Technology has changed so quickly, and along with this, changed the dating world drastically. Instead of calling, we have text. Instead of meeting people out at a bar, we meet them online. We no longer live in the era of having pen pals, having to use dial-up modems, talking to friends on AIM or Instant Messenger or typing ‘a/s/l’ in chat-rooms.
We don’t need Webcams because we have Skype, and guys don’t have to drive over to your house to physically ask your parents’ permission to take you out on a date. And thanks to Instagram, photo filters were born, allowing social media users everywhere to edit photos, showing the world only their “best sides.”
All these things have changed how people date, some without even realizing it. Dating has become interesting and confusing, more so now than ever. Is what you see really what you get?
Texting mistakes to avoid in your relationship
With texting being one of the easiest forms of communication, you might find yourself resorting to it whenever you start missing your partner. But are you inadvertently ruining your relationship with your texting habits?
#1 Too often, too soon. If you’re in a new relationship, it’s probably pretty accurate to say that you two are excited about each other. It’s natural to talk a lot and often about something you are excited about. But if you’re always texting 24/7, seriously you need to slow down!
Unless you’re trying to kill the intrigue and desire, then by all means, go ahead and text them that you’re awake, and now you’re getting coffee, and now you’re at the gym, and now you’re actually working out at the gym, and now you’re in the bathroom at the gym, and now you’re leaving the gym, and now you’re eating lunch with your friend Tiffany, and… yeah.
Seriously, think about how much effort actually goes into texting all this. A LOT. Imagine being the one on the receiving end, they will be even more exhausted reading your pointless drivel. Have you ever made fun of someone on Facebook because they posted what they had for breakfast and that they got all their laundry done? Don’t be that person! Don’t flood your new flame with the trivialities of your life! [Read: 8 things you should never talk about in a new relationship]
#2 You hardly ever talk in person. If you actually plan on dating your new flame for a long period of time, and are looking for true love, then you’re going to need to get up off your texting butt and actually communicate, with your mouths, in person!
What’s the point of being in a relationship with a living, breathing human being if majority of your communication revolves around reading each other’s texts and emojis? How are you going to know if your partner is being sarcastic, if the story they’ll tell is sad, if they’re looking to get some advice? And when you finally do get to meet up in person, you’ll get so used to each other’s texting habits that having an actual conversation may start to feel awkward. Is that what you want?
#3 Playing detective. If you’re dating someone new, and they tell you they are going to go play dodge ball with some friends, or they text you they are “hanging at their boys’ house” this does not mean you should text them asking “What friends are you hanging with? Where are you playing dodge ball? What time are you playing dodge ball? What do you mean ‘hanging’ with the boys? Who all are you with? Is it just boys?”
Does this sound crazy to you? It should! If it doesn’t, well, there are certain behaviors that people do that are considered to be insane, and yeah, this would be within that category for certain. Do not scare away the new person in your life with incessant questions that sound like the script for an interrogator. You are not their mother, their local police officer, and certainly not their babysitter. You are their significant other, so be the romantic, not frantic!
#4 Selfie overload. It’s human nature to get tired of listening to the same song on the radio, seeing the same models everywhere, reading the same book. Just like the world is pretty exhausted with the Kardashians posting their faces everywhere, your significant other will get pretty worn out really fast if you keep posting yours via social media and texting them.
We get it. You’re attractive, and feeling good. Bravo! But it’s safe to say if you’re dating someone new, the physical attraction is a non-issue and they are already way into you, as far as how you look. Why bother with sending a hundred daily selfies if you’re going to meet up with your partner eventually anyway? Wouldn’t they appreciate the real deal more? [Read: 16 signs you’re being an attention whore]
#5 You compose text novels. It’s great if you have a really awesome story to tell, but if you think sending a 500-character text to your significant other is the way to go, then you’re going the wrong way. There is a reason Twitter only allows tweets with 140 characters or less. Less is MORE. If you have MORE to say, pick up the phone and talk. It’s that simple.
No one wants to read a long-ass text from someone they like about how their doctor’s appointment went way longer because the nurse did this, and someone did that, and someone’s in the emergency room for stubbing their toe. Just imagine casually checking your phone and being greeting with a gigantic block of text!
If you want to write a novel, pick up a pen and paper, or use your actual computer and hit “save” instead of “send.” If you really want them to know about your little anecdote, why not just pick up the phone, as mentioned earlier, or better yet, wait until you meet up so you’ll have a fun story to tell? [Read: 25 topics to talk about to make each other happy]
#6 Filler texts. One of the most annoying texts you could possibly get is the dreaded “K.” Why? For one, it’s unnecessary, and two, it adds nothing to the conversation. Don’t send a pointless text just for the sake of keeping your “conversation” going.
Your partner doesn’t need a constant reminder that you exist, beeping away at their phones. Before you send over a generic filler text or a random smiley that doesn’t really add any substance to your conversation, think again. Send something with meaning like a short, funny story or something interesting you saw on your commute.
If you can’t come up with anything, just accept the silence. Give each other a little space. Let your partner do their thing without having to feel the incessant vibration of their phone, only to open up a message with a pointless smiley. [Read: 12 things to talk about to feel closer]
#7 Compliment count = 0. This is the opposite of mistake 4, because if you’re lucky enough to be dating someone who isn’t self-absorbed and sending you photos all the time, then when they do send you a photo, it makes it that much more special and sincere.
If you’re dating someone who sends you a picture of themselves once in a blue moon, the basic rule of thumb would be to write back to them something nice about the photo. If you two are in the middle of a text conversation, but they randomly throw in a pic, and then carry on with the conversation casually, without really mentioning the picture they just sent you, don’t ignore it even if your partner diverts the conversation because they’re feeling awkward.
Completely ignoring the photo will seriously shatter your partner’s heart. So don’t even think of going down that road! [Read: 25 compliments for guys they’ll never forget]
#8 Text fighting. With texting, you can only assume you know the tone your partner is using as you have an argument. But if you’re in a new relationship, or really any relationship, you should never fight over text messaging. EVER.
Seriously, think about how many times your iPhone automatically fills in the completely wrong spelling of the word sh*t or fu*k, a lot. You end up looking so ridiculous, because the text gets delivered looking something like “Duck you!” or “I don’t give a dhit!” The time you spend in a rage trying to autocorrect your text messages and using your caps locks are the minutes you’ve just wasted, when you could have just used a calm and gentle voice to get your point across and potentially avoid an argument in the first place! [Read: 8 ways to avoid the awkward tension after an argument]
Though technology has made relationships easier, relying on it too much will make your relationship deteriorate much faster. Take a break from all this texting, and just go on a nice face-to-face date to keep the romance alive!
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