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56 Secrets to Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back & Win Back Her Love All Over Again

You miss your ex and can’t stop thinking about her. So, you want to know how to get your ex-girlfriend back. Here are some strategies to use.

how to get your ex girlfriend back

We all have different types of exes in our lives. Ones we wish we never dated, ones that we weren’t really into, and then there are those… you know, the ones that got away. And now you want to get your ex-girlfriend back.

Those are the ex-girlfriends whose social media we constantly creep on, wish we were beside, sharing those moments that we view from afar. And you plot for how to get your ex-girlfriend back.

And who knows, maybe you cheated, perhaps you said some things during a fight that you shouldn’t have. The point is, you’re now single. 

But you realized you screwed up, and now you want your ex back. We’ve all experienced regret, especially when it comes to a breakup.

Maybe you just woke up one day, and you’re convinced by the thought you want her back. If your relationship ended sourly, it won’t be easy to get her back. 

Breakups always bring a lot of pain and heartbreak, so getting her back will require sincerity and honesty on your end. Really, that’s all a girl ever asks for. [Read: How to date an ex again and get a second time lucky!]

Getting a girl back – The two scenarios

Now there are two reasons why you’d want to know how to get a girl back. 

One, it’s a girl you like, and you screwed up while pursuing her, and now you lost her because she doesn’t seem interested anymore. She might even think you’re creepy!

Or secondly, it’s a girl you were casually dating, or she was your girlfriend. You broke up for some reason, and now you regret that stupid decision. [Read: How to be a good boyfriend – 33 traits that will make you the best ever]

As much as it sucks, regret comes to us all sometimes. But thankfully, winning a girl back is possible with the right steps; it just takes some effort and lots of patience.

And honestly, if you follow these steps, you should have a very fair chance of winning her back and getting her to fall in love with you. 

Of course, unless you did something despicable, like cheating on her. In this case, the uphill climb is only that much harder.

Before we go ahead – if this is a girl you’ve already dated, read below for all the steps. But if it’s a girl you haven’t dated yet, one you’ve only pursued who ended up rejecting you, use this guide on how to get a girl who turned you down to like you again

Winning over a girl you haven’t dated yet is very different from winning back a girl you dated and broke up with.

So, let’s go onward with learning how to win your ex-girl back!

Why do you want this girl back?

This is something you need to think about before you go any further. [Read: When is it best for you to stop loving someone and move on]

This is the time for some self-reflection. WHY do you want to win her back? You guys dated, and it’s all over now. Can’t you just date some other girl? 

And if you truly did love her, why did you let your relationship go to shit before you decided she’s the one you need *and probably love*?

Maybe you broke up with her only to regret it. Maybe you thought ending things was for the best, but it really wasn’t. Or maybe you just realized too late that she’s the love of your life. [Read: 20 signs your ex really wants you back and can’t stop thinking of you]

Sometimes, when things end, it’s best to just let go. Chances are, there’s something better waiting for you. 

But if you’re certain she’s the one, or you know for sure that you screwed up and you want to fix it, that’s a good sign.

If you want to win a girl back, it should never be for some silly reason like “I’m bored…” or “she was sooo good in bed!” [Read: How to get your ex-girlfriend back – steps to win back her love]

The effort isn’t worth it, you’ll have bad karma, and most importantly, you’ll just waste time pursuing a girl who may be able to see through your shitty intentions of using her.

There are many genuine reasons why you’d want her back, but just because you got to that realization doesn’t mean she’d feel the same way too. You lost her. 

And she’s probably over you. So, if you want to win a girl back, it’s back to square one all over again. And you have to be prepared to put in some serious work to impress a girl who’s given up on you. [Read: 16 signs your ex clearly still wants you back in her life]

Can you really get a girl back?

You might think that girls are complicated creatures, but they’re pretty simple to understand. If you know all the right strings to pull, then you know exactly how to get a girl back. 

It doesn’t take a lot of strategies to do this right. It’s all a matter of giving her space and being as genuine as possible.

The one thing you should avoid doing is engaging in any form of manipulative mind games to win her back – that’s not something you want to risk.

Anyone can see through manipulation, and it would backfire instead of working for you. [Read: Sexual market value and the biggest factors that increase a guy’s SMV in a girl’s eyes]

So, stick with being genuine and completely avoid any kind of game playing. [Read: How to get your ex back and convince her it’s the right thing to do!]

Instead, wear your heart on your sleeve, and express yourself very clearly. It’s corny, but if you wholeheartedly love her with everything you’ve got, that’s when she’ll see your purest intentions.

