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The Do’s and Don’ts of Swinging You HAVE to Follow

Dos-and-Donts-Swinging

How can you make sure nothing goes wrong when you swap partners while swinging? How can exchanging partners be good for the relationship? Find out about the do’s and don’ts of swingers right here.

Click here to read the introduction: How to Start Swinging with your Partner

Although the majority of swinging will end up involving lovemaking and getting frisky with each other’s partners, it isn’t all about just that. Swinging is about building up the atmosphere of warmth and belonging.

Whether you are at a party with another couple or with another person for a threesome, you will be having a great time eating, drinking and chatting. To get into the comfort zone, building camaraderie with someone is essential to get down on the knees later.

Swingers can differentiate between fun and friendship. The love and companionship provided by their existing relationship is bare and transparent. There are no rough edges anywhere and they make sure of that or there may be trouble.

Thus, though swingers may have many sexual relationships, only a single emotional relationship exists. Although close friendships are formed within the community, swingers often feel nothing is more important than their own partner. The friendships and companionship among swingers strengthen the primary stem of the relationship rather than damage it.

How can Swinging help your Relationship?

Swingers lay claim that lovemaking is more intimate because they are with a partner who encourages their fantasies. The partner is so confident that jealousy is not an issue. Swingers also vouch that swinging makes infidelity less likely, as they know they can have physical contact with others with their partner’s consent.

Various responses exist to those who object to swinging on the basis of faith. Many swingers feel their activities in their own homes or private clubs are not for others’ justification. Others believe that as long as they consider their relationships sacred, playing does not contradict the sanctity and is consistent with spiritual values. Two additional considerations should be made when it comes to swinging. The first is that the couple defines cheating. As long as the couple have a definition and stay within their boundaries, no cheating would occur. Secondly, some argue that adultery is incongruent with the original definition.

Another common response to moral and philosophical objections is that there is a difference between physical intimacy and love. Contradictorily, this is one of the objections that religious groups have, that this distinction should not exist, meaning both physical intimacy and love should be the same physical agenda.

The Do’s and Don’ts of Swinging

Be truthful and honest when you talk to your partner about your feelings. If you feel jealous of your partner, or have any other uncomfortable feelings about the whole sexual step, tell your partner. If you don’t, they will only come out later and be much more awkward and damaging.

Once you get to the swingers’ joint, be yourself and don’t pretend to be someone else. Being friendly, good-natured and exuding a warm aura has a positive effect on everyone. Leaving your inhibitions at home, both physical and social is a must as it can interfere with your swinging pleasure.

You can’t expect to get much out of a swingers’ party if you aren’t prepared to put much in. Stay close to your partner but not in a clingy way as it may ward off others from approaching either of you. Know your needs, interests and desires and let everyone know about them. Practice safe sex and don’t go beyond limits, even if you intend to try new things.

Are you ready to swap partners?

Don’t be Pushy

Invite someone you’re interested in, in a clean manner and leave the decision-making to them. Don’t ask them for reasons or explanations, even if it’s your partner. Don’t carry on your sweet talking to convince someone if they’ve declined. You’d only drive a nail through your relationship. Don’t overindulge in alcohol. Don’t take someone who isn’t interested and not informed, about the actual course of the night.

Don’t take a Ticket

Don’t take a ‘ticket’ to a swingers’ party (a ticket is the one who goes just to get you in and not to take part). Don’t disturb the swinging pleasures of others. Don’t be rude and try to cheat or lie. Don’t give personal details to anyone at the party if you aren’t comfortable. Don’t be vague about your desires. Don’t cross other people’s limits.

Are you sure about this?

Swinging isn’t for everyone. People need to discuss between themselves, the different factors including jealousy, self-esteem, or any relationship problems, prior to entering into the swinging lifestyle. If any of these areas are of major concern to either person, then chances are, you aren’t ready to enjoy the swinging lifestyle and all of its benefits.

Why are you swinging, really?

It is to be noted that swinging is to enhance your relationship, not to repair or rebuild it. A couple receptive to new and different sexual experiences will begin to explore different avenues of shared sexual fulfillment to continue to grow together. Couples who want to find a way to reconnect physically and emotionally are more likely to make it through a swingers’ party together.

