Having casual sex with someone can be fun, but there are some friends with benefits rules that you really need to follow, especially if you’re not interested in anything more than a satisfying romp.
A few good movies and a few bad stories from friends could have taught you a few things about the infamous FWB relationship. You can’t have the cake and eat it too.
But if that’s exactly what you want to do, here are some things you need to keep in mind.
[Read: The best ways to start a friends with benefits relationship with someone you like]
Met a cute hottie who seems equally interested in your appearance or your bedroom manners? Well, here are a few things you need to get into your head before getting into each other.
[Read: How to accidentally kiss a friend and get away with it]
This is the biggest friends with benefits rule and the easiest one to remember. Don’t fall in love. But then again, this is also the hardest one to follow.
At first, it might sound easy to do. You might think, “I’m just horny! I don’t care about falling in love or having a relationship. It’s all about sex!” But after you sleep together for a while, you might find yourself getting emotionally attached. You want to avoid that at all costs so you don’t fall in love. [Read: 20 signs your friends with benefits if falling for you and is in love]
Understand what kind of a relationship you’re getting into right from the start. There isn’t supposed to be a happy ending. Be satisfied with a satisfying ending.
If you’re not emotionally mature, it’s going to be really difficult for you to handle a friends with benefits situation. You have to deal with the possibilities of jealousy and it being an emotional rollercoaster. If you’re not prepared for that, then this situation might not be for you.
This is one of the most important friends with benefits rules. How often should both of you call each other and how often should you meet? Can you date other people? And if so, can you talk about it?
These rules aren’t set in stone, but both of you must make a conscious effort to follow them. It’s a really smart idea to discuss this upfront before you even have sex for the first time. Don’t leave it until later, because then it will be too late.
Your friend with benefits isn’t your lover. Okay, technically, they are your lover. But that’s it. Nothing else. You will have to keep reminding yourself that.
Don’t constantly call them or try to make a conversation when you have nothing better to do. Keep it strictly all about sex. See the last rule for the ground rules if you feel like you are getting clingy and need more attention. [Read: 21 signs of a clingy lover and how to avoid turning into one]
Don’t talk to your friends about it. Gossip has a funny way of spreading within minutes after you tell a friend about it. You’ll end up pissing your friend with benefits or getting a bad reputation.
The reason it’s a good idea to keep it a secret is that other people may not understand it. They might wonder why you aren’t dating. Then, you open up yourselves to a lot of judgment. It’s best to avoid that.
It’s too risky and you may get caught, especially if both of them are trying to exchange sly smiles and sneaky glances with you, or worse, trying to reach out to your crotch from under the table at the same time.
In fact, it’s better not to sleep with more than one person at a time. Hello… STDs!! [Read: What does friends with benefits mean to a guy – do guys get hooked?]
Yes, you get to have a no strings relationship with someone. Yeah, good for you! But keep that libido and enthusiasm down or you’ll end up getting bored or scaring your screw buddy away.
When you seem to be overenthusiastic, then your sleeping partner might think you are straying away from the friends with benefits rules. Keep your enthusiasm to yourself.
You may be intimate with each other, but that’s no excuse to see each other in any place other than a bed. You’ll ruin the relationship.
If you do go on a date, that crosses the line and really violates friends with benefits rules. That doesn’t mean you can’t go grab an ice cream once in a while, but don’t make it a real date. [Read: How to ask a guy to be friends with benefits – The best ways to do it right]
Get interested in someone else as soon as you start having sex with your friend with benefits. It’ll take the option of falling for them out as long as you’re infatuated by someone else.
Stay on the dating apps. Go out with your friends and meet other people to date. Take up some new hobbies. Anything to distract yourself from getting too attached to your FWB.
Don’t try to find out about their personal life or have conversations about life and its problems. You’re into each other for sex and you really should avoid involving anything else. Call for one reason and one reason alone.
The reason for not talking too often is, again, to keep yourself emotionally distant. That is really key to having a successful friends with benefits situation. [Read: How to end a friends with benefits situation and still remain friends]
This is more of a recommendation than one of the important hard-and-fast friends with benefits rules. As sexually attracted as you may be, avoid having sex with a good friend that’s good-looking. You will lose that friend or both of you will hate each other within a few months.
