So when you and your partner started out, you’re so into each other that you could go at it all day and all night. By that, we mean you could give rabbits a run for their money when it comes to having sex. Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but that’s just the honeymoon phase, honey. You have to move behind the honeymoon phase to know if you have sexual compatibility or not!
Now that the dust settled into a rather comfortable pace and place in your relationship, you start to wonder just how great the sex was *especially when compared to the ones you’ve had in the past—come on, let’s be honest here*.
Now that you’ve started to notice your partner’s strange quirks and preferences, do you ever wonder if the two of you are really sexually compatible? [Read: 10 signs the honeymoon stage of your relationship is over]
13 signs of sexual compatibility
Let’s be straight here. Being in a relationship doesn’t just have to be about all that emotional connection BS. Of course, sexual compatibility has something to do with where the relationship is going. Being sexually aligned with someone is important to having a satisfying *if not mind-blowing* sex life, which also significantly contributes to a satisfying love life.
To help you figure out once and for all if you and your partner have that sexual chemistry, take a look at these 13 signs.
#1 Synced drives. Sex drives, that is. If you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to when, how often, and how long you want to have sex, then you’re one sexually compatible couple.
When the two of you always feel horny at the same time, are easily aroused with each other during the same circumstances, and crave sex at roughly the same times in a week, then you’re in good hands. Neither of you feel like begging for, nor are being forced to, have sex and this is a great sign. [Read: I want to have sex with you: 15 ways to seduce without words]
#2 Enjoying the same things. So you have the same hobbies, but when it comes to bondage, your partner abhors it terribly. That isn’t sexual compatibility. When it comes to bed, a sexually compatible couple is into the same kinks in bed *or not*.
The two of you are willing and open to try out some BDSM-like fantasies or the other. And even if you’re both vanilla, that’s fine too. The important thing is you both enjoy the same things in bed.
#3 Great communication. You have some sort of ESP with each other when it comes to things in the bedroom. And this isn’t just about your moans and groans while grinding. It’s actually more about how you both understand each other as you express yourselves sexually through words or body language.
Case in point: sexting. Are you both enjoying the level of naughtiness you send each other through text? That’s one good clue.
#4 Sex value. This is when you have the same views on how important sex is in the relationship. When, for example, your partner doesn’t value the role of sex in your relationship the same way that you do, your partner will not make the same effort in making the deed special, or at least more than plain “f*cking.”
This means your partner makes time for it, prepares for it, takes out the champagne and strawberries once in a while, and just makes sure that you also cum. [Read: Using sex as a bargaining tool: Why it’s a terrible idea]
#5 Sexual kindness. Both of you are willing to give as much as you receive. This means you care about your partner’s sexual satisfaction as much as your own. You pleasure each other because it ups your libido too, in a way. And if ever your partner is not satisfied with your round, then you at least make up for it the next time.
Best of all, you don’t use sex as ammunition for your battle for control or dominance in the relationship. [Read: How to get a selfish lover to be more giving in bed]
#6 Let’s talk about anatomy. Sexual chemistry is also about sexual anatomy. How you fit together physically *too small, too big, too wide, too tight, too tall, too short, etc.* plays a big role on how compatible you are in bed. If you don’t fit well and keep having awkward, uncomfortable, and even painful positions, then sex becomes something you dread or are embarrassed about. However, if things just feel physically perfect, then yay!
#7 Stage fright, anyone? Being in bed with someone feels like a performance sometimes, but the thing is, you’re not hung up on the “performance” of it all. Otherwise, it just becomes a chore, a goal, an obligation. Numbers, whether your partner came, etc. shouldn’t be the be-all and end-all of why you’re doing it.
While orgasm is something you’d like to have for yourself and for your partner, it shouldn’t stress you out that either one of you didn’t come.
#8 Compromise. Yes, eerily like a relationship, sexual compatibility is also about compromise. Even if the two of you don’t entirely have the same preferences when it comes to how you want to receive head or how you want to be spanked, both of you at least settle on compromises.
When it comes to your libidos, or level of experimentation, respecting what your partner is comfortable with and vice versa results in better sexual chemistry. [Read: Naughty is nice: The couple’s guide to erotic spanking]
#9 Level of commitment. You have the same views when it comes to who you want to sleep with, like if you want to sleep with other people or would prefer to keep things monogamous. At least you’re honest about each other and have managed expectations out of the relationship. Aside from this, you also have similar definitions of what you call exclusive and cheating.
#10 Only one. Now, if you have decided to be exclusive to each other, then a sign of sexual compatibility is you don’t imagine having sex with anyone else. Whether that’s a sign of true love or not, the thing is, you’re sexually compatible if you’re that satisfied. You want to keep doing it over and over, in any which way, with the same person.
#11 Bed and beyond. You are satisfied with your life in the bedroom—and beyond. This means that you and your partner connect also on the same emotional level.
You have great, positive, and constructive communication and connection that goes beyond “Yes, oooh, yes!” and “I’m coming!” You actually understand each other and like each other’s company even without sex involved. [Read: 10 signs you’re dating your best friend and don’t know it]
#12 Think it, be it. As with anything, if you believe you are sexually compatible, you are more likely to act as sexually compatible. Ergo, be actually sexually compatible. Sometimes, it’s really just a matter of mind over matter. It goes the other way too. Even if everything above checks out, but you still don’t believe in your chemistry in bed, then nothing will work.
#13 It’s natural. Lastly, you know you’re sexually compatible if sex is effortless to both of you. You like the same things, you easily get turned on by each other, you don’t get into awkwardly uncomfortable positions.
And you don’t feel disgusted or forced to do what you have to do. Simply put, being all over each other’s bodies is as natural as breathing, like you two are just made for each other.
[Read: Sexual tension: 20 signs you’re in lustful overdrive]
Openly and honestly talk about your preferences and expectations in sex and what things you’re both willing to do or compromise. Being able to do this paves the way to better chemistry in bed, better sex life, and possibly a better relationship.
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