You’ve probably read a few “revamp your sex life” features and they’ve probably all told you to switch it up. Well, thanks for the info, Einstein. But people forget that sex isn’t just physical, it’s mental and emotional as well. And knowing how to make sex better takes more than just a strong pelvis and a few good moves.
If you want to enjoy your sex life more, you need to focus on the whole experience. It’s not just about trying a few different positions out, although that will definitely help. It’s about mixing things up, creating a sexy environment, and feeling as relaxed and aroused as it’s possible to be.
The good news is that anyone can learn how to make sex better and have a totally enjoyable and satisfying sex life. There are no qualifications or boxes you need to tick.
It’s simply a case of putting in some effort and making sex a priority in your life. [Read: How to have the best sex of your life with 15 easy bedroom rules]
Sex is not just something we do to procreate. It’s something we do because it’s fun! But, a healthy sex life has some other fantastic benefits too.
A couple who enjoy a healthy and fulfilling sex life are likely to be closer and have a stronger relationship. On top of that, stress counts as a form of exercise, which could help to keep your risk of weight issues in check. Regular sex can boost your immune system, relieve stress, and even lower your blood pressure.
What better excuse is there? [Read: How often do people have sex to maintain a healthy relationship]
When you’re busy at work or life is simply a little too stressful, it’s very easy for your sex life to become stuck in an almighty dip. You end up doing the same things every single time, or worse still, you don’t do it much at all – if ever. That won’t do!
The only person you have to blame if this happens is yourself – or your partner, but probably both of you if truth be told.
If you allow sex to fall down the priority list, it’s sure to become boring and less enjoyable. But, if you focus on new and exciting things to try, you’ll quickly understand how sex could become your new favorite hobby! [Read: Why is sex important in a relationship?]
Don’t worry if you think that you and your partner have fallen into a sex dip. Just know that it’s possible to get out of it with a little work and effort. Simply identify what it is that’s caused your dip to happen and then figure out how to climb out together.
Handily, we’re going to talk about a few ways you can learn how to make sex better. [Read: Sexless relationship – why sex matters and how to spark passion again]
If you’ve been having sex for a while, then you’ll understand the connection between body, mind, and soul. If you’re really stressed out, you won’t be able to get turned on as quickly. Why? Because your mind is somewhere else entirely.
So, let’s get to the real tips for how to make sex better. You might find that the results come a little faster than you imagined.
For sure, there are worse things you could be spending your time doing, right? [Read: 25 horny ways to increase your sex drive and keep it high]
This is the first step. Don’t live in some fantasy realm where you’re in denial of your sex life being yawn-worthy. What happens is that you may start to feel resentful, and thus, it may give you wandering eyes. If you’re pleased with your sex life, you have to accept it and let your partner know.
Are you unable to have a satisfying sex life because you work all day and you’re tired? Do you have kids? Is your partner not present?
You need to see what’s preventing you from obtaining mind-blowing sex. Only then can you work out what to do about it. [Read: How to prepare for sex – 20 things you MUST do before you jump into bed]
Listen, your sex drive is fine. People like to blame it on their low sex drive, but that’s not the case. You’re bored. We bet if another person came and had you orgasm like an alarm clock, you’d be horny every day.
So, don’t be that person to call yourself broken. Unless you’ve been properly diagnosed, don’t waste your money on pharmaceuticals. Instead, buy a vibrator and a whip. [Read: How to get in the mood when your libido is completely absent]
Stress is probably one of the reasons why you’re not having amazing sex. Why? Because stress is a cockblocker. It does not make you horny, it has the opposite effect.
When stressed, an individual’s sexual interest reduces by 80-90%.
To prevent this from happening to you, you need to partake in activities that reduce stress and be open with your feelings. Bottling up emotions will ruin your sex life.
Ironically, sex is a natural stress reliever! [Read: 20 hot sex ideas to blow your lover’s mind in bed]
Oh, we know what you’re thinking. However, you’re wrong. Orgasming is all mental, especially for women.
So, to remove that mental wall you built up, you’re going to need to practice mindfulness. Learn to be present in the moment and block out all other thoughts that could distract you from enjoying the sexy moment you’re in. [Read: Naughty sex games for couples to feel really horny instantly]
We know you want every orgasm to literally knock your socks off and leave you unable to speak proper sentences, but it’s not like that. Some days you’ll have an orgasm that’s similar to chewing on a celery stick. While other days, you’ll lose the ability to function.