It provides sexual variety, adventure, and the opportunity to live out fantasies as a couple without secrecy and deceit. But never ever join a swinging community and use that as an excuse to cheat on your partner.

Swinging, if done respectfully, can enhance your relationship by a mile. But then again, it is wicked ideas like these that make sentences like the next one appear. Do it if you want, stay away if you want, because indulgences like these really are to each their own!

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DISCUSSION

48 thoughts on “The Do’s and Don’ts of Swinging You HAVE to Follow”

  1. somichell says:

    we are just looking for something diferent!!

  2. Great Stuff ! In my experience I have found good clear and honest communications within couples lays a solid path with whatever a couple might encounter. If a couple is on the same page everything else falls into place. An example of this is on our first experience my partner and I did not set guidelines and did not talk about the what we wanted or how far we would be willing to go and the end result was not good. We both were not sure how far to go our first time and it went bad fast. However the group of people we were with saw this and suggested that we a take a time out and discuss things with each other and try it again at another time. We did so and ever since then it’s been great.

  3. Jess says:

    yeah great lifestyle. more than likely your realtionship will flourish into divorce and lying but hey you got some strange tail and threw you marriage down the drain. All this and guess what your probably going to get STD’s. The gift that keeps on giving. You can swap it back and forth and all over. Needless to say the words in your marriage vows, “forsaking all others” meant absolutely nothing to any of those people. If you going to sleep around then get a divorce or at least have the respect to do it behind each others back because reguardless thats where its going anyway. I am myself have witnessed swingers at a party and they are not loving to one other at all…..they are too busy looking for the next set of bones their going to jump. Just ask my a really good friend of mine how well his marriage did after they began the great great life of swinging!!!!! P.S. He still didn’t learn his lesson.

  4. Jess says:

    Obviously this website didnt like my comment because it was erased

  5. Amy says:

    Couldn’t agree more with Jess. These people just live together because they can share bills and rent, but are unable to find a real loving relationship. If you really love somebody, you feel sick even just thinking about anybody else touching them and/or touching you. I just feel sorry for them all!

  6. Mike says:

    Funny how people comment on what they think is right for everyone else. That’s what’s wrong with US today. The constitution that protected peoples individual rights is being trampeled on by individuals and religious groups who try to force their own agenda in politics and take this country into the dark ages. To Jess and the other prudes, define marriage? Marriage started as a barter system where the women was sold to a man in exchange for goods. How the hell God got involved in the union no one knows lol. We as a species have advanced to a point where our social system is far more complex than any other species. A one rule fits all simply does not exist and to think so is simply lying to yourself. Whether is a homosexual, Polyarmorous, BDSM, roleplaying, swinging lifestyle etc are all acceptable as long as all parties involved agree as individual adults and no one gets hurt. Who are we to judge what’s right or wrong? Jess is far from perfect and is probably bitter as a result of some negative experiences or some prudish schizophrenic belief system. You are right to believe that something is wrong as a personal choice. You do not have the right to judge other based on your beliefs. Its the same as hating someone based on the color of their skin or the religion they follow.

  7. Dee says:

    I am married and my husband and I went to a Swingers club by accident, a friend said it sounded alot like another place we used to go to. Well my husband loved it and I didn’t really want to go down that road. We went for 2yrs and I started to hate what we were becoming. I tried to enjoy it and do somethings for my husbands sake, He wanted to have a threesome and he was told by a woman that if he had a threesome with a male first it might help me to relax and accept having one with a female. So we had met this guy at this club and seen him a few times when we went, my husband thought he would be a suitable male for us to have our threesome with, so we did. I will not say that I didn’t enjoy it because I did, but as I told my man I did it for him because he had told me that he fantasised about it and if I had gone the rest of my life not having had one, it would not have bothered me. I unfortunatly am not like my man and the thought of him with another woman is something I can’t handle, he says that’s ok, but he also has little digs at me from time to time about what I have done and what he hasn’t done, which he said he would never do. I made no secret of my feelings on the subject of swinging and was honest with him at al times, but even now he still wants me to play with other men, even though he knows its not what I want. I agree with Jess about 1 point she made: When we were at the swingers club I noticed that alot of the married couples weren’t showing love or affection for each other and were just in a hurry to go and find there next play partner and quite alot didn’t even have contact with each other till they were going home. Each to their own and everyone is different, but that isn’t what I wanted for my marriage and I could already see little signs of my man not being completely honest with me about things that he did. We dont go to the clubs anymore, but he still tries to get me to have the threesomes every now and then. I wish everyone that decides to go down that road luck and all I can say is honesty is always the best thing.

