, texting is how you get to know someone and see if going on a date is worth your time. And if you can’t flirt over text, it won’t go well.
Sure, online dating works for a lot of people. Hey, it worked for me. But, with that, it can be dating hell for a lot of people. Some people need social cues, facial expressions, and body language to properly flirt.
Flirting over text comes easily to me because I’m a writer. Words are my bread and butter. But, for those who don’t like making connections digitally, it can be overwhelming. Some people suck at showing their affection and being playful online but the second you meet them, they’re super charming.
Overthinking what to write and if you should add an “lol” to sound nonchalant can get out of hand. There is a naturalness to flirting in person that flirting over text just doesn’t offer.
This becomes a major problem because online dating is so popular. There is such a huge dating pool, so you have to be great at flirting over text to compete. That is a lot of pressure for someone trying to find the right match. [Read: 12 habits to master when texting your crush]
The good news is that you can learn how to do it. Flirting over text is not a God-given talent. It is something that comes with time and practice. Hopefully, some of these tips and tricks will get you feeling confident enough in your virtual flirting you can take those messages face-to-face.
Below, we’ve shared everything you need to learn how to flirt over text and impress anyone you’re texting. But if you’re looking for something more specific, check these out before reading below:
Are you texting a girl? Check out these 15 details every guy must know while texting a girl
Wanna know how to text a guy? Check out everything you need to know to text a guy to flirt with him over text
Looking for texts and examples? Try these 25 texts to send a guy and grab his attention instantly
Want a big list of perfect examples? Use these 200+ flirty texts to send someone and make them smile
If you really want to get a date with someone, you’ll have to win them over via texting first. It doesn’t seem fair, but it can be done. With just some intrigue over text, you’ll have a much easier time winning their heart in person. Here’s how to flirt over text and get their attention.
A texting conversation without emojis is a boring one. Not only that, but emojis add a ton of personality and make it a lot easier to flirt, especially if you suck at it yourself. If you are one with the words, emojis can be a great way to get your feelings across without being an open book.
If hieroglyphs worked for cavemen, you are not above a winky face emoji. [Read: Become the best at flirting with these cute emojis]
Another fantastic way to flirt is with GIFs or memes. These say a lot without you actually saying anything. Send them a GIF of a character in your favorite show or a meme that expresses your disdain for online dating. It’ll break the ice. Even people who are great are flirting over text complain about online dating, so this is a great way to make a connection.
Plus, if you struggle to find conversation starters, tagging them in a fire meme is a great way to say, “this made me think of you,” without being cheesy. These can really help push a conversation along and make you more confident without putting too much out there.
Ask them questions and actually work on getting to know them. What usually happens when you are nervous, even over text, is that you overthink. You worry you are saying the wrong thing so much that you only focus on that.
Instead, ask about them. Let them do the talking and you do the listening, or reading.
Not only should you do this in order to see if you actually like them, but the more you know, the easier it’ll be to flirt with them. Worry about actually learning about them. Maybe you won’t have a great connection and you can move on. And if you do, you will feel more confident in your flirting once you know them better.
In addition to that, people also love talking about themselves. Letting them take the lead and open up will help them feel more comfortable talking to you as well. [Read: 60 questions to ask someone to get to know them better]
Avoid making sex jokes and being overly sexual in general. Although it’s an easy avenue for flirting, it’ll make you look like all you want is to get in their pants. Compliments like “you have an amazing smile” will go over much better than “your body looks bangin’ in your third picture.”
Anything sexual online, especially when you’re in the flirting stage will come off as creepy. And that is the last thing you want. It won’t go over well. Basically, just avoid all things sexual until you’re actually dating them. By then, they will know you want a lot more than just that. [Read: How to text someone you like without being boring or annoying them]
Compliments are a very obvious way to show your affection for someone. However, if you shower them with all nice things, it’ll come across as desperate and a little needy. Don’t compliment them on things you don’t know about them.
When I was online dating, I’d have people over-compliment me. It is intense and puts a lot of pressure on me to fit those assumptions. Instead, compliment them on things you learn about them. [Read: 40 of the cutest things to say to your crush]
If they share their love for traveling, compliment them on their adventurous nature. If they share their strong opinions on something, let them know you admire their convictions.
Knowing how to flirt over text effectively means you need to know how to compliment someone the right way. Giving really subtle compliments that speak more to their personality will go further than something physical. It may not be classically sexy, but if you want to make a real connection this sort of flirting is much better.
Don’t be afraid to get to know them. Ask some personal questions about their life, but nothing that crosses the line. Don’t ask them about their previous relationships or their previous sex life. But, you can ask about their relationships with their parents or their childhood.
