Mutual Sexual Tension: 49 Signs, Causes & Secrets to Get More Horny

Sexual tension is that hot, magnetic pull between two people. Here’s how to tell if it’s mutual, and what to do when the heat gets intense.

You know that moment when your skin tingles, your breath catches, and you just know something electric is happening between you and someone else? That’s sexual tension. It’s that delicious, confusing, magnetic pull where you want someone, and maybe, just maybe, they want you too. But is it mutual? Or are you just imagining it?

In this guide, we’ll break down exactly what sexual tension means, how to recognize it, and how to deal with it, especially when it feels too hot to handle.

[Read: In a relationship but like someone else? The steps to decode your mind]

What is sexual tension really?

Sexual tension is that intense, magnetic pull between two people, where desire simmers just beneath the surface, but nothing has happened yet.

It’s what makes a glance feel electric, a touch linger a second too long, and silence feel heavier than words.

Psychologically speaking, sexual tension stems from unfulfilled sexual desire combined with emotional or situational barriers, which makes the attraction feel even more heightened.

Researchers have found that when physical closeness is possible but not acted upon, it often intensifies arousal and interest due to anticipation and delayed gratification. 📚 Source: James G. Pfaus, 2012, Concept of Sexual Motivation

[Read: 47 Seductive Secrets to Seduce Someone & Make Them Feel Horny Around You]

Sexual tension isn’t limited to new lovers or strangers. It can exist in long-term couples, friends, coworkers, or even in one-sided crushes. Ever felt a flutter just sitting next to someone you’ve known forever? That’s the tension teasing you, and it can be as mental as it is physical.

Biologically, our brains light up with dopamine and oxytocin when we’re around someone we desire. And if we’re holding back from acting on it? That’s when the real tension kicks in. 📚 Source: The Neurobiology of Love, Zeki, S., 2007

[Read: Lust vs Love: 21 Signs to Know Exactly What You Feel for Each Other]

What causes sexual tension?

It’s not just about lust, sexual tension is created by a mix of attraction, timing, and unspoken possibility. It happens when desire is alive, but something (timing, circumstances, self-control) is keeping things from moving forward.

This kind of tension is often sparked by physical chemistry, emotional connection, or even risk. You know that feeling when your crush sits next to you, and suddenly your breathing gets weird? That’s not just butterflies, that’s your sympathetic nervous system activating your arousal response. 📚 Source: Katherine L. Goldey, et al., 2012, Sexual Arousal and Desire

Add in a little mystery, some eye contact, a brush of the hand, and boom, you’re riding the high of mutual anticipation. Studies even show that prolonged eye contact can trigger increased arousal and romantic feelings in both men and women. 📚 Source: Michelle Jarick, et al., 2012, Eye Contact Is a Two-Way Street

So when you’re feeling hot under the collar just sitting near them, and they seem to be squirming too, chances are, that sexual tension is mutual.

When nothing sexual happens, the mutual sexual tension builds!

The riskier it would be to make a move in that moment, the more intense this internal battle of mutual sexual tension is. 

For instance, making a move on someone you know is interested in you might not cause too much sexual tension. But, deciding whether or not to make a move to kiss them after a first date could cause more sexual tension because there is an element of unknown. 

This would be even higher if you had feelings for someone who is in a committed relationship or a long-time friend whose feelings you’re unsure of. [Read: Sexual Tension at Work: 36 Lusty Signs of Flirty Coworkers You Can’t Hide]

Sexual tension isn’t desire or lust because the tension is there. There is something stopping anything actually sexual to happen and that is the tension. 

And to be honest, no matter how intense that sexual tension is or how hard it is to fight, it is there for a reason. If sexual tension didn’t exist, we would all make a lot of stupid moves. You can thank sexual tension for those moments when you didn’t just go for it with your married friend! [Read: Sexual Attraction: 36 Lusty Signs & Spicy Ways to Create Tension]

And, think about how amazing the aftermath of sexual tension is when you finally do make a move. Whether you’ve been talking to someone online for months and now finally met, or have been flirting with a coworker and finally admitted your feelings, that moment of release is so much more intense when the mutual sexual tension has been building. 