What should you say to your ex-girlfriend to win her back?

If you’re in a romantic relationship, you’ll never really appreciate what you have until you’ve experienced the pain of losing it or her. At some point, you may suddenly realize that what you had was worth keeping and that you can’t live without her. [Read: Is your ex still thinking about you? All the subtle signs that matter]

Sadly, real life is not like the movies. It takes more than ten dozen flowers to bring someone back into your life, especially if you had a nasty breakup. You will only ever get her back when you make her believe in your true intentions and genuine actions.

Especially if you were pretty selfish in the relationship or there was something significant you did for the relationship to end. It takes a lot more dedication and effort to win your ex-girlfriend.

Of course, that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. In this feature, we’ve shared practical tips on how to get your ex-girlfriend back to help you win back the girl of your dreams! [Read: Things to say to your ex: 15 nicest & meanest that top the list]

How to get your ex-girlfriend back

You probably think that you can just message her, and she’ll come back to you with open arms. But honestly, it doesn’t work that way. 

If she’s the one who got away, it’s going to take more work than that. Yes, the chick flicks tell you differently, that you can just smile, and you’ll have her back.

It’s not going to happen like that… sorry to break it to you. But if she’s the one that got away, you’re an idiot for letting her go, so you’ve gotta put some work into it. It’s not going to be easy, but it’s possible. [Read: The step-by-step guide to get your ex to love you again]

When seriously hurt in their past relationships, girls tend to fix themselves in private for a long time or go out with other guys just to forget about their ex-partners.

But if you’re eager to pursue her all over again, face the truth and do it right this time. [Read: Ex texted you out of the blue – 18 real reasons and the best way to respond]

Go back to how your relationship was before it ended, reflect, and follow these tips on how to get your ex-girlfriend back.

1. Who ended the relationship?

If you finished the relationship but now realize you made a huge mistake, that will be hard to rectify. 

However, if she dumped you, you have a better chance of getting her back. But that doesn’t mean you’re safe or you’re going to win her back quickly. [Read: Are you still in love with your ex?]

You need to think of the colossal mistake you’ve made in the past and fix that first. Take it slowly and trust the process. 

You’ll get there in no time if you follow the next tips on how to get your ex-girlfriend back.

2. Why did she dump you?

You need to figure out what went wrong. She told you probably a thousand times, but you didn’t listen. So, go back into your memory and try to remember why you two always fought. [Read: 22 warning signs you’ve been a really bad boyfriend]

That’s the reason you’re single. Remembering the old, happy moments with your ex-girlfriend can be easy, especially post-breakup.

But remembering one specific moment, especially the breakup itself, can be painful and will haunt your ex-partner forever. Find out what the reason was and swear to do better.

If she wanted to go to couple’s therapy, but you didn’t want to, go. If you want to know how to get your ex-girlfriend back, you have to compromise. [Read: Compromise in a relationship – 17 ways to give and not feel like you lost]

3. Give her space

Don’t contact her desperately after you two break up. You need to give her the space she needs. If she dumped you, there’s a reason why. 

Now, she’s most likely mentally drained and exhausted, so leave her. She needs to recharge her batteries.

The first step if you want to learn how to get your ex-girlfriend back, you must reflect on yourself and the relationship’s flaws. [Read: How to give space in a relationship without drifting apart]

To achieve this, you must stop fretting and just think about the relationship’s positive and poor points. Second, giving your ex space allows them to contemplate.

Your ex may just move on once they have some space. This is a risk you must accept. How much time do you leave her without contact? Good question. 

It depends if you have children with her or not. If you do, you don’t have much of an option. But, if you don’t, give her at least thirty days. [Read: How to know when to give someone space – 19 signs they’re sick of you]

4. Is this what you want?

Are you just doing this because you see her with a new guy, and you’re jealous? Or do you feel you need to be with her? There’s a huge difference. 

The last thing you need is to realize that you don’t actually want to be with her. Are you just lonely? Scared? Confused? Figure out your shit before you even contact her.

For the moment, you’re confused and simply want to stop all the destructive emotions and return to sanity. [Read: Why you should tell the truth even when it hurts & why it matters]

You’ll know what’s best for both of you if you allow yourself time to digest your feelings.

5. Up your game

Do you want her back? Show her you’ve changed. But don’t change for her. Change for yourself. 

If you do this only for her, this won’t last. It has to be something you want to do for yourself. If you’re unhealthy, clean up your diet and start working out. Or, if you’re a workaholic, cut your hours at the office.