This will all depend on the level of stress, where you are mentally, and of course, where you were stimulated. Clitoral stimulation may give you a different orgasmic reaction compared to anal. [Read: Get in the mood for sex with these 15 movies with a lot of sex]
Shockingly, how you see yourself and your body is hugely connected to sex. If you don’t have a high regard for yourself, well, you probably don’t want to be as sexually open and free. Why? Because right now you’re concerned about how your face looks or that extra jiggle in your stomach.
Of course, boosting body confidence isn’t easy, but it will improve your life tenfold.
Start by looking at yourself in the mirror and identify five things you like about your physical appearance.
The next day, add another five. Sometimes, you might struggle to come up with something, but keep pushing on. It can be small, big, or somewhere in between, but the more you focus on the things you like, you’ll forget the things you don’t. [Read: How to feel more confident in your body and fall in love with YOU]
Whether you’re a woman or a guy who’s trying to figure out how to have better sex, you should know that it’s all about the clit. The clit is like the mothership of achieving mind-blowing sex.
Sadly, penis-to-vagina intercourse isn’t the breadwinner of orgasms. However, the clit seems to be the way most women get off. When in doubt, focus on the clit. [Read: Clitoris stimulation – the sexiest and fastest ways to please the clitoris]
We know you don’t want to hear this, but having an orgasm is your responsibility. Sure, your partner can help you get one, but you’re the one who’s in control of your body and mind.
So, basically, if you want to make sex better, you give yourself an orgasm. That means masturbating and knowing what you like, then communicating it to your partner. It means pushing intrusive thoughts out of your head and focusing on the moment. [Read: 40 interesting, fun quotes about the female orgasm]
Now, maybe at one point, you used to love having amazing sex. However, life happens, and now you’re on medication for a particular health issue and now you feel uninspired. Your meds could be contributing to your lack of orgasm and connection to your partner.
If you suspect that to be the case, make an appointment with your doctor and have a chat. Find out if the medication you’re taking has low libido as a side effect and if so, find out if there are alternatives you can take, or what you can do naturally to boost your sex drive.
It goes without saying that you should never simply stop taking your medication. [Read: Painful sex – health reasons why sex is painful for men]
Distractions are another killer of great sex. We know it’s hard, but turn your phone on silent. Okay, if you have to get back to the office, set an alarm, and then just enjoy the moment in between then.
When you’re having sex, be present. [Read: How to relax during sex to free your mind and enjoy your orgasms]
The only way you’ll be able to orgasm with someone is if you know your own body and what turns it on. Spend the extra time alone and just explore yourself.
That way, when you’re having sex, you’ll be able to direct the other person so that they’ll be able to give you that orgasm you’ve been looking for. [Read: How do you masturbate? Different ways to be a hands-on pro]
If you’re not getting the sex you want, well, you need to change that. Why not explore your sexuality and discover things that turn you on?
Maybe you’d like to try a strap-on or use a vibrator. Talk to your partner and tell them how you feel. You may find it awkward at first, but, trust us, it’ll be worth it.
Try new sex positions and look online to find ones that pique your interest. Also, what are your fantasies? Whisper them in your partner’s ear and look at their reaction. Get them to explain theirs to you. [Read: Top 50 kinky and horny sex ideas that are worth trying at least once in your lifetime]
If you haven’t had an orgasm, don’t fake it. Oh come on people, we’re well into the 2020s! What happened to open communication? Be honest with your partner.
You haven’t had an orgasm? Great, now we can focus on getting you to have one. Don’t like doggy style? Great, let your partner know that it doesn’t turn you on – in a gentle way, of course.
Communication is the cornerstone of good-quality sex. Your partner isn’t a mind reader and they don’t know what you like unless you tell them. Also, you won’t know what they like unless you hear it from them.
You can try dirty talk, or you can just talk regularly and get down to it! [Read: 22 common reasons why women fake an orgasm in bed]
All too often, we put way too much pressure on ourselves in the bedroom. Focus on the journey rather than the destination.
Yes, we know, you want an orgasm but sometimes you won’t have one. It’s that simple. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the journey towards it.
The more you relax, the more likely you are to climax anyway. [Read: Steps to get back your body confidence in the bedroom]
Never compare your sex life to anyone else’s – everyone is different. We all like different things and have different desires. What works for one person won’t necessarily work for another person.
So, forget comparing your sex life to your friends’ romps between the sheets. They might not even be telling you the truth. [Read: Easy ways to stop comparing your new guy to your ex]
Do you remember how at the start of this feature, we mentioned that sex is a mind, body, and soul experience? That means you need to be relaxed and open to enjoying the moment. The best way to do that is to set the scene.