As we said earlier, sexual tension can also build when you’re in a relationship. Maybe you’ve been staying at your parents’ house for the holidays and can finally jump each other’s bones when you get home. That relief is much stronger than just rolling over in bed and making it happen. 

Essentially, what causes sexual tension is the prevention or prolonging of sexual desire by any means.  

👉 Want to build on this sexual tension and increase it till they can’t take it? Read these guides!

• How to Create Sexual Tension with a Guy Around Him & Over Text
• 20 Ways to Build Sexual Tension with a Girl & Make Her Thirst for You
• Sexual Chemistry: What It Is, How It Feels, 52 Signs & Ways to Increase It
• 23 Signs to Know if Someone Is Thinking of You Sexually & Desires You
• 29 Flirty Secrets to Avoid the Friend Zone, Build Sexual Tension & Stay Out!

The subtle signs of mutual sexual tension and how to deal with it

If you’re not sure if what you feel when you’re around someone is mutual sexual tension, these tips can help you determine if it truly is.

And if you definitely don’t want to act on those feelings, we also have some tips for dealing with them. But if you do? Well, go for it!

1. Lots of eye contact

If you’re sexually attracted to someone and they feel the same, you’ll make a lot of eye contact.

Since eye contact shows a person you’re connected and into them, it only makes sense that two people with mutual sexual tension would spend a lot of time looking longingly at one another. [Read: What prolonged eye contact when flirting means and how to do it]

2. Immediate flirty behavior

When you first see someone and you greet one another in a very flirtatious way, it’s clear you have mutual sexual tension.

The first thing you do when you see each other is spark the attraction and it’s obvious you’re both thinking about one another sexually.

3. Increased heart rate

More than likely, two people who are attracted to each other and have sexual tension will definitely be nervous and upbeat around each other.

If you notice your heart rate increases around them along with these other signs and they also seem to be giddy, it’s definitely mutual sexual tension. [Read: How to know if you like someone – 30 signs you’d be feeling right now!]

4. Their voice gets slow and sensual when they talk to you

You know that shift, when their voice drops just a notch, they start talking a little slower, and every word suddenly sounds like foreplay?

When someone is sexually attracted, they unconsciously alter their vocal tone to sound more seductive. If you notice it only happens with you, yep, the tension is thick. 📚 Source: S. Hughes, et al., Discerning Sexual Interest Through Vocal Changes, 2013

5. Horniness

This one should be pretty obvious. If someone makes you horny and you think about getting in bed with them, the sexual tension is heavy between the two of you. [Read: How to tell if a girl is feeling horny around you – 12 signs she just can’t hide]

6. Flirty body language

Your body can tell you an awful lot about how you feel. Are you leaning in to talk to that other person? Are you straightening your clothes, biting your lip, and casually touching them? If so and if they’re doing the same, you have major mutual sexual tension. [Read: How to tell if a guy is turned on – 22 signs he’s horny AF around you]

7. It’s like a magnet is pulling you toward them

Basically, you always end up near that other person and you don’t really know why. Even when you’re in large friend groups, you always end up next to them. It’s not by chance.

The mutual sexual tension acts as a sort of magnet. We always want to be around those who make us feel great and sexual tension definitely gives you those feelings.

8. Mutual staring

Even when you’re across the room, you can’t help but stare at them. And when you do look at them, they’re staring back at you.

This is a huge sign of mutual sexual tension. You can’t get enough of looking at one another. This is very clear you both want to hop in each other’s pants.

9. You can just feel it

When there’s sexual tension, you actually feel it. Now, the feeling varies from person to person, but this isn’t the feeling you get when you crush on someone.

