Do you think your boyfriend is cheating on you? If you do, you need to know the signs so you can be sure. Here’s all you need to know and what to do.
Nobody wants to sit there and think about the fact their boyfriend could be cheating. But the reality is that it does happen. But just because it’s a common reality doesn’t make it hurt any less. In fact, it probably makes it feel even worse.
Cheating is one of the most horrible things someone could do in a relationship—not to mention cowardly. But some people just can’t handle being in a committed relationship, so they choose to be unfaithful.
Why do people cheat in a relationship?
If you’ve been cheated on – or even if you haven’t – you might wonder why people would cheat on their partner. After all, they are supposed to be in love, right? So what would make someone betray their better half?
Here are some common reasons why boyfriends and husbands cheat:
1. Wanting variety
While some people like being with only one person for the rest of their lives *or even one at a time*, some people don’t like that. [Read: My boyfriend cheated on me – 15 things you need to do ASAP]
They get bored with the same sexual partners, so they go seeking out another one. Or they might be interested in different types of sex that their partner isn’t into, even if they match well on other levels.
2. Low self-esteem
For some people, cheating may boost their self-esteem. You would think they would feel worse about themselves for betraying their partner, but some people don’t.
Having sex with a new person might make someone feel attractive, confident, or empowered.
Many people who cheat because of self-esteem issues have loving, supportive partners who do offer compassion or encouragement. [Read: Why do men really cheat? 3 real reasons and 27 excuses]
However, they might think that their partner is obligated to tell them those things or they just don’t want them to feel bad. In other words, they don’t really believe their partner. But they might believe someone else.
3. Falling out of love
Everyone loves the feeling of falling in love, but that exhilaration doesn’t last forever. When you fall in love, you feel passion, excitement, and rushes of dopamine from being around them.
But the intensity of those feelings usually fades over time. Yes, it turns into stable, long-lasting love. But that infatuation in the beginning only lasts for so long. [Read: Falling out of love – why it happens, 23 reasons and signs, to see it ASAP]
Once the butterflies fade, a person might realize that there isn’t long-lasting love there. Or maybe they realize that they are in love with someone else.
If a person is in a relationship without romantic love, it might lead to the desire to experience love again. And therefore, they cheat in order to try to find it.
4. Circumstances
Just having the opportunity to cheat can make it more likely. This doesn’t mean that everyone with the opportunity will do it, but these factors can add to the motivation to cheat. [Read: 18 emotional affair signs you probably didn’t even notice]
For example, let’s say that you’re not particularly happy in your relationship and feel bad about your body.
But one day, a friendly coworker tells you that they are attracted to you and want to hang out sometime. Or maybe you’re already out with them.
You might not choose to cheat if all these factors weren’t present – an unhappy relationship, low self-esteem about your body, and a coworker who expressed an interest in you – but they are, and now infidelity seems more tempting. [Read: More than just sex? An update on why men actually cheat]
Or maybe you’re on a business trip for a few days, drank too much, and started flirting with an attractive stranger you met. Then one thing led to another…
5. Anger or revenge
Maybe you just discovered that your partner cheated on you. While you’re hurt and surprised, you might want to give them a taste of their own medicine so they really understand your pain.
Anger-motivated infidelity can happen for reasons other than revenge, too. [Read: How to get revenge – cold, calculated moves to hit back and get even]
For example, you are unhappy in your relationship but your partner doesn’t take you seriously. Or your partner doesn’t give much to you emotionally or physically, so you are resentful.
Regardless of the cause of the anger, this emotion can act as a powerful motivator to be sexually or emotionally intimate with someone else.
6. Commitment issues
People who have a hard time with commitment might be more likely to cheat than people who aren’t. And commitment doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone either. [Read: Fear of commitment – 47 signs, whys and ways to get over your phobia]
It could be that two people have very different ideas of the status of the relationship. One person might think it’s just casual and the other might think it’s exclusive.
It’s also possible to really like someone but still fear committing to them. In that case, the person might end up cheating as a way of avoiding commitment even if they want to stay in the relationship.
