Relationships fall apart and break – that’s the reality of life. Not everything is meant to last forever, even love. However, why do relationships fail exactly? We spend our entire lives romanticizing the idea that couples can stay together as long as their life does.
This is what makes love and marriage so enticing to have. Everyone dreams of finding that one person to build their life with. However, life doesn’t work that way.
Relationships fail and even something as strong as a seasoned marriage can fall apart. Life can get in the way, couples cheat, or they get bored, and they break up. No matter how hard you hold onto the relationship, it can still fail.
[Read: How to face relationship challanges and overcome them as a couple in no time]
If relationships eventually fail one way or another, why bother getting into one?
However, not all relationships are doomed for failure. Some relationships last as long as a decade, and some even a lifetime. It takes a lot of hard work and commitment for this to happen *and a lot of forgiveness, too!*
Relationships that last practically forever are proof that real love isn’t just fictional. It’s not just something you see in romance movies and shows, but it’s real.
The reason why relationships fail is because people are quick to break up just because something didn’t work the way they expected it to.
Excusing abusive behaviors like cheating and betrayal, if you want a relationship to succeed, you should always find the heart to forgive and overlook the flaws of your partner, and learn to work as a couple and overcome any hurdles, if you want the love to last.
[Read: 9 stages of a relationship all couples go through in their lifetime]
A relationship doesn’t just fail because it’s meant to be that way *although it can be an indicator you’re with the wrong person*. Most often, relationships fail because the bad outweighed the good so much that there’s no other alternative but failure.
Maybe their flaws were too much to put up with, or maybe someone put in an inadequate amount of effort and took the other for granted.
A relationship fails when one or both parties stop putting in the work to make it work. With this being said, let’s take a look at all the reasons why relationships fail in real life.
[Read: The secret signs that reveal a bad romance in progress]
This is common among people who have either low self-esteem or have very few good things going on in their life. One of the core reasons why relationships fail is when you think your partner would solve all your life problems. A relationship can certainly contribute to that happiness, but it can’t be your entire happiness.
The problem with this is that it may put too much pressure on your partner. It shouldn’t be their responsibility to make you happy all the time. This kind of mindset is exactly what results in co-dependent relationships. [Read: Am I clingy? 14 signs you’re clingy and pushing your partner into unhappiness]
Even when it’s the easiest thing to give in to what your partner wants, you need to stand up for yourself. Your partner isn’t going to love you less just because you stood up for yourself *if they do, then they’re not worth it*.
Not standing up for yourself is what causes resentment and anger in relationships, another common cause of why relationships fail. One day, you might wake up and feel so used that you end up snapping and breaking up with your partner. [Read: 16 reasons why it’s so easy for your partner to take you for granted]
The opposite of not standing up for yourself is being too dominant in a relationship. No, dominance doesn’t automatically refer to men. There are so many women that are even more dominant and controlling than men, which can cause breakups.
Don’t yell, nag, bicker, or do anything along these lines to your partner. A relationship should be about partnership, rather than dominance.
If you wanted to be above your partner in power, then don’t be in a relationship in the first place. Instead of fostering a relationship based on love and trust, you’re instilling fear into your partner. [Read: Controlling vs Caring – A thin line controlling people love to cross]
Jealousy is never a good look on anyone, and yet, it’s a common reason why relationships fail. Maybe you’re the jealous one and you keep checking their phone or their social media accounts to see if they’re talking to anyone else. This could also work vice versa.
Trust is the foundation of any relationship, so you can’t let your jealousy consume you to the point that it’s destroying your relationship. Learn to have faith in them unless you have evidence to believe otherwise. [Read: Why am I so jealous? How to find the hidden reasons and fix it]
Okay, you shouldn’t even be shocked that selfishness is on this list. You can’t always get what you want, and neither can your partner. Both of you need to learn to compromise for one another’s needs. Selfishness is one of the most common reasons why relationships fail.