Usually, this feeling spreads throughout your entire body. However, it’s felt mostly in your erogenous zones. These areas are your neck, breasts, groin, areas that are heightened during sex. [Read: 23 signs to know if someone is thinking of you sexually and desires you]

10. It’s all in the touch

Now, this doesn’t mean they’re grabbing your ass. If so, find someone who respects you a little bit more. We’re talking about innocent touching, subtle flirty touching.

Maybe they touch your arm when they laugh, place their hand on your back, remove the straggling hair out of your face. These are minor gestures but close the gap between you and them.

11. Heavy on the smiles

No one wastes a genuine smile on someone they’re not into. If you and this person smile all the time around each other then that’s a pretty good sign they enjoy their time with you. Smiling is an automatic response to things that make us feel good and happy. [Read: Eye f*cking and how to master the art of lustful eye contact]

12. Up close talking

Like up real close. Maybe they’re naturally people who invade personal space when speaking. But more than likely, they’re into you sexually.

Why else would you talk so close to someone you’re not into? It doesn’t make sense. Usually, when we don’t like someone, we make sure there’s a decent amount of space between one another.

13. You flirt without using words

It’s in the glances, the smirks, the subtle tilts of your head. There’s no need to say anything overtly sexual, your body is already doing the talking. That kind of silent flirtation is primal and powerful. When there’s sexual tension, your body language does the dirty work without either of you even realizing it.

📚 Source: Moore, M.M., 2002, Courtship signaling and the meaning of subtle gestures

[Read: 23 Secrets to Flirt With Your Crush Playfully & Tease Them Into Liking You]

14. Silences aren’t awkward

This doesn’t mean that there aren’t silences, don’t get us wrong. Silences aren’t a bad thing, but in this case, there aren’t any awkward ones, you know, the ones that leave you with a weird feeling in your stomach.

If there are silences, they only continue to build up the mutual sexual tension between you two.

15. They move in close

They’re not only close talkers, but they also close the gap when you’re not talking. They lean in close when you speak, they sit right next to you with your legs touching. The closer a person is, the stronger the sexual tension is between you two. [Read: How to make a guy horny and rock hard just by casually sitting next to him]

16. Their eyes are all over you

They are definitely wandering, not looking at other people, but looking at you. They check you out whenever they get the opportunity.

Looking at your face, your body, they have their eye set on what they find attractive and that’s you. You catch them staring at your lips longer than intended. Well, they want you! [Read: 23 signs he wants to kiss you and how to predict the exact moment when he’ll try]

17. Flirtatious jokes

They pull out some naughty but nice jokes around you, seeing how you react to them. They start as innocent jokes, however, through time, they develop a naughtier tone, giving you subtle cues to what they really want. The naughtier these jokes grow, the more the mutual sexual tension develops.

18. You feel they’re going to kiss you

There’s that moment when you feel they’re going to kiss you. You both smile and lean into one another and then there’s that feeling that pops up.

The feeling that makes you question if you should kiss them right now. If you have that feeling, it’s probably mutual. [Read: What does sexual tension feel like? This is how it feels]

19. Long pauses

They’re dumbfounded by you. A long pause ending with a smile shows that they’ve been thinking about you. You may have been talking, but they haven’t been listening. They’ve daydreamed about kissing you the entire time.

20. Other people comment on the two of you

It’s not just you that think something is going on, other people openly make comments about the chemistry and sexual tension between you.

Oh, you thought only you two could see it? Nah, everyone feels sexual tension between two people.

21. Nervousness

Being nervous around someone is a telltale sign there is an attraction. And when there is sexual tension, that is only increased. Not knowing what would happen if you made a move makes you even more nervous. 

You may stumble over your words when talking to them or even talking about them. You may fidget before seeing them or even feel butterflies in your stomach. [Read: The lusty signs of strong physical attraction and how it feels]

22. You have “sex flash” moments

Out of nowhere, you get hit with a vivid mental image of you and them in bed. You weren’t even thinking anything dirty, but your brain went there.

