A Couple’s Guide to Swapping Partners with Another Couple

Living the sexy swinging life is unconventional and fun, but there will be complications if you aren’t careful. Here’s how you can avoid them.

swapping partners

The norm states that you shouldn’t be sharing your partner with someone else. However, this unwritten rule has been thwarted, broken, bent and ignored for centuries. So why not embrace a new norm and explore what’s out there?

If your partner is fully on board with it, sleeping with someone else does not make you a dirtbag cheater. Instead, it makes you an open minded individual who isn’t afraid of the power of sex. Many couples nowadays are experimenting with sex and intimacy through threesomes, open relationships and swinging.

The difference between open relationships and swinging

Firstly, do not confuse the two. An open relationship means that both parties consent to their partners engaging in sexual activities with other people. On the other hand, swinging is a lifestyle that embodies partners in committed relationships agreeing to the act of swapping partners with other couples. [Read: 15 open relationship rules for a better love life]

There are a couple of differences within the swinging lifestyle itself, known as a soft swap and a full swap. The former is when couples swap partners and engage in kissing and other sexual acts that do not involve penetration. The latter is when penetration is involved. Do further research to figure out which one works better for the two of you.

Remember that there are many rules when it comes to the swinging lifestyle. Whether you head to a swinging club, sexy swingers event or find a like-minded couple on the internet to get it on with, the most important rule is that swinging should not replace your current sex life.

You need to look at swinging as an added bonus that helps propel your sex life to another level. If the only time you have sex is during your out-on-the-town swinging sessions, then you can safely say that you have a problem with your own relationship. Work on that first before attempting anything else.

How to avoid complications when having sex with another couple

Here are seven swinging tips for you to keep in mind, if you want unconventional sex, minus the drama that comes with it.

#1 Agree to the lifestyle together. When you look at it from an unconventional point of view, sex can be treated and looked at as a hobby. Just like shooting hoops or baking a cake, it is something that you can do alone, with your partner and with others. Just remember that this lifestyle is something that both of you have to agree to. If not, it stands the risk of falling under the category of cheating.

The hardest part of agreeing to the lifestyle together is broaching the subject for the first time. Whether swinging is yours or your partner’s brainchild, there is no denying that the very first conversation that the two of you have about it will be steeped in awkwardness.

Do not be surprised if shame, jealousy and anger make an appearance. Once you get over the initial hurdle, things start getting much easier as both of you are now on board and will work together to source for the perfect swinging experience.

If your partner is hesitant about making the move to this lifestyle, be patient and do not even think about forcing them into it. This will invite resentment, insecurity and defensiveness, making it very difficult for your partner to ever clamber on board. [Read: How to start swinging with your partner]

#2 Lay down ground rules. Another way to preserve your relationship is to set the rules with your partner beforehand. Blurred lines and assumptions make one stunning recipe for disaster. Arguments will be bound to arise once jealousy rears its ugly head. Although you and your partner are open to having sex with other couples, it does not change the fact that you are both human and your emotions will inevitably come into play.

An example of a rule that you can set together is agreeing that neither of you will indulge in a swinging outing without the other. You can also discuss the option of not having any contact with the other couple outside of swinging meet ups. Laying down the law when it comes to using protection, staying together at swingers parties and other related issues should also be discussed. The more ground you cover together, the less likely one or both parties will start an argument and complicate the relationship. [Read: The 10 dos and don’ts of swinging]

#3 Invest in trust. Trust is a very important quality to have, if you want to partake in a swinging lifestyle without complicating your own partnership. Remember that trust is required, even more so if you are living this unconventional lifestyle. If you are the jealous type, start swinging by partaking in a tamer sort of swap, particularly one that involves just a soft swap and see where it takes you from there. Some couples take years before finally agreeing to a full swap, so do not worry if it takes you longer than expected to solidify the trust and go all the way. [Read: How to build trust in your relationship]

#4 Communicate often. Another way to keep your relationship from getting complicated is to communicate often with your spouse. Good communication is perhaps one of the most important things that you need to work on when you enter the world of swinging. Speak incessantly about what the two of you are hoping to get out of swinging. Do not forget to communicate with your lover on the type of couple you would like to experiment with and so on. So long as you are prepared to compromise with your partner, everything will be just fine.

#5 Do not swing with friends. A good way to keep your new lifestyle and relationship with your spouse intact is to never swap partners with friends. Feelings may start developing, jealousy will inevitably come into play and before you know it, a falling out with these friends is bound to happen.

Trust me on this when I say that it is better to keep your friendships and sex life separate. Even better, be classy and keep your swinging lifestyle on the down low. The last thing you want is for the whole neighborhood and their cousins to know what you and your spouse are up to.

#6 Swing with seasoned couples. If you are new to the lifestyle and want to keep things as drama free as possible, consider swinging with seasoned and experienced couples, at least at first. Not only will they show you the ropes, they will also share with you lifestyle tips that they have picked up along the way. Just like starting anything new, it is always best to speak to an expert beforehand to get an idea of what to expect, and how to react when the unexpected crops up.

#7 Bring home the eroticism. Finally, the best way to have sex with other couples without complicating your relationship is to bring home the eroticism and sensuality. Remember that swinging is one of the many tools in life’s toolbox that you can use to keep your sex life fresh and exciting. The whole point of experiencing this unconventional lifestyle is so that you can take home these new experiences with you. Whether you want to relive what you did or try out something new with your partner, ensure that you keep the sexual attraction between the two of you alive and well. [Read: 30 sexy ways to spice up your sex life]

Whether you like watching, being watched, experimenting with props or just getting it on with someone else, swinging lets you do it all. Just remember that your relationship with your spouse is the most important one of all. If one of you gets uncomfortable, talk it through and come to an agreement on what to do next.

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Lianne Choo
Born in Singapore and raised in Malaysia to multi-racial parents, Lianne is a self-proclaimed travel and food junkie. Having traveled extensively around the wor...
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