It’s that haunting question that pops up as you’re trying to fall asleep or when you’re scrolling aimlessly through social media: “Will she ever contact me again?”
It’s like a persistent earworm of a song, looping in the recesses of your mind, between remnants of happier times and the piercing silence of your phone. Ugh, the suspense is almost as bad as waiting for your food delivery when you’re starving, right?
But hey, don’t drown your sorrows in that Ben & Jerry’s tub just yet.
We’re going on a thrilling journey through the convoluted maze of psychology, emotions, and all those pesky, invisible forces that could bring her back into your life—or, brace yourself, keep her away for good.
[Read: First week after a breakup – the hardest parts & 15 steps to survive and heal]
The psychology of “coming back”
Alright, let’s get to the heart of the matter—or should we say, the mind? We’re diving into some straight-up psychology to understand the million-dollar questions: “Will she ever contact me again?” and “Will she come back?”
Picture this: you’re sitting on your couch, lost in thought, when you suddenly wonder if there’s some kind of scientific rhyme or reason behind all this emotional chaos. Good news, there is!
1. Attachment styles
You know how at parties, you see people engaging in different ways? Some are the life of the party, some stick like glue to their partner, while others prefer the company of snacks over small talk.
Well, these behaviors can hint at different attachment styles, which play a massive role in the will-she-or-won’t-she conundrum.
If she’s securely attached, she’s likely thought through the relationship quite thoroughly before making an exit. Securely attached people weigh the pros and cons and are fairly rational about their decisions. So, if she decides to come back, it’s often because she sees a meaningful future with you.
On the flip side, if she leans more towards an anxious attachment style, she could be experiencing heightened anxiety the longer she’s away. This could make her reach out sooner rather than later, if only to get some closure or clarity. Essentially, her absence might be a stressful episode of “Will she ever contact me again?” for her too!
And let’s not forget about those with avoidant attachment styles. These folks are the masters of distancing themselves, particularly when emotions run high or complications arise. If she falls into this category, the likelihood that she’ll contact you again anytime soon is slim. [Read: Avoidant attachment style – the types, 32 symptoms & how to love one]
2. Emotional memory
Ah, emotional memory—our brain’s way of ensuring we never forget the good, the bad, and the utterly cringeworthy. It plays a huge role in whether she’ll want to re-enter your life.
If the relationship was filled with more Instagram-worthy moments than dramatic showdowns, these positive emotional memories could be her ticket back into your life. Her mind will keep replaying those moments, making it more likely that she will come back. [Read: When does an ex start to miss you and 8 secrets to make them miss you more]
However, if the scales tip toward more negative experiences and constant drama, her emotional memory might work against you. Think of it as her subconscious saying, “Nah, we’re good,” every time she contemplates reaching out. In such a scenario, the chance that she’ll contact you again dwindles.
When the answer is a likely ‘yes’
Now that we’ve picked apart the brainy side of things, let’s switch gears and focus on some scenarios that might just tilt the odds in favor of a “yes” to those burning questions. [Read: 25 signs your ex wants you back and just can’t stop thinking of you]
1. High emotional investment
First up, let’s talk about emotional investment, which in relationship terms can be likened to stashing your feelings in an emotional savings account.
If both of you have made big emotional deposits—think meaningful conversations, shared secrets, and high levels of support—then the emotional capital is strong.
This is usually a good sign she values the relationship and might consider a return on her investment, so to speak. You’ll likely see her name pop up on your phone screen sooner rather than later.
2. Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Now let’s explore the age-old saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder. You’ve probably experienced FOMO *fear of missing out* at a party you couldn’t attend. Well, FOMO isn’t limited to social events, it also applies to relationships.
If she starts missing out on the good times and emotional support you offered, that could get her wheels turning. Couple that with the scarcity principle—the idea that people value what’s less available—and you’ve got yourself a recipe for her potentially coming back.
3. Signs of open communication
Next, let’s look at communication, the lifeblood of any relationship. If, while you were together or even during the break, she’s shown a willingness to talk things out, that’s golden. People who value open dialogue are often more inclined to resolve issues than let them fester.