And then they look at you… and you wonder if they’re picturing the same thing. That spontaneous mental fantasy is a classic sign your desire is simmering right under the surface.

23. Laser focus

Focusing on this person even when there is work to be done, or there are other people around, shows an interest. This laser focus may not be purposeful, but you can’t help it. You focus on them with your sight and your mind. It is hard to break your focus from them when they’re around. 

24. Hesitating

A big part of the signs of mutual sexual tension is in the waiting. The longer you wait, the stronger the sexual tension builds to be.

When this is prominent, you wait for something to happen even if you don’t make the move. You hope they’ll make the move instead.

And even when you’re parting ways, you take an extra moment to get another look or to see if something might happen. 

25. Physical awareness

Sexual tension increases your awareness of your body. You acknowledge little touches you may ignore in most cases. If you hand this person a coffee and brush against their fingers, it feels much more intense than it would with anyone else.

You are also more aware of your movements. You are more likely to touch your face, your hair, and accentuate your assets even without realizing it. [Read: Physical signs of arousal for women – 20 subtle ways to recognize a girl who’s getting horny around you]

26. Awkwardness

There is a sweet awkwardness when sexual tension is at play. It almost mimics the feeling of sharing a flirtation in high school before you know how to handle your hormones. 

The awkwardness can come across in a weird giggle, a snort, even a nervous tick like playing with your hair. [Read: Social anxiety to social butterfly – How to be less awkward]

27. Your texts feel like foreplay

Even a random “what are you up to?” text feels charged. There’s teasing, suggestive emojis, and maybe even inside jokes that feel like a private game. If texting feels more like a slow burn than small talk, there’s tension, and it’s mutual.

[Read: What Do Guys Think of Their Female Friends? 17 Secrets Revealed]

28. Intense desire

This may seem obvious but mutual sexual tension is partly intense desire.

You may not drool over this person, but you have a feeling that is pretty darn close to it. You want to kiss them, be alone with them, and just let things happen.

29. You never feel relaxed around them

You know that relaxation you feel when talking to a good friend or family member, that never happens when you’re around this person you share mutual sexual tension with. You’ll always feel like you’re on your toes.

You never know if something might happen between you so you’re on guard. [Read: Sexual flirting – How to step up from regular flirting and make it naughty]

30. Sweating

Sweating is a common sign of being nervous, but it happens a lot when you’re around someone that turns you on.

And when you can’t do anything about those feelings, the body temperature rises and makes you sweat. You may also be more likely to touch your forehead or the back of your neck around them or even fan yourself because you feel warm.

31. You automatically face each other 

Everything from your bodies facing each other to fully mirroring each other’s movement shows sexual tension. When you point your feet and the center of your bodies towards each other, it shows a physical desire. [Read: The body language of men and 35 tips to know if he’s attracted to you]

32. Internal battle

Sometimes you can actually feel the inner battle of sexual tension. Your body desires this person but your rational mind is fighting those urges.

Your hand may touch theirs but your brain shuts that down. That internal struggle can be hidden but you may feel it.

33. There is something unsaid

A major sign of mutual sexual tension is a constant feeling of something being unsaid. Every time you say goodbye or talk, you feel like there is something being held back by them, you, or both. 

34. Daydreaming

Whether it is an actual dream or a daydream, your subconscious is crying out for this person. If you can’t be with them in real life, your mind is showing you what that subconscious part wants.

You may daydream about being with them or have a full-blown sex dream. [Read: What does it mean when you dream about your crush – The 7 possible explanations]

35. The spark

You know that indescribable spark you look for when dating? Well, you share that with this person. They may not be someone you want to date or have a relationship with, but you have that passionate chemistry that you can’t exactly describe.