7. Sexual desire
Simply desiring to have sex can motivate someone to cheat, too. If someone has unmet sexual needs and has the opportunity to cheat, then they might go for it. [Read: Why am I so horny? 21 signs, reasons, hypersexuality and when to seek help]
But if someone has such a high sex drive and has unmet sexual needs, they might just go looking for opportunities to cheat without any other factors being present.
Even people who are in sexually satisfying relationships might still want to have more sex with other people. This might be because of a high level of sexual desire, and not necessarily any sexual or intimate issues in their relationship.
How to tell if your boyfriend is cheating
While most boyfriends try hard to hide their cheating ways, there are some surefire signs that will tell you he’s not being a very faithful boyfriend. [Read: Serial cheater – what makes one, the signs to watch, and what to do next]
His guilt might override his senses and cause him to slip up every now and then, allowing you the opportunity to catch him!
Just because your boyfriend might be guilty of some of these signs doesn’t mean he’s necessarily guilty of cheating, though. Stress, anxiety, and other things in his life could be the reason behind his sketchy actions.
Nonetheless, below are some of the common signs of cheating that we’ve put together for you. So if they begin to pile up, you may just have a cheater on your hands. [Read: Stress ruining your relationship? Signs and quick fixes]
1. He puts passwords on all his stuff
If he never had passwords on his mobile device and computer before and suddenly there is a strict “lock out” policy, he may be talking to someone he doesn’t want you to know about.
Not that you should ever go through his things anyway, but if you try to peek, and a red alarm goes off, he is hiding something.
2. He can’t recount his time
If he can’t remember where he was last week on Wednesday or even last night, it may be a sign he was somewhere he shouldn’t have been. [Read: 20 veiled signs your boyfriend is cheating already]
It isn’t that abnormal to forget about things that you do. But if he can’t remember four hours of his life, then that is a sign something’s up.
3. He is suddenly working late
There will be times in certain occupations when overtime is required.
But, if he never worked late before, or isn’t coming home with more cash on hand or a promotion, then you may start to consider the fact that he is staying late on purpose to be with someone. [Read: Is he lying? 21 signs to tell if a guy is a liar and subtle ways to read his lies]
Or he isn’t staying at work at all.
4. He smells like women’s perfume
The only way to smell like a woman’s perfume is if she gets up close and personal.
Is he cheating? Well, it isn’t as if a woman’s perfume is going to be flying in the air and stick to him!
So, if he comes home with a feminine scent that isn’t yours, you may want to consider who is rubbing on him. [Read: Signs your partner’s work spouse is way too close]
5. He hides his text messages
If a text message comes through and he runs to his phone, knocking everything out of the way, there is likely something he doesn’t want you to see.
If your birthday isn’t around the corner and your anniversary is way off, there is probably some other surprise he doesn’t want you to catch a glimpse of. That may give you cause to think he is cheating.
6. He starts accusing you of cheating
When you come home five minutes late, and he jumps all over you, that may be something called projection. [Read: Why do men cheat? 3 big reasons and 27 more]
A psychological term for projecting your own behaviors onto someone else, his guilt drives him to accuse you of doing the very thing he is.
If he hasn’t ever been jealous in the past, and you haven’t given him any reason to believe things have changed, then he just may be cheating on you.
7. There are strange charges on your credit card
If you notice on your joint credit card or bank statement that there are charges that don’t make sense, then he may be taking someone else to expensive dinners or buying them expensive things to woo their heart. [Read: Types of liars – How to confront them and not lose your cool]
Is he cheating for sure? Well, unexplained charges usually indicate something might be going on in your relationship that you don’t know about.
8. He lies about where he has been
If you know he wasn’t at his friend Matt’s, but he insists he was there, then he was somewhere he shouldn’t have been. Lying is a good indication that he is cheating.
After all, when you aren’t doing anything wrong, you don’t have a reason to lie. [Read: Avoid them like the plague: 16 types of guys not to date]
9. He started working out and bettering himself
The guy you met and fell in love with is totally okay with his love handles. But now, all of a sudden, he hits the gym after work and worries about his calorie count.
It means he either is cheating on you or someone is turning his eye. And he’s working on his body because he hopes to do the same with her.
