You’ve probably read a couple “revamp your sex life” articles and they’ve probably all told you to switch it up. Well, thanks for the info, Einstein. But people forget that sex isn’t just physical, it’s mental and emotional as well. And knowing how to make sex better takes more than just a strong pelvis and a few good moves.
If you want to enjoy your sex life more, you need to focus on the whole experience. It’s not just about trying a few different positions out, although that will definitely help. It’s about mixing things up, creating a sexy environment, and feeling as relaxed and aroused as it’s possible to be.
The good news is that anyone can learn how to make sex better and have a totally enjoyable and satisfying sex life. There are no qualifications or boxes you need to tick.
It’s simply a case of putting in some effort and making sex a priority in your life.
[Read: How to have the best sex of your life with 15 easy bedroom rules]
When you’re busy at work or life is simply a little bit stressful, it’s very easy for your sex life to become stuck in an almighty dip. You end up doing the same things every single time, or worse still, you don’t do it much at all – if ever. That won’t do!
The only person you have to blame if this happens is yourself – or your partner, but probably both of you if truth be told.
If you allow sex to fall down the priority list, it’s sure to become boring and less enjoyable. But, if you focus on new and exciting things to try, you’ll quickly understand how sex could become your new favorite hobby!
Don’t worry if you think that you and your partner have fallen into a sex dip. Simply know that it’s possible to get out of it with a little work and effort. Simply identify what it is that’s caused your dip to happen and then figure out how to climb out together. Handily, we’re going to talk about a few ways you can learn how to make sex better. [Read: Sexless relationship – Why sex matters and how to spark passion again]
If you’ve been having sex for a while, then you’ll understand the connection between body, mind, and soul. If you’re really stressed out, you won’t be able to get turned on as quickly. Why? Because your mind is somewhere else… in another entirely different frame of mind.
So, let’s get to the real tips for how to make sex better. You might find that the results come a little faster than you imagined.
For sure, there are worse things you could be spending your time doing, right? [Read: 25 horny ways to increase your sex drive and keep it high]
This is the first step. Don’t live in some fantasy realm where you’re in denial of your sex life being yawn-worthy. What happens is that you may start to feel resentful, and thus, it may give you wandering eyes. If you’re pleased with your sex life, you have to accept it and let your partner know.
Are you unable to have a satisfying sex life because you work all day and you’re tired? Do you have kids? Is your partner not present?
You need to see what’s preventing you from obtaining mind-blowing sex. Only then can you work out what to do about it. [Read: How to prepare for sex – 20 things you MUST to do before you jump into bed]
Listen, your sex drive is fine. People like to blame it on their low sex drive, but that’s not the case. You’re bored. We bet if another person came and had you orgasming like an alarm clock, you’d be horny every day.
So, don’t be that person to call yourself broken. Unless you’ve been properly diagnosed, don’t waste your money on pharmaceuticals. Instead, buy a vibrator and a whip. [Read: How to get in the mood when your libido is completely absent]
Stress is probably one of the reasons why you’re not having amazing sex. Why? Because stress is a cockblocker. It does not make you horny, it has the opposite effect. When stressed, an individual’s sexual interest reduces by 80-90%.
To prevent this from happening to you, you need to partake in activities that reduce stress and be open with your feelings. Bottling up emotions will ruin your sex life. [Read: 20 hot sex ideas to blow your lover’s mind in bed]
Oh, we know what you’re thinking. However, you’re wrong. Orgasming is all mental, especially for women. Sure, there’s a physical aspect, but have you ever seen those people that orgasm without being touched?
You may think it’s weird, but it just shows you the power of the mind.
So, to remove that mental wall you built up, you’re going to need to practice mindfulness. Learn to be present in the moment and block out all other thoughts that could distract you from enjoying the sexy moment you’re in. [Read: 10 naughty sex games for couples to feel really horny instantly]
We know you want every orgasm to literally knock your socks off and leave you unable to speak proper sentences, but it’s not like that. Some days you’ll have an orgasm that’s similar to chewing on a celery stick. While other days, you’ll lose the ability to function.
This will all depend on the level of stress, where you are mentally, and of course, where you were stimulated. Clitoral stimulation may give you a different orgasmic reaction compared to anal. [Read: Get in the mood for sex with these 15 movies with a lot of sex]
Shockingly, how you see yourself and your body is hugely connected to sex. If you don’t have a high regard for yourself, well, you probably don’t want to be as sexually open and free. Why? Because right now you’re concerned about how your face looks or that extra jiggle in your stomach. Of course, boosting body confidence isn’t easy, but it will improve your life ten-fold.
Start by looking at yourself in the mirror and identify 5 things you like about your physical appearance.
The next day, add another 5. Sometimes, you might struggle to come up with something, but keep pushing on. It can be small, big, or somewhere in between, but the more you focus on the things you like, you’ll forget the things you don’t. [Read: How to feel more confident in your body and fall in love with YOU]
Whether you’re a woman or the guy who’s trying to figure how to have better sex, you should know that it’s all about the clit. The clit is like the mothership of achieving mind-blowing sex.
