Home  >  My Life  >  A Better Life

How to Be Yourself: 14 Steps to Unfake Your Life & Love Being You

“Be yourself,” they say. Well, it’s easier said than done. Don’t listen to their crappy advice, it’s time you heard how to be yourself from the pro.

how to be yourself

People always say, “oh, you just have to be yourself.” But really, what kind of shitty advice is that? Just be yourself! They don’t tell you how to be yourself, they just say that you need to be yourself. Well, everyone knows that your best self is when you’re yourself.

I mean, this isn’t rocket science, people. But truly understanding how to be yourself is a completely different thing. Though you are yourself in some situations, it’s hard to be able to show who you are.

How to be yourself – 14 ways to rock being you

When I’m in a group of people, depending on who they are, I can either be very quiet or my outgoing self. Though my friends tell me to chill out and just be myself, sometimes it’s not that easy for me to relax.

When I ask my friends how I am supposed to be myself, they usually don’t have an answer because, honestly, they don’t know. It’s a question that seems easy to answer but when you really examine it, it’s hard to come up with constructive tips. But listen, I got you. Who thought knowing how to be yourself could be this hard?

#1 What makes you not be yourself? Do you know what makes you not be yourself? Is it groups of people? People you don’t know? You need to find the triggers which make you uncomfortable. Once you know what it is, then you can work on examining exactly what components make you uncomfortable.

You need to pick apart everything and really narrow down what it is exactly that makes you not be yourself. What’s blocking you? [Read: 15 things everyone should know about living a happy life]

#2 Do you really know who you are? But really? If you cannot be yourself and you experience issues relaxing, it could just be that you actually don’t know who you are. This means you need to take time and try things out that you may not have thought were for you. Exploring yourself is the only way you get to know yourself. So, get out there and test the waters. [Read: Who are you? How to fine-tune your internal compass]

#3 Don’t focus on other’s opinions of you. This is what we all do, but it’s not worth it. This weekend, I went out in a new dress and for a couple minutes, I worried about what people thought of it. Then, it hit me—I feel good in it, I feel sexy, so why should I care? And that was the end of it.

If I stayed in the mind-set, I would have sat in the corner the entire night, scared to stand up. This mental torture we inflict on ourselves has nothing to do with other people. It’s all in our heads.

#4 You’re not doing this to impress others. You cannot try to impress others. It’s not going to work, but really, it’s not. People read through that like rice paper. You need to understand you’re not on this earth to impress people. I used to try to impress people but now, I don’t care.

And what actually started to happen was that people became impressed and insecure of my freedom. I unknowingly grabbed the power position based on my ability to be myself. [Read: How to be comfortable in your own skin – 20 ways to love being you]

#5 Try to be in the moment. Many times, I’ve been stuck in my head, thinking about how I look, what I should say, or what I should do. But it doesn’t matter. I ended up losing what’s going on in the moment and missing out on that experience.

Instead, be completely involved in the moment. It helps you not only relax but become more self-aware of what’s going on around you. Are these people being negative towards you or is it all in your head? [Read: Emotionally stable – How to find your zone of perfect calmness]

#6 Be aware of these negative thoughts. You may not even notice the negative thoughts that run through your head. But, it’s time you paid attention and became more aware of what’s going on in your head. Be aware of how you think.

If you notice that you usually only think negative thoughts when you’re in a group of people, it’s time to switch those thoughts up. Now, this may not be so easy. If the people you’re with contribute to these negative thoughts, remove yourself from them in order to start bringing in positivity. [Read: How to stop having negative thoughts that drag you down]

#7 Think about how it was when you were a child. When you were a child, you were free. Children are the essence of self-love and being natural. Go back into your memory and think about what you were like when you were a child because that’s who you are. If you’re no longer that person, you need to see what made you change.

#8 Follow your gut instinct. In some cases, you may not be able to act yourself for a good reason. Your intuition may tell you not to trust the situation or the person you’re talking to. If you don’t feel like you can open up to someone or feel the need to act a different way, that’s your body telling you this person isn’t good for you. Listen to your instinct.

#9 Accept you who are. You are who you are. You may not like things about yourself, but the fact of the matter is, that’s who you are. So, acknowledge what and who you are before anything.

Once you do this, any criticism from your friends and family will be obsolete. Why? Because you’re aware and you don’t care. [Read: Achieving self-acceptance: 10 little steps for one big change]

#10 Make goals for yourself. Make small and large goals for yourself. Small goals could be that you join a class you always wanted to take like boxing. Okay, so that’s done. You step outside of your comfort zone and do things that are new but passionate for you.

Your larger goals could be to write a book by next year or get a new job in a totally different field. These goals must be based on what you truly want and not what your friends think you should do.

#11 Know that you were once yourself. Maybe your friends said something that changed you or you went through a traumatic situation, but at one point in your life, you were you. You need to remember that because that helps you work towards becoming you again. Your soul isn’t lost. It’s just been masked to keep it from hurt. But, it’s time to take the mask off.

#12 Learn to love your qualities. Listen, you are who you are. I know, I become too hyper and in your face, but that’s who I am. I can try to tame it, but in essence, it’s inside of me. So, whatever qualities you have, good or bad, accept them.

You can spend time working on your weak qualities, sure, but first, accept that you have them and that they’re a part of you. We all have good and bad qualities, we’re human. [Read: 15 ways to discover self-love and happiness]

#13 If you’re surrounded by negative people, change it. If you’re surrounded by friends who are extremely negative or unsupportive, then cut them out, because you’ll never know how to be yourself when your friends are trying to break you with manipulation and negativity.

It doesn’t matter if they’ve been lifelong friends, they’re not true friends. If you want to be yourself, you need to cut out people who bring you down emotionally and mentally. They only stunt your growth as a person. [Read: 17 bad friends you should unfriend from your life]

#14 Surround yourself with people who share similar interests. Have you ever thought that maybe you can’t relax around your friends because you actually don’t have anything in common with them and that you’ve been faking this whole time? Trust me, faking something takes more energy than just being yourself. You have to play up a whole different person.

Try to surround yourself with people who share the same interests as you. When you do, you’ll notice yourself automatically relax and enjoy their company. I mean, you connect with them on an intimate level which is what you need in life.   

[Read: How to be comfortable with yourself: A guide to not giving a f*ck]

Now that you have the tools needed, it’s time you put them into practice. Knowing how to be yourself is definitely a challenge, but if you want to be emotionally and mentally free, just do it.

Liked what you just read? Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life.

Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer best known for her writings on Kiiroo, LovePanky, Post Pravda, and more. She's the creator and ...
Follow Natasha on