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How to Move On and Deal with a Break Up with a Smile

how to move on and deal with a break up

Break ups suck! But you really have no choice, do you? Use these 10 steps on how to move on and deal with a break up, and make yourself stronger too.

If there’s one thing that sucks about love, it’s the uncertainty of it.

You could fall in love with someone, be happy for years and then, just like that, the whole relationship could come crashing down.

If you’re the one who doesn’t feel like the relationship is working out, that’s great for you because big chances are, you’ll get over your ex pretty soon after the break up.

[Read: Why getting over a break up is easier if you’re the one who breaks up]

But what if you’re the sad and miserable one, the one that’s left crawling on the floor, shattered inside and trying to pick up the pieces of your broken heart?

Well, if you’re that lover, then love can be a real bitch for you.

No matter what you do or how hard you try, there’s a constant hammering in your head and a hollow pit in your heart that nothing can fill.

How to deal with a break up when you’re a mess

Nobody likes a bad break up because it’s just pitiful.

A relationship where both lovers just drift apart or end up simultaneously meeting new lovers seems so much better than the traditional breakup.

But almost all the time, if your lover leaves you, they may already have someone else in mind. After all, when we’re as selfish as the human beings that we are, we like having a backup plan with everything we do in life. [Read: 9 interesting dating facts you really need to know!]

As humans, we need a purpose for everything, and for breaking up too, we need to believe that there’s something better out there for us.

But leaving human psychology aside, the fact of the matter still rests. You’ve broken up. You’re hurting. You need to move on.

It hurts, but you really, really have no choice at all. But you knew that already, didn’t you?

How to move on after a breakup

Acceptance is the biggest hurdle after a break up. Most of us constantly pine for a second chance or constantly hope that our ex will want us back. But as long as you keep that flicker of hope alive and think of your ex often, you will always writhe in misery and pain. And you’ll never be able to move on. [Read: 20 effective ways to stop thinking about the person you still like]

To truly understand how to move on after a break up, you need to have the strength to accept that the relationship is over.

And if your ex does ever come crawling back to you a few months down the lane, you need to convince yourself that you will not get back with them. If you live your life in the constant hope that your ex may someday realize how much they love you and need you, you’re only going to feel worse with each passing day, especially if your ex starts to date someone else. [Read: 16 signs your ex really likes you and wants you back in their life]

How to deal with a break up and smile!

Your will power and your determination is the only thing that matters when it comes to moving on after a break up. Nothing else will help you, not your friends and not a string of flings. Hold your ground, convince yourself that you’re ready to move on and get away from the pain. And use these steps to move on and deal with a break up.

#1 Don’t write letters. There’s always a constant itch to get in touch with an ex. When you feel down, when you listen to a romantic song, or even when you’re drunk. But hold that thought. Never try to get in touch with an ex unless you’re just bumping into them accidentally. It’ll weaken your resolve to get over your ex.

If you find yourself writing a long email to your ex, write it if you must but don’t send it. Hold on to that draft copy overnight. When you wake up in the morning, you’d realize that it was just a weak moment and you don’t really want to send the email anymore. By waiting a while, you’d be able to feel stronger about your own resolve. The same rule can be applied to phone calls and texts too.

If an uncontrollable urge to call or text your ex overwhelms you, don’t stop yourself. Instead, just convince yourself that you’ll call the next morning if you still feel like it. Each time you put away a phone call or an email, you’d feel more confident about getting over your ex and moving on. [Read: The humiliating and cruel experience of unrequited love]

#2 Deal with the addiction. Exes are an addiction, just like any other serious life threatening addiction in the world. And the worst part here, is that you can’t really cut down a little bit at a time. You have no choice but to go cold turkey and avoid all contact. It will hurt and you will feel terrible, but you’ll feel better a week later, and even better another week later.

Treat your ex like a bad addiction, and learn to deal with the break up. It’ll help you when you start to see your ex as something that’s bad for your life.

#3 The evil selfish ex. Let’s face it, if your boyfriend or girlfriend dumps you, they’re evil *at least in your head*. If your ex gets rude or yells at you when you try to talk to them, or if they ignore you, or if they look at you with spite and disgust each time you walk up to them, you have every right to believe that they’re evil, selfish little devils. But you know what, you can’t blame them for it.