Is he cheating? Well, this is not always a sign of cheating, because sometimes guys just get into kicks about wanting to get in shape.
10. He opens new financial accounts
If you have always used a joint account, but suddenly he has his own credit card and bank account you didn’t know about, he’s hiding something. [Read: Sneaky people – 20 subtle signs and what defines sneaky behavior in someone]
It is never a good idea in a relationship to hide things from one another. Although the possibility is he’s saving up some money to bring you on a sweet vacation, proceed with caution.
11. He gets moody
If he has always been a pretty even-keeled guy, but suddenly seems to lose his temper and fly off the handle, it can either be a sign things are stressful at work, or that he has been cheating on you.
Guilt is a very ugly thing. It makes us behave in unpredictable ways. Needing to absolve himself from his bad behavior, he likely gets angry and upset with you to justify what he does on the side. [Read: 22 big early warning signs of a bad boyfriend]
12. He’s not interested in sex anymore
If you had a pretty healthy sex life before and now he barely glances your way, it may be a sign he is cheating on you. Getting his sexual needs met somewhere else, he isn’t going to be in the mood for sex like he used to be.
13. Immediately must shower when he gets home
If he makes a bee-line for the shower after walking through the door and avoids you, that is never a good sign. If a man cheats, he wants to wash away the evidence before you can get a whiff.
Sure, he may just be washing off the sweat of a stressful day. But if this is a new habit for him, there is probably something he doesn’t want you to know. [Read: Is he accidentally cheating? 8 ways people cheat without realizing it]
14. He is never around
If he suddenly goes out all the time and never invites you along, there is something he doesn’t want you to interrupt.
You two have always loved going out and hanging out together, but now he wants to spend his time without you. Something is up. He may just be cheating on you.
15. He showers you with gifts
The guy who suddenly starts to shower his mate with gifts, treat her better than he ever did before, or just attends to her every need, may be having an affair. [Read: Unfaithfully yours: 30 signs your husband may be cheating]
The exact opposite of what women think, if a guy is attentive out of the blue, he might be cheating on you. This attention may just be born from guilt.
16. He has a hard time sleeping
A once heavy sleeper, you suddenly notice your man paces the room at night, can’t sleep, or is up for hours at a time. It may be stress, But it also could be guilt about what he is doing that is robbing him of his z’s.
17. When you ask questions, he freaks out
When you ask him things like “what did you do for lunch” he becomes enraged. He flies off the handle asking why you constantly check up on him. [Read: How to respond to an overreaction without losing your cool]
This is not a good sign. Guys who cheat make you feel like you have no right to ask them questions about their day or what they have been doing when you’re not around. Even when those questions are just innocent.
18. He starts calling out someone else’s name in bed
Once is probably a random dream, but if your mate continually calls out another girl’s name in his dreams he just may be cheating on you.
19. He stops saying “I love you”
Even if he was never a mushy guy, if you tell him you love him, and he can’t say it back, then he is probably cheating on you.
If he can’t tell you he is in love with you, there is a reason, and typically not a good one for you. [Read: 25 sad signs he doesn’t love you anymore and is just messing with you]
20. He starts to close doors when he is exposed
If your man is having an affair, you may notice him closing the door when he gets in the shower or when he is about to change his clothes.
When starting a secret affair, a man tries to separate himself from his current relationship, both physically and emotionally.
21. He stops talking to you
If you notice the silence between you keeps growing, there is a chance he may be having an affair. [Read: 18 ingenious ways to catch a cheating partner]
If a couple has nothing to talk about, and he shows no interest in wanting to be with you or having a conversation, either he is into someone else, or he just isn’t into you. Neither is a good thing.
22. He’s distant
If you’ve noticed his attention is not on you, and he seems even more distant than when he’s in one of his “go away” moods, it’s definitely a sign something is wrong.
Maybe he’s just stressed with work, or maybe he’s got something else going on and wants to keep his distance from you so as not to give his secret away. [Read: Does your boyfriend talk to his ex all the time?]
23. He’s always late for plans
Some men just happen to be late for everything. But if he’s off somewhere you don’t know about and shows up late for plans you’ve had for a while, something fishy might be going on.