36. You touch yourself more after seeing them

And not always in that way, though, maybe. But you find yourself adjusting your clothes, playing with your lips, brushing your thighs, fixing your bra strap, or just feeling hypersensitive to your body. That subconscious self-touching is your nervous system reacting to arousal. 📚 Source: Ekman & Friesen, Nonverbal Leakage and Clues to Deception, 1969

37. There’s sexual body language

If this person runs their hand through your hair or touches your upper leg when you’re sitting down, come on, this isn’t friendly touching.

You know what sexual touching is. If they hit those areas close to the chest, genitals, and neck, well, they’re not into just being your friend. [Read: 15 obvious signs of flirting between two people you can’t miss]

38. There’s always physical contact

Now, we’re not saying you have your hand down their pants, but there’s always some sort of physical contact.

Maybe they’re sitting close to you, you hug often, touch each other’s arms or back. It doesn’t have to be overly sexual in nature, but when two people touch each other, there’s something deeper occurring.

39. The energy changes when you two are together

You can be with your friends but the minute this person walks into the room or approaches you, the energy switches.

This isn’t for no reason. If you are sexually attracted to each other, you feel the shift from friendly into sexual.

40. Your voice changes

Here’s a fun fact, when someone is sexually interested in a person, their voice changes. This happens to both women and men.

For men, their voices become deeper and fuller, while for women, their voices become softer and sometimes a little raspy. So, whether this person is trying to hide their feelings or not, you can always tell through biology. [Read: How to have a sexy voice and 17 steps to arouse anyone with your words]

41. You want to be alone with them

Perhaps you hang out with mutual friends, but at the end of the day, you tend to hang out on your own. You don’t really want other people around when you’re together.

Which makes sense, you probably flirt and playfully touch each other. When your friends are around, there’s a lesser chance of flirty touching. [Read: 20 hush-hush signs your friend wants to have sex with you]

42. You linger, they linger

No one wants to leave. The movie ended, yet, instead of slowly going home, you sit on their couch, and continue to talk.

Now, if they drop hints for you to go home, that’s different. But if they want you to stay, they enjoy your company and want to be around you. This lingering says a lot about someone’s emotions.

43. You challenge each other

There’s this battle going on between you two. You make fun of each other, always trying to come up as the better person.

But this competition isn’t because you dislike them. In fact, this is because you fight your inner conflict, the sexual attraction versus your thoughts. Maybe this person isn’t your type, so for you, you don’t want to give in.

44. You feel it most when alone with them

Sure, when you’re in a group of people, the mutual sexual tension is still there, it doesn’t just leave. But when alone together, that’s when you really feel the sparks.

It’s like all you want to do is jump them and take off their clothes. You can’t wait another minute. [Read: How to stop being sexually attracted to a friend and just feel normal again!]

45. You mirror each other’s movements

When you unconsciously start mimicking the other person’s body language, like crossing your legs when they do, or matching their posture, it’s a sign of strong rapport and potential sexual attraction. Mirroring is the brain’s way of saying, “We’re in sync.” 📚 Source: Chartrand & Bargh, 1999, The Chameleon Effect

46. Their scent turns you on

No perfume, no cologne, just their natural scent gets to you. That’s pheromones at work. You might catch yourself leaning in just a little closer during hugs or breathing them in when you’re nearby. 📚 Source: Grammer et al., 2005, Human pheromones and sexual attraction

[Read: What Are Pheromones? The Scent of Sex & The Role They Play in Love]

47. Conversations get emotionally deep, fast

You find yourselves diving into deep, meaningful convos way too quickly, even if you just met. That emotional vulnerability paired with attraction can create a tension that’s both mental and physical. You’re not just horny, you’re intrigued. 📚 Source: Reis & Shaver, 1988, Intimacy as an interpersonal process

48. You feel a tension spike when others interrupt

When you’re talking and someone else enters the room or jumps into the convo, the air shifts. You might feel annoyed or jarred, like someone just killed your vibe. That drop in energy? It’s because your little bubble of sexual tension just popped.