Your ex doesn’t like you anymore, they despise you. Of course, they could be nicer and try to be more understanding. But you can’t expect every ex to hold you by the hand and help you find the way out. A few exes prefer tripping you and kicking you where it hurts. Hate them for it. But deal with it. And get over it. [Read: The art of getting over an ex by hating them]

#4 Replay your relationship. While you sitting alone and staring at a wall or an empty glass of wine, replay the relationship in your head. Pick the mistakes and the flaws in the relationship, and try to see where things started falling apart.

But remember to pick the mistakes, not the pieces of the relationship. The love affair is over. What you need here is to try and figure out where you went wrong, and where your partner hurt you. Were you trying too hard to please, insecure, clingy, or were you just too busy with your own life? And about your ex, try to pick their flaws too, so you don’t fall for another person with the same flaws again.

#5 Don’t force yourself. For the first week or so, don’t bother trying to convince yourself that you’re over your ex. Just let life take its course. Do your best to get over your ex by keeping yourself occupied, but don’t force your mind to forget your ex. You may be successful in bottling the thoughts, but they’ll always come back now and then in surges that will hurt you more. [Read: I miss him but I don’t think he misses me]

#6 Stay miserable. Allow yourself to feel miserable and hurt. But time yourself and keep an eye on the calendar. Give yourself about three weeks to get over your ex. Mark the date on your calendar with a big red marker.

Think about your ex for those three weeks, but constantly remind yourself that at the end of these three weeks, you’ll wake up the next morning and completely overcome the sadness you’re feeling. Keeping a date marked on the calendar can psychologically prepare you to get over your ex. And at times, your wound may heal even before those three weeks!

#7 Fantasize the high road revenge. There are two types of fantasies you can think about after a break up, the I-wish-we-could-get-back fantasy, and the I’ll-get-even-with-you fantasy. Don’t try anything below the belt like spreading naked photos or cheap comebacks like that, it’s not fair and you’ll never forgive yourself for years if you even have the slightest semblance of a conscience.

Take the higher road. Convince yourself that you’ll put your focus and energy into other positive things, so that one fine day, many years from now, you’d do something spectacular with your life. And fantasize scenarios where you’d run into your ex. It’s not fair, but it helps for the moment. And odds are you may forget all about this a few years later. Don’t know what I mean? Go watch Cee Lo’s F*ck you on youtube. Fantasizing about success and exes makes the dreams of success so much sweeter! [Read: How to be happy and change yourself into a better ‘you’ in 12 steps]

#8 Laugh like a crazy person. For the first few weeks, don’t convince yourself you’re happier. Just wallow in your self pity and depression. But once you wake up one day and feel better, a few weeks later, laugh! Feel the happiness well within you. Realize how good you feel. It takes a while, but you’ll feel it when you’re ready. Listen to happy songs, watch funny movies, and laugh out loud. When you’re ready to move on from your sad state, your mind will be more than happy to help you have a nice time. [Read: 10 things you definitely have to do after a break up to feel awesome again!]

#9 Curiosity and the no contact rule. The no contact rule is really important. You can use all the other steps and follow it to the tee, but if you screw up here, you’ll be back on square one in no time. Have you ever looked for your ex’s facebook page sometime *just to see what they’re doing*?

The first time you take a peek at your ex’s page, you won’t think too much about it. But as time goes by, you’d end up visiting their page more and more often, until you realize you’re addicted to the idea of wanting to know more about you ex. There’s no escaping your ex once you get wrapped up in the curiosity of knowing more. Avoid it. Don’t stay in contact, and don’t go looking for information either. [Read: 12 reasons why the no contact rule always works and helps you get over your ex]

#10 Get better and sexier. Have a life, go on out there and enjoy yourself. Sitting by yourself in the corner of the room will never make you feel better. Date others or at least meet a few interesting dating potentials that catch your fancy. Remember, you’ll have a very difficult time moving on if you find out that your ex is dating someone new, especially if you aren’t getting flirty with someone else already.

