Some of us are just nice individuals, okay? Just because I’m being friendly doesn’t mean I’m interested, dude. Back the heck off. I’ve struggled with this issue every day of my dang life. I’m honestly just a nice person. I like to throw compliments around like confetti but that doesn’t mean I’m being flirty. Friendly vs flirty, time to learn the dang difference.
Can anybody relate? Seriously, thank goodness I’m no longer in the dating scene, because this always killed me. It also didn’t help that I have literally no idea how to flirt, so when I was actually flirting with someone, it was completely missed. I don’t know how I ever landed my dude. It definitely wasn’t through my flirting skills.
To break it down for you, flirting happens when your intentions are to date or have a sexual relationship with somebody. If you are just being friendly, then you are attracted to that person and you are seeking a friendship or acquaintance in this person. Often times the lines are blurred, but for definition sake, we will leave it like that. [Read: These crystal clear signs tell you when a guy is flirting with you]
Knowing the Difference: friendly vs flirty
It can be incredibly difficult to tell the difference between friendly vs flirty when someone is just a genuinely nice person. As someone who suffers from this, I’m going to make it easy for you.
#1 Is it just you? If this person only compliments you, or just nice to you—consider the fact that they are truly being flirty with you. If they are nice to everybody, then either they are incredibly flirty with anything and everything, which is possible, or they are just interested in you. [Read: How to know if your friend likes you more than they let on]
#2 How do they respond to your flirting? Try flirting with them. See how they respond to the flirting! If they seem interested in you, then chances are they really ARE interested in you. Don’t doubt it. If they seem turned off by your flirting, then they are just being friendly… oops. [Read: 10 clearly noticeable signs of body language attraction]
#3 Are they acting on their “friendliness?” The biggest way to tell the difference between friendly and flirty, is the action taken. Are they trying to get physically close to you, or perhaps touching your shoulder/hand when chatting with you? Because this is a huge sign of flirtation. If they aren’t coming close to you, they might just be friendly.
#4 Eye contact is key. I don’t know about you, but when I’m TRYING to flirt with someone, I make sure I make eye contact with them. I have this theory that you can fall in love with someone by looking into their eyes. I know I’m a ridiculous romantic, but I swear there is something to it. If they make a point of making eye contact with you, then they’re flirting with you, not just being friendly.
#5 They want to know more about you. They aren’t just going to tell you that you’ve got cool tattoos, they ask about the story behind them. They want to know more about you and your life and not just the surface stuff. If they ask the deep questions, they are flirting with you.
#6 Non-verbal cues that mean they are flirting. Body language is everything, guys! Are they pursing their lips or smirking at you? Perhaps they really go for it and just wink at you from across the room. Pay attention to the little things because that is how you are going to tell the difference between flirty and friendly. [Read: 13 lusty signs of attraction that can be noticed by everyone]
#7 Single and ready to mingle. They make a point to mention that they aren’t tied down. Whether they just come right out and say it, or they casually mention it, they want you to know that they are single. Why? DUH, because they are interested in you. They are flirting.
#8 They make a point to give you all of the attention. How much attention do you need? ALL OF IT. Seriously though, if they are flirting with you, they will make a point of paying very close attention to you. They will make you feel special. Perhaps they take you to a more private location because they really want to focus on what you have to say, without distractions.
#9 Teasing. Just like when we were in grade school, if somebody makes fun of you, it means they are into you. At least to some degree—if they are playfully teasing you, then this is a pretty big indicator that they are flirting with you, not just friendly.
Maybe they make jokes about something that happened last weekend, or a story that you told them. Whatever it is, they playfully tease you if they are flirting with you. [Read: Fun ways to wink and learn to be a total tease]
#10 Showing continuous interest? If they actively seek you out at a party or ask mutual friends about you then chances are they are interested in you, and they are being flirty. Maybe they saw you at a party and you chatted all night, but you left wondering if they were flirting with you or if they were just being nice. Well, if they ask their friend about you after the party then they were flirting. Surprise!
#11 Asking you to hangout. Obviously friends hang out, right? But here’s the thing. If they start a conversation with you just to invite you out, then they might really be flirting with you.
It also depends on the context of the hangout. You know? Is this a huge party, or is this a one-on-one date? If they want to spend time with you in an intimate setting, then, HELLO, they are flirting with you. [Read: These clues will tell you if you crush isn’t into you]
#12 Flirty vs friendly via text. Emojis are a key indicator in determining the difference between people who are being friendly vs flirty. Are they sending you lots of emojis? Just in general, this is probably a big indicator of being friendly because it means they are putting MORE into your conversation than just the surface.
[Read: How to decode colorful heart emojis and use them correctly]
It’s not black and white to identify the difference between friendly vs flirty, but this list will help you. If you have any tips or stories, please tweet them to me, I’d love to chat!
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