And if you have a current “girlfriend” or “fling,” don’t even think about getting back together with your ex-girlfriend. Remember that maybe she dumped you because she thought you were trash, and this move will only confirm her thoughts. [Read: 25 signs and qualities that make a great boyfriend]

Don’t come back to her life as trash once again. If you can’t respect yourself, respect your ex-girlfriend, at least. You need to become the best version of yourself now that you want her back.

6. Don’t shower her with gifts

You can buy her something if you’d like, but you have to know that jewelry isn’t going to cut it. She didn’t break up with you because you didn’t buy her a bracelet. 

She broke up with you for serious reasons. Maybe you’re lazy or unhealthy or damaging, which are actual reasons that can’t be brushed under the rug with a necklace. [Read: 25 perfect gifts to get your girlfriend for Christmas]

If you come to her door with a handful of gifts, sure, she’ll take them, but that doesn’t mean she’s going to be with you. She wants genuine demonstrations of improved behaviors.

If you really cared for her when you were still together, you would know whether she falls for gifts easily or not. So don’t try to win your ex-girlfriend back with lame presents, and start making genuine efforts to show that you’re a changed man. [Read: Getting back together? Why slow and steady is the only way ahead]

7. Don’t make a move if she’s with someone else

This isn’t a chick flick, man. Don’t show up at her door when she’s seeing another man. What are you thinking? [Read: How to get a girl with a boyfriend to like you and pick you over him]

Your relationship with her has a past, one that, from the looks of it, didn’t end too well. If she’s moved on, respect it. Maybe she’ll dump the guy, who knows, but that’s not for you to decide.

The best thing you can do, if this is the case, is wait for her. If you want to learn how to get your ex-girlfriend back, be there as a friend, and don’t attach yourself too much or expect things to go your way.

8. Start with friendship

So, after you stop contacting her, slowly start it up again. But give her time in between the breakup and now without any contact. [Read: The good and bad of being friends with an ex – your helpful guide]

At least four weeks, minimum. Sure, you want a relationship with her, but you need to start from square one right now.

Show her that you want to be her partner again. You were probably her best friend, so be her best friend. Every relationship starts with friendship.

After a horrible breakup, where one or both of you may have done or said things that hurt each other, it would be strange to pick up the pieces and be all lovely and cuddly again. Start as friends if you want to know how to get your ex-girlfriend back. [Read: Falling in love with a friend]

9. You’re going to have to re-attract your ex

Right now, though she may love you, you aren’t looking too hot in her eyes. She left you, remember that. 

Now that you two haven’t been in contact and you’ve been working on yourself, it’s time you tried to re-attract her. Make her eyes gleam when she sees the new you.

Does she know you as someone who looks up to a fashion icon or who goes out in tees and shorts? Be yourself and keep your actions as genuine as possible. [Read: 17 secrets to sweep a girl off her feet]

That way, she knows that you’re not trying too hard or making things more complicated.

10. Go on a date during the no-contact period

Make sure you want her back, and this isn’t just your ego talking. Go on a date with someone else. 

Verify if this is really what you want to do, not just for yourself but for her as well. If you go on some dates and realize there isn’t anyone else for you, go ahead and get her back. [Read: The no contact rule: A powerful gamble to get your ex to desire you]

Sometimes, the biggest mistake a guy could make when trying to win their ex-girlfriend back is not realizing why they even want her back. If you just want her back because you’re lonely, dating other women may help you realize that.

11. Write her a letter

It’s a great way to say everything you want to say. Plus, it’s therapeutic for you. It also stands out, rather than a text or email. [Read: What to write in a love letter – all the tips you need]

In your letter, talk about how you accept what happened, apologize for your behavior and mention how your life has turned into something positive and exciting.

Writing her a letter is an excellent technique if you want to know how to get your ex-girlfriend back. 

Try to relive the traditional way of courting a girl. This will not only attract your ex-girlfriend, but it will also help you gain her trust back. [Read: How to write a heartfelt love letter like a true romantic]

12. Don’t talk about getting back together

We all know why you’re talking to her again. You want her back. She knows this as well, so there’s no need to tell her. 

Don’t text her corny messages that say, “I miss you” or “I wish we were together.” Leave anything negative, sappy, or desperate out of the conversation.

Your conversations have to be positive and focused on making her feel good. Mention positive memories of her, something exciting that happened in your life recently, or something funny that reminded you of her. [Read: Get back together with an ex – 50 signs and steps to get them to love you again]

It’s not bad if you text her every day, “how did your day go” but you have to think of other topics to talk about, too. Let her know that you’re sincerely interested in her life, and she’ll see how genuine you are.

