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The Cuckold Fantasy: The Fetish & What You Need to Know to Try It

Picture your partner having sex with someone else. How do you feel? Excited? Upset? If it’s the former, you might be interested in the cuckold fantasy. 

cuckold fantasy

Sex is an ever-changing subject. It seems that every month there’s a new term we have to learn the meaning of! This can only be a good thing, because it means we’re all becoming more open and adventurous when it comes to exploring our kinks and fantasies. Have you heard of the term ‘cuckold fantasy’?

If you have and you’re not totally sure what it is, or you simply want to learn more, you’re in the right place!

Cuckolding is something you tend to hear from the “ye olde English” works of Shakespeare and Chaucer, but what does it really mean?

It’s different now to what it used to mean back in the day. Back in those days, it referred to the infidelity of a man’s wife.

In the old days, calling a man a cuckold would lead to fight. A stab here and there, and duels resulting in a few deaths. Being cuckolded was thought of as the pinnacle of shame for a man. That’s the reason why you see those cast-iron chastity belts in medieval museums. [Read: Ultimate how-to guide for cuckold humiliation]

But we’re not living in Shakespearian times anymore

Thankfully, that’s true!

Whilst the term ‘cuckold’ basically means that you’re the husband of an adulterous wife, it has actually become somewhat of a sexual fantasy that many people now love exploring!

While infidelity is something that is universally frowned-upon, you might be surprised to hear that there are certain couples, husbands, in particular, who find pleasure in the extramarital relations of their wives.

Some of them even have taken it up a notch to make it into a lifestyle. [Read: 11 most common fetishes, plus 5 super weird ones!]

Something that is unthinkable to an average person has been creeping into the mainstream. Of course, when you indulge in this type of sexual fantasy, both parties are aware of it and there is no actual cheating going on. It’s role play and totally consenting on all sides.

You won’t be surprised to see internet forums about cuckold fantasy and also about cuckqueans. This a term which refers to a woman who’s husband has sex with other people and she quite likes it. Want to know more about the cuckquean and if your wife enjoys watching you have sex with other women? Check it out, perhaps, both of you enjoy watching each other having sex with others.

You’ll also find hotwifing clubs *the same thing as cuckolding* with members reaching millions, looking for a place to share their experiences and find other men to have a taste of their spouse. [Read: 7 extremely weird, but really popular sexual fetishes]

Cuckolding as a fetish

Let us quickly explain the dynamics of a sexual fetish, so you can understand the whole cuckold fantasy a little more.

When you’re talking about a fetish, you have something that is not really sexual in itself. It could be an inanimate object *think leather garments, stockings, shoes, etc*, a harmless or even mundane activity *like peeing, shaving, or showering*, a body part, or something degrading and painful.

A person who gets sexual gratification from seeing or experiencing these things can be said to have a sexual fetish for that object or action.

If you have a cuckolding fantasy, you enjoy seeing or thinking about your wife having sex with another man. It makes you wonder what kind of pleasure a man can find in something that usually inspires jealousy, heartbreak, and, in some cases, murderous rage.

However, that’s how fantasies work – we all have different ones and there’s no point trying to understand it, if it’s not the one for you. [Read: The beta cuck: The real meaning & what it means to be a sexual cuck]

What’s in it for the guy?

Masochistic pleasure from the shame and degradation of seeing your wife cheat in your face.

What’s in it for the wife?

Aside from getting to have sex with other men of you or your husband’s choice, you get sadistic pleasure from dominating your husband.

You’re having sex with another man in front of him, and the exhibitionist pleasure of having sex with an audience. [Read: Does your wife want to sleep with another man?]

How does the cuckold fantasy work in practice?

If a cuckold fantasy seems interesting to you, here are a few things you must know to step into the world of cuckolding.

1. How does cuckolding or hotwifing happen?

Cuckolding involves at least three people. However, it is not a threesome or an orgy. In an orgy or a threesome, all parties engage in sex at the same time.

In cuckolding, the man is usually an outside observer and does not participate in the action. He merely watches from a distance as a man, or groups of men, have sex with his wife.