  8. jen says:

    Question…when a couple goes to a party and have played for a couple of hours and one is ready to leave but the other is not …should we leave or wait until both are ready?

  9. Vix says:

    I totally agree with Mike, who are you to judge someone who doesn’t sin the same way YOU do?

  10. eccentric says:

    i personally think that this is not for everyone. some may have doubts and insecurities and are attached to the world as we know it. and, some are just looking for an escape of sorts from it. to enjoy what they want in life most. and when husband and wife come home, they still reminisce on the experience. its i think is going to disneyland or to a nice spa. just let go of your inhibitions and simply take it all off and enjoy! and just cover up and go back to the real world.

  11. Negrodamus says:

    So what happens when you and the other spouse fall for each other?
    I’ve been seeing secretly the other woman for over a year, we love each other deeply yet we still have feelings for our current spouses.

    Its so painful sometimes to have to choose.

    Any advice?

  12. RedNo40 says:

    I’ve been good friends with another couple for 6 years and I’ve always been attracted to the woman. I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 years. She and the other woman are very attracted to each other and have fooled around a little. Neither of us guys are against it. My girlfriend and I are very much in love, but agree that our sexuality is a bit neglected when we’re only with each other. Our sex is very passionate and satisfying, but there has always been curiousity about others which we share with each other. We are just more sexually open and honest than most couples, I think. For 2 years we hid our curiousity and fantasies from each other thinking that it would only hurt the other, but when we started talking about it a huge weight came off of my shoulders and we were no longer afraid to explore our own fantasies. We still haven’t done it but are excited to try. The key factor in this is honesty. Honesty builds trust. Hiding your fantasies from your partner only helps build resentment and dissatisfaction even if it’s with the best of intentions. I’d much rather do this than cheat or have her cheat. I’ve never been to a club, but I imagine it’d be akward. I’d much rather do it with good friends.

  13. John Doe says:

    I am recently just starting a new chapter with my boyfriend (highly committed for 6 years) hes felt confined, passion was almost gone etc.
    We have been toying with the idea of a threesome, but that just turned out to be me just being there I wouldnt handle that joining in. So I gave him the green light to have experiences with someone who is not me. He has someone already that he picked, hes been so open and honest its overwhelming really haha.
    I want to point out NOTHING HAS HAPPENED yet and hes ALREADY more attentive, more open and looks at me like Im his queen 🙂 Its the best feeling in the world. I have my good days and my bad days its expected. I am out of mind IN LOVE with this man, more so now then when we first met.
    Everyone Ive talked to has been so supportive, theres no judging and I gotta say it HELPS! The only thing is missing is talking to someone who has gone through this, or someone who is going through it lol.
    Im glad I saw this article even though its NOT what Im experiencing it helped. Ive made sure I am in the equation, paying for the first time (the hotel) for his birthday, I always talk to him about my feelings; sometimes I talk to our good friend first because he can tell when I get crazy lol.
    If anyone on here is willing to talk more with me (just need a friend thats all) heres my email; Photographer2488@hotmail.com
    Thanks 😀

  14. Tortured says:

    My girlfriend and I have been in love with each other for many years. We have great sex, it’s explosive and we both agree we do it for each other. She recently was turned on to the idea of swinging. I’ve been to clubs as a single guy and I know what can on therefor newbies who are wide eyed and intrigued. I don’t want that to be part of my relationship. She however is very intrigued and has gone several times without me, even though she knows it’s something I’m not comfortable with. We’ve both had indiscretions in our relationship before. She says she has not engaged in any sex but likes to watch. I’m considering leaving her because I feel that the disrespect has already occurred by her going even though she knows I don’t agree with this lifestyle for us. I feel like it’s only a matter of time before something does happen (if it hasn’t already). It’s torturing me because I really love her, but won’t sit around while she basically indulges in cheating and calls me a “closed minded person” because I don’t want this for us. Need some advice folks.