Will she come back? If she’s been open and communicative, chances are higher that she will contact you again to at least talk things through. [Read: Communication techniques to finally get them to open up to you]
4. Frequent mutual friend updates
You know how we all have that one friend who can’t keep a secret to save their life? If she’s constantly asking mutual friends about you, it could indicate that she’s still invested in what’s going on in your world.
In this case, her curiosity could be more than just idle gossip, it may be a significant sign she’s considering a re-entry into your life.
5. Social media engagement
Sure, a like or a comment on social media can be casual, but let’s be real: we all know there’s often more to it.
If she’s consistently engaging with your posts or even better, viewing your stories *we all stalk those viewer lists, don’t lie*, then she’s actively keeping you on her radar. This kind of virtual engagement can translate to her taking the plunge and contacting you again.
6. Unfinished business
Remember those concert tickets you bought for a show that got postponed, or that camping trip you planned but never went on? Those aren’t just unfinished plans, they’re unfinished emotional commitments.
These dangling threads could be the very reason she feels compelled to reach back out, especially if those shared plans were significant to both of you. [Read: Power of silence after a breakup – how it works, 25 signs & must-follow rules]
When the answer is a likely ‘no’
As much as we love the idea of reunions and happy endings, sometimes the signs point to a likely “no” for those lingering questions: “Will she ever contact me again?” and “Will she come back?”
But hey, knowledge is power, and understanding the why can be as liberating as the what.
1. The hedonic treadmill
So first, let’s talk about this thing called the hedonic treadmill. Sounds fancy, but it’s just the idea that new experiences offer a rush that old ones can’t match.
If she’s started a new chapter and is embracing fresh adventures, that adrenaline rush of the new might eclipse any nostalgia for the past. In this scenario, chances are, she won’t be inclined to contact you again or come back. [Read: 26 signs your ex girlfriend doesn’t want you back and you should give up]
2. Irreparable trust issues
Trust is like a piece of paper, once it’s crumpled, it can’t be perfect again. If trust was broken in your relationship, healing can be a tall order.
For many, a breach of trust creates a psychological barrier that’s hard to overcome. If she can’t imagine regaining that trust, it’s a strong indicator that she won’t contact you again, let alone come back. [Read: 40 clear signs to tell if your ex has moved on or is only pretending to not care]
3. Growth mismatch
We all change, grow, and evolve—it’s part of this roller coaster we call life. Sometimes, though, that growth means growing apart.
If she feels like the relationship doesn’t fit her new self-concept, the likelihood of her returning diminishes.
And you know what? That’s okay. Growth should be celebrated, even when it means saying goodbye. [Read: 20 revealing signs that show you may be growing apart]
4. Zero contact
We all get busy, but there’s a difference between being “busy” and complete radio silence.
If she hasn’t reached out for an extended period and ignores your attempts at communication, it’s not just her being bad at texting. She’s intentionally keeping that distance, and it’s a tell-tale sign she’s not likely to contact you again.
5. New relationships
Okay, so she’s found someone new. It stings, we know.
While rebounds are a thing, if she seems committed and genuinely happy in a new relationship, that’s more than a sign—it’s a billboard saying she’s moved on.
This is one of those moments when you should probably stop waiting for that “maybe someday” text.
6. Returned personal items
It might seem trivial, but returning personal items is a big emotional statement. When she gives back your hoodie or those books you lent her, she’s not just decluttering her space, she’s decluttering her life. It’s a symbolic act of closing a chapter, which strongly indicates she won’t be coming back.
Real talk – Are you ready for her to come back?
So, we’ve been hyper-focused on the ‘will she or won’t she’ mystery, but what about you? Are you even ready for her to be a rerun in your life’s series? Let’s flip the script a bit to tackle this question.
The following points will help you reflect on whether you’re genuinely prepared for a sequel or just longing for a rerun of an old episode.
