Knowing how to get someone to text you first can be a finicky game. You don’t want to make the first move, but how do you subtly get them to do it instead?
Holding back instead of reaching out can feel like doing nothing at all, but that is the only way you will learn how to get someone to text you first.
Whenever you like someone, you want to talk to them. It makes sense. And the more you like them, the more time you want to spend talking, texting, and getting to know them.
But, a lot of us do not want to come off as too keen. If you constantly text someone first, you could seem desperate. And unfortunately, a lot of people like the chase. Sure, that is a little immature and feels like a game, but it has been a part of the dating world for centuries. [Read: The scientific secrets to help you get someone to fall for you]
Why do you want to learn how to get someone to text you first?
I touched on the reasoning behind this a little bit, but really, think to yourself why you want them to text you first. Is it for your self-esteem? Do you want to test them to make sure they like you? Do you want to play hard to get? Do you think you will seem cooler if you play it cool? Are you sick of always texting first?
I have been there. It sucks to feel like you are putting in all the effort. And it sucks to feel like this person isn’t thinking about you, because if they were they would text you first, right?
It can feel sucky to not know what that person is thinking. You want to convince yourself they are holding back the same way you want to, but your mind continuously goes to them not liking you.
If you want them to text you first so that you don’t feel bad about yourself, good for you. They should split that responsibility of continuing your friendship, relationship, or flirtation.
But, if you want them to text you first so you can be the one that cares less, nothing good will come out of that. Sure, a little bit of playing hard to get works, but intentionally holding back your feelings creates a space of dishonesty. It makes you feel like your emotions are better hidden and like you can’t be yourself. [Read: How to respond like a grown up when someone is ignoring you]
Now, I am not saying you should text someone who isn’t responding or engaged in the conversation all day. But, if you like them and want to talk, you shouldn’t have to wait around for them to text you first. How will they know you want them to text you if you don’t reach out?
Getting someone to text you first is not the same as getting someone to approach you at a bar. You can’t make googly eyes at them or smile subtly. You have to have a lot of patience and take a risk.
What risk? If you want to know how to get someone to text you first, you could end up waiting a long time, if not forever. Playing the waiting game doesn’t give you black and white answers. It leaves you waiting around. And although you are playing hard to get in a way, you are also driving yourself a little crazy.
But, with that being said, there are some ways to learn how to get someone to text you first.
#1 Stay busy. The best way to keep yourself from texting someone first is to stay busy. I do not mean scroll through Instagram waiting for them to text. Go do something. Whether it be laundry, errands, or going out with friends, not thinking about them texting you first is the best start.
When you are out and about and not on your phone, waiting for that text will not only feel like it came faster, but it actually will. You know the saying, a watched pot never boils? The same goes for here. A watched phone never rings. [Read: How to stop texting someone when that’s all you want to do]
#2 Post your best self online. You want to get this person’s attention without actually being direct with them. And you definitely want them to know how amazing you are without telling them. So, if you post the amazing things you’re doing and how bomb you look on Instagram, they will be reminded of all that indirectly.
#3 Turn off notifications. In my experience, this is the best way to get someone to text you first. When you are talking to them, you usually respond pretty fast. And although there is nothing wrong with that, keeping them waiting a bit will make them hungrier for your attention. I know, it sounds bad, but it is just the way of the world.
So go to your texts and put that conversation on do not disturb or night mode or whatever your phone describes it as. This way the text will come through, but your phone won’t light up or buzz. This means you won’t see it until you pick up your phone and check. [Read: How to wean yourself off of social media]
#4 Leave your phone behind. The only way number three works is if you aren’t glued to your phone anyway. So leave it. I know going out without your phone is impossible, but if you are doing things around the house don’t keep it in your pocket.
Leave your phone in your bedroom while you’re making dinner, doing laundry, or what have you. And if you are out, keep it on silent. Put it in your purse or your shopping bag so you aren’t tempted to keep checking it.
#5 Give up. I feel bad just blurting it out like that, but sometimes things are just not meant to be. If you always text someone first, then stop. And if they don’t reach out, they may just not be interested. Sure, they could be super busy. But you want someone that gives you at least the small amount of attention required to send a simple text.
When you are waiting for someone to text you first, an hour feels like days. But, sometimes they don’t realize they miss talking to you until days later. My best advice is to let them go. Sure, they may come back and text you first, but if you are still stuck on them, this will be a repeating cycle. [Read: How to make some think and desire you when you aren’t around]
#6 Just text them. Now, this depends on the situation and does destroy the entire premise of this article, but stick with me. If you are flirting with someone new, you may need to steer the texting conversations. Some people just stuck at texting. But, read between the lines.
Do they reply with one-word answers? Is there clever banter? Do the conversations flow or are you asking them a bunch of questions? If they are barely putting any effort in it, is time to hold back. But if they talk a lot when you reach out, they may just want to follow your lead. [Read: How to know when to stop texting someone – Are you testing too much?]
If you are in a relationship with someone who never texts you first, text them. And don’t just try to be agreeable about. You deserve for them to reach out. Tell them you feel like they aren’t putting in an equal effort and tell them how it makes you feel. You don’t need to be mad about it. They may not even realize any of this. Just let them know that if they reach out first once in a while, it would mean a lot to you that they thought of you throughout the day.
Why play a bunch of games and drive yourself nuts when one simple conversation could get them to text you first?