13. Ask her out

It’s different being with her in person than just texting her, calling her, or chatting with her on social media. Hang out with her, go for a coffee, whatever it is, just make sure you see each other face to face.

Try to rebuild the connection and the relationship you lost after the breakup if you want to know how to win a girl back. [Read: Bumped into your ex? 29 super-cool ways to show them YDGAF]

But don’t call it a. She’ll get her to guard up, and this isn’t what you want. And if she doesn’t want to, don’t push her. Just let her be. She’ll go for a coffee with you if she feels it’s right.

If she does agree to meet with you, don’t talk about your relationship. Talk about things that don’t relate to getting back together. You’re not there yet, and it’s not a good idea to rush. [Read: How to win your ex back in a healthy way]

Let the conversation flow as normally as possible, and see how well your coffee date turns out. Again, it’s not a “date.”

14. Don’t beg if she doesn’t want you back

If you ask her to get back together with you and she says no, don’t beg. Whatever you do, don’t beg. [Read: How to make a girl jealous & leave her begging for your attention]

You tried, and you ended up becoming a better person out of it, but if she doesn’t want to get back together with you, leave it. Women don’t find needy guys attractive. Instead, you’ll appear like a kid asking for his mom’s attention.

She may only give you pure concern, but she’ll have no intentions of getting back together with you. You don’t want that, do you? 

So, stay cool, even if she has made her decision not to come back to you ever again. You deserve to be happy, as well. [Read: 42 proven secrets to stop thinking about your ex and forget them for good]

15. Make sweet but sincere gestures

The small things matter the most. Send her gorgeous pick-me-up flowers when she’s down. Or gift her a sumptuous self-care gist box just because.

When she’s pressed for time due to her job, try to cook or bring her takeout.

Showing up when she needs someone to talk to, listen to, or take care of her is one of the best ways to express that you sincerely want her back. [Read: The 30 sweetest romantic gestures for everyday life]

Ultimately, these small but genuine efforts beat large hollow gestures meant to impress her.

16. Work out your issues and differences

Things between you two didn’t work out, so you broke up. No matter how much you love one another, if you can’t agree on fundamental issues in your relationship, then the nicest proposal won’t work. 

Recall the reasons why your relationship ended. Don’t make promises you can’t keep but focus on what you can. [Read: How to resolve conflict – the 15 best ways to cut out the drama]

Did she despise your tardiness, lack of affection, and disregard for special dates? The big things like serious commitment concerns, financial insecurity, and lack of future planning? 

Prioritize genuine concerns. Apologize profusely if you were at fault. Getting her a lovely apology flower arrangement would also help.

17. Be patient

Love takes time. Everything worth having takes time. Regaining her trust and convincing her that what you have is worth a second chance may take longer than you think. [Read: Love is patient love is kind: 14 rules to experience true love]

Be kind to her. Depending on her state of mind, she may need time to recover and move on.

18. Show her the change

One way is to tell her you’ve changed; another is to let her see it for herself. You must have the right attitude and behave in a manner that she finds appealing.

Guys who have their life together are self-reliant, self-assured, and know how to have fun—attitude matters. If you’ve been too jealous in the past, show her you’ve overcome it. [Read: Small changes that greatly improve your relationship]

19. Express yourself clearly if you want to get the girl back

This is something you must do. You’re probably feeling a bit vulnerable right now, so this is a good time to let her know how you feel. 

You could text her and tell her you’d like to meet her *because you have something you’d like to talk about*. This is a great way to get all those feelings out there. But there’s a chance she may not be interested. 

What’s even better is to text her when you’re feeling really vulnerable and miss her. She can read your text whenever she feels like it. [Read: How to apologize to a girl when you know you completely screwed up]

And because she doesn’t have to respond to you immediately, she’ll be more open to empathizing and understanding your perspective instead of putting up a wall.

20. Don’t pick a fight

This is where most guys go wrong while trying to understand how to get a girl back. They let their egos get in the way!

When you text a girl and tell her you’re sorry or that you’re an idiot for letting her get away, remember to keep your cool. [Read: The biggest signs your ex-girlfriend doesn’t want you back and will not date you again]

It’s one thing to be vulnerable or sorry, but it’s a totally different story if you’re going to get pissed with her because she accuses you of something in her response. 

Remember, you’re the one crawling back to her because you’re the one that made the mistake. So don’t let your ego get in the way. 

