Nowadays, texting is our main form of communication. It used to be talking on the phone, but even that could be terrifying if you were trying to have a conversation with someone you liked. Texting is far easier and much faster. Of course, that means you need to know how to ask someone out over text to increase your chances of success. And there are right ways and wrong ways to do this!
Let’s be real, asking someone out over a text is a lot easier for you. However, it doesn’t always seem like you’re very genuine about it.
It’s also easier for the other person to say “no” because they don’t have to deal with disappointing you. So what do you do when the odds seemed stacked against you?
[Read: Texting your crush: A step-by-step guide to doing it right]
If someone doesn’t feel like they actually know you, they’re not going to agree to a date with you. That seems a little backward from what dating is supposed to be, but hear me out.
Nowadays, you get to know someone a little more in depth before you actually go on a date.
Back in the day, the date was primarily how you go to know someone in order to determine if you like them. Now, however, texting and conversing regularly over the phone is how you can tell if you like someone and a date is something that more or less seals the deal for you. [Read: 80 questions to ask before getting serious]
It’s easy to send back and forth texts over a short amount of time. That means you can get a feel for whether this person is someone you want to spend an evening’s date with, or whether you want to pass and move on.
It’s not always easy getting someone to agree to a date. You may have decided you like them but they might not be so sure yet. Basically, it’s up to you to convince them to at least give you a chance.
You can’t beg them. That not only looks desperate, it’s also a huge turn-off. Here are a few things you can do to increase your odds of landing an actual date while playing it cool, as well as a few things you should definitely avoid.
[Read: 20 flirty texting facts to help you have a good love life]
You don’t have to rush into asking someone on a date when you only just got their number a few days ago. Spend some time texting them and getting to know them.
Ask about their life and hobbies and passions. Show them that you care about them in a completely platonic way before trying to date them. This will make them feel more comfortable. The more they know about you, the higher your chances of getting them to say “yes”. [Read: How long does it really take to get to know someone?]
If they have no idea who you really are, they’re not going to be fond of going on a date with you. And that means you can’t be fake, either.
There’s tons of advice out there about how to act in a way that another person will like, but honestly, just be yourself. They’ll be able to sense that you’re not being genuine from a mile away and they’ll stay even further from you.
You know what will make just about anyone want to go on a date with you? Thinking that you’re the most fun person they’ve ever met. If you keep your texting conversation light and humorous, they’ll be more likely to go on a date with you.
If you can make them laugh through a text, they’ll have high hopes for you in person. So while you can still talk about deep, meaningful things, remember to have fun with your conversations too.
Does that mean you should test out your wannabe standup comedy routine? Definitely not. Joke after joke is a no-no! [Read: How to be funny and make people love your company]
Many people think that showering someone with compliments is going to get them to actually say “yes” to a date. In reality, it’s just a tad overkill. Okay, fine. It’s a lot overkill.
The main reason too many compliments is a turn off is simply because it doesn’t feel real. How could you believe someone who says you’re the funniest person they’ve ever talked to if your conversations have been limited to texting? Keep it simple and you’ll have more success. [Read: Rules of texting: 15 unwritten texting rules you need to remember]
Don’t be the first to reach out all the time. While you may think it’s the best way to get their attention, you also need to be able to tell if they like you just as much.
If you don’t text them in the morning or for an entire day and they don’t reach out to you at all that day, you know that your interest is a little bit more than theirs.
That also means you’re more likely to get a “no”. Wait until their interest in you grows and they’re reaching out to talk to you first. [Read: How to know if someone likes you over text – 28 signs you just can’t miss]
Don’t be so shy about your feelings that someone has no idea you even like them. That will make you asking them on a date seem super random and that’s not a good thing.
Leave little breadcrumbs that make them think you must care about them, or are interested in them. This can be done with little compliments, and you asking more personal questions to get to know them. [Read: How to flirt over text and type your way into someone’s heart]
You really don’t want to ask someone on a date when they’re in a horrible mood. They’ll likely say “no” and you’ll be upset. Instead, wait until they’re very goofy and flirty. It’ll increase your odds of them saying “yes”. [Read: How to ask someone to hang out over text using the right words]
If you want to know how to ask someone out over text and actually get them to say “yes”, you need a new approach. Don’t just say, “will you go on a date with me?” That may sound kind of romantic but it’s not original.
Instead, try something new.
Don’t do anything other people have probably already tried on them. “Hey, I was going to try that new Italian bistro in town, do you want to come with me and share a pizza?” It sounds casual, but it’s definitely date material because it’s dinner. [Read: How to approach a guy you’re interested in and remain calm]
You don’t want to just ask someone to go out on a date without knowing what you want to do.
In order to get them to say “yes”, you’ll have to already have something planned. This way, you won’t just ask a generic, “want to go on a date?”
Instead, you’ll have something more solid and that’ll make them appreciate your effort. Of course, that increases your chances of a date.
Remember that date idea you already thought of? Now it’s time to put it to use. You can do this by asking, “Will you come ice skating with me this weekend and maybe get some ice cream?”
It shows that you’ve already put thought into the date and that effort is always appreciated. We mentioned the Italian bistro idea earlier and that’s a great example of being unique and specific. [Read: The 50 best first date ideas to wow and impress anyone instantly]
Stick with us for a moment. Instead of asking, request that they join you or tell them how much fun it would be if they went with you. It can be something as simple as, “Oh, by the way, I have tickets to this band and it would be really fun if you came with me.”
Not only is this a very specific date, but you’re also telling them that you think they’re really fun and, out of everyone, you want to enjoy it with them. [Read: 10 cute and creative ways to ask someone out on a date]
Not everyone you like will want to date you. Even if you try all of these things and show them you care, they could possibly still say “no”. The only thing for you to do is accept it and tell them you understand.
This shows that you can handle rejection and still be respectful. Throwing a fit and even insulting them will ensure they never talk to you again, and they’ll probably tell everyone what an ass you were.
When you’re getting to know your crush, make sure that you don’t text very early or too late at night. People are less receptive when they’re tired! Also, only texting late at night might make them think that you’re only after a booty call. [Read: How to get to know someone over text and build a real connection with them]
Texting is all very well and good, but there are a few things you need to bear in mind.
When you’re writing something down and sending it to a person, you have no idea if they’re reading it in the same “voice” you wrote it in. For example, if you’re using sarcasm in your message, how can you be sure that translates well? Maybe they’ll think you’re being arrogant or even rude, when that’s not the intention at all.
It’s always a risk you have to accept with texting. You can either read your text several times before you send it, or you can just hope for the best.
Even if you read it several times, you can never be sure how the other person is going to take it. You can literally tie yourself up in knots and give yourself serious texting anxiety. [Read: Texting anxiety: How to send & receive texts without freaking out]
So, whilst learning how to ask someone out over text might seem a million times easier than asking them face to face, it does have its downsides.
At least when you’re speaking directly to someone, you can read their body language and there’s less chance of a misunderstanding. You don’t have that luxury with texting, even if it does help to save your blushes!
So use these tips on how to ask someone out over text, but save any sarcasm or weird texts for later, when they get to know you and your personality way better.
[Read: 15 hilariously unique ways to ask someone on a date]
So now that you know how to ask someone out over text, remember these key details because this is becoming more and more important nowadays. And always remember, make sure you have a good bond with someone before asking them to take the plunge and go on a date.
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