Knowing how to get over your ex will never be easy. Even if you’re mad at them it will take time to move on. Most people just want to get it over with. You want to totally forget about your ex by finding someone new, obsessing over work, or even taking risks.
This is a mistake a lot of people make when figuring out how to get over an ex… doing it quickly rather than healthily. These things may seem useful in the moment, but in the long run, they are all ways to avoid your feelings rather than getting over them.
Getting over your ex doesn’t mean you wipe them from your memory. It means you find a way to appreciate the experience and move forward.
So, I’m sorry to tell you that you probably won’t get to the end of this article and be over your ex. It will take some time. But, this article can hopefully give you a new perspective on how to get over your ex.
[Read: Using self-discovery after a breakup to help you move on]
How not to get over your ex
There are a lot of ways you can get over your ex without doing harm to your mental or emotional health. But, there are also a lot of ways to do so while wreaking havoc on yourself.
To get over your ex and keep peace of mind do not do these things.
#1 Don’t go looking for someone new. Sure, some couples work out even though they met right after a breakup. But, if you aren’t over your ex, finding someone new will either feel wrong or push you right into their arms too soon. This can make you project all your issues with your ex onto this person and won’t help you get over your ex.
This is not a healthy way to start something new. Now, if you want something strictly physical and know you can handle that, be my guest, as long as the other person is on the same page. [Read: What is a rebound relationship? Are you in one now?]
#2 Don’t try to be friends. There is nothing wrong with being friends with an ex, down the line. But if you aren’t yet over them you should not be keeping in touch. This will only make things more difficult. Without an actual end to grieve, the relationship won’t feel over. [Read: The good and bad of being friends with your ex]
#3 Stop avoiding your feelings. This may seem like the best thing to do when you’re hurting, but it prevents you from moving on. It numbs the pain or distracts you from it for a time, but if you never face the facts you’ll cling to your ex even longer. [Read: How to recognize the signs your ex is only pretending to be over you]
#4 Don’t get overwhelmed with work. It can be good to throw yourself into work at a hard time, but if you do this it prevents you from moving on. It stalls you right at the breakup. Whether you get enveloped in work, a renovation, or even helping someone, being too obsessed with one thing is never good.
It is good to stay busy but try to work on yourself. Instead of just working, try for a promotion. Pick up a new hobby. Do things for yourself that you enjoy.
[Read: How to get over someone when your heart refuses]
How to get over your ex in the healthiest way possible
Now that you know the worst things you can do when trying to figure out how to get over your ex, here are some helpful tips that can guide you towards a healthier recovery.
These are the things that will take you from stalking their profile while crying into a tub of ice cream to being a relatively happy single person.
#1 Take a social media detox. This will help you avoid seeing your ex and all the other seemingly happy couples. I would recommend hiding your ex from your feed or even blocking them. I know it seems harsh, but it will benefit you the most.
The more of a clean break you make, the better. Any lingering posts or reminders can inhibit your ability to look forward instead of back. [Read: How to take a social media detox and wean yourself off social media for a while]
#2 Do things alone. This sounds sad, but hear me out. All the things you did together as a couple, do them alone. I’m not saying you should get used to it because you’ll be alone forever. I’m saying you should readjust your routine. The sooner you do this, the more you will feel comfortable with this newness. [Read: What to do after a breakup and start to feel like yourself again]
#3 Break the cycle. Whether you’ve broken up and gotten back together before, take steps to prevent this. Breaking up is rarely a mistake, so stick to your guns. Delete their number. Talk to a friend about reaching out to them whenever you’re feeling weak and want to message your ex. Find ways of breaking the cycle of reliving the good days.
#4 Make plans. Making plans for the future without your ex will remind you of what you have ahead of you. Make plans to go out with friends. Make vacation plans. Knowing you are doing things and moving forward without them will help you stop thinking about them.
#5 Focus on what you deserve. I know this sounds cheesy, but I’m serious. Right now, if you’re struggling to get over your ex instead of focusing on what you miss, focus on what you deserve. That could be as specific or as general as being happy. [Read: Why we accept the love we think we deserve]
#6 Let go of the fantasy. Live and think in reality. When you go through a breakup, you constantly think about all the plans you made. Maybe you were supposed to get married or live together. You think about what your life could’ve been with them.
Instead, you’re forced accept the reality that those things are not going to happen, at least not with your ex. You have to live in and bind yourself to what is happening. Maybe you have to find a place of your own. Maybe you have to get back into the dating scene. Whatever it is, accept the outcome and keep moving forward. [Read: The definitive signs your ex really doesn’t want you back]
#7 Appreciate it. This is the final step and can take a long time to do, but once you’ve done it, you are truly over your ex. When you go weeks, months, or years without thinking about them, you’re doing good. And if something comes up where they cross your mind, you should be able to appreciate what that relationship brought you.
Maybe you have some good memories of traveling with them. Maybe they taught you how to stand up for yourself. Or maybe the breakup pushed you in the right direction. Whatever it is, you should be able to appreciate that time for what it was. Once you can do that you are fully over your ex.
[Read: How to get over a broken heart and heal yourself completely]
Learning how to get over your ex once and for all seems scary. You completely close that door. But it is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself.
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