If she accuses you of something that you think is unfair, it’s completely okay to explain yourself calmly. But it gives you no right to get into a war of words with her. [Read: Relationship arguments – 38 tips and ways to fight fair and grow closer in love]

Even if she is angry that you’re trying to reconnect after so long *and she has every right to be angry!* stay calm and listen to her instead of trying to win the argument.

21. Apologize

If you did something to contribute to the breakup, apologize. You both probably did things that affected the relationship, and it’s time you admitted those faults to each other. 

Saying you’re sorry is one of the ways to get your ex-girlfriend back that doesn’t involve pride or arrogance. It’s an act of surrender when you show her that you care more about her than your ego. [Read: How to apologize to a lover you want to win back again]

Saying sorry also acts as a closure for everything that’s happened in the past, so you could both move forward if you choose to. 

When you apologize to a girl, or anyone really, it lets them know that you’re sorry and, more importantly, that you feel bad about something you did. 

And that truly allows anyone to open up and be vulnerable in turn with you. [Read: 28 heartfelt ways to say you’re sorry and apologize to someone you love]

22. Invest the time

Getting a girl back isn’t going to be as easy as taking her to a movie or buying her some chocolates. 

You must invest the time into her and the relationship that’s hanging by a thread. This is one of the most important ways to win a girl back. 

Prove to her that you can sacrifice your interests and focus on her so she can really see how much she means to you. [Read: How to get your ex back and convince them it’s the right thing to do]

23. Be worthy of her *and some more*

Get your life back in order as soon as you possibly can. If you’ve stopped working out, hit the gym. If you’ve been a mess and haven’t focused on work, now is the time to start prioritizing building a life instead of messing around.

This also holds good for investing time to better yourself, whether that’s finding a job, working out, or just doing something good with your life. Prove to her that you’re deserving of her – that’s how you get a girl back. 

Remember, she has to see you, like you, and admire you for who you are now if there has to be any chance of changing her mind. [Read: 16 signs your ex still wants you back in her life]

24. She will doubt your intentions when you try to win her over again

She already knows that you’re trying to get her back, so whatever you do, in the back of her head, you’re doing this only because you want her back. 

Even if you’re genuine, she would be wary. She’s going to be wary for a while, and that’s her right. 

You didn’t care enough to be with her when you were together, and now, she wants to be really sure this relationship is worth a second shot. [Read: How to prove you love someone – 15 honest things every lover must do]

If you buy her flowers, write her a poem, or even behave more affectionately, she may love the gesture, but she’ll always wonder if you’re faking it or if you’ll hurt her again.

Be genuine with your intentions and your words. If you do something nice for her, do it because you actually want to make her happy. 

But don’t fake it because she’d be able to see through your actions, and that would only push her further away from you. [Read: How to rebuild trust with someone you hurt without making excuses]

25. Balance space and connection

No, don’t send her funny memes just yet. Don’t call her late at night because you’re bored. And don’t behave like everything’s lovey, fine and dandy between you two. 

If you behave like she’s your girl while talking over the phone with her or start taking her easy in any way, she’ll believe you don’t respect her. That would only infuriate her or leave her way more annoyed!

26. Be there for her

If you tell her you’ll text her, make sure you text her. Or if you know that she got a promotion at work, make sure you congratulate her. [Read: How to treat a woman right – 21 things you MUST do if you want her to stay with you]

Maybe she needs any help moving or fixing something; let her know you’re always around to help. If you can order some food for her, do that if she’d be okay with it. 

Give her all the space she needs, but when you both do text each other or speak over the phone, let her know and see that you’re always there for her. 

If you get this right, this is where she’ll start to feel warmer toward you and want you back in her life again. [Read: 60 perfect traits to be a good boyfriend that’ll make you better than the best!]

27. But go slow with the emotions

You may really like her, but don’t overwhelm her with your feelings right away! 

No, you don’t need to be indifferent and cold. You’ll push her away completely with this. But if you want to know how to win a girl back, go slow with your emotions. Don’t go all out right away, and wear your heart on your sleeves.

Don’t dive in headfirst without caution – you’ll scare her! Take it gradually and take it one step at a time.

If you were degrading or uninterested in the relationship previously, don’t flip and do a complete 180 by being extra-lovey just to win her back. [Read: How to be emotionally available – 17 ways to open up to love and life]

This looks extremely fake and forced, and she may dislike you even more instead of wanting you back! You know you should straighten up, but do it gradually, and most importantly, be sincere.

28. She needs to need you

She knows you miss her. But if you want to know how to get a girl back, you need to make her miss you. This is literally the most important thing you need to remember. 

