Breakups are painful. Like, seriously painful. The good news? You can learn how to move on from a break up and see brighter days again.
If you’re trying to learn how to move on from a break up, it’s easy to assume that your glory days are behind you. You might assume that your life is going to be dark from this point on. You might even decide there and then that your dating life is over.
Of course, in reality, none of that is true. It feels that way, for sure, but it’s not true.
Breakups are to be endured, but once they’re over, once you’ve gone through the process and you start to feel better again, you’ll not only learn key lessons for future relationships *yes, you will do it all again no matter how many times you protest that you won’t*, but you’ll also learn something about your own strength too.
How to move on from a break up: 13 easy steps you MUST follow
There are several pitfalls to avoid when going through a break up, so let’s look at how to move on from a break up in the most dignified of ways, to help you avoid those less than dignified errors.
#1 Keep yourself busy. You might want to sit there and wallow, but what good is it going to do you? There is no room for wallowing right now, you must keep yourself busy and let things start to move naturally.
Throw yourself into work, start writing a book if you want to, or simply spend more time with your family and friends. Busy, busy, busy is the way forward! [Read: Steps to unfaking your life and love being you]
#2 Keep that number and social media account blocked. Hopefully you will have done the blocking early on, and when you start to feel slightly better and you want to start moving on from the break up, you might start to think about unblocking. Don’t do it!
If you want to learn how to move on from a break up in a dignified way, keep everything blocked! You will only get drunk one night and send a text that you seriously regret. [Read: How to let go of someone you love]
#3 Do not assume that you need to cut your hair. We’re all told that when you’ve been through a break up, you need to cut your hair or dye it a completely different color. You do not need to do this!
Of course, if you want to, go for it, but make sure that you’re thinking straight. Pink hair might look great on, well, Pink, but it might not suit you! Step away from the scissors and the hair dye until you’re feeling a little more like yourself.
#4 Avoid rebound hook-ups. We’ve all heard that saying – to get over someone you have to get under someone else. No, you do not. This is the single best way to make yourself feel ten times worse and start wallowing in self-pity and guilt.
Seriously, avoid rebounds all together and just focus on feeling better. You’ll learn how to move on from a break up far less eventfully if you just avoid those drunken one night stands or emotionally fueled moments of madness. [Read: 13 rebound sex questions to know for sure if you can handle it]
#5 If you want to transform yourself, make it healthy. You’ll start to feel amazing if you focus on your health and well-being. This is one of the best ways to put yourself back on the road to recovery.
Start eating healthily, exercising, getting enough sleep, don’t drink too much or smoke, and make sure that you do your best to generally live a healthier lifestyle than you did before. The changes will show in your appearance, mood, how you feel about yourself, and just about everything else in your life. [Read: How to live a good life you’ll love and cherish]
#6 Reframe your negative thoughts. At some point, you’re going to start looking back and wondering what you could have done differently, if you haven’t already.
The fact is you can’t go back, so there’s no point wondering. Yes, you can learn lessons, but it’s totally different to wishing things were different. If you want to learn how to move on from a break up, you need to start reframing those negative thoughts and move towards a more positive space.
For every negative thought you have about the breakup or your ex, come up with a positive and repeat it until it becomes second nature. For instance, if you keep thinking “I wish I could change things,” reframe that to “the past has gone and I’m going to make the future bright.” You won’t believe it at first, but over time you will. [Read: How to hone and increase your positive emotions in a negative world]
#7 Change your routine. When you do the same things every day, it can easily drag you down. If you want to learn how to move on from a break up, distract yourself. Focus upon making positive changes in your life. Change your routine and see how you feel.
#8 Do one thing every day that challenges you. In addition to changing your routine, challenge yourself with something new every day. This doesn’t have to be something huge. It just needs to distract your mind.
For instance, challenge yourself to make the perfect meal. Challenge yourself to walk to work faster than the day before. Challenge yourself to tick every item off your to-do list. With every challenge you face and succeed, your confidence will grow. That’s how to move on from a breakup!
#9 Take the time to focus on yourself. All too often, we focus on everyone else but ourselves. When you’ve just come out of a relationship, you’re so used to doing everything for your partner. Now is the time to focus on number one!
Do all the things you love to do and do not feel guilty about it. Dedicate one day per week to total self-care and do not cancel it for any reason. Learn to nourish your soul, and you’ll start to feel better in no time. [Read: How to get over a breakup and move away from poutyland faster]
#10 Accept it and let it go. You have broken up with your ex and now you are single. Harsh? No. It’s the truth. If you want to learn how to move on from a break up, you need to stop avoiding the truth and face it head on.
What is so bad about being single? You don’t have to compromise anymore, and you can watch whatever you want on the TV! You can starfish in bed, and you can spend as long as you want in the bath.
#11 Treat yourself. Go on, you know you want to! This doesn’t mean you should turn to shopping as an emotional crutch over the long-term, but it does mean that you can treat yourself to something nice on this one occasion, just because you can.
If it makes you feel better in the here and now and it’s a one-off, I say buy that new iPhone or book that mini-break!
#12 Say ‘yes’ if you would normally say ‘no’. Now, there are a few rules here. Don’t go around saying ‘yes’ to things that you know you shouldn’t do, but if you’re always saying ‘no’ to party invites or days out, it’s time to start saying ‘yes.’
You never know where these opportunities might lead and that’s what you have to start seeing them as – opportunities! If nothing else, it gets you out of the house, and you might even enjoy it! [Read: How to be more playful and flirty and open when you meet someone]
#13 Get rid of anything which reminds you of your ex. Finally, be ruthless if you want to learn how to move on from a break up. When you’re ready, get rid of everything that reminds you of your ex. Take down the photos, delete the playlist, and stop watching the film that reminds you of the good times. It’s time to make new memories. There is no time for looking back.
You can lock yourself up and wait for the inevitable breakdown in your life, or you can learn how to move on from a break up into a better life. The choice, fortunately or unfortunately, is entirely your own!