1. Projective identification
Firstly, let’s talk about this thing psychologists like to call Projective Identification. No, it’s not the title of an indie band, it’s a concept coined by Melanie Klein in 1946.
In basic terms, it makes you question if you’re keen on having her back for the right reasons or if you’re just psychologically trapped.
Imagine she was always the “responsible one,” and now you find your life is a bit of a hot mess. Is it her you miss, or the order she brought into your life? If it’s the latter, then that’s not fair to either of you. [Read: Taking someone for granted – why we do it, bad effects & 27 ways to stop it]
2. Willingness to change
Let’s face it: the same old, same old didn’t work the first time, so why would it work again? A successful Round 2 depends on growth and self-awareness from both sides.
Are you open to change for the relationship to be a real success the second time around? If you’re not up for some serious self-improvement and compromise, then maybe it’s better if she doesn’t contact you again or come back.
Practical steps for either outcome
It’s time to talk about some practical life rafts, whatever the outcome may be. Because let’s face it, whether she contacts you again or not, whether she comes back or moves on, you still have to live your life, my friend!
1. Self-care is not selfish
It might sound like a millennial mantra, but self-care is crucial. We’re talking bubble baths, long walks, maybe a journaling session—whatever floats your boat. Seriously, don’t skimp on taking care of yourself.
If she comes back, you want to be the best version of yourself, right? And if she doesn’t, well, you still owe it to yourself to be that person. [Read: How to take care of yourself emotionally and avoid falling apart]
2. Community counts
You’re not an island, even if it sometimes feels that way in the midst of heartbreak or confusion. Reach out to friends, family, or even online communities.
Not only does it provide emotional support, but friends can also offer fresh perspectives on the whole “Will she ever contact me again?” saga. Sometimes, the advice of someone who’s not emotionally involved can be a game-changer.
3. Hobbies & distractions
Remember that guitar gathering dust in the corner or the cooking class you bookmarked but never signed up for?
Well, now is the time, buddy!
Engaging in activities not only distracts you but also contributes to personal growth. Who knows, by the time she decides whether to come back or not, you might just be the proud chef of a five-course meal or the next Hendrix!
4. Set clear boundaries
You know that feeling when you’re at a buffet, and you keep piling food onto your plate until it’s too much? Relationships can be like that—taking on too much until it’s overwhelming.
Setting clear boundaries is like choosing your favorite dishes wisely, ensuring you have room for dessert!
Whether she comes back or not, defining your boundaries means you’re taking control of your own life story. [Read: 23 secrets to set personal boundaries & guide others to respect them]
5. Take time to reflect
It’s so easy to get caught in the cycle of “Will she come back?” or “Will she contact me again?” that you might forget what you actually want.
Do you want her back for the sake of comfort or because she genuinely complements your life? Taking time for introspection isn’t just a break, it’s essential maintenance for your emotional well-being.
6. Educate yourself
There’s no such thing as a love guru born straight out of the womb. Relationship skills are learned, honed, and yes, sometimes, unlearned.
Consider picking up some relationship literature or binge-listening to relationship podcasts. It’s not just about getting ready for her possible return but also about equipping yourself for any future relationship. [Read: 38 real ways to get over an ex girlfriend you can’t stop thinking about]
So, do you think she’ll contact you again?
Life is a bit like that old mixtape you found at the back of your drawer—sometimes you’ve got to fast-forward through the rough tracks to get to the real jams.
So whether she contacts you again or opts for a different playlist, just know that life, like love, always finds a way to hit the right note. [Read: 56 important secrets to get your ex girlfriend back and win her over all over again]
Keep your chin up, continue scripting your own story, and who knows? You might just find the answer to that burning question, “Will she ever contact me again?” is just the plot twist you were waiting for.
[Read: When your ex wants you back – 20 steps to decide what’s best for YOU]
So, you returned to the single life and you’re wondering if your ex will ever come back or if she will ever contact you again. Our answer to that is to focus on yourself and be the best version of yourself first. Then, fate will work out the rest.