Work out and get fit. You’ll look better, and the endorphins released in your body will make you feel more upbeat and look sexier. [Read: 10 kinds of love you’ll experience in your lifetime]

A heartbreak isn’t the end of the world. Sometimes, as hard as you try to prevent it, break ups are inevitable. What you do next and how you pull yourself together to deal with the break up makes all the difference between a person who experiences a break up, and a broken lover who gives up on a chance to have a happy life again.

[Read: Do you have what it takes to be friends with your ex ever again?]

Use these 10 steps on how to move on and deal with a break up. Following these steps may seem easy at first, but it isn’t as easy to follow as you think!

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Ethan Kent
Ethan Kent
Ethan Kent lives a semi-nomadic life traveling the world. And in between his pursuits of the elusive ah-ha moments, he loves exploring the minds of men and wome...
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DISCUSSION

3 thoughts on “How to Move On and Deal with a Break Up with a Smile”

  1. Matthew says:

    I’m having such a hard time moving on from my past relationship. I just wish I would have read this article earlier. The tips are good, but what I really needed to understand more than everything else was #1.

    I was so freaking annoyed when I read the first point!! Because that’s the same shit I do over and over again. I broke up with my ex 6 months ago, it was mutual, but I started realizing that I wanted her. I tried getting in touch with her, but she would respond very curtly over the phone and hang up on me within a few minutes.

    I assumed it would be easier to write her love letters and I started pouring my heart out to her. Everytime I write her a long email and send it, I would feel good. But the next morning, I would feel so annoyed with myself for being so weak.

    I just wish I would have stuck by this advice, but that apart, I’m really angry. My ex never responded to my emails, and that makes me feel so disgusted, with myself and with her. I mean, how can she treat me this way? Is she even human? I’m hurting and feel so helpless. Aargh!!

  2. Upbring says:

    I firmly believed that without you, I wouldn’t be able to move on, from anything. I had always thought without you I wouldn’t be able to function. Perhaps that’s what blinded me to the reality. The reality being: I can move on. And I am.
    I can admit to it being hard without you, constantly wanting to just pick up the phone and talk to you, but I’m absolute in my resolution. I will not do that. It’s not fair on either of us. On you. I’m finally being the grown up you wanted me to be. So I’m moving on. It doesn’t feel so hard anymore. Neither does changing feel like a challenge. I suppose without your expectations and my endless broken promises, it feels easier to change. To be the person I used to be. It’s as easy as breathing. The changes happen before I’ve even realised, and it’s comforting to know that I’m slowly making my way back to what I used to be. I’m not hiding away anymore. I’m just being myself. I originally thought it was the hardest thing to do, change who I was because I wanted to, because all that I was, wasn’t right. And I suppose it felt like that because you wanted me to change too, you expected so much in so little time. I blame myself for that, for promising you countless times and letting you down. But honestly it’s better now without you. No not better, but easier to be that person I felt like I’d lost. I’m not worrying about what you’ll think, or if I’m changing quick enough for you. I’m just being. I think I forgot that I was changing for myself and not for you. You were there, but it seemed you wanted to change me more than I wanted to change myself. And that’s not right. I’m not meant to change for someone else, I’m meant to change for me. But still, with that being said… Thank you for that added push, it’s the thing that’s gotten me to this point. I’m finally getting back into all the old things I used to do, I’m starting to smile for longer than a second. It’s foreign but I rather like it. I feel a lot better in general, no more moments ruining my day, which is a relief. I’m moving on from everything that’s pulled me down. It’s taken me a while to be able to get to the point where I want to move on from you, from everything in general, but honestly, I’m ready to do it. It’s not something I’ve thought about too much because it just feels right to let go now. I don’t feel like I need to think about it. It’s just something that’s been happening on its own, gradually things have just fallen into place and I’m no longer the girl hiding away, scared of everything. I’m growing. And I got to say, it’s a really good feeling.

  3. Righty says:

    This is the easy part- moving on. I mean, get over it. The relationship was done for ever since the beginning of time. All of it was a waste of time. How different is it losing your money over a stupid car that would one day be ruined and you have to buy another one and waste money again?

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