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The Cuckold Fantasy: The Fetish and Everything About It

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Does the thought of your spouse having sex with someone else turn you on? The cuckold fantasy may sound taboo, but it’s more common than you think!

Cuckolding is something you tend to hear from the “ye olde English” works of Shakespeare and Chaucer, but what does it really mean? To be precise, it is the infidelity of a man’s wife. In the old days, calling a man a cuckold would lead to fights—a stab here and there, and duels resulting in a few deaths. Being cuckolded is thought of as the paramount of shame for a man’s honor. You just don’t want that to happen to you. That’s the reason why you see those cast-iron chastity belts in medieval museums.

While infidelity is something that is universally frowned-upon, you might be surprised to hear that there are certain couples—husbands, in particular—who find pleasure in the extramarital relations of their wives. Some of them even have taken it up a notch to make it into a lifestyle.

Something that is unthinkable to an average person has been creeping into the mainstream—you won’t be surprised to see internet forums and hotwifing *hotwifing is another moniker for cuckolding* clubs with members reaching millions, looking for a place to share their experiences and find other men to have a taste of their spouse. [Read: 7 extremely weird, but really popular sexual fetishes]

Cuckolding as a fetish

Let us quickly explain the dynamics of a sexual fetish: you have something that is not really sexual in itself. It could be an inanimate object *think leather garments, stockings, shoes, etc*, a harmless or even mundane activity *like peeing, shaving, or showering*, a body part, or something degrading and painful. A person who gets sexual gratification from seeing or experiencing these things can be said to have a sexual fetish for that object or action.

Bringing cuckolding into the picture seems even stranger; if you have a cuckolding fetish, your wife is having sex with another man. It makes you wonder what kind of pleasure a man can find in something that usually inspires jealousy, heartbreak, and, in some cases, murderous rage. That’s where the weird part of the brain comes in.

What’s in it for the guy: Masochistic pleasure from the shame and degradation of seeing your wife cheat in your face.

What’s in it for the wife: Aside from getting to have sex with other men of you or your husband’s choice, you get sadistic pleasure from dominating your husband, by having sex with another man in front of him, and the exhibitionist pleasure of having sex with an audience. [Read: Does your wife want to sleep with another man?]

7 things to know about cuckolding and hotwifing

#1 How does cuckolding happen? Cuckolding involves at least three people. However, it is not a threesome or an orgy. In an orgy or a threesome, all parties engage in sex at the same time. In cuckolding, the man is an outside observer and does not participate in the action. He merely watches from a distance as a man or groups of men have sex with his wife.

In most cases, the man just sits back on a couch, sipping whiskey as he watches his wife try the whole Kama Sutra with another man. The wife may just let her husband hear her moans and dirty talk, or she can verbally abuse him by saying that her current partner is way better at sex than her husband. [Read: Threesome rules – 20 things to know before you even consider doing it]

#2 How do people get involved in it? Some couples admit that their fetish actually began from real infidelities. Just imagine the scene: a man discovers his wife having sex with another man, confronts her, and instead of running amok, he tells her that he likes what she’s doing and they should do it again, including him the next time. The rest of the cuckolds admit that they got curious and tried it once at a party—and liked it too much to stop.

#3 How do couples choose the third party? Cuckolding is infidelity with consent. In some cases, the husband is actually the one to choose who his wife will sleep with. Other couples set their own rules for their comfort and enjoyment. Some wives choose their own partner, some get theirs from their online community, and some solicit the services of sex workers who specialize in the fetish. [Read: The complete guide on how to start swinging with your partner]

#4 Mainstream cuckoldry and bigger “members.” As mentioned earlier, cuckoldry has attracted enough sexually-curious couples to form a community of their own. As a result, cuckolding generated a whole new market for sex workers who cater to such tastes. Cuckolds and hot wives have their own gatherings, which share the same format as your regular swinger’s party or orgy.

One common and popular theme of cuckolding, which you can find online, is to find a man with a bigger penis to have sex with the wife. In this theme, the husband/boyfriend plays a sad bloke who watches his wife having sex with a well-endowed man. And for some reason, this scenario, apparently, is extremely popular in the cuckolding community. [Read: Why are men so obsessed with their penis size?]

#5 Cuckolding fetish is like emotional S&M. S&M *or sadomasochism* is a classic sexual fetish, where people get pleasure from inflicting and/or receiving pain. This is the fetish where the whip, furry handcuffs, and verbal abuse are let loose. This fetish requires two people; the sadist brings in the hurt, and the masochist gleefully receives and begs for the pain. Both parties enjoy what is happening.

Putting cuckolding into comparison, the dynamics of pleasure are somewhat similar. First, you have a guy who’s watching his wife having sex with another man in front of him. The guy takes pleasure from the anguish of hearing his wife’s moans in the arms of another man. In this scenario, the guy is the masochist taking punishment from his sadist wife, where instead of the physical pain of S&M, the man gets pleasure from the psychological anguish of being cheated on.

#6 Cuckolding is also similar to voyeurism. Voyeurism is the act of spying on the private activities of people, because of the pleasure derived from it. Cuckolding shares the same frequency as voyeurism, as you have a man who does not participate in the sexual activities, but merely watches. It is like watching porn, but live and featuring your wife as the star. [Read: Sexual voyeurism and the horny rush it gives you]

#7 Cuckolding has an exhibitionist feel to it. While the husband plays the voyeur, the wife plays the exhibitionist. Putting oneself in the wife’s situation, you can imagine the complete dominance you have over the cuckolded husband, as he helplessly watches you moan, grind, and make love to a stranger of your choice. At the same time, you can derive pleasure from the fact that you are having sex with a live audience, and it will definitely drive you to performance level. [Read: Sexy exhibitionism – How to get naked in public]

[Read: Cuckolding fetish and 15 other common and super weird fetishes worth knowing about]

Cuckolding is an acquired taste. It may or may not appeal to you, but the fact that some people find it gratifying tells you that all you need to do is give it a try. Or not. As the saying goes, “Whatever floats your boat.”

