Ever heard a married friend say that they married their best friend? Has this ever made you wonder what it would be like to actually have sex with your best friend?
After all, if there’s one person who knows you best and whom you know will be loyal to you through and through, it’s your best friend. They know what you like, you share the same interests, and they can easily tell if you’re having a bad day just by how you walk.
While there are people who are happy to say they are in a relationship with their best friend, there are still those who can’t bear the thought of even just making out with their bestie.
So to finally settle the matter, we take a close look at the pros and cons of crossing the line and sleeping with your best friend, and what to do if you really do end up doing the deed.
[Read: Friendly sex? 20 hushed signs your friend wants to bang you]
We want to tell you that sleeping with your best friend is a good idea but more likely than not, it isn’t.
Now, if you want to date each other, that’s different. It can end up as a successful relationship as you are already emotionally and mentally connected.
But sleeping with your best friend without the intention to be with them in a relationship is tricky to work around. If you must, follow these rules for sleeping with your best friend.
Because, at the end of the day, let’s face it, someone will develop even stronger feelings for the other person. When that happens, it does a lot of damage to the relationship. [Read: How to have sex with your friend and make sure things don’t get weird]
In the interests of balance, let’s look at the reasons to go for it when thinking about having sex with your best friend. Then, we’ll move on to why it might not be a great choice.
There’s no better bedroom candidate than your best friend because they know you best. You tell them everything, and if there’s anyone who knows what you like, it’s them. The sex will only strengthen your connection even more.
Meeting someone new or starting a relationship with someone new can be a big risk. It’s nerve-wracking. There’s a question of chemistry.
With your best friend, you already have this bond. And best of all, they may already like you a lot, but is just afraid to make a move. [Read: 17 clear signs you should be dating your best friend already]
Being together all the time, it’s more than likely that feelings will eventually develop. And if they have on their part, they may have already imagined how you are in bed.
The fact that you are so comfortable with them means you probably already tell them bits and pieces of your sex life. That will also help them in that department. So when you finally do the deed, all the awkwardness will be gone and they may even know how to play you like a guitar.
If having sex with them is a prelude to a romantic relationship, then go for it. Since they know all your family and friends, it’s more than likely that they will approve of your relationship, compared to a new prospect, who will have to adjust or find it hard to fit into your circle. [Read: How to ask a friend out without risking your friendship]
Despite all your flaws and mistakes, your best friend has proven time and again that they’re there for you. They’ve been there for you at your worst and at your best. They love you and likely won’t do anything to hurt you—and you feel the same for them, too.
If the sex isn’t that good or if you really can’t find yourselves in a romantic relationship with each other, then you can make a clean break and just go back to being friends or best friends.
Done right, you can always agree to continue the friendship because you know you always have each other’s backs. [Read: The complete guide to staying best friends after having sex]
So, when is sleeping with your best friend not the best route to take?
If the sex is good, then surely you’ll both really get into it. However, there’s still that chance that the sex will be bad.
And if it’s bad, then it’s going to be all kinds of awkward and awful. You may not even be able to look them in the eye afterward.
Sex is way more intimate than the talks you have with them, even if those talks involve your sex lives with other partners.
When the two of you do the deed, you’ll come off it knowing far too much about each other, and this is a territory that you may or may not be willing and able to cross together.
You may have fantasized about sleeping with them many times, and maybe they’ll admit to you that they do the same.
In your mind, they’re the perfect partner and you think the lay will be awesome. However, once you do it, the ideals might be shattered—if not for you, then maybe even for them. [Read: What are the unbreakable rules of opposite gender friendships?]
So you may have sex with each other, and it could just be a one-time thing. Or you may have decided that you will just be friends with benefits *after all, they’re the perfect candidate*.
However, one of you may develop feelings for the other, leaving one person wanting to be in a more serious relationship, while the other isn’t ready for that. [Read: 25 friends with benefits rules you just can’t overlook]
No matter how great you are together as friends and how great they are as your best friend, there’s always a risk that these things might change once you take the friendship to another level.
Worst-case scenario: you may even end up losing your friendship.
Having sex with your best friend is like opening Pandora’s box – out come a lot of questions and uncertainty, and there’s all the baggage that you both carry and know all too well.
In the end, one may just end up getting hurt. [Read: 23 signs to know if someone is thinking of you sexually and desires you]
You two are not the only best friends in history who’ve had sex with each other, so don’t worry. And don’t panic! Here’s what you should do instead:
If there’s one thing you guys should really talk about, it’s this. Sooner or later, you have to talk about it, especially if you both value your friendship.
You can’t just go on ignoring the elephant in the room, so the best way to move on after having sex with your best friend is to talk about it and where the two of you want to go from there.
Were you just drunk? Were they just lonely? Were you just trying to get over an ex? Why did you sleep with each other? Do you see it as a way to start dating each other, or was it just good old sex?
Talk about what you both want to happen and see where that leads. [Read: 20 unmistakable signs your friend is crushing on you]
You may both be shocked about what happened, so it’s also best to give it time.
Test the waters of this new dimension to your relationship and still keep hanging out together. See how things go. Who knows, there could really be something precious and wonderfully romantic developing.