24. His excuses don’t add up
If, in addition to his being late, his excuses just don’t add up or make any sense at all, it’s a sign he might be cheating. Vague excuses are also a telltale giveaway that he’s up to no good. [Read: Clear giveaways to tell if someone is lying to your face]
25. You feel like something is off
Your gut instinct is there for a reason. It’s a biological way for our bodies to alert our minds that something isn’t quite right. So trust your gut.
If you have a gut-wrenching feeling that something feels wrong, do some more digging, especially if he’s been acting strange. It could be a sign your boyfriend is cheating. [Read: How to tap into the powerhouse of divine feminine energy]
26. He’s spending more time with his “friends”
Everybody needs time with their friends. However, if he’s been spending extra time with his friends and being vague about what they’re doing or where they’re going, he could be seeing a different “friend” than you think.
27. Your sex life is different
When you do get some one-on-one sexy time with your man and he starts pulling out these random sex moves you’ve never seen, it might be cause for concern.
Some boyfriends who cheat bring their bedroom antics from their other lovers into your bedroom. [Read: Signs it’s time to jump ship and leave your partner]
However, if your love life is lacking, this could be a time to spice things up a little, and not necessarily a sign that he’s having an affair.
28. He’s trying new things with his appearance
Men usually don’t feel the need to change their appearance in any way when they have been in a committed relationship for a long time. They’re usually pretty comfortable with themselves.
So, if you notice that he got a new haircut, is smelling nicer than usual, or has even started manscaping, he could be seeing someone behind your back. [Read: 16 reasons why your boyfriend’s so mean!]
29. Details are fuzzy for him
If he can’t seem to remember the movie you saw together a month ago or is skipping out on the details of certain events, it could be because he can’t remember who he saw them with: you or the other woman.
30. His taste in movies and music has changed
Remember how when you first start seeing someone and they like a different kind of music than you would normally listen to, you immediately go home and listen to that music just to be able to relate to them?
If your man is listening to country music when he’s usually into rap, it could be a sign that he’s listening to it for someone else. [Read: 18 critical signs of an unhealthy relationship]
31. He doesn’t pick up your calls anymore
When he’s at work for the day or out with his friends and ignores your phone calls, it could be a sign that he doesn’t want you to be hearing any background noise *ahem, another female voice*.
32. He has a new female friend on Facebook, but they don’t have mutual friends
When he randomly has a new Facebook friend you’ve never seen or heard of, it could be a sketchy sign that he’s secretly seeing that person.
33. People are telling you they saw him with someone else
You may have friends your boyfriend has never seen before, and those friends might spot him out with his side chick. [Read: How men fall in love]
If your friends are telling you they saw him with a woman they don’t know, it could mean he’s cheating.
34. You see emails/texts from a suspicious woman
If your boyfriend just so happens to leave his email open and you see multiple emails from the same woman *who you have never heard of*, it could be his way of discreetly communicating with his mistress.
35. You see comments on his social media from a suspicious woman
That same person who added him as a friend is now commenting on old pictures and maybe even being flirty. Hate to break it to you, but this could be a sign your boyfriend is cheating with her. [Read: What is an emotional affair? And is your partner having one?]
36. He looks better down there
No, it’s not cosmetic surgery we’re talking about. But has your man recently gotten rid of all his frayed or fading underwear and traded them in for some snug boxer briefs?
Men in long-term committed relationships are used to having more than one little hole in their tighty whities. And let’s not even talk about the stains. [Read: Boxers or briefs?]
So if he’s packing his luggage down there in the finest of new underwear, he’s obviously doing it to feel good about himself or impress someone.
It might also be cause for concern if he’s suddenly started going some landscaping down there when he used to leave it unkempt. Any man who’s just getting into a new affair can’t help but want to make a good impression when his little fella stands up for a task. [Read: The home wrecker’s side of the story]
If he’s been trying to look better in his bare minimums in recent times without any motivation, there’s a good chance you’re not the only person getting a glimpse.
37. He has email or social accounts you didn’t know
Did you come across a new email id or an Instagram or Facebook account while logging into your account using your man’s computer?