  15. Primo says:

    Very good advice here We are definitely interested in the swinging lifestyle

  16. Missterie says:

    My BF was swinging before I met him. The relationship started casual and then blossomed. When he told me he was swinging,,I was devastated but curious. We broke up.
    We ended up back together and worked things out. After a while, we finally ended up at a really good party. I was into it, having a blast. And then it happened.
    He broke a rule. We only had two. No serious kissing on the mouth,,,and no playing alone.
    I turned my head for a second and he was sucking face with someone. I told him,,,”THE RULES” But I was done. Wanted to leave.
    I’m really upset. And I don’t know how to get over it. I’m trying to talk to him and he’s being okay, but I can’t believe he broke the rules. His only excuse is, I got caught up in the moment.
    I told him, how can I have fun at a party if I have to watch you like a hawk.
    So,,,no more parties til I’m feeling better.
    Anyone either of us breaks the rules with is off the menu till further notice (not her fault, but I need to get that picture out of my head)
    He’s got to build my trust from scratch again.
    How can I trust him enough to go to another party? I’ll never suck it up. I want to have fun too.
    Men can be so stupid,,,in one moment ,,he threw away all he’d done to build my trust back for the past 8 months.
    I’m considering going to a party alone, get my bearings. It’s not like he never did during the course of the relationship.
    By the way,,,,I know for a fact,,parties are more fun, and he’s more popular now that we are a couple. Women who ignored him as a single are now talking to him.
    This was soooo great,,,,,,,,,,,,,then poof.
    Another thing,,,I can’t talk to other swingers about this. It’s “drama” and could affect how we interact with others. It’s a very hard spot.
    Any advice? I love this man,,,and he’s said he’d choose me over swinging. But I want to have it all.

  17. Jessica says:

    Me and my Boyfriend of 5 years have had a threesome with a girl before and it was hot, and everything was great afterwards, now we are thinking about pursuing other routes of finding different mates. We have never been to a swingers party, but I definitely think that its something to check out. I do agree, that you haft to really trust your partner 110% to do these things. If not, it will end up hurting your relationship more than helping!!

  18. Kristi says:

    I think people like Jess really need a xanex or something because she clearly was very displeased by the swinging talk. So, not that it really matters at all, but here is my take on the situation. My boyfriend and I are thinking….actually we have started looking already…for partners in crime (as it were 😉 and we have found that being really honest with each other helps tremendously. While we have yet to reach the swingers mecca…we are pretty confident that we are not going to have a problem once the act is complete. Instead of lying to each other about our base animal instincts, we have chosen to love each other enough to just let each other know it is perfectly alright to be human and crave something new or different. It doesn’t diminish the love that is shared between two people, married or not. Human beings are not hard wired to be monogamous, and since society puts so much pressure on everyone to find that “perfect” someone we have allowed ourselves to conform. By doing this we are fostering relationships that have lies, cheating, and are more likely to pass around an STD since one person doesn’t know they are having sex with half of Texas. From our observation, the swingers we have been in contact with all seem very interested in safety and there is a level of comfort in knowing that because you came into the situation with an open mind there is no reason to lie. Aside from that, we are all grown and responsible for our own reproductive health….tell him to put on a condom Jess and stop crying about diseases you probably got from your man who probably is cheating because you are so closed minded and pent up. Just because you define a relationship by what you have to give up to be with someone, not what you two get to share, doesn’t mean the rest of us have to. Grow up princess and realize you are not the end all and be all of every mans world, then gladly throw your keyboard into a lake and get laid. 🙂 HAPPY SWINGING!!

  19. Joanne says:

    Me and my hubby have been married for twenty years and only in the last five have we been swinging. The truth is it’s not for every one so your never going to please every one.
    Love and marriage is a bit more than sex it’s a bond that goes beyond any thing else. We both have had sex with others , but it’s just sex we are both honest and open. For me I don’t want any long term friendships with any makes and females it’s sex and nothing more.
    It doesn’t matter if it’s right or wrobg for some one else it’s about you. As for STD’s well it’s your responsibility to play safe , if your willing to take a chance with your health it’s your problem.
    It’s ok for any one to sit and judge others but I am guessing its because your not aware of the facts of swinging.
    Most swinging couples are decent every day people .

