Understanding how to make eye contact has always been one of those things that you must learn, because it’s just so awkward when you attempt it.
For instance, you see someone you like and really want them to notice you.The only way to do that is try and make eye contact, right? That’s what we’re constantly told anyway. When you do so, they’re not sure whether you’re looking at them or not, and why. So, if you turn away because you feel a little shy and unsure, then they misunderstand and assume you’re not interested. In the end, nobody asks anyone out. We’re all stuck back at square one.
The other outcome is that you simply don’t know how to make eye contact properly and end up coming over as just a little bit weird. You know what I mean. Rather than a subtle glance followed up by a coy smile, you just stare. Literally just stare. It’s awkward. The longer it goes on, the more awkward it becomes until it’s just downright weird.
I bet you’re cringing right now, aren’t you?
[Read: Subtle but powerful eye contact flirting moves that work like magic from far away]
A skill nobody teaches you
The chances are you’ve been in this situation! Learning how to make eye contact properly is actually a skill nobody teaches you. We’re told we should do it and everyone assumes that it’s just a natural thing. It’s not. There’s a right way to do it and a downright wrong way to do it.
So, if you want to get your crush’s attention or you simply want to appear more confident to those around you, learn how to make eye contact without people thinking you’re nothing short of strange. [Read: The subtlest flirting moves to bring them close without much effort]
How to make eye contact – Just follow these 7 simple steps
There is a way to make eye contact that seems completely natural. From there, maintain that eye contact throughout a conversation you have with them. Help them feel like you’re listening to them and that you’re actually attentive to them.
#1 Build up your eye contact slowly. Do not go straight in with long, lingering glances. This is where you easily roam into weird territory. Instead, start small and slowly and build up. A quick glance towards the apple of your eye then look away.
Leave it a few minutes and do it again, but this time look for a little longer and just a few seconds more. They’ll quickly catch on to the fact that you’re actually trying to get their attention. [Read: 5 different types of flirting: Which is right for you?]
#2 Make sure you actually look them in the eye. I totally understand that looking directly into someone’s eyes can be very awkward. It can make you want to just look away quickly, but it’s far better than staring at their nose or their forehead.
They’re going to assume you’re looking at a newly arrived pimple or you simply can’t believe how big their nose is. If it’s really too much for you, focus just slightly to one side of their eyes. That way, they’ll be none the wiser. And bonus, you don’t feel as awkward about it.
#3 Establish eye contact for about four seconds. Once you’re pretty sure that you have the person’s attention, how long should you hold eye contact? When learning how to make eye contact, it’s best to wait for no longer than five seconds before you look away.
I’ll talk about how to do that in a second, but anything longer than five seconds is just creepy. Even five seconds feels like an eternity when you’re hyperaware of it! [Read: Your guide for how to maintain prolonged eye contact when flirting]
#4 Look away slowly. When you look away, don’t do it quickly or as though you’ve caught yourself doing something you shouldn’t. Instead, look away slowly, perhaps with a coy smile. It signals to the other person what you’re trying to do. Learning how to make eye contact is about helping the other person understand your intentions without words.
It’s also about making them feel like you’re paying attention to them. If you look away too fast, you might come over as shy or scared. That’s not the look we’re going for here!
#5 Show some kind of gesture to break it up. Maintaining eye contact for too long isn’t a good idea. You don’t want them to think you’ve just changed your mind about them and moved on. In that case, before you look away, make some kind of gesture. I mentioned a coy smile, but there are other ways to do this, such as a beckoning with your head, e.g. come here and talk to me, a wink, a cheeky grin, or a shrug to say ‘I’m trying here, and I’m not great at it!” [Read: Drawing a blank? Try these 25 conversation starters you can use anywhere]
#6 Know how long to maintain eye contact when talking. When you actually have a conversation with this person, mix up your eye contact a little. You cannot look at them the entire time you’re talking, it’s weird. Don’t do it.
The general rule is that when you’re having a conversation with someone, you should keep eye contact for about half the time. For the rest of the time you look away. However, when you’re listening to another person maintain eye contact for little longer, to show them that you’re actually paying attention. In that case, around three-quarters of the time should do it. [Read: How to start a conversation with your crush and excite their mind]
#7 Don’t forget to blink! Have you ever been speaking to someone or had someone trying to get your attention and they stare at you without blinking? They assume this is effective, but, to me, it’s actually quite scary. For this reason, when you’re learning how to make eye contact, remember to blink! It makes the whole thing more natural and takes away the creepy vibes!
Also, be aware of what your body language is saying. You can make eye contact, but if you’re grimacing because you’re feeling awkward, your original intentions won’t translate well to the other person! Be as relaxed as possible and maintain an easygoing smile if possible. [Read: How to keep a conversation going with the opposite sex – An art you must learn]
Learning how to make eye contact isn’t easy for everyone. They say that “eyes are the window to the soul,” and it’s true on so many levels. That’s exactly why we sometimes find it hard to really look into someone’s eyes for too long. It’s just too intense.
With this type of eye contact, you’re not going to be gazing for long, just enough to get their attention and make the fact you want to speak to them known. Anything more than a fleeting glance backed up with a smile, repeated a few times over, is just going to freak out the person you’re attempting to get to know better. Then, your efforts will completely backfire as a result!
[Read: How to be more playful and flirty and open up when you meet someone new]
When you learn how to make eye contact, take it slowly. Do whatever feels comfortable to you. Keep the tips above in mind to avoid feeling awkward and making the person you’re trying to attract feel awkward too.
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