Sometimes auto-fill options and the browser search history on your partner’s computer can give away more than just a few signs. And one of those signs could be a new email account he’s using to stay in touch with his mistress. [Read: Is he hiding something? 20 signs he feels guilty for hurting you]
38. A woman’s hair on his car seat
It’s always easy to find a woman’s hair in car upholstery. A cheating partner may be clever enough to get rid of the hair, but there’s always a chance of overlooking something.
But remember this, it could have been a friend’s strand of hair, so don’t reach for the gun just yet.
39. He tries to explain himself a lot
Has he started explaining himself a lot more than he normally does? A man who’s cheating usually spins elaborate stories about where he’s been just to seem convincing. [Read: How to be happy in a relationship]
If you ask him how his dinner with his new friends was, and he elaborates a long story about it for a few minutes, when he generally doesn’t ever go into details without a bit of pestering, he may be trying to cover something up.
40. He’s wary of his cell phone
Does he keep his cell phone close to his little heart at all times, even if he has to go to the loo or take a shower? Well, that’s weird, isn’t it? Cell phone possessiveness is almost always the biggest giveaway if a guy’s having an affair.
Does he crane his neck and see what you’re up to each time you touch his cell phone? Or do you find an empty inbox or an empty call list? Or… gasp! Has he locked his cell phone with a secret password that he doesn’t like sharing? Any of these signs usually mean something’s fishy. [Read: 18 signs something feels off in your relationship and doesn’t feel right]
If your man is rather clever, he’d be careful about these signs. But here’s the best giveaway. When he hears a text beeping on his cell phone, especially when his phone is further away from him, does he sneak a quick glance at you first?
If he does this all the time, there’s a very good chance that he’s hoping you don’t reach his phone first, even if you’re closer to his phone.
41. He’s always on his phone
When he’s around you, he’s mostly on his phone. He was never this addicted to his phone, but something changed. [Read: The cell phone rules to follow to build trust in your relationship]
Well, we all know what that means. The only time when you check your phone constantly is when you’re talking to someone you’re interested in.
42. He’s active on a particular girl’s social media
You noticed he likes a lot of photos of a couple of particular women. He’ll comment or ‘like’ them. What’s more alarming is these women are from your area.
Weird, right? When you question him about who these women are, he quickly denies everything. [Read: 18 ingenious ways to catch a cheater red-handed]
43. He freaks out when you go near his phone
Usually, he was never that possessive over his phone. He would let you use his phone whenever you needed to, and trust was never an issue.
But now, if you touch his phone he freaks out at you or uses any excuse to get his phone out of your hands. Well, there’s probably something on it he doesn’t want you to see.
44. He still has his dating profile
You caught a glimpse of his phone and saw he still has his dating app icon on his menu. [Read: The glaring signs you’re dating someone who is cheating on you]
Why would he have it? After all, he’s with you, right? If his dating profile is still active, then there’s obviously someone else in the picture. Or he’s just not that interested in monogamy.
45. Missed calls from unknown numbers on his phone
His phone gets a lot of missed calls from unknown numbers. Now, we all get unknown numbers calling us, but if you notice it’s happening to him quite often, something is clearly happening, and he doesn’t want you to know about it.
46. He lies
Recently, you’ve caught him lying to you. Maybe you found a condom wrapper or women’s underwear which isn’t yours. [Read: The clearest signs you can’t trust the guy you’re dating]
Of course, you probably questioned him about it, and he gave you some horrible excuses. He’s not going to tell you what he’s doing to your face because he’s a coward.
So, he’ll lie to you instead.
47. Sudden lack of money
He used to always have some money on the side to do things, but he’s suddenly broke. He never has money to go out with you and relies on you to pay for everything. [Read: The clear signs he’s avoiding you and has something on his mind]
But why? Well, he’s spending his money on another woman, that’s why.
48. Not wanting to make the relationship official
Now, if you’re pondering over how to know if your boyfriend is cheating on you, we’ll make this clear – this doesn’t mean he’s cheating on you if this is the only sign.