  20. MariaKBella says:

    I became involved with my boyfriend 5 years ago with an understanding that he was a swinger. I thought I’d try it out because I didn’t think/know the relationship would become serious. Why not, right? No strings attached and I can have sex outside of a relationship and be just friends afterward. But we became serious and our families/children are now combined. And the closer I became to him, the less interested I was in being “shared” or sharing him. If I see him getting pleasure from another woman’s body, I just feel that I am not able to satisfy him. But let’s face it… sex with the same person can get boring after a while. I do not have interest in having sex with other men now because I found “him” and he satisfies me. But I realize that I must not satisfy him, nor keep his interest in today’s A.D.H.D. society. If a the one intimate activity between a couple is shared with so many others, what do we really have left as a couple? Are we just roommates that are together just so that we can get into parties as a couple, then go back home together and pay the bills and raise the children? I’ve always been turned on (an actually orgasm) by the intimacy of the sex between two people that loved each other. When the love dies, as it has in previous relationships, I was no longer turned on. I said I’d be open to it maybe once or twice a year, but he pressures me frequently (once or twice a month) and I think the chasm is just getting wider between us. I am really at a crossroads here and I am seriously thinking about leaving the relationship because of the discrepancy in our thinking.

  21. matthew christopher says:

    Me and my wife are wanting to try swinging but i was wondering if the other guy would take my wife to his house and his wife would come to my house or what im not sur how that works please give me advice.

  22. SF says:

    To those who say that, swinging is like “going to the spa” or “Disneyland” I say this: How am I supposed to feel when I’m looking forward to this sexual “Disneyland” because it’s more pleasurable than sex with my wife whom I love and cherish in a sacred way? I’ll tell you how I would feel, guilt ridden and awful. Variety truly is the spice of life. From my experiences as a single man I can say without question that a promiscuous lifestyle is for me more sexually gratifying than a monogamous one. If I became a swinger it would only indicate to me that I’ve become too insecure to live the sexual life of a single man, or lack the fortitude to please my wife who I love. Either of these discoveries would deliver a tremendous blow to my ego.

  23. berryron says:

    My ex bf happened to be a swinger. I didn’t know that he’s a swinger before I started seeing him. When he told me about it I was shocked and didn’t know how to react. I was already in loved with him but I told him that I couldn’t do his lifestyle. He even tried to take me to a swinger’s place but I told him no. After seeing him for 2 mos he broke up with me and told me he’s going back with his ex coz it looks like she’s up for swinging. They got married and still swinging until now…the interesting part is after 14 years he’s been keeping in touch with me even though I dodged him many times to meet him. He’s a swinger, has his wife but he never forgets the time we shared 14 years ago. He said he never felt that way with anyone…the only way I could think of is because we made love and not just have sex. He loved me but for him his lifestyle is more important and he knew we would never be happy together since I am not willing to be a part of his lifestyle. So we ended up being friends even though our feelings for each other has never changed.

  24. Mark says:

    I fully agree with Jess. Well, in this today world of ADHARM (IMMORALITY, INDIVIDUALISM and MATERIALISM) swingers, orgy, sexual revelry, wife-swapping or any other kind of name you can give to denote commerialisation of coitus. The West was once the same as The east in family values and respecting the sanctity of marriage. But as time passed, Satanic people rose to advocate for the unethical rights in the solution of human rights and freedom. Its these Satanic people who are not only immoral to the core but also blatantly reject the God. When your habits become commercial, you engage with someone just for profit. You dont love a person but love him to satisfy your lust. Lust is more passionate and powerful than love and people who engage in aforementioned dissolute activities basically fulfill their lust.
    Some people (who are economical with morality), why you need to marry to your gf/bf ? Better to live-in relationship and ditch the person after tasting her flesh. Please, dont destroy the sanctity of marriage on the name of immoral sex. For you people, sex is a lust and commercial, for us its a spiritual experience between two people in a constitutionally accepted mores. These satanic are humans but their deeds are totally animalish aiming to destroy the mores of the society. All I can say to them, please cross the boundary of further immorality by doing some more interesting stuffs to indulge in highest form of sexual immorality. Sheer shame on their deeds! Oh God why you have made them humans when they are animals in their Karma?

  25. Dee says:

    To the last remark.