Asking some deeper questions helps you both feel more vulnerable and grow a level of trust. Get them to talk about their morals and values. Be sure you are opening up too. Never offering up anything about yourself can feel a little investigative. You don’t want that.
Learning how to flirt over text is about give and take. It should be a two-way street. [Read: How to be emotionally available for a real connection]
The best way to flirt with anyone is to make them laugh. This is true for all types of flirting. Tell a few jokes and get them giggling. Some people love a pun, so this can be a great way to start things off.
Eventually, you want to get deeper, but starting things on a lighter note will calm your nerves. Anything you think will make them laugh is fair game as long as it doesn’t seem like you’re just trying too hard.
There should be a good balance of humor. If you can make them feel at ease over text, there is a good chance that meeting in person will be a breeze. [Read: Ensure they are LOLing at your messages]
Teasing is still a great way to go if you want to know how to flirt over text effectively. Just like when you were a kid, tease them!
Just be weary of actually insulting them. No one wants to be disrespected. Tease them about their love of Star WArs over Star Trek or their favorite Harry Potter character. Don’t hit below the belt with anything racist, sexist, or inappropriate.
You’ll know it’s working if they laugh about it and tease you right back. That banter is what will make them want to date you. When teasing back and forth starts to feel natural, meeting up in person is the next logical step. [Read: How to tease a girl over text and get her to flirt back with you]
This isn’t necessarily flirting, but it clues them into your intentions. It also gets them to visualize what dating you would be like. Paint a detailed picture of what a date with you would be like.
Instead of just coffee, let them know you’d love to take them to the batting cages or the beach. Come up with ideas you’ve talked about. You don’t have to flat out ask them out yet, but give them some clue of what they’d be getting if you did.
Getting someone to think about how much fun they’d have with you is a really flirty way to definitely make them want to be with you. [Read: The top 50 best date ideas to wow your date every single time]
You can do this via texts, Instagram, or Snapchat. Send cute photos of your pet, your dinner, or you reacting to the series finale of Schitt’s Creek. Sending fun pictures of yourself or what you’re up to make it seem like you are becoming a little part of each other’s day.
See a weird license plate or bizarre-looking dog while you’re out? Snap a pic and send it over. This is a great way for them to know that you are thinking of them and wanted to share this funny moment. [Read: How to take a great selfie and look adorable every time]
You can usually tell if someone is being sarcastic by the tone of their voice. However, you can’t hear how someone is saying something through a text. So, although sarcasm is an effective form of humor, it can be misinterpreted via text.
Something could seem offensive even if you didn’t intend for it too. Just watch before your sarcasm gets out of hand. Keep it on the back burner for when you do eventually meet up. [Read: The texting mistakes to avoid while flirting with someone]
Cheesy? Yes. Effective? Also, yes. Being yourself is by far the most important thing. If you are confident in who you are and are reflecting that to this person, you will do well.
Don’t try to be like someone else because it’ll be awkward, uncomfortable, and they’ll be able to tell. Plus, if you do this and then meet up in person, things will be super off. Allowing them to get to know the real you will ensure you are making a true connection. [Read: 14 steps to being your true self]
I know you want to have a conversation, but don’t go with, “Hey, what’s up?” This is so dull. No one is up to anything. This is a flirting dead end. This is why I recommend using memes or photo to start a conversation. It opens up a whole world of topics.
If it is the middle of the day and you want to text your crush and flirt, send them a picture of you with a cute sad face, saying, “I need some excitement, work is so dull today.” Start every conversation with something that warrants a response.
Remember, you are only flirting over text. You are not dating. This person doesn’t owe you anything. Of course, some respect would be nice, but don’t expect anything. If they don’t answer you right away just let it be. Double texting, or reaching out again when they don’t respond just comes off as clingy and desperate.
If they want to flirt with you, they will. Keep things casual. [Read: How to have confidence and relax when you’re dating]
If you really just don’t feel like you are pulling it off, try a new method. Instead of focusing on how to flirt over text, ask them if they’d like to video chat. This is a great way to see someone’s mannerisms and facial expressions. Plus, hearing someone’s voice and actually looking them in the eye, even through a screen, can really help you out.
If you struggle with texting, this is always a good thing to fall back on. If they aren’t into it, don’t pressure them. Simply let them know you aren’t great at texting and would love a video chat session if they’re up for it.
[Read: The BEST virtual date ideas to get to know someone instantly!]
Knowing how to flirt over text is essentially a prerequisite to modern dating. Try these tips and tricks if flirting over text just isn’t in your comfort zone.
Want more texting info? Try these!
19 risk-free and super-cute ways to tell someone you like them over text
A step-by-step guide to text your crush and do it right from the start
How to keep a text conversation going when you have nothing to say
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