Sure, it could mean he doesn’t want to look taken, but cheating is a far jump to conclusions. Though, if you pair this with other signs on this list, then it looks like he has other women in his life. [Read: Define the relationship – 30 signs it’s time to DTR and how to talk about it]
49. He never actually tells you what he’s doing
All you know is that he went out. But where did he go? No place that he wants you to know, that’s for sure. [Read: The most common things cheaters say when you confront them]
You seem to always know vaguely what he’s doing. He’s “going out with friends,” or “going for drinks with colleagues.” Do you know who they are or where they’re going? Probably not.
50. He’s on Tinder
Well, this is one of the most obvious signs that he is cheating on you.
If your friends discover him on Tinder or another dating app, don’t ignore it and just act like he forgot to cancel his membership. Oh, he’s on it, and he’s swiping. He’s swiping hard. [Read: What to do if your boyfriend is on Tinder and swiping right]
51. There are unsaved numbers in his phone
He just has a list of unsaved numbers on his phone that you’ve never seen. No, they’re not the pizza guy.
Unless it’s a girl who delivers pizza naked to his hotel room, that is. Those are most likely numbers of women… women who shouldn’t be around your man.
52. Doesn’t like you touching his electronics
His phone, tablet, laptop – yeah, you’re not allowed near any of them. In fact, don’t even come into eye contact with them because it’ll upset him. [Read: 38 signs your man is crushing on another woman and has feelings for her]
Most likely because something may pop up that you shouldn’t be seeing. Like racy pictures, dirty emails, or meet-up texts.
53. He has a sexy Instagram following
Every thong-wearing, cleavage-revealing girl you can find is either followed by or following your man. What a strange coincidence.
And, as you can see, he’s highly active in liking all their photos, giving them the attention they deserve. Yeah, there’s also the option of messaging as well, which he probably figured out quickly. [Read: My boyfriend likes other girls’ pictures on Instagram – what now?]
54. He won’t let you see the bills
It’s not because he doesn’t want you to pay them. Oh sure, bring out the wallet, he doesn’t mind. But what you’re paying for may not be in your favor.
If he won’t let you see the bills, there’s probably some self-incriminating evidence on them, like Visa bills with hotel names and sex toy purchases on them… which is one of the signs that he is cheating on you.
55. He’s being too nice
Does he usually surprise you with gifts or dinners out? No? Hmmm, looks like we have one that’s feeling guilty. [Read: Is flirting cheating when you’re in a relationship?]
So usually, when someone cheats, they change their behavior. In this case, he is trying to cover up his cheating by acting too nice. Don’t fall for it. It’s a lie.
56. He acts single
Oh no, you guys aren’t together. Can’t you tell? He keeps you locked up at home while he’s out on the town, living it up like the single man he is.
If he’s acting like he’s single, it’s because he is. Yes, you two may be together, but he doesn’t see it like that at all. [Read: Emotional cheating and the bad things it can do to you]
57. You’re jealous or crazy
If you’ve confronted him about cheating, he probably won’t come out right away and admit it. Depending if he feels guilty or not, he’s going to pull all the tricks he can before admitting.
You’re going to be called either jealous or crazy. You’re insane for ever having these speculations because he would never do that to you.
Can he explain the hotel charges on your Visa? No. But he would never cheat on you, and you’re insane for thinking that he could… yeah, right. [Read: Gaslighting – what it is, how it works, and 33 signs to spot it ASAP]
58. You get ads for sketchy things that you didn’t search for
You know how when you look at something online it follows you around forever? Like how if you look at a red shirt, you’ll start seeing that red shirt advertised anywhere you go on the internet?
Well, if you’re getting ads for sketchy things that you didn’t search for, then that is suspicious. This is especially troubling if it has to do with anything related to sex or romance. You might want to keep your eye out for those things.
59. He’s smiling at his phone often
If he’s on his phone more than usual, then that’s a bad sign. But what’s even worse is if you notice that he is particularly happy when he looks at it.
Why would he be smiling at his phone so often? [Read: Is he talking to another girl? 21 signs and why he’s using you till he hooks her]
It’s not exactly a normal thing to do. Most likely, he’s smiling at it because he’s talking to someone who makes him particularly happy. Or he sees her postings on social media and it gives him the warm fuzzies.