    Poor boy. You sound so bitter and angry and frustrated. Enjoy your life – for life is for living – you only get one chance – this is it! Not even sure why you are on this site – it’s obviously not to boost your sex life, but to berate people who don’t have your values (hmm!).

    My husband and I started swinging last year and never strayed before then – age 50/51 been together for 28 years. Wanted to ‘spice’ things up a bit. We love it, wish we’d found it before. We meet with like minded liberated people. We love each other, but love sex – it’s not a sin!

  26. Cat says:

    Swinging is something that is definitely not recommended. Your relationship has to be at it’s peak of intimacy, love and respect for the spouse or other individual. Even then sometimes that’s not enough. Swinging definitely requires you to overlook some factors jealousy, insecurity, etc. Jealousy is all it takes to break down a happy marriage or relationship. If you constantly are thinking in your head about your spouse being sleeping with another person, and that he/she may enjoy that other person more then likely your relationship will be over. It will be like a life threatening disease that will eat away at your love for that person until you just aren’t in love or enamored with them anymore. Likely if you begin swinging it’s because you aren’t enamored with them to begin with. As you would likely not care or have the urge to share your body with several possibly hundreds of other people. Quite frankly most swinging couples don’t seem to be in love anymore, it’s more like living with a room-mate or a friend then the love of your life or someone you want to grow old with. This is definitely not something to try to rekindle the flame in your marriage or even boost it, unless you are a selfless person who wouldn’t get jealous. The article already stated most of the precautions such as safe sex, avoiding romantic feeling for the other partners etc. If your thinking about swinging for pure sexual gratification and your partner is open to it then fine. But it’s not something that will strengthen your relationship with said partner per say.

  27. sequoia says:

    Wow. Cat. So wrong! Way off base! The most important part of this is that it is not for everyone! 4% of the population … Thats it. All the swingers I know are blissfully in love… That’s the only way it works! I can tell cat, they you have no ides what you are talking about from your opening salvo, to your misuse of the word per se..

  28. Ron says:

    My wife and I had a liaison with another couple right after we married 17 years ago. We didn’t have sex with them but we were all naked and some oral sex occurred. Now, 17 years later we are talking about a threesome with another man. She said no but when I said I would never bring it up again she said “Well, now I feel like I’m denying you one of your dreams.” Then, she sent me a link to an article about it. She is now letting me buy her provocative clothes and she is wearing them out in public and letting me take pictures of her in seductive poses. I also heard her tell a girlfriend at dinner that she thought a certain black guy we know is cute (she knows I specifically have a thing for interracial sex). I sent her an article about the hotwife lifestyle and she said “Now you sound even more normal.” Is this heading where I think or am I reading way too much into this?

  29. yoboy says:

    Rules, such as no kissing, seem immature. It points up fundamental flaws in the relationship. Just shows insecurity and jealousy. Those things arevself love. If some tongue play is going to lead to emotions, then something is missing in marriage to begin with. Swinging is a Litmus test for a real marriage. Swinger couples who are happy and never jealous, sexually or emotionally, are living the dream. The rest are sour grapes that have settled that they will never live their fantasies and won’t let the other live them, either. That is not real trust. That is prison.

  30. Jenn says:

    Me and my husband have an interest in this lifestyle but can’t figure out how to actually meet someone who we want to get involved with. Online sites seem bogus. Where can we go to meet swingers.. Well let me rephrase this.. I want a threesome with a woman and my husband.

  31. swingingforfun says:

    We regularly meet swinging couples on the swinger websites. Sure there are plenty of fakes and flakes, on some sites more than 90% of profiles are not real genuine couples. Still, if you persist you can meet some really awesome couples. We belong to the following sites:

    www()sexfinder.com
    www()sdc.com
    www()theadulthub.com

  32. Nicholai Demitrez says:

    Going to a Swingers part is fun and all. But, when you turn around & your Wife is having someone elses Child. And she refuses to abort, then I think you’ve got something that you unintentionally were asking for, the moment you entered this debacle.

