Having someone cheat on you isn’t a walk in the park. The real challenge is learning how to get over someone cheating on you and dealing with the emotions.
Let’s get this out of the way, no one actually likes being cheated on. Even if you wanted to break up with them already, it’s always a horrible feeling to know that someone went behind your back and was dishonest with you. It takes times to know how to get over someone cheating on you and repairing the emotional damage.
Now, I’ve been cheated on once. I went to teach English at a summer camp for two weeks, and he met some girl at a music festival and slept with her. He called me while I was working and told me what happened. Of course, we broke up and though I tried to play it off as no big deal, it really affected me.
Did I want to marry this guy? No. Did I see him as the father of my children? No. But at that moment, he was someone I was trying to get to know and enjoying the time spent together. Here’s the thing, I didn’t try to stay with him and see if we could work it out. In my mind, I knew that it was over. [Read: 14 signs you’re dating someone who loves to cheat]
How to get over someone cheating on you
But for some people, they don’t want to leave the relationship and would rather invest the time in repairing it. Now, is this a bad decision? No. And for some couples, they work through the problems and become even stronger, but it’s a hard path to take.
Either way, you’re going to be dealing with a lot of emotions and feelings about what happened. It’s not easy, but you have to do it for you.
#1 You need to make a decision. When someone cheats on you, you need to make a decision. Are you going to stay with them or not? If you’re trying to figure out how to get over someone cheating on you, remember that for some people, the decision is easy, while for others it’s much more difficult.
If you have children, your decision not only affects you, but it also affects them as well. But what’s important is that whatever you decide to do, you do it. That way, you can focus on the next steps for self-healing. [Read: Getting back with a cheater – Is that even possible?]
#2 Express your emotions. I cannot emphasize this enough. No matter if you think you’re mentally strong, you need to talk to someone about what happened.
Shutting up and going through the pain on your own isn’t going to work that well for you. If anything, you just bottle up all your emotions and eventually explode. Talk to the people around you that you love or talk to a therapist as they’ll be able to help you make some difficult decisions. [Read: The 15 qualities of a great friend that sets them apart]
#3 You can’t change what happened. I know, I know, you’re probably thinking that if you only did this or you only did that, but here’s the thing, you can’t change what happened. Now, you learn from it. You need to reflect on the relationship and look at what happened, what you need to work on, and how you want your future relationships to look like.
#4 Be sad. Listen, if you want to spend an entire weekend watching Netflix and eating ice cream, do it. If you want to lay on a beach for a week crying, do it. The point is, be sad, regardless of whether or not you stay with them. You’re angry, you feel betrayed, so let it all out. Because if you choose to stay with them, you have to move past this.
#5 Talk to your partner. You need to talk to your partner and tell them exactly how you feel. And, I know this may be hard, but you need to let them tell you how they feel as well if you truly want to understand how to get over someone cheating on you. Communication with your partner is essential after they cheat on you, whether you stay with them or not. They need to know how their actions affected you, and you need closure with what happened.
#6 Remove them from your life. That is if you’re choosing to break up with them. If not, then you need to see a couple’s therapist to help you work through your issues. But if you’re choosing to leave them then fully leave them.
Tell them that you need space away from them and ask them to stop contacting you until you contact them. Of course, you may never want to speak to them again, and that’s totally okay. But you need to cut the cord until you grieve and mourn. [Read: Should you ever forgive a cheating partner?]
#7 Don’t rush it. I know you want to get over this as fast as you can. But here’s the thing, you shouldn’t try to “quicken” the process because everyone is different. If you’ve been with your partner for years, you can’t expect yourself to get over them in a couple days. This will take months and months of healing before you start to feel better. So, don’t rush it, you need to go through the process at your own pace.
#8 Stay off of their social media. What I mean is, don’t creep them. Please, just don’t do it. I know you want to see if they’re regretting their decision and posting sad songs on Facebook. Trust me, I know, but it’s not going to help you get over them. If anything, you’ll become obsessed with seeing their statuses and photos, seeing who they’re with, but in the end, it doesn’t matter.
#9 If you choose to stay with them, define your relationship. What type of relationship do you want you and your partner to have? Yes, you went through a rough patch, and now you both are focused on making the relationship work. So, you need to decide how you and your partner want the relationship to look and what’s missing. [Read: 28 signs that tell you if your relationship is over or not]
#10 It’s not going get better overnight. Whether you’re trying to make the relationship work or trying to move on, it’s not going to get better overnight. This takes time to work through these things. You will need time to learn to trust your partner again, and they need time to work through their infidelity as well. [Read: 14 ways to survive infidelity without tearing apart]
#11 Don’t blame yourself. Listen, we all make mistakes. So, they may have told you that you worked too much, and they weren’t getting enough attention. Did they ever express this to you? Or was their way to deal with it to find something else immediately? Don’t blame yourself, because a relationship has two people involved, not just you.
#12 Don’t necessarily listen to your friends. Your friends don’t want to see you hurt, so they’re obviously going to try to hook you up with other people or get you to go out which isn’t a bad idea, but if you’re not ready then you’re not ready.
Plus, if you choose to stay with your partner instead of breaking up, you’ll probably hear an earful from your friends. It’s not their life, it’s yours. Listen to what they have to say, but, eventually, you’re the one that will make the decision, not them. [Read: 10 lessons your own experiences can teach you]
#13 One day, this won’t bother you anymore. It’s a strange thing, especially when someone cheats on you, but eventually, this won’t bother you anymore. I know, right now you’re thinking that you may never get over this, and it’ll haunt you until you die, but it won’t. There will be a moment when you just stop thinking about it. It just won’t come to your mind or if it does, you won’t feel anger. It’ll be a moment of your life.