A lot of women have some serious trust issues and questions about what their boyfriend has thought about his female friends, and it sucks to wonder. That feeling just nags at you constantly, what do guys think of their female friends?
When she texts him you worry, when he is out with his friends, is she there? Whether there is a logical reason for your paranoia or not, it is always in the back of your head. You want to like her and trust her and trust him, but you wonder what exactly he feels towards her.
If you’ve ever seen the classic movie, When Harry Met Sally, then you know that they wrestle with the age-old question, can men and women really be just friends?
The main male character, Harry, says that men and women can never be friends because sexual desires always get in the way – even if the woman isn’t attractive. But the female main character, Sally, disagrees with him and says men and women can be just friends.
So, who is right? Is it Harry or is it Sally? Well, the question is complicated, so let’s look at and unpack some thoughts on the topic. [Read: Opposite sex friendships – 24 rules, boundaries, and where we go wrong]
The bottom line is that there is no simple answer. There is conflicting evidence from psychologies that study relationships and friendships. There are studies that say it’s possible, but it’s still complicated.
The main problem with male-female friendships comes from the innate desire to mate and have babies. It’s just a human instinct to perpetuate the species.
So, if males and females are destined to be sexually attracted to each other, it might be easy to conclude that men and women can’t actually be just friends because sexual attraction is so deeply rooted in our biology. [Read: Platonic friendship – How to be platonic friends without sexual drama]
But if you think that, then you’re not taking into account the complexities of the human brain. Just because you have a compulsion or instinct to do something doesn’t mean you can’t stop yourself.
After all, when you are on a diet, you can stop yourself from eating a huge hot fudge sundae, right? You might not want to, but you are physically capable of it.
The other thing to consider is that not everyone is attracted to everyone. Just because there are two people of the opposite sex doesn’t mean they have sexual feelings for each other. Attraction is a very individual thing.
Just think about it – you’re not attracted to every one of the opposite gender *if you’re straight* or the same gender *if you’re gay* or both genders *if you’re bisexual*. So, at least one or both of the people in the friendship might not feel any sexual feelings for the other one at all.
So, to finally answer the question of whether or not men and women can really be just friends…the answer is yes. It’s definitely possible. But doesn’t it happen all the time? Of course not. But it is possible. [Read: The guy best friend – Is he good but nothing but trouble for the girl?]
First off, you can. You just have to be careful in your wording. Asking your boyfriend if he likes or is attracted to one of his female friends can be super risky.
If they have a history, it is definitely worth a conversation. But do not accuse him of anything.
Sure, she might be attractive, but that doesn’t mean he sees her that way. Are you attracted to every decent-looking guy in your life? Probably not. So give him that same benefit.
You can tell him you are nervous based on your past or a vibe you got and just want to know the story between them without being accusatory. [Read: Understanding if guys and girls can actually be friends]
Be prepared for some straight-up honesty. You might not like what we tell you. In some cases, it will be reassuring, but in others, it can keep you up at night. So be prepared for the truth about what guys think of their female friends.
Yes, unless she is half ogre, he likely thinks her attractive. But that is no reason to worry or freak out. You can be attracted to someone without ever acting on it and without having actual romantic feelings.
Think Friends, the show. Joey thought Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe were attractive, but he didn’t have a relationship with all of them. Unless a guy is a cheater, he can think someone is hot without acting on it. Girls sure do it all the time as well! [Read: 22 clearly obvious signs your man has a crush on his friend]
We hate to say guys are this clueless, but it is true. Some guys literally do not see some of their female friends that way. After all, don’t you have some guy friends you truly think of like a brother or one of the guys?
He may have female friends you are worried about, but he could be entirely clueless about them being attractive.
Sorry to break it to you, but it is true. Just as many guys have fantasized about their elementary school math teacher, babysitter, and best friend’s mom, it has happened.
Again, this does not mean he is into her or has any urge to act out these fantasies.
Girlfriend or not, guys get turned on by women’s features. It’s just the truth.
One of his female friends may be wearing a low-cut top. He doesn’t actually have to be attracted to her to be turned on by her cleavage.
And yes, that sucks. And for women, we may be turned on by Ryan Reynolds shirtless, but that is unattainable unless you’re Blake Lively. So having your guy turned on by someone who is actually in his life is scary. Just remember you trust him and that’s what matters. [Read: 34 physical turn-ons that arouse any guy instantly]
There is definitely a chance he has thought about asking her out in the past. But once you came along, that thought likely left his mind.