  33. Unsure says:

    Hi i’ve been reading some of your comments about swinging and im unsure if i want to try it eventho my bf does. Ive googled the do’s and dont’s thats how i found this site but my question is how do you keep the insecurities out? Im 24 and he’s 34..he has lived and dated 2 females in the same house and the threesome or sharing factor didnt bother them. He told me they host swinger parties once a month but i would rather not indulge in a situation from his past. I feel as though it should be with people we would never have to see again. We are preparing to move to Charlotte in a few months and i saw there are swingers clubs in the area..I think it would be better if we just go see what its like first rather than just jump into it. I know couples should set rules but my rule is simple no sex..just receive oral or play around with the other to get ourselves aroused, but he wants to have sex. What do i do because I want to keep him happy and still let him have his fantasies like he has asked me for a threesome being as though i used to deal with females in my teenage years,but im not into them anymore. I want us to learn more about the lifestyle and discuss it with someone whose into it or just beginning before anything happens and then our relationship ends because something went wrong..Am I asking too much out of him or the lifestyle ?? I love him and im open to trying something new like toys,sex swing,etc. but how can i be open minded to allowing him to do this and not look at him different like the other commeny about feeling like im not satisfying him? Please help me understand this.

  34. John Surfield says:

    We are very senior in age, which is something that my wife uses as a reason not to swing or swap but it is just that she doesn’t want to be part of that scene, now I find it hard to maintain an erection at the point of penetration as her sexual mind is no longer melding with mine. Life is too short to die sex deprived, any suggestions could help my (our) dilemma. Thanks

  35. dtlb says:

    A few months ago my wife of almost 9 years convinced me to give swinging a try. We’ve be with other people at the local club a few times and its just not for me, i cant even get off. I talked to my wife and she says its not always about getting off its about being close with other people i said then its pointless if youre not getting off. I told her i dont like it and dont want to do it anymore and shes even more pissed off because she wants to keep going.

  36. Tnew says:

    OK we have been married 24 years and have been swinging for about 6, and still love it. So I will try to answer a few questions.

    First off it is absolutely not for everyone, you have to be in an excellent relationship with your spouse, it will not fix a broken marriage.

    The parties, they are great and very sensual, if you are prudish you will be offended. Now reality check, most people at a party will not hookup and have sex. There are a lot of different types of people at the party, you will have couples that are exhibitionist and couples that are only voyeurs, and everything in between. Many couples come to just look around. At about all of the parties we attend it is couples and single females and no single males. To answer one question the rule is if one part of the couple wants to leave both leave.

    At parties you will find many couples are “dating” another couple and they will frequently pair off. We are the same in that we have two special couples that we are seeing now. It is a bit like dating a single person but now there are 4 of you dating. There are some people trying to add as many notches as possible to their bed post, but you will find the vast majority have a “dating” relationship, though some of them are dating 3 or 4 couples which we just can’t.

    In regards to the sex, I hate to disappoint you but it is not a full time orgy all the time. In our relationships it is 95% other activities that anyone would do and 5% sex. Also for us at least and most of our friends threesomes are rare. It is generally a foursome in the same room. Now these very from very soft swaps where only kissing is involved all the way to hard swaps which I shouldn’t have to explain. You really need to have 4 people who in agreement, and for this reason the sex is not near as frequent as you would expect. For us, neither one of us will take one for the team, and hall passes are few and far between. Also for safety in the beginning of a relationship I would not allow a threesome. This will prevent two people from coercing another into doing something they are not comfortable with.

    Oh and the most important rule. No means absolute “NO”. You are not allowed to touch someone without their permission. Do this and you will be tossed out of the party, and probably roughly tossed, and since this is a fairly close knit community and with the communication of the internet you will not be allowed into other parties and you will likely get kicked off the boards also. One of the safest places for a woman is at a swinger’s party

    To “Unsure” go to a party, chat with people, look around. Absolutely do not have sex at your first party, keep your clothes on and just chat with people. I have good friends who go to the parties and have for more than a year and still do not engage in sex with other people. You have to decide if it is for you or not, and most likely it is not.

    To Jenn the best place to meet people is at a party, and what you are searching for is a very rare beast called a “unicorn”. They exist in the swinger world but they are rare. To find parties there are 3 sites that I use SLS, SDC and Kasidie. We do not date directly off the sites, but use them to find events to meet people.