You can tell her you love her or that you need her, you can beg and cry, but none of that will work. If you want to get your ex-girlfriend back, then you can’t think from your perspective. You need to think from hers! [Read: Why slow and steady is the only way to go when getting back together with your ex]

She doesn’t need to see how much you need her. She needs to need you.

29. Let her see you’re holding back your love

If you want to win a girl back, you need to hold your overflowing emotions back, and she needs to see that.

So, text her in moderation, maybe a text or two a day if she reciprocates. She may not text you first for several days or even a week or two, and that’s okay. Stay connected with her and let her know you miss her. [Read: How to stop obsessing over an ex and free your mind for something new]

But don’t overdo it. Let her see the desire in you. Let her know that you would hug her and kiss her and make love to her if only you could, but hold back and stay respectful.

You need to shower her with love, but always let her see that you’re holding back your emotions and gestures. 

When you talk to her over the phone, let her realize you don’t want to hang up the phone *you can take a deep breath and pause for a few seconds before you say bye*. [Read: 300+ very romantic text messages for her that’ll make any girl melt instantly]

When you text her, let her know *type something long, delete it again, and just send the words “miss you… so much* that you have so much to say, but you’re holding back your words and thoughts.

Honestly, if you really do love her, all of this should come naturally. So just let her see that you love her and miss her, but you’re trying your best to hold everything back because you don’t want to scare her away.

30. She needs to see you and admire you

This is important. If you want to know how to win a girl back, you should know that you need to be fancied by her all over again. [Read: How to make a girl want you, desire you and obsess over you!]

She liked you and then decided not to like you anymore. Of course, she may still miss you. But you need to ask yourself if there’s something more you can do to convince her to give you a second shot and see you from a fresh perspective. 

You need to show her that you’re in control of your life and that you can balance your career, your social life, your health, and everything else that’s important to you. 

Go out and meet your friends, share a few pictures on social media, work out, dress up, and look great. If you want to get a girl back, it all starts with appearing desirable in her eyes again! [Read: 24 honest and sneaky reasons why your ex still texts and stays in touch]

31. Get back to the basics of getting a girl

You screwed up, so if you think you’re going to get laid after buying her flowers, you’re delusional. Start back from the start and woo her all over again. Why? 

Because you don’t deserve anything more than that. You need to let yourself go through everything you went through before when you courted her the first time – you may even have to try harder.

Trust and respect are both the foundation of a relationship, and the fact that your relationship ended means either one or both have been lost. [Read: The strong foundations of a relationship you need to focus on to impress her]

You need to let her trust you again, which means earning back that trust.

32. You don’t have to make her jealous

You can try to make her jealous if you want, but why? If she has genuine feelings for you, why would you want to play games and leave her feeling anxious? 

If you truly want to know how to win a girl back, you need to help her see your best side all over again, not make her jealous to trigger her anxiety or fear of losing you! [Read: How to make your ex jealous and leave them begging for forgiveness]

Her feelings for you didn’t disappear, they’re right there. Also, if there was any type of jealousy or envy involved in the first place, which led to you both falling apart, making her feel the same way is the last thing you should ever try!

33. Don’t get grabby and touchy 

Yes, you’re aching to hold her in your arms again. BUT now is not the time. You’ve just rebuilt the fragile bond and convinced her to meet you again. So, take it slowly; there is no need to rush at all.

Don’t behave like you’re her long-term boyfriend by trying to grab her hand as soon as you both sit down. [Read: How to respect a girl in the relationship and love her better]

Treat her with respect and give her the space she deserves. But stare deeply into her eyes as you talk to her, and let your eyes express your love and desire for her.

Wait for her to make a move to touch you or at least sit closer to you. Remember, it’s all about desirability again. 

If you don’t pounce on her already, she’d wonder why you aren’t touching her yet, and that would, in turn, make her desire you even more. [Read: Sex with your ex – why we desire it and the good and bad of sleeping with an ex]

34. Talk to her honestly if you want to get her back

They’ll be a moment where you two talk about the relationship, what happened, and where it all went wrong. Take your chance to be honest with her. 

You can’t learn how to get a girl back with lies and manipulation – relationships don’t work that way.

You need to earn her trust, so be honest with her. If you bullshit her at this moment, you won’t get her back. Ever. [Read: How to communicate in a relationship – 16 steps to a better love]

35. Relax and process everything

Yes, you’re hanging out with her again. That’s a good thing. So, you really shouldn’t let your anxiety or frustration show. 