Eventually, you guys will have to come to a mutual decision on what you want to happen in your relationship. Are you going to start dating or just become f*ck buddies? You both have to decide. [Read: The f*ck buddy guide – How to subtly convince your friend to be a FWB]
There’s nothing as precious as real, genuine friendship. After all, best friends are hard to come by. Still, there’s also nothing more spectacular and beautiful than a genuine romance between two people who know and love each other a lot.
These are the two sides of the spectrum that you have to seriously weigh if you are thinking of having sex with your best friend. So before you take that step, think of the consequences.
You of all people know what’s best for you, your best friend, and the friendship that you share. [Read: 36 random, fun and flirty questions to ask your friend]
If you’re pretty sure you’re going to go for it, then you’re going to need to be prepared. We’re going to show you the rules for sleeping with your best friend. You’re definitely going to need them. You’re venturing into muddy waters.
We’re not trying to scare you, but you need to know what you’re getting yourself into. So, now that we’re done lecturing you, here are the rules for sleeping with your best friend. [Read: How to seduce a friend subtly and find out if they’re into you]
But seriously, why? Is this because you’re curious about what it would be like? Or you’re secretly in love with them and want them to like you back? If it’s either of those reasons then this is a horrible idea.
Now, if you already have good chemistry and both think it would be fun to try, then sure, we still think it’s a bad idea, but it’s a better reason than the other two listed. [Read: 12 signs to know if meaningless sex is for you]
This is a huge no-no if you feel that they like you, but you’re into them for more than sex and vice versa. But to be honest, having sex with your best friend without emotions is almost impossible. They’re your best friend.
If you want to sleep with them, you’re attracted to them and vice versa. So, you need to check where your heart is at and make sure they’re not in love with you. [Read: How to kiss a friend accidentally and get away with it]
If you sleep with your best friend then you need to know that this can have drastic consequences to your relationship. You can’t just treat this as a “go with the flow” type situation.
Check with yourself before you make any moves and think a couple of steps ahead in case this doesn’t go down as planned. If not, you may end up losing the relationship entirely.
Yes, you are best friends so technically you’re not supposed to have boundaries but now that sex is involved, you definitely need to know where the line is.
Are you going to talk about other dates and people you’re interested in? Will there be sleepovers? Remember, you are already emotionally connected, so lay off any relationship-type situations.
Don’t leave the conversation for after. We know it’s an awkward conversation to have, but you’re going to have sex with this person so it needs to happen.
Before sleeping with your best friend, make sure you sit down and talk about it. What you will do if someone catches feelings or meets someone else, etc. [Read: What do guys think after you have sex with them for the first time?]
Like, don’t tell anyone, really. We know you may want to tell people who you’re hooking up with, but in this case, people aren’t going to understand why you’re doing it if you have no intention of being with them, especially since they’re your best friend.
Also, it allows people to look at your relationship in a different light, and to be honest, it’s none of their business what you do behind your bedroom door.
If you’re feeling that you’re catching feelings for them, you need to tell them. Remember, they’re your best friend.
They’ve seen you at your worst, at your best, and everywhere in between. So, you have to be honest with them. If you hide your emotions, it’s going to make things a lot worse for you in the long run. [Read: A no-regrets guide to sleeping with a friend and doing it right]
But literally, expect nothing. Don’t think that they’re going to become this changed person and fall for you to have a serious relationship.
Remember, if you expect this then you shouldn’t be sleeping with them. They agreed to have sex with you and that’s about it. So, keep the expectations extremely low, and it prevents you from developing emotions. [Read: How to tell when a FWB is catching feelings – 20 signs they’re falling for you]
If this was someone you’re seriously seeing then wearing a condom may not be necessary *though you should use some form of contraception at all times*, but this person isn’t someone who’s going to be long-term.
Make sure that you’re STD-free and that they are as well. Wear a condom, you don’t want to have a baby with someone who was meant to be a fling. [Read: How to have safe sex every way possible]
What usually happens is that we stop seeing and looking for other people when we’re sleeping with a friend. Instead, we attach and close ourselves off from the rest of the dating world.
But this person isn’t your partner, they’re just someone you’re sleeping with for the time being. So, keep going on dates with other people.
Listen, you can’t become upset because they met someone else. Your friends-with-benefits is not an actual relationship.
So, if they meet someone else, you have to be okay with it. If you can’t handle it, then cut it off and stop sleeping with them. You cannot be jealous in this situation. [Read: How to deal with jealousy in a relationship and learn to overcome it]
Like we said, yes, you’re their best friend, but you need to have boundaries. Sleeping over at their house and cuddling in their bed isn’t sending clear “I only want sex” signals. You’re confusing things.
So, after sex, hang out a bit and then go home. You have your own bed so use it.
It’s sex, it’s supposed to be fun and intimate so enjoy every second of it. Make sure to always check in with yourself and see where your emotions are, but if everything is going well, just enjoy the moment with them. This is your chance to let go and have mind-blowing sex. [Read: How to make your hookup miss you – 26 pros, cons, and ways to hook them]
This is your best friend that you want to have sex with, remember that. So, before you jump into bed with them, you need to really think about this.
Take some time, there’s no need to rush. The last thing you want is a ruined friendship. Is having sex with them really worth the risk?
[Read: How does being best friends with benefits really work out?]
Having sex with your best friend is a huge gamble. If you lose, you’ll have to pay a high price of losing your best friend. If you win, the payout makes the risk so much more worth it. So weigh your options before you cross the line and have sex with your best friend.
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