You need to find the middle ground of what both of you want. If neither of you are willing to compromise to make your relationship work, then you can both find someone who’ll be more accommodating to your every want and need. [Read: 12 clear signs you’re being very selfish in the relationship]
Everyone has flaws and imperfections, and that’s okay. We don’t always accept our partner’s flaws, but that doesn’t mean you should put them down every chance you get. Relationships are also about support and encouragement, so you can’t keep breaking them apart like that.
How would you feel if the same was done to you? Not only will you slowly pick at their self-esteem, but you might also push them towards the arms of someone who’s much more accepting of their faults.
Quality time is such an important love language, it’s amusing how people still fail to realize this by now. Failing to spend time with your partner is a core reason why relationships fail. Even if you both have a busy lifestyle, you still need to set aside time for each other just to keep the relationship going.
It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture – it could be a simple date or even a home-cooked dinner with both of your phones down. Also, no, it doesn’t count as quality time if you’re both distracted doing your own things.
If you don’t spare even a few minutes for your partner, neglect starts and that will definitely eat away at your relationship. [Read: How much time should couples spend together to stay happy in love?]
While effort isn’t the basis of a relationship, it’s how you show someone how much you love them. Without effort, how else are they supposed to feel they matter? We’re not talking about some grand gesture of you throwing rocks at their window *this isn’t a Nicholas Sparks novel!*
We’re talking actual effort in a relationship like sacrificing your time for them or visiting them after work. Doing a little something extra from time to time shows your partner that you would still go the extra mile, no matter how long you’ve been dating. [Read: The 25 sweetest romantic gestures for everyday life]
Not all couples are destined to make it through long-distance relationships. If you haven’t experienced this, it’s one of the worst things you can experience. Even if you communicate every day, it’s still a different feeling from seeing them and being with them physically.
Unless you make an effort so you can finally be in the same zip code, these relationships usually break under the strain. This isn’t to say that all long-distance relationships fail – some do manage to make it work! Good for them! [Read: Does your long distance love have what it takes to survive the distance?]
When you’re emotionally incompatible *i.e., one of you is more open while the other is withdrawn*, this can lead to a lot of unmet emotional needs. Having that wall and emotional distance is why relationships fail. No matter what you do, they seem far away and you don’t know how to fix it.
If one of you is aloof and the other is needy, then this imbalance can cause friction and resentment in the one who’s exerting more effort to feel more loved in return. There’s a difference between someone just going through something *like grief or loss* and someone who’s naturally distant and unattached. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 17 signs you are and the easy ways to fix them]
While white lies are common at the start of a relationship *especially when putting your best foot forward*, it’s important to be as honest and authentic as possible in a relationship.
Eventually, they’re going to find out the truth anyway. When these lies build up, they might spiral into a web of lies that you can no longer get out of.
It’ll be a huge form of deception, even if it all just started with one little white lie about your ex or how much you earn. [Read: 7 reasons why most lovers lie and 7 ways to stop those lies]
You need someone who has the same goals that you do. While you don’t necessarily need to be in the same career field, you need to have a similar vision for your future.
Maybe one of you wants kids and the other doesn’t – this is a major problem in your relationship. If left without compromise, the rift in your desires may end up causing a rift between the two of you. [Read: 15 real relationship goals most couples have no ideas about]
It goes without saying that baggage will always affect your relationship. We all have our trauma and past baggage, but you can’t let that get in the way of your relationship.
Maybe you’ve been cheated on in the past and this caused you to be emotionally withdrawn.
Or, maybe you came from a broken family, so you have abandonment issues. Unless you learn to deal with it healthily, it will manifest itself in your relationship from time to time. [Read: 25 relationship topics you both MUST talk about to understand each other]
You’re not in a relationship with your partner’s friends and family, but they are somewhat responsible for who your partner is.
When they don’t support your relationship, it can turn into one of the big reasons why relationships fail. Especially in an argument, it’s obvious they’ll take your partner’s side if they already don’t like you from the start.
If they’re not supportive of your relationship, they can end up giving love advice that ends with breaking up. The worst part? You might actually agree with them. [Read: 13 obvious signs your friends and family are ruining your relationships for you]
This might go hand-in-hand with selfishness, but you need empathy to make a relationship work. It’s one of the ways to validate your partner’s feelings and show them that you care about them.