Think low lighting, candles, gentle music, and comfortable bedding. Anything too harsh or distracting is just going to take your attention away from the moment. That’s not what you want! [Read: The perfect bedroom – 24 tips to make any room feel like a sex bedroom instantly]
Following on from setting the scene, you need to get both of you in the right frame of mind. Totally relaxed, chilled out, and ready for sexy fun!
Why not have a warm bath together and explore the sensation of being naked together in the water? Or, take turns giving massages to one another, avoiding the parts that you really want to touch. [Read: Sensual massage techniques that’ll leave anyone wanting more]
Learning how to make sex better means choosing the right moment. Sure, you might think a quickie before work is super-fun, but it adds pressure because there’s a time constraint. That could limit your chances of having an orgasm.
Instead, choose a time when you both have nothing planned and plenty of space to enjoy what’s going on.
That’s right, people. You can read all of these tips, but unless you take action, they mean nothing. In order to learn how to make sex better, you need to do it.
You may not feel like having sex either, which we understand is normal. However, don’t let that become a habit – because that’s not helping anyone. Ironically, the more sex you have, the more you usually want! [Read: Being sex positive – why this matters and why you need to get on board]
If you and your partner have any issues, even if they’re not related to sex, you need to get them squared away if you want your sex to be anything more than just okay. Having issues within your relationship can cause tension during sex, even if you don’t realize it.
Any pent-up anger or resentment you have towards your partner could be at least part of the reason you’re not enjoying sex as much as you could be. Fix your issues first, then calmly and carefully let your partner know about anything that may be bothering you. [Read: Secrets of a love-hate relationship – can it work?]
Unexpected sex is amazing. When you have spontaneous sex, it’s easier to let go of everything else and just focus on the moment at hand. It also adds a level of excitement that you just can’t get when you’ve basically penciled sex into your schedule. [Read: 18 ways to become more spontaneous in life]
Why does it seem like people are always rushing to have sex and rushing for it to be over? It’s turned into one of those “get this over with” events that leave people unsatisfied and complaining.
Slow down, take in the moment, and don’t rush for completion. [Read: Sexiest foreplay tips you can ever use in bed!]
If your partner asks what you’re thinking about during sex and you’re embarrassed to answer, because you’re really thinking about laundry, your sex probably isn’t that great.
Every time your mind wanders to groceries, what’s for supper, or what’s wrong with your car, refocus your energy back on your significant other. You’ll be surprised at how much this little thing can change your sex life for the better.
Did you know that couples who rank their sex life higher also rank their ability to please their partner higher as well? Since we’re all creatures that love making other people happy, if you please your partner, you will actually feel more pleasure yourself, too.
So, find out what they like and comply. [Read: 20 hot sex ideas to blow your lover’s mind in bed!]
Having empty sex is never going to be as fulfilling as having sex with someone you care deeply about. Because you feel such a connection with the person, it’s going to make you care more about them, and they’ll care more about pleasing you as well.
So if there’s anything getting in the way of allowing yourself to fully connect with your significant other, find a way to fix it so you can have better sex. [Read: The 16 non-sexual touches to feel connected and loved]
Most of us have a tendency to focus on the stuff that’s not going well during sex. Their hand is on my hair, their legs are in an awkward place—you get the idea. The problem with this is that it puts our minds in a negative frame, and that doesn’t make for good sex.
Not only does exercising increase your libido, but it also is scientifically proven to make you have better sex. You’ll be able to go longer and feel that much better about your body.
So, hit the weights and then hit the sheets. [Read: Things that can improve your dwindling sex drive]
If you want to know how to have better sex, then do it every day for 7 days – it’s as simple as that. You know how practice makes perfect, and the more you do something the more it becomes a habit? Well, this applies to sex too.
If you aren’t having sex as regularly as you like, then have sex for seven days straight – it will get you back into the swing of things and hopefully reignite your desire for one another. [Read: Sexy ways to make long-term sex feel like a one-night stand]
It’s an oldie, but a goodie! Watching porn can really help turn both of you on and have passionate, mind-blowing sex like never before. If you haven’t done it before, you might want to ease yourselves into this gently.
Talk about it together beforehand, and try to find a movie that you think will work for both of you. Don’t dive straight into the physical stuff. Watch a bit of it first until you really feel yourselves getting turned on, and then just go for it.
Another interesting technique is to actually ban yourselves from having sex at all. If you are a once-a-week couple but it always feels a bit dull, or you would like to have it more, why not put a one-month sex ban on your relationship?