    To Nicholai – you think that scenario does not happen to non-swinging couples. It happened to us well before we were swinging, my wife had an affair and had a child because of it. I found out when the child was about 5 due to a medical emergency. It was tough on the marriage, but we loved each other very much, and worked through it. The child is now 18 and is a great kid and only know me as her father, and to me she is my child even though we do not share the same genes. You will find that this happens very frequently in the so called perfect marriages.

    On religion – I am not a religious person, sorry. But I will stack my morality up against many of those who profess to be. I do not cheat, lie or steal. I do not cheat because she is involved and encouraging, I don’t lie because I don’t have to, and I do not steal time or money because it is just not right. To be short my wife and I would be a couple regardless of what a religion or the state had to say about it.

    OK one final note on Sex – The sex for several days before and after a party between spouses is phenomenal. We are not the only couple to experience this and it is joked about with other couples. You do not have to have sex at a party to experience this. I think it is just the sexual excitement of the thoughts of the party.

    And remember that while men may initiate the idea of swinging, the women absolutely run the show

    TTFN

  37. denni says:

    as most man, I can get jealous . the weird thing is, I watch most porn which involves women , who look my wife ,with a guy. in my mind, I enjoy watching another guy pound my wife .. I would like to swap or have another guy involved but I must be there .. if my wife was having an affair behind my back , it would drive me nuts . but if I was in the room watching or involved has a threesome. I want that . especially if where out of town or a stranger .. we’ve been married for 24 years..

  38. dirty minded man says:

    I have swung with several women… My favorite by FAR is another man fucking her!! Its live porn. But he must b well hung! I’m about 6″ its so hot watching my woman get pounded by a big cock…I don’t get jealous, I want her to enjoy it more than our sex, because its something special… A big special strange cock! All have loved it! As did I,& my best friend…. With 9″ fatty .. Who I don’t worry about STD because he’s a safe person & we get tested. Cuz I much prefer seeing his huge BARE cock ravish her deprived pussy! It is such a turn on!!! Try it PLZ!!

  39. Angelgurl says:

    I recently started dated someone that is in the lifestyle. Im new to everything and haven’t experienced anything close to what he has experienced but he has told me for us to work out I will need to be open minded . I really care about him but not sure if this is sonething I can do.. Any suggestions or thoughts ?

  40. Stepmom says:

    I don’t really understand what that story Berryon… had to do with the article, swinging, lifestyle at all…

    Swinging lifestyle is not something independently solo. To swing, by definition is not simply the act of needing to sleep with other people. It doesn’t just mean “open relationship” or “hall pass.” Although, it can… that’s not the meaning behind it.

    Swinging occurs only when two people make decision to broaden horizons in a unique, individualized, sexually free way. It’s done in tandem and respectfully with those pre-discussed boundaries.

    For instance, if you really loved one another and ended up together; perhaps you would have one day been comfortable with the thought of swinging. To each his own, though. I am more saddened for that you are content without the love you are denying yourself out of the sake of convenience. I wish you happiness.

  41. Nattyk says:

    eally valued your synopsis of swinging! Would you be so kind as to invite us to the next party that you’re attending? I am struggling with finding the right people/place

  42. Marie says:

    Hi, my husband and I have been involved in this life style for about three years. It was more my curiosity then his, but he has been very supportive in taking part in it. We started out cautiously and have done a lil here and there. I found your review very inspiring and my husband and I cant seem to meet the right people or go to the right places. I had an encounter with a dirt bag and it ruin the night for me. However, I should have handled the situation better and told him to leave me alone. It has really put a dapper in getting out there again, I don’t want to run into the wrong people that are in this just for the notch, like you were saying. We are trying craigslist, and running into So many perves, they say they have a significant other but, they are no where to be found. Any suggestions for us with little experience in finding the right places and meeting like minded couples?

  43. ClaraJane says:

    My partner suggested we sign up to this lifestyle. I tentatively followed thinking I can’t judge until I have tried. Well, it quickly took over, the time he spent with me or spending time on me dropped, and the time he spent looking for other couples rocketed. He was desperate to see me with another woman, but got a lot out of seeing me with a bloke. However, OUR relationship declined. When i asked for a break and spend some time on ME…I was blanked.. very sad… be careful people. I’m now on my own.

  44. ClaraJane says:

    Be VERY careful Chick, if you are not sure DON’T go there. He SHOULD respect your view…a;though not all men do… from experience sadly.

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