In most cases, the man just sits back on a couch, sipping whiskey as he watches his wife try the whole Kama Sutra with another man.

The wife may just let her husband hear her moans and dirty talk, or she can verbally abuse him by saying that her current partner is way better at sex than her husband. It really depends on preferences, and just how much the husband wants to be humiliated *for some men, sexual humiliation is a bigger turn on than actual sex*. [Read: Threesome rules – 20 things to know before you even consider doing it]

2. How do people get involved in the cuckold fantasy?

Some couples admit that their fetish actually began from real infidelities. Just imagine the scene: a man discovers his wife having sex with another man. He confronts her, and instead of running amok, he tells her that he likes what she’s doing and they should do it again, including him the next time.

The rest of the cuckolds admit that they got curious and tried it once at a party. They liked it too much to stop.

3. Know the terms

There are names for each person in the cuckold fantasy situation.

The cuck – The husband who is watching his wife have sex with another man

The hotwife – The wife who is getting down and dirty

The bull – The man who is having sex with the wife, i.e. the third party

4. How do couples choose the third party?

Cuckolding is infidelity with consent. That’s the important thing to remember – with consent.

In some cases, the husband is actually the one to choose who his wife will sleep with. Other couples set their own rules for their comfort and enjoyment.

Some wives choose their own partner, some choose them from an online community, and some solicit the services of sex workers who specialize in the fetish. It really comes down to what fits in with your cuckold fantasy. [Read: The complete guide on how to start swinging with your partner]

5. Mainstream cuckoldry and bigger “members”

As mentioned earlier, cuckoldry has attracted enough sexually-curious couples to form a community of their own. As a result, cuckolding generated a whole new market for sex workers who cater to such tastes.

Cuckolds and hot wives have their own gatherings, which share the same format as your regular swingers party or orgy.

One common and popular theme of cuckolding, which you can find online, is to find a man with a bigger penis to have sex with the wife.

In this theme, the husband/boyfriend plays a sad guy who watches his wife having sex with a well-endowed man. This scenario is extremely popular in the cuckolding community. [Read: Why are men so obsessed with their penis size?]

6. Cuckolding fetish is like emotional S&M

S&M *or sadomasochism* is a classic sexual fetish, where people get pleasure from inflicting and/or receiving pain. This is the fetish where the whip, furry handcuffs, and verbal abuse are let loose.

This fetish requires two people; the sadist brings in the hurt, and the masochist gleefully receives and begs for the pain. Both parties enjoy what is happening.

Putting cuckolding into comparison, the dynamics of pleasure are somewhat similar. First, you have a guy who’s watching his wife having sex with another man in front of him. The guy takes pleasure from the anguish of hearing his wife’s moans in the arms of another man.

In this scenario, the guy is the masochist taking punishment from his sadist wife. Instead of the physical pain of S&M, the man gets pleasure from the psychological anguish of being cheated on. That’s the whole crux of the cuckold fantasy. [Read: The sexy swinging lifestyle and how to make it work for you]

7. The cuckold fantasy is similar to voyeurism

Voyeurism is the act of spying on the private activities of people, because of the pleasure derived from it.

Cuckolding shares the same frequency as voyeurism, as you have a man who does not participate in the sexual activities, but merely watches. It is like watching porn, but live and featuring your wife as the star. [Read: Sexual voyeurism and the horny rush it gives you]

8. Cuckolding has an exhibitionist feel to it

While the husband plays the voyeur, the wife plays the exhibitionist. Putting oneself in the wife’s situation, you can imagine the complete dominance you have over the cuckolded husband, as he helplessly watches you moan, grind, and make love to a stranger.

At the same time, you can derive pleasure from the fact that you are having sex with a live audience, and it will definitely drive you to performance level. [Read: Sexy exhibitionism – How to get naked in public]

How to try the cuckold fantasy for yourself

If you’re reading this and thinking “hmm, I’d like to try that”, there are some very important things you need to know.

You need to know how to practice cuckolding safely, how to find a third wheel in your fantasy, and how to make sure that it brings you both pleasure, not heartache. Here are a few tips and some practical advice to get started in the cuckold fantasy world.