60. He turns off “Find My Friends”
Find My Friends is a tracking app on an Apple device that essentially just shows you where your saved contacts are. He might not have that, but he could have something similar to it, like Life 360. But suddenly, he turns it off so you can’t see where he is.
What’s even more suspicious is if he keeps turning it off and on again. He hopes you won’t notice that he turns it off sometimes because if he kept it off all the time, you would definitely catch on. But he still doesn’t want you to know where he’s going. [Read: How to spot a compulsive liar – 19 signs it’s time to walk away]
61. He’s taking you to super luxe places
If you don’t normally go out on super fancy dates, but suddenly you are, that is fishy. He might be doing this because he feels guilty for cheating on you and is trying to make you happy as a way of distracting you.
He also might be doing this because deep down he knows he’s treating his mistress better than you, so in some tiny way, he might feel bad about it. So, he tries to treat you better to make himself feel better about his cheating ways.
62. His Instagram feed is suddenly only photos of himself
When you first started dating, he wanted to show you off to the world on social media. But now you notice that he only posts photos of himself. [Read: Social media and relationships – the good, the bad, and the ugly]
He’s probably doing that because he doesn’t want people to know that he has a girlfriend. Or he doesn’t want to upset the girl he’s cheating on you with – especially if she doesn’t know about you.
63. He blurts out comparison statements
He never used to talk about other women or point them out. And he never really said anything “insulting” to you at all before.
But now you notice that he compares you to other people. For example, “John’s girlfriend gives him blow jobs all the time” in the hope that you’ll get the hint and do it too. [Read: Emotional abuse – what it is and 39 signs this relationship is breaking you]
But in reality, he’s probably not really referring to John’s girlfriend, but to his other one.
64. He confesses his affair
Well, this is a definite sign he’s cheating. He says he is! While it may suck, at least he was man enough to admit it to your face, even if he was sneaking around for a while before finally confessing.
Now all of these cheating signs aren’t surefire ways to prove that your man’s been shaking another bed *well, except that last one*, but they’re almost always indicative of a cheating man.
Be prepared to give your man the benefit of the doubt until you’re certain he’s cheating on you. After all, there’s no point in building insecurities and fueling doubts until you have enough reason to confront your man. [Read: Understanding love in a promiscuous world]
How to find out if your boyfriend is cheating on you
Now that you know all the signs that your boyfriend is cheating on you, how do you know for sure? Here are some things you can do. [Read: How do cheaters act when accused – anger and what you should expect]
1. Noticing what he does
As the saying goes, “actions speak louder than words.”
So, even if he is telling you how much he loves you and saying all the other right things, maybe his actions don’t match. Keep a very close eye on the things he does, such as the signs we just discussed.
2. Noticing what he says
Even though actions speak louder than words, what he says does matter too. [Read: Male body language – 48 subtle signs to instantly read a man’s thoughts]
And not just what he says, but how he says it. You have to pay close attention to the details too, because he might not always be aware of what he’s saying or that he could be outing himself.
3. Investigating
If you have noticed some of the signs that your boyfriend is cheating – or even if you just have a gut feeling – then do some investigating. Wherever you can, try to verify your information.
For example, if you see a suspicious charge on your credit card from a restaurant, call them and ask for another receipt to see if he paid for two people. Then compile as much evidence as you can so you know for sure. [Read: Should you confess that you snooped?]
What should you do if you think your boyfriend is cheating?
If you think your boyfriend is cheating, there are some steps you can take.
1. Make a pros and cons list
For some people, cheating is an automatic dealbreaker. But it’s not for everyone.
So, if you don’t want to break up with him – or you’re not sure yet – then make a pros and cons list of staying or leaving. Also, make a list of the pros and cons of his personality and your relationship overall.
2. Analyze your list for “red flags”
If you see a lot of things on the con side of your list, then those are your red flags. [Read: Should you forgive a cheater? How and 21 must-knows to make a choice]
Sometimes we are blind to the red flags we should see for one reason or another. But you really need to be clear and open your eyes for your own good.
3. Seek out supportive friends
It’s never easy to go through being cheated on by your boyfriend. So, don’t do it alone. Seek out supportive friends or family so they can help you see your worth and motivate you to move on from the infidelity – with or without him.