As soon as sex is taken out of the equation, it can feel very difficult to not want to do it – something to do with forbidden fruit! By the end of the month, you’ll be ready to rip each other’s clothes off once more! [Read: 25 horny ways to increase your sex drive and keep it high]
Try some bondage, get into spanking, or head to a sex shop and see what takes your fancy. Sometimes you just need a few extras to help you get there – that’s what they are there for after all! [Read: Top 50 kinky ideas for a really sexy relationship]
Do you make your partner feel loved and special? Sex is not just physical, it’s emotional too. Make sure that you keep the romance alive in your relationship and sex should naturally follow.
Good old-fashioned dress-up sessions can be just the thing to get you both super-turned-on. Ask your partner what they would find the most sexy, and then surprise them by dressing up one evening and seducing them then and there.
Fantasies can become realities if you trust your partner with them. If you want to know how to have better sex, then act out your wildest fantasies… It can be seriously hot! [Read: Naughty sex games for couples to feel horny again]
Still wondering how to have better sex? Well, try talking dirty. Dirty talk is a huge turn-on for many couples.
If you feel uncertain or aren’t sure how to start, just take it slowly and you can soon build up to whispering filthy nothings in your partner’s ear. [Read: How to talk dirty in bed – all the dirty examples you need]
Sex doesn’t have to be so serious. The sooner you can lighten up and have fun together in the bedroom, the more likely you are to relax, enjoy it, and want to do it even more! [Read: 30 naughty questions for couples to instantly rekindle the sexual spark]
And don’t cancel it! Making time for sex means it’s an important part of your life. When you place importance on something, it’s likely to become more fulfilling.
So, set a date night and then take things into the bedroom afterward!
There’s something about that extra bit of slip and slide that can take sex to a whole other level. Give it a go and you’ll see exactly what we mean! [Read: How to use lubricants to liven up your sex life instantly]
Both men and women can do Kegels and they’re an amazing tool for your sex life. Simply squeeze the same muscles you would if you were trying to stop yourself from peeing mid-flow. Those are your pelvic floor muscles.
A full set is 10-15 squeezes and you need to do around three sets every day.
Sometimes a change of scenery can be all it takes to your sex life on fire again. Plan a naughty getaway for the night and keep your mind firmly on the sexy fun you’re going to have.
You don’t have to go too far, you can simply choose a fancy hotel in your town! The point is you’re getting out of your regular setting and going a little wild in the process. [Read: Things a sex vacation can do for your love life]
This is rare, so don’t panic at this suggestion, but some medical conditions can cause a person to have a lower appetite for sex. If you think this could be the case, simply head to your doctor’s office for a check-up to put your mind at rest.
Sex therapy is a very useful tool for couples who are struggling with their sex life. Sometimes, the view of an outsider who is trained can be all it takes to unlock your desire and passion for one another again.
A therapist can also help you to unearth hidden issues which you may not be directly aware of. [Read: Big signs you need sex therapy and how to face it]
Trying something new is a great way to learn how to have better sex. Temperature play is a fun way to experiment and involves the use of ice cubes and perhaps massage candles intermittently to move between hot and cold.
It will drive your senses wild and you’ll be ripping off whatever’s left of your clothes pretty soon afterward!
We’re talking about that sexy slip-and-slide again! A soapy shower or a hot bubble bath are great ways to feel your bodies slick against one another.
It’s a real turn-on – give it a try! [Read: Shower sex – 18 sexy bathroom secrets to get wet, make love, and not slip]
The great thing about mutual masturbation is that it takes trust. You have to feel comfortable with the other person seeing you touching yourself intimately, but that’s what builds the bond.
There’s something insanely sexy about seeing your partner touching themselves in this way and you’ll no doubt want to push their hand away and get down to it yourself! [Read: Mutual masturbation – intimate ways to connect without touching]
There are certain herbs known to help boost libido and because they’re natural, you’ll probably feel more comfortable giving it a go. However, do remember to check this out with your doctor if you’re on any existing medication, etc.
Basil, garlic, and ginkgo biloba are all good options.
If you’re using toys, remember to wash them thoroughly before and after use. But, sexual hygiene covers other aspects too, such as having a shower before and after sex, etc.
Not only is it good for your health, but it also helps to make you feel more comfortable and confident too. [Read: How to prepare for sex – 20 things you must do to enjoy it way more]
Now you know how to make sex better, it’s time to start practicing. It really is true that the more sex you have, the more you’ll want. So, what better excuse than just going for it?
Your partner will notice a change in you which will certainly kickstart their libido in return. Before you know it, you’ll be jumping each other’s bones as you did at the very start!
[Read: 20 sexual problems in a relationship you can easily avoid]
If you’re still wondering how to make sex better, these tips will certainly get you to the bottom of why you’re not having orgasmic sex. Start practicing and the good times will begin!
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