Without empathy, it’s easy to assume the person is cold-hearted and incapable of love. Empathy makes you feel heard, understood, and most importantly, loved. You can’t make a relationship last without this.
Everyone has a different set of beliefs. Maybe you’re more religious and conservative, and your partner is the exact opposite. Your relationship isn’t going to last the way you expect it to when you have opposing values. We know they say that opposites attract, but this doesn’t apply to your morals and values.
They make you who you are, so you need someone who shares the same beliefs you do *well, the majority of them*. Otherwise, you’ll always end up clashing and values are the one thing you should never compromise for anyone.
Compatibility isn’t something you can build – you either have it or you don’t. You can’t work on compatibility as some couples take years and even decades to figure out they never had compatibility in the first place.
This isn’t about sharing the same interests, but about sharing a similar energy and mindset. [Read: 50 relationship questions to test your compatibility instantly!]
Finances are a much common conflict than you realize in relationships. When you struggle with financial problems that never get resolved, this will end in a breakup.
It’s not necessarily a debt issue, but also more along the lines of who spends more and who earns more. [Read: How to talk about money with your partner without fighting about it]
Sexual compatibility is a real thing and the lack of it is another common reason why relationships fail. When you’re not sexually compatible with your partner, this can result in never being satisfied in any physical engagement.
What’s worse is that you’re so incompatible sexually that you refuse to do it altogether. Sex is essential in any relationship and without it, a relationship can easily fall apart.
Some people are naturally workaholics and that’s okay, but they need someone who’s either okay with that or is also a workaholic themselves.
This can be an issue when someone wants their partner to spend more time on dates or doesn’t understand the demands of their work. It’s an underrated reason why relationships fail, but it happens. [Read: Dating a workaholic – How to do It & maintain a happy relationship]
By definition, a toxic relationship isn’t just a physically abusive one. It also refers to manipulation, gaslighting, or any form of mental or emotional abuse.
If by any way they manipulate you into doing what you never wanted to do, that’s already abuse. Unfortunately, toxic relationships happen more commonly than you think. [Read: The 15 types of toxic relationships to watch out for]
It’s possible for people to get into relationships just because they don’t want to be alone or they want someone to constantly talk to. However, these aren’t adequate reasons for getting into a relationship.
You date someone because you’re ready to find someone to complement your life and because you care about them. [Read: How to commit to a relationship & show your partner you’re serious]
Age isn’t a concrete basis for maturity any longer. Just because you’re older than your partner, doesn’t make you automatically more mature. That lack of maturity can easily cause conflicts in relationships and it’ll be obvious when arguments and responsibility are needed.
When someone refuses to own up to their faults or doesn’t take action for their desired results, it’s an obvious sign of a lack of maturity. [Read: 20 traits to look for in someone to instantly know if they’re emotionally mature]
Anger issues are a real component of why relationships fail. If one of you grew up in a healthy environment where anger was expressed through a calm conversation, it would completely freak them out if they’re with someone who punches walls and yells when they’re angry.
This is also another one of the underrated aspects that lead to a relationship falling apart. When your way of expressing anger isn’t similar to your partner’s, you’ll always clash. You might even give your partner an anxiety attack every time you yell without even knowing it. [Read: 10 ways to handle dating someone with anger issues]
Lastly, apathy is the final straw that destroys relationships altogether. It comes from resentment, neglect, selfishness, and a whole lot of other factors mentioned above.
When the relationship is beyond repair that you just feel numb, that’s when it’s already over. You know that the relationship is done, no matter how much damage control you do.
A relationship doesn’t just fail overnight without any concrete warning. It starts with a simple fight or misunderstanding and it leads to neglect. Without you knowing, they’re already halfway out the door.
[Read: 16 overlooked secrets to a perfectly happy relationship]
If you know the reasons why relationships fail, perhaps you can prevent it from falling apart before it does. A relationship can last a lifetime, just as long as you take care of it and do the work to make it last.
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