I think we’ve all been in a place where we just think that sleeping with a friend is a much better option when compared to the risk of going home with a stranger. Either that, or we struck out and our attractive friend is the next best option.
There’s nothing wrong with sleeping with just a friend. Some people make it work just fine. They sleep together a few times. Then just stop, all while keeping their friendship in one piece. Others, however, end up catching feelings and the whole thing gets complicated.
Will sleeping with your friend make you fall in love with them?
I blame movies like Friends with Benefits and No Strings Attached for making people believe the second you have sex with your friend you both immediately fall in love.
These movies are FICTION, people. While some individuals may end up getting together with someone who was just a friend after sleeping with them, and end up getting married and having kids, that’s just not usually the case.
[Read: 16 hush-hush signs your friend wants to have sex with you]
Keeping the friendship alive when sleeping with a friend
Not everyone has to go down the difficult path when sleeping with a friend. In fact, there are ways to have sex with your friend and have it not affect either of you at all. Other than having a great, pleasurable time of course.
If you want to sleep with your friend but aren’t sure what boundaries you should be careful of, read this list first. It may come in handy.
When sleeping with a friend, you’ll want to follow these rules on what you should be doing before, during, and after.
1. DO make sure there are no feelings
If you only want to sleep with your friend because you’ve had a secret crush on them for years, then don’t do it. You have to be completely emotionless, other than liking them as a friend. You only complicate things otherwise. [Read: 25 friends with benefits rules to remember]
2. DO make sure you can emotionally handle it
There is a lot that goes into sleeping with a friend. You can’t go bang them if you just got out of a serious relationship. A lot of your previous feelings about your ex could transfer to them if you’re not emotionally stable. So skip it if you’re in a bad emotional state.
3. DO discuss it BEFORE it happens
If you want to sleep with your friend, talk to them about it first. A good way to do this is just to start by joking about it. “What would happen if we hooked up! That would be so weird, right?” And see what they say.
They could be thinking about hooking up with you, too. You never really know. But just make sure you talk about everything before just diving in. [Read: How to accidentally kiss a friend and get away with it]
4. DO tell them the truth about everything
If you’ve had STDs or are not on birth control and even how you’re feeling before and after hooking up. The only way sleeping with a friend works is if you keep an open and honest line of communication.
5. DO keep it on the down low
Not everyone in the world needs to know that the two of you are hooking up. Especially not everyone else within your friend group. People start talking, and it could make group hangouts really awkward and uncomfortable for everyone.
6. DO use protection of some kind
This person is just your friend, not someone that you actually have feelings for or could see yourself in a relationship with. For this reason, I advise always wearing protection. If you get pregnant by your friend, it ruins a lot more than just your friendship. [Read: Pulling out is completely safe and other bad sex advice]
If you plan on getting busy with someone who is just a friend, make sure you follow these rules on what NOT to do if you want to keep things in check.
1. DON’T do it when you’re really drunk
Emotions run extra high when you’re really drunk and at the same time, you’re not making the best decisions you could be. So if you want to sleep with a friend, I suggest never doing when you’re so drunk you can’t think straight.
2. DON’T get jealous when they want to bang someone else
The best thing about sleeping with a friend is that you can sleep with other people too—since you’re not committed to them. But this means they can do the same thing.
Don’t be a jealous mess if you find out they’re sleeping with someone else. Jealousy means you have more feelings for them than you originally let on. Don’t be that person. [Read: 16 annoyances of long term FWB relationships]
3. DON’T lie about your emotions
I know it might be tempting to tell someone you don’t have feelings for them just so they’ll sleep with you as friends. But if you lie about how you feel, you’re only going to make things worse. It ends up harder on you.
4. DON’T expect more from them
They are agreeing to be your friend with benefits, not your significant other, your shoulder to cry on, or your confidant. They are there to sleep with you and not to change your relationship in any other way.
That being said, you can’t expect them to do stuff for you just because you’re now sleeping together. Don’t expect them to treat you any differently around the rest of your friends either. [Read: How to stay good friends after sleeping with each other]
5. DON’T avoid them in groups
Yes, you’re sleeping together. Yes, you’re going to see them in groups with your other friends. Don’t avoid them for the sake of keeping things on the down low.
If you avoid them, people are going to start wondering what’s up with all of that. In fact, you basically tell everyone something is up with the two of you if you avoid them all the time. [Read: 33 guilty pleasures that are best left a secret]
6. DON’T cuddle with them afterwards
Cuddling with someone who is just a friend after having sex is a BAD idea. It might be comfortable, and you might like that kind of affection after having sex with someone. Remember that’s what a relationship is for—not friends with benefits.
[Read: How to start a friends with benefits relationship]
Sleeping with a friend is not to be taken lightly. By following these dos and don’ts, you’ll be making it a lot easier on the both of you.
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