People come and go from our lives. It’s a natural part of getting older and it happens to everyone. But there’s a difference between people naturally going their separate ways and you pushing people away. So is that what you’re really doing?
Look around you. Who’s still in your life and why? It’s important to remember who was in your life a year ago and if they’re still there. Now, what about 2 years ago? When you see people disappearing around you and can’t figure out why, you could be pushing them away.
We all need good friends and family in our lives
Humans are pack animals, technically. We love and need human companionship to feel happy and whole. It’s not that we can’t figure out life without anyone, it’s that we just don’t want to and often become super unhappy if we do.
That’s why keeping good friends and family around is really important. You want to have good people surrounding you to lift you up and help you through the hard times. You also just want good company to enjoy life with. [Read: When to end a friendship with bad friends]
Knowing the signs you’re pushing people away can help you fix the problem
If you never know if it’s your fault that people don’t stay around, you’re not likely to ever fix the issue. That’s why you have to be aware of all the signs so you can learn to correct your own behavior. Here’s how to know that you’re the issue, not them.
#1 You get into arguments with people over small things. Basically, you’re really sensitive. And that’s more of a personality flaw than a trait because certain things shouldn’t be a big deal in life. The more you argue with people over trivial drama, the more you’ll push them away.
#2 You never really apologize for your misdoings. Everyone messes up. We all make mistakes or false judgments and can be very wrong about a lot of things. If you don’t own up to those things and just apologize, you’re going to push people away. Nobody wants to be friends with someone like that. [Read: 17 sweet ways to genuinely say you’re sorry]
#3 You complain a lot. Firstly, this is really annoying to people trying to find positivity in life and in their surroundings. You’re dragging them down and turning the mood sour. Would you really want to be around someone who ruins all good things with complaints? Probably not.
#4 You have very low self-esteem and let others know. This is like complaining, except you’re only complaining about yourself. People get annoyed by this. When you always have to remind people they’re not crappy or ugly, resentment forms. So you’re actually pushing people away by doing this all the time.
#5 You’re very negative. Once again, nobody wants to be around a Debbie Downer all the time. It’s irritating and it ruins all the fun. If you’re constantly pointing out faults and flaws with everything you do together, your friends will stop inviting you. [Read: How to know if being negative is ruining your life]
#6 You only talk about your own problems. Everything is always about you and your own issues. While it’s perfectly fine to vent to friends, it’s not okay to do it every time you’re together and then not listen when they need help.
That pushes them away and makes them feel like you only use them. Plus, they’ll only form negative associations with you this way and that alone will push them away.
#7 You’re not there for anyone. So you expect everyone to come running when you’re upset but you hardly reply when your friends are having a hard time. Firstly, this is kind of selfish and secondly, it’ll push people away because friendship isn’t a one-way street. If you make it one, don’t be surprised when you end up alone. [Read: 15 signs of a bad friend & how to know if you are one]
#8 If something doesn’t go your way you get upset. This is a huge issue with being spoiled and not being able to accept that things aren’t always in your control. Think about when your friends decided on something that you didn’t agree with. If you freaked out and do that often, you’re pushing people away.
#9 You never initiate hangouts or conversation. It’s always their job. And when they don’t, you may even get a little passive aggressive. Telling them something like, “Finally you ask to hang out! It’s been forever.” But the thing is, your friendship works both ways.
#10 Trash talking others. This could even be the other people in your friend group. But overall, if you trash talk people regularly and that’s really all you do, you’ll push people away. They’ll begin thinking you also talk crap about them and nobody wants that. [Read: 8 ways to stop annoying the people around you]
How to stop pushing people away and reconnect
Now that you’ve realized you may be the problem, you can actually do something about it. Here’s how to fix things and bring those people back.
#1 Admit that you were a pain. Approach them and just tell them you understand that you were a crappy person. This will be hard and your pride will be a little bruised but just do it.
#2 Apologize for any wrongdoings. Come right out and apologize for hurting them and doing wrong things to them. You’d be surprised how much a good apology will do for getting people back. Just say sorry and explain that you’ve learned and will do better.
#3 Work on bettering yourself. The main issue with pushing people away is that it’s a host of other issues. It’s not just that you’re keeping people away from you, it’s that you’re full of toxic energy that oozes onto them. So work on becoming a more positive person – someone people actually want to be around. [Read: 22 tips to fall in love with yourself and be a better you]
#4 Be present and excited to be in other’s lives. Don’t just go hang out with people and then spend all the time on your phone. Be present in their lives. Be excited to talk to them and catch up. Having a friend like that will make them want to stay.
#5 Don’t expect them to come back right away. If you’ve messed up and done too much to push them away, they may not want to come back. Just continue to show them you’ve changed and you’re a better friend and person now.
But ultimately, it’s their choice. Don’t ever expect someone to return just because you want them to. Remember to focus on your life and making things better for you and you’ll see them want to come back if they really care about you.
[Read: Why people are always leaving you and how to stop sabotaging your relationships]
As you can now see, pushing people away is easy when you’re in a bad place mentally. Work on bettering yourself so more people want to stay in your life and be happy about it.
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