Though they say that getting back with your ex is a bad idea, there are still instances when you just can’t let them go, no matter how hard you try.
As a word of warning to all our readers, looking to get back together with your ex needs a lot of careful consideration. After all, there is a reason you broke up in the first place. However, there’s no denying the attraction for someone you’ve once loved and may still love. [Read: 10 reasons you shouldn’t give your ex another chance]
Do you miss how your ex would always make you laugh? Do you miss the warmth of your ex’s embrace? Do you long for those hours you spent talking about sweet nothings? Do your friends and family ever seem to wistfully ask why it never worked out between you two? Do you honestly believe, with all your heart, that getting back together with your ex is a perfectly sane and reasonable thing to do?
How to get your ex back
If you’ve answered “yes” to all the questions above, here’s how you can try to get back into your ex’s loving arms. Once you’ve made up your mind to try and give it another shot with a past love, you can follow these steps to ensure that you do it right.
#1 Start off with an apology. This would only apply if the wound of your breakup is still pretty recent. Breakups are a two-way thing. Even if it was caused by your ex, there’s still a possibility that you let go of words that you wish you could take back. To ease you back into your ex’s good graces, it’s always a good idea to apologize for the things you may have said and done to contribute to the demise of your relationship.
Be as sincere as you can be, and if possible, try to do this in person. The fact that your ex seems interested in talking to you may be a sign that there’s a possibility that they will take you back. Who knows, you might even reconcile right then and there!
#2 If the breakup isn’t recent, send your ex a text or a private message. Calling or just showing up at your ex’s place may be too forward and too confrontational. It might make your ex completely defensive and just shoot you down. Instead, it’s better if you send a message, just to give your ex some time to think of whether to reply or not.
If your ex replies amicably enough, then great! If not, don’t take it too personally. Your ex might be suspicious of your message. Try to send another message at another time, and keep your fingers crossed that you’ll get a response. If after about three messages spanning over the course of a week or two you still get no response, there’s a huge chance that getting back together is out of the question.
#3 Ask your ex out over the phone. Once you get to messaging each other on a more or less regular basis, give your ex a call. It’s up to you if you want your ex to hear just how smitten you still are with hearing their voice. After the preliminary chitchat, ask your ex to hang out with you, even if it’s just as friends.
Yes, it may be deceptive to tell your ex that it’s just as friends, but immediately confessing that you’re still attracted to them might take your ex by surprise. The key here is going through the motions slowly, but surely. Also, make sure that the date has a very casual feel to it. Avoid any romantic settings. If possible, have the “friendly date” in a coffee shop or a restaurant during daylight hours. [Read: How to date your ex again]
#4 Reconnect with your ex’s friends. Once you’re back to hanging out with each other, it may also be a good idea to get back in touch with your ex’s friends and family. Don’t act like your breakup never happened. Instead, act like someone who has been away for a while, but would just like to catch up. Keep your cool, and don’t act all possessive.
One of the key ways you can try to get back with your ex is by getting to their friends. Your ex may be persuaded by a friend who seems to think that you’ve changed for the better or that a second try might do you both good.
#5 Reminisce about the good times. When you’re on your third date, or maybe even on your first, if you want to take it fast, you might want to bring up your old relationship. The way your ex responds to this prompt depends on how your relationship was. Their reaction actually clues you in on your chances of getting back together.
If they recall the good old days, they might still see you as someone they can fall back in love with. On the other hand, if your ex seems to see your relationship as a waste of time or a very trying phase in their life, then you need to work on convincing your ex that it won’t be like that the second time around.
#6 Show your ex how much you’ve changed. If you’re still the same person whom your ex decided to leave, then asking for them to take you back is like asking them to go through the pointless motions all over again. You can do this by highlighting some of the things that you’ve changed for the better.
For instance, you may show signs that you’re now more sensitive to their feelings by showing empathy. You may tell your ex that you’ve decided to join a program for controlling bad habits like smoking, drinking, gambling or even anger issues. You can also talk about how you’ve decided to pursue a career. This can then make your ex consider that giving you a second chance might not be such a bad idea. [Read: How to recreate your sexual chemistry with your ex]
#7 Try to woo your ex again. Even if you show your ex that you’ve changed for the better, you also have to show that the parts your ex likes are still there. Look back at how you were able to catch your ex’s attention and use this to attract them a second time.
You may have met during a music event, and you can go to another one to relive the memories. Your ex may have fallen for your great taste in movies and literature, and you can regale them with stories of what you’ve seen and read. Maybe your ex fell in love with your carefree, devil may care attitude. You can show that side of you by going out on a spontaneous trip, but still keeping your responsibilities in mind. [Read: 20 unconventional date ideas to go on]
#8 Emphasize why you want to get back together. Throughout all these fun dates and subtly romantic hints, your ex might still not understand why you’re trying to win them back. It’s clear that you’re not just after a tumble in bed, but you have to make it clear that your intentions include getting back together.
This is ultimately all up to you and your own personal reasons. But one of the most effective things you might say is the fact that life just isn’t the same without your ex’s presence. You can explain how different it was and how much better it could be, if you were to reconcile.
Another reason you can state is that you’ve never been able to find anyone else who makes you feel the way your ex feels. Of course, you’ll have to own up to the fact that you have been dating other people. But you’re both adults and your ex is bound to understand.
#9 He or she is the one. One of the many reasons people break up is because of commitment issues. Your ex may have left because they didn’t think you’d commit completely. You can change their mind by actually proposing marriage. And yes, even women can do this, but it takes a woman with a lot of guts to pull this off.
But before you start planning a huge proposal, you have to consider the odds that your ex may or may not accept it. Don’t use your proposal to pressure your ex, as this may just lead to you getting disappointed.
Getting your ex back will be ten times harder than the first time you got them to like you. But by following these steps, you have a guide for the things that you can do that are likely to bring about the outcome you want.
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