For some reason, there is always some sort of history or tension between men and women that are friends. But that doesn’t mean that it means anything now.
Just because two friends in a sitcom ended up together doesn’t mean your BF and his best female friend will too. [Read: How to handle sexual tension between friends like a platonic pro]
Women are not visually attracted to men the same way men are to women. Women need passion or emotion or something to set it off, usually. But men’s minds turn every female around him into a sexual being!
As much as that seems sexist, it is sort of how their minds can work. So he may think of his female friends totally platonically, but his mind still reminds him that they are in fact women. [Read: Why men love all women and their bodies – confessions]
Whether he thinks of her as hot or not, there is a reason they are friends. Maybe they love the same music or they grew up together.
Whatever it is, he thinks of her as a friend that supports him. Sometimes it doesn’t matter that she is female.
Yes, maybe at one point he was attracted to her. Maybe when they met he was hitting on her. But over time that fades. If they are close friends and truly platonic, the attraction he once felt has likely subsided.
Since talking to her about bowel movements, chatting about her ex, and whatever else, he may truly just see her as a friend. Try to keep your mind from wondering. [Read: What men think about other than their woman]
Some guys have sisters they go to for girl advice, and some guys have female friends. He may very well depend on his female friends for advice regarding you.
He may have learned a lot about women from his female friends because he wasn’t nervous to ask certain questions as he would be with someone he is dating. Before getting jealous, be thankful they made him a feminist.
Women have a knack for being honest, sometimes brutally so. And some guys need that. Yes, they could go to their mother, but she might tell him that a floral Hawaiian shirt works for him.
His female friends can be honest about his haircut, fashion sense, and date ideas. And they have a unique honesty and point of view that his male friends lack.
Women can be super judgmental with other women, but with men, they aren’t. In the same way, a guy’s friends might mock him for lighting fragrant candles or using moisturizer, but a female friend will support it.
He might like getting pedicures with his female friends. Or maybe they give him an excuse to watch rom-coms without getting shit from the dudes.
Don’t you have that guy friend that is always looking out for you? Or maybe even a few of them? They want to meet your new beau and make sure he has good intentions?
Well, his female friends do the same for him, and he is grateful for the help and advice.
When a guy introduces a new girl to his guy friends they will say “she’s hot” or “good work.” But when he introduces her to female friends, they can tell him if she seems clingy or fake.
Guys that don’t ghost, but also don’t like a girl, may just stay friends with her to be nice. He might feel bad that he rejected her and remains friends because he hates confrontation.
In that case, you still have nothing to worry about on his end. Nice guys definitely have a tendency to try to stay friends with girls they have rejected, and it can get messy. [Read: Does your guy have a really flirty girl best friend?]
Before you came along, you might think he was a lost puppy. But someone had to keep him on the straight and narrow. Someone had to stop him from using cheesy pickup lines and make sure he was respecting women no matter how they dressed.
He may think of his friend as a female Yoda. She guided him through life so he could find you without looking like a total fool. [Read: The dating girl code all girls need to know]
Yes, it is possible a guy is interested in his female friends. Being attracted to a female friend can be harmless. But it is easy for a guy to actually like her too. If they hang out regularly and get along and he finds her attractive, it makes sense.
Obviously, if you are dating him that can suck, but the best thing to do is flat out ask him. Don’t lurk on his social media, check his phone, or DM her. Talk about it and see what’s what.
One of the biggest reasons you want to know what guys think of their female friends is because you want to know if they will threaten your relationship with him if you’re his girlfriend. And a lot of girlfriends think that their boyfriend is secretly in love with his female friends. [Read: 40 secret signs a friend likes you romantically even if they’re hiding it]
But that’s not true. Sure, a guy can fall for a female friend. But maybe he doesn’t see her in a romantic way. Maybe she’s just not someone he could ever fall in love with. She’s cool and fun, but he probably won’t fall head over heels for her.
Just as a guy won’t necessarily fall in love with their female friends, they don’t want to sleep with them all either. They can be close just like a brother and a sister. And they don’t have any attraction to each other, right? Well, hopefully not!
So, if your boyfriend has a lot of female friends, you can stop worrying about him wanting to sleep with them. After all, he has you, so why would he need them?
[Read: The platonic girlfriend guide to keeping peace with his girl]
What do guys think of their female friends? Lots of things. Just like you do about your male friends. But that doesn’t have to take anything away from your relationship.
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