1. Talk honestly to your partner

If your partner has never once talked about trying anything remotely “out there” when it comes to fantasies, you might feel shy or unsure about approaching the subject.

The thing is, they might not have broached the subject because they’re feeling the same way. A healthy relationship needs communication on all subjects, including sex. [Read: The top 50 kinky sex ideas worth trying and discussing with your partner]

Sit down and talk to your partner about the fact that you’re curious about cuckolding. See how they feel about it and explore the fantasy together.

The online realm is a great place to learn more and you can work out together whether it’s something you want to try.

Of course, if your partner isn’t up for being a hotwife or having any part in the cuckold world, you’ll have to let the fantasy dwell only in your mind. [Read: 14 tips to get your partner to open up about sex]

2. Choose your boundaries together

Exploring a cuckold fantasy means that your relationship should be strengthened as a result, not ruined. The best way to protect your relationship is to set boundaries. These are the hard lines that you don’t want to cross.

For instance, your wife kissing another man might be a red line for you. For her, she might not want a man to go down on her. Both parties must have their boundaries listened to, and put into place for this to work.

3. Sex with another man should only happen with the cuckold’s permission

This particular fantasy hinges on one thing – consent. Yes, there is cheating going on, but it’s consented cheating.

The moment the wife *or in a cuckquean situation, the man* has sex with someone else without their partner’s consent, it’s gone past the point of fantasy and it’s downright cheating. Never confuse the two, this isn’t an open relationship. [Read: Who cheats more, men or women? How to have a cheat-free romance]

4. Move slowly and keep communicating as you go

After the first attempt at cuckolding, talk to your partner and have an open and honest conversation about how you both felt. Was it everything you expected it to be, or did you feel differently? Is it something you’d like to try again, or are you over it?

It’s important to be totally open and honest with your partner if you want this to work.

Perhaps there was something your partner did that you felt strange about or didn’t enjoy. Maybe there was something you did that they didn’t enjoy either. Ironing these things out can help you to avoid problems as your cuckold fantasy progresses. [Read: How to fantasize about someone else and discuss it while having sex with your partner]

5. Find the right third party for your cuckold fantasy

The best way to find a third party is through cuckold communities online.

You could invite someone else you know into your fantasy, but in most cases, that just adds a world of confusion and complication to the issue.

By finding the right partner, normally online, you’re choosing someone who has experience of the cuckold fantasy and is choosing to participate for the same reasons you want to try it. [Read: The threesome invite: How to ask someone to join you in bed]

Talk to them beforehand and let them know your boundaries. If they just don’t feel right, politely decline and continue your search. This is something you should do together and a decision you both need to be happy with. It could be that you choose the guy you want your wife to have sex with, but even then, she needs to consent to it first.

Whoever makes the final decision in the role play side of things, you both need to be happy with it in the real world.

6. Remember – Safety first!

There are a few safety points you ned to remember before you choose the third wheel in your cuckold fantasy. Firstly, never give out any personal details, either online or in person.

Secondly, meet the person in public first of all and get a feel for them. If you or your wife feel that they’re not right but can’t quite explain it, listen to your gut and pass on the opportunity.

Finally, sexual safety is key. Aside from laying out your boundaries, you also need to make sure that you’re protected against STIs and pregnancy as a couple. Never leave this to chance or allow it to be forgotten in the excitement of the fantasy you’re living out. [Read: How to have safe sex in every single way it is possible to]

If the cuckold fantasy appeals to you, be sure to move slowly and keep communication lines open. We all have our own kinds and fantasies.

Some we keep to ourselves and some we try to act out.

Maybe you’ll try cuckolding once and decide it’s not for you. That’s fine, at least you tried it. However, it might be something that you really get into and find that it brings you a sense of sexual satisfaction.

[Read: Cuckolding fetish and 15 other common and super weird fetishes worth knowing about]

The cuckold fantasy is an acquired taste. It may or may not appeal to you, but the fact that some people find it gratifying tells you that all you need to do is give it a try. Or not. As the saying goes, “Whatever floats your boat.”

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Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...