It’s rare that two good friends can have sex and have it not mean anything. At least one person will probably end up falling in love. And if it’s only one-sided, that can mean the end of the friendship. [Read: 14 rules for sleeping with a best friend you can’t ever overlook]
Both of you will almost always stray apart. Or end up having an affair when one of you is in another relationship and that can get really messy. Pick the first option. [Read: Conversation tips to end a relationship on good terms]
Think about it – friends with benefits situations are not meant to last forever. It’s supposed to be temporary.
It may sound sexy and wicked and even give you an ego boost, but you’ll get caught or one of you will have to deal with a heavy bag of guilt that will ultimately be shared in the open.
It’s not ethical or moral to sleep with someone else’s partner. As tempting as it might be sometimes, just don’t do it. You’ll hurt too many people.
Don’t talk about your personal lives with each other. But convince yourselves that the other person is actually dating someone else. It’ll help avoid falling for each other.
Yes, this sounds like a game. And it kind of is. But if you think your FWB is also dating someone else, this will help you stay emotionally disconnected *which is what you want to do*. [Read: How does being best friends with benefits really work out?]
If you’re falling in love with your friend with benefits or feel like things are slipping out of hand, you owe it to your friend to at least let them know the truth so both of you can decide the course of the relationship.
Maybe they feel the same way, but maybe they don’t. Either way, it’s important to be honest about your feelings *or lack thereof*. This is one of the friends with benefits rules that is difficult to follow. [Read: 26 signs your friend is falling for you romantically even if they’re hiding it]
As fun as a perfect friends with benefits relationship could be to begin with, it does have a few bad sides too. We’d like to tell you that you can avoid any dark corners, but at some point in time, the bubble always has to burst.
When you sleep with a friend or have casual sex, you usually lose the chance of falling in love with someone who may be perfect for you.
You may take a while to realize it, but even if you think your sex friend is the most charming person in the whole world, you really can’t do anything about it because it’s too late to retrace your steps. [Read: Friends with benefits – 16 annoyances with long-term FWB]
If one of you have been hasty or made a few wrong decisions, both of you can’t do anything but walk away forever.
Can you handle that? Sometimes, having a great friend forever is more important than having sex. Weigh the pros and the cons of having sex with a friend.
As much as you may try to pretend like you don’t care, you may be upset if your friend dates someone else. And all this even though you know the ground rules.
It takes an emotionally mature person to be able to deal with this. [Read: How to be friends with someone you love without losing your mind]
No one likes talking about this part. But it’s something to be wary about, especially if your friend has a lot of active friends with benefits.
And of course, you’re not going to talk about it because *you don’t care, right?* This is not only pretty gross, but it opens up a lot of chances to get sexually transmitted diseases!
Romance always finds a way to crop up for one of you if the relationship lasts more than a few months. And trust us, both of you aren’t going to like where that road goes.
So, you really just need to ask yourself if the risk is worth it. Is having sex worth developing feelings that might not be reciprocated? [Read: How to make a FWB want a relationship with you instead]
Finally, here are some really important friends with benefit rules to remember to prolong the relationship safely.
If one of you finds yourself slipping or falling for the other person, end it at the first doubt. This is one of those huge friends with benefits rules you can’t ignore.
You really have no choice. Sure, you could continue it, but it won’t be healthy. Keep your mental health a priority for you. Almost all the time, love is not an option. [Read: Lust vs love – 21 signs to know exactly what you feel for each other]
You may not like it, but get to know about your friend with benefits sexual partners at least by numbers instead of names so you know how active they are.
Get a medical checkup now and then too, if there’s some suspicion in the air. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
Firstly, a friends with benefits relationship isn’t a good thing. It’s a dangerous excuse to avoid commitment. But yeah, it’s a lot of fun though!
At the end of it all, as fancy as it sounds, a friends with benefits relationship is almost always too good to be true. [Read: Ways to deal with a complicated relationship]
Even if both of you mutually fall in love with each other, would you be happy in the long term? This is an important question to ask. You’d always doubt your friend’s fidelity.
If you could get your friend to have sex with you so easily, can’t they have sex with someone else even though both of you are in a relationship? And what happens eventually when the relationship starts to get mundane and boring?
If you end it, you may infuriate your friend who may go into a jealous rage, or even want revenge. Unless you end the relationship nicely, there’s really never going to be a happy ending, for you or for your reputation!
[Read: How to end a friends with benefits situation and remain friends]
A friends with benefits relationship is always fun, as long as it lasts. Use these friends with benefits rules to prolong the fun for as long as both of you safely can, and end it just before it’s too late.
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