Sadly, penis-to-vagina intercourse isn’t the breadwinner of orgasms. However, the clit seems to be the way most women get off. When in doubt, focus on the clot. [Read: Clitoris stimulation – The sexiest and fastest ways to please the clitoris]
We know you don’t want to hear this, but having an orgasm is your responsibility. Sure, your partner can help you in getting one, but you’re the one who’s in control of your body and mind.
So, basically, if you want to make sex better, you give yourself an orgasm. That means masturbating and knowing what you like, then communicating it to your partner. It means pushing intrusive thoughts out of your head and focusing on the moment.
Know what you like and do more of it. The more you enjoy sex, the more you’ll want, and the more orgasms you’ll probably have. [Read: 40 interesting, fun quotes about the female orgasm]
Now, maybe at one point you used to love having amazing sex. However, life happens, and now you’re on medication for a particular health issue and ever since that point, you feel uninspired. Your meds could be contributing to your lack of orgasm and connection to your partner.
If you suspect that to be the case, make an appointment with your doctor and have a chat. Find out if the medication you’re taking has low libido as a side-effect and if so, find out if there are alternatives you can take, or what you can do naturally to boost your sex drive.
It goes without saying that you should never simply stop taking your medication.
Distractions are another killer of great sex. We know it’s hard, but turn your phone on silent. Okay, if you have to get back to the office, set an alarm, and then just enjoy the moment in between then. When you’re having sex, be present. [Read: How to relax during sex to free your mind and enjoy your orgasms]
The only way you’ll be able to orgasm with someone is if you know your own body and what turns it on. Spend the extra time alone and just explore yourself. That way, when you’re having sex, you’ll be able to direct the other person so that they’ll be able to give you that orgasm you’ve been looking for.
As we mentioned before, orgasms are your responsibility and you’re unlikely to have one if you don’t know what you like. [Read: How do you masturbate? 13 different ways to be a hands-on pro]
If you’re not getting the sex you want, well, you need to change that. Why not explore your sexuality and discover things that turn you on?
Maybe you’d like to try a strap-on or use a vibrator. Talk to your partner and tell them how you feel. You may find it awkward at first, but, trust us, it’ll be worth it.
Try new sex positions and look online to find ones that pique your interest. Also, what are your fantasies? Whisper them in your partner’s ear and look at their reaction. Get them to explain theirs to you.
Then, work out if there’s anything in there that you can try together. Sometimes, just talking about new things is all the motivation you need to make sex better! [Read: Top 50 kinky and horny sex ideas that are worth trying at least once in your lifetime]
If you haven’t had an orgasm, don’t fake it. Oh God, come on people, we’re well into the 2020s! What happened to open communication? Be honest with your partner.
You haven’t had an orgasm? Great, now we can focus on getting you to have one. Don’t like doggy style? Great, let your partner know that it doesn’t turn you on – in a gentle way, of course.
Communication is the cornerstone of good quality sex. Your partner isn’t a mind reader and they don’t know what you like unless you tell them. Also, you won’t know what they like unless you hear it from them. You can try dirty talk, or you can just talk in a regular way and get down to it! [Read: 22 common reasons why women fake an orgasm in bed]
All too often, we put way too much pressure on ourselves in the bedroom. Focus on the journey rather than the destination.
Yes, we know, you want an orgasm but sometimes you won’t have one. It’s that simple. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the journey towards it. The more you relax, the more likely you are to climax anyway.
Never compare your sex life to anyone else’s. Everyone is different. We all like different things and have different desires. What works for one person won’t necessarily work for another person.
So, forget comparing your sex life to your friend’s. They might not even be telling you the truth.
We all like to embellish details when talking about what we get up to between the sheets and it’s likely that your friend is doing that and making you feel sub-standard as a result. [Read: 5 easy ways to stop comparing your new guy to your ex]
Do you remember how at the start we mentioned that sex is a mind, body, and soul experience? That means you need to be relaxed and open to enjoying the moment. The best way to do that is to set the scene.
Think low lighting, candles, gentle music, and comfortable bedding. Anything which is too harsh or distracting is just going to take your attention away from the moment. That’s not what you want! [Read: The perfect bedroom – 24 tips to make any room feel like a sex bedroom instantly]
Following on from setting the scene, you need to get both of you in the right frame of mind. Totally relaxed, chilled out, and ready for sexy fun!
Why not have a warm bath together and explore the sensation of being naked together in the water? Or, take it in turns to give massages to one another, avoiding the parts that you really want to touch. [Read: 13 sensual massage techniques that’ll leave anyone wanting more]
Learning how to make sex better means choosing the right moment. Sure, you might think a quickie before work is super-fun, but it adds pressure because there’s a time constraint. That could limit your chances of orgasming.
Instead, choose a time when you both have nothing planned and plenty of space to enjoy what’s going on.
That’s right, people. You can read all of these tips, but unless you take action, they mean nothing. In order to learn how to make sex better, you need to do it. You may not feel like having sex either, which we understand is normal. However, don’t let that become a habit – because that’s not helping anyone.
Even if you’re bored with sex or it’s the last thing you’d want to do today, make the effort. Try. You may feel awkward at first, but you’ll be so glad you used these suggestions and gave your sex life another chance to bloom and flourish!
[Read: 20 sexual problems in a relationship you can easily avoid]
So, if you’re wondering how to make sex better, these tips will certainly get you to the bottom of why you’re not having orgasmic sex. So, start practicing, the good times will start from there!
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