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Paul Timothy Mangay
Paul Timothy Mangay
Paul aka Morty is a keyboard-pounding cubicle-dweller based in Manila where he occasionally moonlights as a writer for anyone in need of his mediocre word-strin...
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DISCUSSION

2 thoughts on “The Cuckold Fantasy: The Fetish and Everything About It”

  1. Dan says:

    I wish more articles would pay attention to the bull in the scenario. You know, the guy partners pick to live out their fantasy with. I’m a proud bull by heart and it’s something I’ve been fortunate enough to experience with two couples so far and it’s probably one of the hottest sexual thrills anyone can go through if they’re up for it. However, there just seems to be too little attention paid to them in the long run

  2. Tesa says:

    I was unaware that this was a fetish. I am married and I can’t even imagine my husband asking me to take part in this. I like performing solely for him and I don’t want him watching as some other man is having sex with me. To me, this is plain cheating. I don’t understand how a man can let another man have sex with his wife right in front of him. It makes no sense to me, but that’s just my opinion on the matter.

  3. Matt says:

    Yeah this fetish is definitely not for me.

  4. Bob says:

    I was really excited. After 5 years of having silent fantasies about my wife and other men, I finally told my wife that I have been fantasizing her having sex with other men. She had a lot of questions. She wanted to know “who” were the other men in my fantasies. I told her about the men in my fantasies which were her boss, her ex-boyfriends, her fitness instructor, the muscular neighbor. She was surprised that I kept my fantasies a secret for so long. I think the idea of me allowing her to have sex with other men excited her, but also confused her. LOL

  5. Cuck says:

    Just so you know, you aren’t cheating on your husband with cuckolding. Cheating is doing something sexual/emotional/physical that your partner says they consider cheating (within reason obviously). Your partner has decided he doesn’t care for strict monogamy and given you freedoms so long as he can watch. You both enjoy it, and neither of you feels a need to stop this type of interaction. Cheating isn’t necessarily having sex with another person; it’s doing something you know your partner would not like you doing. Non-monogamy is okay. It’s okay to struggle with feeling conflicted as well. Figure out what you both are comfortable with. For example is it okay for him to schedule dates without your knowledge, and under what conditions might that be acceptable? How often do you need to reconnect (dates, sex, emotional conversations, etc.) for neither of you to feel neglected/used with this new situation? Are there times when you aren’t interested in partaking in this, and how should the other partner handle this? What can the other men do? What can’t the other men do? Is cuddling after sex with these men acceptable or should they leave immediately? Can you have sex with a man your husband doesn’t know if he’s watching? Can you have sex if your husband isn’t watching? Those sorts of questions are important

  6. cocky says:

    I am fairly confident that she would be receptive to trying out the lifestyle. But even just “trying it” feels like a point of no return to me… like either it would work and be amazing or it would fail miserably and our marriage would be over. Obviously the decision on whether to go for it or not will be one I need to make on my own… nobody can know my situation like I do. But given the wide range of experiences, interests, opinions, knowledge and enthusiasm for various sexual lifestyles/situations represented in this community, it seems like a no-brainer to solicit some input from you all before making what would be one of the biggest decisions in my life. I’m sure a large percentage of cuck-wannabes (like me) – guys/gals who have fantasized about the lifestyle but never experienced it – would say that this is not even a question. That if you have a legitimate cuckold opportunity staring you in the face, you go for it 10 times out of 10, with no regard for the risks involved. That not just blindly taking the leap would be a slap in the face of those who long to be in the lifestyle, but have absolutely no chance of it becoming a reality. Believe me, I totally get that take on the situation… it pretty much sums up how I feel. That said, I’m mindful enough to know that the leap from fantasy to reality is a HUGE one, and not something to be taken lightly. So, I’d love for you all to share some some practical advice and important warnings based on your own experiences and familiarity with the cuckold lifestyle. How does it really feel that first time you see your wife with another man… the first time you see them flirt… the first time you see them kiss… the first time you see him enter her… the first time you see her cum for him… the first time you see him cum for her… the first time you see them laugh and play around after f*cking? I’ll be honest… I’m aroused writing that question out… but I imagine it can be quite overwhelming to actually live it out. What if you are getting off watching… do you immediately regret your life choices after you’ve cum and they are still right in front of you, enjoying each other in ways that society says were meant to be only between you and her? What is life like between “date nights” when you’re just living regular old day-to-day life with your wife? Is it possible to maintain some semblance of a normal marriage “outside of the bedroom”? How often does experimenting with a cuck relationship breathe new life into a marriage and develop into a healthy, exciting, long-term relationship for all three people… versus how often does it destroy the fiber of a marriage and eventually lead to resentment/separation/divorce? I know the answer is probably somewhere in the middle… that experiencing a true cuckold relationship is part amazing and part agony. My question is… does the amazing outweigh the agony. In other words, should I roll the dice and pursue a cuckold experience if I’m extremely intrigued by the idea and have a realistic opportunity sitting right in front of me?

  7. Kz says:

    About half the community that is into variants of cuckold/voyuerism arent wimps. Just because you are born with a big dick and maybe you work out doesnt make you some alpha male. I make my gf cum time and time again and i still fantasize about this stuff. Im not into cuckold but more so voyeur/3way. In short its not about the mass as much as it is about the substance. Some people are into it and dont know why like me. Im dominant in our relationship, i hold doors, would put a mf in the ER for bad mouthing her, and all that stuff but when im arroused this happens. Dont let it get to your head. No man is immortal

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