You and your partner are feeling sexually adventurous and want to know how to be kinky. From guidelines to sex toys, we have your answers right here.
If you thought you were the only one who has kinky thoughts, well, think again. In reality, one in five individuals incorporates know how to be kinky in their regular bedroom play. And that number is growing.
More and more people are exploring their sexuality and engaging in kinky sexual activities such as spanking and role-playing. And frankly, we’re surprised and excited as well!
Just a few years ago, being kinky was seen as taboo. But, thanks to mainstream media, kinks are now a normal part of sex, with more people openly speaking and engaging in it.
[Read: How to date a kinky girl – 19 ways to go from vanilla to freaky spicy sex]
How to be kinky – The general guidelines
We don’t really have much of a definition for the word kinky. It basically means everything that’s outside of “normal” sex. Iyou know what “normal sex” is, please, let us know.
If you’ve been having “normal sex,” you may want to spice things up and go outside the conventional box. And that’s great. You only live once. Why not explore and experiment?
If you want to tap into your kinky side, well, it won’t be that hard. But let’s start with some general guidelines before we go into specifics.
1. Know what kinks are
You may have watched Fifty Shades of Grey, but kinks are more than just spanking. Get to know the categories of kink and what they entail.
BDSM, role-playing, fetishes, voyeurism, and group sex are all a part of being kinky. Which ones stand out to you? [Read: How to open up about your kinky side and widen your sexual horizons]
2. Be curious
If you want to be kinky, be curious. How else will you be motivated to explore your sexuality if you’re not curious about it?
Start reading about kinky activities, get onto kinky forums, and research more about kinks and the kinky community. [Read: Top 50 kinky things you should try with your partner at least once]
3. Accept your sexual needs
Just because you like being spanked, doesn’t mean you’re mentally unstable or perverted. Being kinky isn’t a mental illness.
Everyone has their own sexual preferences. Accept your sexual needs, and don’t feel guilty for having them. [Read: Is your negative thinking wreaking havoc on your sex life?]
4. Talk about it with your partner
Before tying your partner up to the bedpost, make sure you talk to them about it.
Are they comfortable with kinky activities? What are their limitations? How do they feel? You should never surprise your partner unless you’ve spoken to them ahead of time.
5. Consent is everything
If you’re with your partner, they must consent to explore kinks with you. Not everyone is comfortable experimenting with sex, and that’s something you must respect.
Of course, if you want to explore your kinky side, you will need to compromise.
6. Come up with safe words
You should never do anything kinky without establishing a safe word. A safe word will automatically stop the session when you or your partner are feeling pain or discomfort.
Once the safe word is said, everything stops and together you discuss it. If you don’t think you need a safe word, then you’re not ready to be kinky. [Read: How to use safe words when you’re playing rough]
7. Think about your limitations
Before you do anything kinky, think hard about your limitations. What are things you do not want to do during a kinky session?
Once you come up with some limitations, discuss them with your partner and vice versa. Everyone has limitations. It’s normal.
8. Experiment solo or with your partner
You don’t need a partner to be kinky, but if you have a partner, be kinky with them. Whether you’re solo or in a relationship, it shouldn’t stop you from exploring your sexual side.
If you’re with a partner, talk to them beforehand, and create guidelines and boundaries. Then, experiment kinks together. [Read: A guide to take your sex life from vanilla to OMFG!]
9. Start simple
You don’t need to tie yourself up or have hot oil poured on you for the first time. There’s no need to rush into the heavy stuff right away.
Does a public smooch or a flash of skin turn you on because that’s something you normally don’t do? Well, that’s kinky for you because it’s outside of your “normal” sex.
Take your time and start simple without any extra equipment. Get used to new feelings and sensations. Eventually, once you’re ready, work your way up.
10. Use or don’t use toys
Of course, many kinky people use sex toys and other equipment, but that doesn’t mean you should. At least, not right away.
But to explore your kinky side, you can use sex toys, but you also don’t have to. As for now, since you’re a beginner, start simple. [Read: 15 dirty ways to have the sexiest rough sex ever!]
11. Find a kink community
If you want to explore your kinks on a deeper level, join a kink community. Whether online or in a physical group, you’ll get tips and advice from people who are highly experienced. That’s how you’ll develop as a person as well.
12. Take your time
This isn’t a race. You’re not in a competition of who’s the kinkiest. Focus on discovering and uncovering your sexual fantasies.
It may take time to try new things, and that’s perfectly okay. Take your time, and if you feel uncomfortable, don’t do it. [Read: The craziest kinky stories from Reddit that’ll make you go “oh”]
13. Focus on aftercare
Many people ignore the importance of aftercare, but in our opinion, it’s one of the most important parts of exploring your kinky side.
After your session, sit down with your partner and talk openly about how it went, what you liked, what you didn’t like, etc. The only way to improve is to talk about it.
Plus, it gives you time to bond with your partner, depending on how deep you went into your kinky side.
How to be kinky – specifics
Now that you know the generally guidelines of how to be kinky, you have your basics right. Now, you need to give different simple kinks a try and see which ones you like.
Let’s start with a few of these suggestions, and you can always work your way into more bolder or wilder kinks.
14. Blindfold each other
This is something that people who engage in BDSM do. When you deprive yourself of the sense of sight, the rest of your senses get heightened.
You can take turns being the one blindfolded or you can do it simultaneously. Touch will be extra electrifying and even surprising because you don’t see it coming. [Read: Blindfold sex – 15 sensual ways to use blindfolds in bed]
15. Do it in front of a mirror
When you’re having sex, tell your partner that you want more than one viewpoint. Then go do it in front of a mirror.