If you’re not comfortable and relaxed, she’ll notice, and the whole situation comes out forced. You don’t want that, you want it to run smoothly and actually last.

When she expresses her opinions, listen to her without trying to cut her off or justify something. [Read: How to make someone miss you and regret ever leaving your side]

And when you tell her how much you miss her and want to get back with her, be honest and focus on winning her back, not winning brownie points over an argument!

After she meets you, talks to you, and goes back to her place, you want her to have an upbeat and positive impression of you rather than a negative one.

You don’t want her to remember exactly why the relationship ended in the first place, so just relax and breathe. Don’t overthink everything! [Read: The 21 atypical secrets you need to know to impress a girl the second time around]

Things to say to your ex-girlfriend to get her back

Now that you know the general strategies to use to get your ex-girlfriend back, you also need to know some specifics – like what to say to her. Here are some things that will work:

1. “How have you been?”

This is kind of generic, but it shows that you still care about her well-being. It also shows that she has been on your mind, and you wanted to reach out to her to make sure that she’s okay.

2. “I’ve grown”

Maybe you were young and/or immature when you were with your ex-girlfriend. Youth and immaturity can make people do stupid things sometimes. So, if you think you’ve grown, then tell her – that will make her happy. [Read: How to be mature – 25 ways to grow up and face life like an adult]

3. “I’m sorry”

If you did something wrong that you should apologize for, then tell her you’re sorry. Whether you cheated, ignored her, or were just an overall jerk, let her know that you were wrong and won’t do it again.

4. “I respect your feelings”

Maybe one of the reasons that the two of you broke up is that you lacked empathy for her and her feelings. If that’s true, then tell her that you respect her feelings. It will make her see how you’ve changed.

5. “I would like to give you more space”

Some guys can be a little needy, jealous, and possessive. So, if you’re that type of person, then she might need to hear that you will give her the space she needs and won’t smother her anymore. [Read: 33 strong ways to stop loving someone and read the signs it’s time to walk away]

6. “I want to give you freedom of choice”

You might be desperate to get your ex-girlfriend back, but you don’t want to force anything on her. So, make sure to tell her that she is free to choose whether or not she wants you back too.

7. “I want to make things right for us”

If you had a tumultuous relationship when you were together, let her know that you want to make it right this time. You will learn to work through conflict better and be a better boyfriend.

8. “I can’t stop thinking about you”

All girls like it when a guy is thinking of her. It’s just very flattering! So, telling her that she is constantly on your mind will make her heart melt. [Read: 53 flirty things to say to a girl to compliment her and make her blush]

9. “I miss you”

Girls also liked to be missed. It makes them feel special when a guy misses having them around in their lives. So, just simply tell her that you miss her.

10. “If I were in your place, I would have done the same”

If you were a jerk to her and she had to break up with you in order to stand up for herself, let her know that you understand why she did what she did. This shows empathy and that you regret the bad things you did.

11. “No one can replace you”

Everyone likes to feel like they are special to others. So, the feeling of being irreplaceable will definitely make her warm up to the idea of getting back together with you. [Read: How to compliment a girl – 15 must-know tips and 35 of the best lines]

12. “I want our relationship to last”

If one of the reasons you broke up was because you weren’t ready for a long-term commitment or marriage, let her know that you have changed your mind. Tell her that you want your relationship with her to last forever.

13. “Can we start all over again?”

This is a direct way of basically asking her to be your girlfriend again. Let her know that you want a second chance and to start over and make things right again.

14. “I still love you”

You’ve heard of “the one who got away,” right? Well, make her feel like she is the one that got away from you. Let her know that you still love her. [Read: Down-to-earth ways to express your love without words]

15. “Do you remember… *any happy memory*?”

All relationships have gone through good times, or otherwise, two people wouldn’t have been together in the first place. So, choose one or two of your happiest memories and reminisce with her.

Common mistakes when trying to get an ex-girlfriend back

Now that you know the general guidelines and the specifics of things you can say to your ex-girlfriend to get her back, you also need to know what not to do. These things will really turn her off.

1. Begging and trying to use pity

You might think that telling her how miserable you are without her and trying to make her feel sorry for you will work. But it won’t. Don’t do that. Be confident because no girl likes a man who lacks self-confidence. [Read: 58 life-changing secrets to get over a breakup and heal your broken heart]

2. Calling and texting her all the time

You might think that keeping yourself connected to her by calling and texting her all the time will make her want you back. But it could backfire on you. She might get annoyed and feel smothered by you.