49. You both get unusually quiet at times

Sometimes, sexual tension shows up as silence, not awkward, but loaded. You lock eyes, or one of you says something suggestive, and suddenly the energy shifts. You both go quiet because your brains are trying to catch up with the chemistry. 📚 Source: Terrence G. Horgan, 2024, Nonverbal Communication of Sexual Interest

Why you sometimes want someone else even when you’re in a relationship

Don’t feel too bad if you’re having mutual sexual tension with someone or can’t stop those dirty thoughts about someone else while you’re in a committed relationship.

Loving and caring about someone is completely different than having mutual sexual tension with another. It’s only if you do something about it that a line is crossed.

And if we’re being honest, humans are genetically not meant to be monogamous. Being committed to a single person is a decision we’ve all made and therefore, our instincts work against that choice sometimes.

Just because you love and care about one person doesn’t mean you’ll never feel lustful for someone else. So long as you don’t act on those feelings, everything is fine. [Read: In a Relationship But Sexually Attracted to Someone Else: Why It Happens]

How to deal with unwanted mutual sexual tension

It’s very obvious what to do about mutual sexual tension if you’re single, they’re single, and there’s nothing standing in your way.

If you want to go for it and make out, then that’s the easiest thing in the world.

But, if you’re in a relationship and you’re experiencing these feelings toward someone else, here are a few tips to help you handle it and avoid making a major mistake.

1. Avoid being around them

No matter your reason for not being able to get with that person, just avoid them. When you’re not around someone, you can’t have sexual tension with them.

2. Remind yourself why you can’t do it

Keep the reason you two can’t be together replaying in your mind. Soon enough, you’ll associate them with wrongness and it’ll diminish those naughty feelings right away. [Read: 15 ways to handle liking someone you can’t have]

3. Think of your partner

Being in a committed relationship makes dealing with unwanted mutual sexual tension a lot easier. Just think about your partner. Focusing on how much you could hurt them will make it a hell of a lot easier to deal with.

4. Think of the consequences

This will also help you avoid adding to the sexual tension. What would happen if you gave in to your feelings?

Most likely, nothing good. Thinking of those consequences will clear your head and get rid of those lustful feelings.

5. Stop flirting

Just stop. You have control over how you act and if you really want to deal with those feelings toward someone, just stop flirting. That behavior will only make it worse and you don’t want that. [Read: How to stop a guy from flirting and hitting on you]

6. Shut down the possibility early on

If you’re friends with the other person, shut down the idea of ever being with them right away. Don’t even give them hope that it’ll ever happen. Then they’ll stop pursuing you and it’ll be easier to get over those feelings.

7. Ask friends to intervene

If you don’t trust yourself, ask your friends for help. They can help steer the other person away from you and they can also help remind you of why you could never be with that person in the first place.

Mutual sexual tension is one of the most exciting, and complicated, feelings you can experience. It’s raw, electric, and sometimes, downright confusing. But whether you’re dying to kiss them or desperately trying not to, that magnetic pull means something. It means your body and brain are both lit up with desire.

[Read: 23 Intense Signs of Unspoken Mutual Attraction Between Two People]

So, take a breath. Pay attention to the signs. And remember: sexual tension isn’t just about getting off, it’s about tuning in. To chemistry. To timing. To what you really want. And if the moment ever comes when the tension turns into action… well, now you’ll know it wasn’t just in your head.

👉 Read these features on sexual attraction and building it, next!

• 25 Subconscious Signs of Attraction that Show Up Between Two People
• Emotional Attraction: 22 Signs You Have It and Why It’s Essential
• Sexual Chemistry: What It Is, How It Feels, 52 Signs & Ways to Increase It
• Friendly vs Flirty: 34 Subtle Flirting Signs to Tell If Someone is Flirting With You
• The Science & Rules of Attraction and 29 Traits that Are Far Sexier Than Looks