Go to a mirror and lean in front of it. That way, you’ll get to watch yourself and your partner enjoying yourselves. Try to get views from both the back and the front.
16. Create a sex tape
A lot of people like to watch porn, but have you ever watched porn of yourself? That can be really kinky and hot.
You can even create a “storyline” and act it out just like you see in real porn movies. Then, sit and watch it together and think of other scenarios you can act out the next time.
17. Tie your partner up
Getting kinky often includes dominance and submission. So, one of you can be the dominant one and tie the other one up so they are your “sex slave.”
Don’t ask them what they want, just take the lead and do whatever you want to them, with their advance permission of course. Some people prefer to dominate, and others prefer to be the subordinate. [Read: Top 50 kinky sex ideas you should try at least once in your lifetime]
18. Spank each other
Remember when your parents used to spank you as a child when you were bad? Well, why leave it to the parents?
You can pretend that you are “bad” and need to be “punished” by spanking each other. You can use your hands or you can use something else. Either way, it is a real turn-on for some people. [Read: How and when to spank a bad, bad girl to arouse her]
19. Dress up
Wear something different than you normally would. Get some slutty lingerie with high heels and fishnet stockings.
Or, you can choose any other type of kinky outfit you like. It could be black leather or whatever else you think is hot.
20. Roleplay
Pretend like you are not yourselves and create characters and a scenario to act out. You can even get costumes to be more convincing.
You could choose from a wide variety of options such as the police officer and criminal, or school girl and teacher. Whatever it is, you should choose something “taboo” so you feel more excited about it. [Read: Role playing ideas for couples – 16 naughty ideas to dress for sex]
21. Watch each other masturbate
Usually, people masturbate alone, but it’s pretty kinky to sit and watch your partner pleasure themselves. Or, you could masturbate simultaneously.
If you take turns, you can take mental notes of how they pleasure themselves so you can do it on them later.
22. Watch porn and have sex at the same time
You have probably watched porn a lot of times before, but have you ever watched it while you were having sex?
It’s a hot and kinky thing to do. You can try to imitate what you are seeing on the screen. Try those positions or any toys that they use in the movie.
23. Try a threesome
If you’re feeling especially sexually adventurous, then you could try a threesome. This takes a lot of communication and ground rules, but if both of you are interested in it, why not?
Decide if you want male-female-male or female-male-female. Then, go out and try to find a willing participant. [Read: The threesome invite – How to ask someone to join you in bed]
24. Couple swap
If you don’t want to try a threesome but still want to get kinky with other lovers, then you can try a couple swap.
Maybe you know other sexually adventurous couples, so you should ask if they are up for switching partners. Decide whether you will all do it in the same room or if you’ll do it privately. [Read: A first-timers guide to couple swaps and having sex with another couple]
25. Tease with rewards and punishments
You could try the rewards and punishment system to have some kinky fun.
Reward your partner by doing things like waking them up with a sex act. You can punish with things like spanking your partner if they cum before you do. Or, if they don’t do something up to your expectations, then they can get “punished.”
26. Go to a sex party
If a threesome or a couple swap isn’t something you’d like to do, you can always try to find a sex party to go to.
There are a lot of swingers out there who have sex parties. And sometimes, they even involve group sex. If that’s not kinky… then what is? [Read: 10 vital things a beginner should be prepared for at a sex party]
Try using these toys to get kinky
So we’ve learned the guidelines on how to be kinky, and a few ways to start as well. Finally, let’s get hands-on and learn about a few kinky equipment and gear. Once you learn these, you will have all the basics covered to take your first big step into the work of kink!
27. Collars
This is a collar *like a dog* that is worn by the submissive person. The dominant person can drag them around.
28. Chokers
This is worn by the submissive to create a tightened sensation around the neck.
29. Gags
If one of you has an oral fixation, then you will be turned on by this one.
30. Ball gags
A ball gag is a ball that goes into your mouth and is secured by a head strap.
31. Mouth spreaders
While the ball gag goes into the mouth, the mouth spreader spreads it out.
32. Nipple clamps
Clamps pinch the nipples to restrict movement or create a pleasurably painful squeezing.
[Read: How to have rough sex – 15 dirty moves to have the sexiest time ever]
33. Genital clamps
For women, you can place the clamp at the base of the clitoris to restrict blood flow and then release it. For men, you can place clamps up and down the scrotum or on the foreskin.
34. Nose clamps
This is sort of like a clothespin and they are used to close your nose to restrict your breathing.
35. Floggers
A flogger is a handle with a bunch of tails at the end – kind of like a kinky mop that you get hit with.
36. Paddles
Paddles look like ping-pong paddles and are designed to hit a big surface area when spanked.
37. Whips
This is more of an advanced kinky sex toy because they are not easy to use.
[Read: Strap in and kink out – Your guide to having submissive sex]
38. Rope or handcuffs
Either of these can be used as a form of bondage so the person can’t move.
39. Binders
Arm binders are common in the BDSM scene. They completely immobilize the person’s arm, unlike handcuffs which allow the person to wiggle their arms around. They also have leg binders too.
40. Bondage tape
This is a specific type of tape *different than duct tape* that only sticks to itself and not your hair or skin.
41. Shackles
These are ankle or wrist restraints that are meant to immobilize or humiliate the person.
42. Spreader bars
Spreader bars hold your ankles apart from each other which exposes your genitals and holds your legs in one place.
[Read: The simple freaky, kinky things you can try together in bed]
We all have a kinky side to us. And now that you know how to be kinky, just remember these guidelines, first steps, and equipment too. It may take some time to get familiar and pick favorites, but it’s well worth the wait!