4. Write down everything you’re thinking
Journaling is very therapeutic and can be very comforting to you when you are cheated on.
You can get your emotions down on paper and then be more objective about the situation. Also, write down things that you want to say to him too. Confronting him will be a lot easier when you have a script. [Read: 20 signs you should break up and throw in the towel]
5. Let your partner know that you want to talk
Eventually, you’ll have to confront your boyfriend and tell him that you know he’s cheating. Sure, you could put your head in the sand and look the other way, but do you really want to do that? It’s best to get it out in the open and make some decisions.
6. Have “the” conversation in a safe, supportive environment
Someone who is accused of being a cheater can become very defensive. And some people can also turn abusive. So, make sure that you are in a safe, supportive environment when you have the conversation about his cheating.
When should you bring up the topic of cheating?
It’s hard to know when to confront your boyfriend if you think he’s cheating. But one thing is for sure, you want to catch him off-guard. [Read: 20 honest signs it’s time to give up on a relationship and stop trying to fix it]
If you don’t do this, then he will have a chance to prepare his “story” and have it much more believable. But if he doesn’t know you’re suspicious, then he’ll try to come up with an “explanation” on the spot before he has any chance to think about it.
And if this happens, it’s likely that his cover story will be very weak and you can poke holes through it. That’s what you want.
Also, gather as much evidence as you can before you confront him. Look for pictures, texts, emails, receipts, tracking apps, or anything else that will prove that he is cheating. [Read: Are you snooping on your partner?]
When you have that all collected, then confront him with it. He will have a much more difficult time denying it when you have evidence.
Can you fix the relationship if you find signs he’s cheating on you?
There’s no easy answer to this question because all people, relationships, and situations are different. So, sometimes you can fix the relationship, and sometimes you can’t. It depends on both people.
If you want to fix the relationship, then you can try these things:
1. Share your feelings and communicate
Not being able to talk to each other is one of the biggest reasons most relationships fail. So, you both have to be willing to listen and talk to each other. [Read: 42 secrets to communicate better in a relationship and ways to fix a lack of it]
Share your feelings about the cheating and the relationship overall.
2. He has to promise to stop cheating
If he doesn’t stop cheating, then you can’t repair your relationship. He has to fully recommit to you. So, if the cheating was a one-time situation, that would be easier to fix than if he had a long-term affair with the same woman.
3. He has to accept responsibility
Whatever his reason for cheating, he has to admit that he is sorry and accept responsibility for his actions. If not, then you can’t rebuild trust.
He also has to know how deeply he hurt you. But you have to feel like he really means it. [Read: How to make him regret hurting you – 17 right ways and what NOT to do]
4. He has to be honest and transparent
If you want to fix the relationship, then he has to be honest with you about everything. He has lied to you, so he can’t keep secrets anymore.
He has to agree to complete transparency. Both of you need to know the boundaries and expectations. [Read: Practical ways to rebuild trust in cheating after one partner cheats]
5. He has to keep his promises
If he says he’s going to be somewhere, he needs to be there. If he says he’s going to do something, then he must do it. He has to be dependable and not break his promises to you. If he’s not reliable, then it will be virtually impossible to fix the relationship.
6. You both have to make a decision to recommit
Do you both want to stay in the relationship? If you both want to stay together, then you must have a common goal.
Make a decision knowing that you will have to rebuild trust and communication. It will take time, but you will have to look to the future, not the past. [Read: 46 must-dos to rebuild and regain trust after cheating or lying in a relationship]
Do relationships survive cheating?
Yes, some relationships can survive cheating, but not all do. Healing from infidelity is difficult and painful work. Both of you must be committed to repairing the damage, rebuilding trust, and reconnecting.
He must be willing to take the steps necessary to prove his trustworthiness. And you must take the job of healing seriously by not minimizing or trying to speed up the process.
[Read: Getting back with a cheater – Is it really possible?]
So, is he cheating on you? These signs don’t lie, but always remember that there could be exceptions to any rule. Use these cheating signs to confront your man, but not until you experience a lot of these signs in your relationship.