3. Freaking out about her rebound

Most people have a rebound person after a breakup. So, she might be with someone else by now. But don’t freak out about it. If you do it in your own mind, then fine. Just don’t let her know about how you feel.

4. Degrading her and calling your ex-girlfriend names

This one is definitely not a way to get a girl back. No person should ever degrade another human being – ever. [Read: 15 signs of a verballing abusive relationship – set yourself free]

So, if you do this, it just shows what an abusive jerk you are. And what girl would want to be with a guy like that? 

Good signs your ex will eventually come back to you

You might be doing everything you can to try to get your ex-girlfriend back. But how do you know if any of it is working? Here are some signs that she will eventually come back to you.

1. She didn’t block your number

When a person is completely done with their ex and wants them completely out of their lives, then they will usually block them. [Read: Power trip – is the psychology of blocking someone about your ego?]

So, if she hasn’t blocked your number, it must mean that she is not that angry with you and might be leaving the door open for a reconciliation.

2. She texts you

This is a great sign because if she didn’t want to speak to you anymore, you wouldn’t hear from her. So, if she’s still sending you texts, that at least means she’s thinking about you on a relatively regular basis.

3. She checks you on social media

It’s pretty common for people to stalk others on social media. Most people have done it, right? And why do they do it? [Read: 15 signs an ex is confused about their wants and feelings and what to do]

Because they’re nosey and curious about what they’re up to. So, she is wondering what you’re doing.

4. She is not seeing other people

If she’s still single, it’s either because she wants to get back together with you too, or maybe because she can’t find anyone else to take your place. In other words, you are still special to her. 

5. She is nostalgic

If you talk to her on the phone, via text, or even see her in person, being nostalgic about your relationship is a good sign. That’s because she is remembering the good times with you and still has some warm and fuzzy feelings left. [Read: Old love letters and memories – keep or throw them?]

6. She wants to hang out with you

If she didn’t still like your company, then she would have no desire to see you. But if she is willing and/or eager to hang out with you, then that’s a good sign that she might even miss you and want you back too.

7. She told her friends about her feelings

She might not want to tell you how she feels, but she might tell her friends. And so if you’ve heard through the grapevine that she still loves you and would want to get back together, that’s a great sign that she means it.

8. She still visits your family

Maybe you were together for a long time, and she got close to your family. If she still talks to them or even visits, then she still might feel close to you too. Talking to them might make her feel closer to you. [Read: 23 signs your ex still loves you even if they act like they don’t care]

9. She hasn’t returned your things

If you left a lot of your belongings at her place and she still has them, it might be because she’s not ready to let go of them yet. They might keep her emotionally tied to you, and that’s why she hangs on to them.

10. She answers your calls

Most people don’t answer the phone for people they don’t want to talk to. So, if she’s taking your calls and talking to you, then she might miss you. Or, at the very least, she isn’t very angry with you if she will speak to you.

11. She is sad

If she were happy that the two of you were broken up, then she would be out partying and/or dating other people. [Read: Should I talk to my ex? 23 steps to help you find the answer to your feelings]

But if you see her and she looks sad, or if her friends or your friends tell you that she’s depressed after the breakup, that’s a good sign she might want you back.

12. She does things you love

Let’s say that you taught her how to golf, and she had never done it before you had a relationship with her. And now you know that she still goes golfing. Well, it could be because she’s nostalgic for doing the things that you love too.

13. She admits the mistakes

Whether she made a lot of mistakes in the relationship or both of you did, she can reflect back and admit that she did things wrong. This might be her way of apologizing and hoping that you will take her back. [Read: How to stop making the same mistakes in relationships and learn]

14. She appears out of the blue – everywhere

Maybe you work or go to school with her. If every time you turn a corner, you run into her or see her lurking around watching you, then she’s doing it on purpose.

Even if you see her out at restaurants or bars, she could be going there with the hopes that she’ll see you. [Read: 25 signs your ex wants you back and just can’t stop thinking of you]

So, how to get your ex-girlfriend back?

That’s it—these are the tips on how to get your ex-girlfriend back into your life. If you do decide to reconcile, be open and honest with each other and make the effort that’s required to make your relationship work for both of you.

If it doesn’t work, agree to part ways. Trying to preserve a terrible relationship hurts both of you. This is your life. That means you must work hard to get her back if she is yours.

[Read: Understanding a girl’s perspective – Should I give my ex-boyfriend another chance?]

Now that you know how to get your ex-girlfriend back, what are you waiting for? What you want is yours, so don’t hold back. Don’t let her be a “what if” in your life.

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Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...