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Home Wrecker – The Other Woman in an Affair


Being the other woman in an affair can be demeaning and painful. But is the other woman the real home wrecker? Or are there others to blame too?

Click here to read the introduction and the real story on having an affair with a married man.

Without really realizing, I was actually the home wrecker and the other woman in an affair.

I didn’t want to be there, but you can see how I was drawn into a web of deceit and passion each time, in the introduction.

But was I the one to be blamed?

You know my story, you be the judge.

Home wrecker – The tag

When you’re in love with a married man, it doesn’t really matter if he seduced you into a relationship or whether you tricked him into having an affair. It’s all the same.

And you are the home wrecker. The bitchy other woman in an affair that’s twisted and painful.

But quite frankly, no one will care about you.

You may be having an affair with a married man, and things may be cruising along perfectly. But have you ever imagined what could happen if you ever got caught? Are you ready to face the humiliation of dating a married man?

Having an affair is easy, carrying the home wrecker tag for life isn’t.

What happens when you get caught?

Someone once said “All good things don’t really have to end, but when it does, it has to end in a bad way.”

Bless that person who said that, though he’s not particularly right. When you’re having an affair with a married man, no matter what, it definitely has to end when you’re the other woman.

The married man knows what he wants out of the relationship he shares with you, even if you’ve lost it somewhere along the way. You are nothing but a Japanese sex toy for him. I’m sorry, but that’s true.

He will not leave his wife, his kids, and his mum! And he wouldn’t want to leave you. And the worst part of it all is that, five years later, you’d feel like rubbish because you may have been able to live happily with another young man who could have loved you back in the first place. And that’s when you feel terribly lost and alone. [Read: Do you feel lost in life?]

If that’s not bad enough, there will come a time when both of you get caught.

Remember, even sneaky little rats do get caught, however nimble and nocturnal they are. It may be his wife, or one of his closer family friends. That’s when the bomb explodes. And sorry about this, but whether you like it or not, there will be no fingers pointing at him, every one of them will gleam like daggers in your direction.

Why not? You are the “home wrecker”, aren’t you? Why would a happily married man with kids want to walk out on his family?

You are the scandalous other woman and you do this to all men, you ruin their lives. It must have been you who tricked and deceived him into it. Everyone would say the same thing. And so would your married lover.

The story of the other woman in an affair

Let’s face it, gossip is hot stuff, even if at the expense of someone else. So when the word gets out on the streets, tongues will wag and heads will loll!

The home wrecker is the bitchy seductress [Read: Bitchy women]. Why couldn’t the girl tighten the buckles in her belt and chase the married man away? Like she didn’t know he was married! Yep, it’s all about you, the girl. Surprisingly, the guy stays out of the picture. You’re the evil one. His kids hate you, his wife chases you with a butcher’s knife and your common friends give you a wide berth. This is the worst phase of your life. [Read: How to deal with hate]

Trust me, this phase will eventually cross paths with reality, however secretive or careful both of you are. And the happy moments you’ve had over the years with the married man will be overshadowed by the pain and the humiliation you would have to put up with.

What about the brave ‘emotional and sensitive’ wreck of a man who was having an affair with the home wrecker? He’s super fine. He’s shagged your body and brains out for so long, and he’s happy about it. His wife welcomes him back after he apologizes and blames the whole issue on you, the scheming seductress, and they live happily ever after. This little issue may even prove lucky for that man, because it would show him how important his family actually is for him. You? Well, you are left in the dirt and the rain. The word is out. And yes, everyone hates the home wrecker.

The alternate ending – The moral of the story

If you are ever tempted to hook up with a married guy, shut your mind and walk away. If you’re already in one, it’s definitely time for you to walk away. When it comes to the seduction of a married man, there are no alternate endings.

The ending’s already been written and waiting for you with an ear-to-ear sadistic grin. You will be the loser and there is nothing you can do about it. The best test if you’re already involved [Read: Is he serious about you?]. Tell him you want him to break up with his wife and that you won’t have sex with him or even meet him until he does that. Avoid him for a week. See if he’s going to walk out on his wife. Of course, he isn’t going to!

Read between the fine lines, dearie, you’ve just been punk’d! And guess what, it’s not funny at all. [Read: How to overcome regret]

I know it’s never easy to walk out, especially when you’re so in love, but you’ll only be pushing the inevitable by shrugging it away. I was in the same lonely land of “home wrecker” one too many times. I was the other woman in an affair, and it did take me time to learn and accept that there was no future.

The walk out of this fairy tale will be painful, and the lure of a committed man will be exciting, and there will be a happy end at the end of the story. The only problem is that you will not be there in the last few pages of the book.

You’d be burnt just before the end, as one of the evil characters in the book, even if you’re an angel that you already are.

Mistakes happen, and we fall into traps of seduction all the time. But what sets a clever girl apart from the dumb and spurned ones is the thin line that differentiates the search for true love, and the gamble on an unattainable one with a ring in the finger. Be wise, and step out of the forbidden seduction of the married man. For your own good. [Read: How to find love]

These four features on having an affair with a married man may make you wonder if it’s really worth it. But I’ve been there, and there’s nothing worse than being called a home wrecker by his wife and kids. Well, other than being the other woman in an affair.

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102 thoughts on “Home Wrecker – The Other Woman in an Affair”

  1. Lauren says:

    Okay what a bunch of bull you are a home wrecker because you are a narcissist!. I have had many opportunities to be with married men but because I am caring, and selfless I deny these people because it is wrong. You didn’t deny because you care more about yourself then others. Get some help! If your a home wrecker you may be in the least a narcissist if not a psychopath all together. Here is the definition-Psychopathy is a term which referees to a personality disorder characterized by the inability to form human attachment and an abnormal lack of empathy, masked by an ability to appear outwardly normal.

  2. Jennifer Lawson says:

    I am a homewrecker too. I keep getting involved with people in relationships and married men.

  3. tessa nocom says:

    what if he says he wants to have a child with me and that he will work on us being together.help please. i am a single parent of a 13 yr old girl.thanks.

  4. bumblebee85 says:

    Thank you for these articles. I am very confused right now, have been in seeing a married man for a year..now it is getting a bit intense, and i needed advice. Now i know i need to bite the bullet and get clear, however difficult it may be.

  5. MyFairLady says:

    Unless you’re a celebrity. I mean, Alicia Keys got the man, didn’t she. And now she’s the wife.

  6. Jennifer says:

    God thank you. I just got caught. My first time in any sort of cheating relationship and now I’m more alone than I have been in a long time.

    It hurts. A lot. The man in our relationship still talks to me, still tells me he loves me, is still my best friend, but because I was close to him and his wife and their family I’ve just lost everyone I care about.

    I get the hate mail, the dirty looks, the screaming voicemails while he gets ignored while his woman and him work it out. Doesn’t matter for a moment that he started it, because while he’ll gladly tell them it was him they will never listen.

    I’m always going to live with this regret, but nothing can change what happened.

  7. In my mind, there’s nothing wrong with being with a married man (okay, maybe there is, but hear me out). The crux of the matter is, do you have the right mentality for it? Say you’re a woman who wants all the intimacy and passion and “feel good” of a long term relationship, but you don’t want commitment, for whatever reason. A married man fills that bill. Having multiple partners is too cold and leaves you feeling worse in the end. Having a friend with benefits gives you all the passion, but none of the intimacy. Note: I said “intimacy”, not love. Why? Because you can’t go falling genuinely in love with a married man. That’s where most women screw up. But to have the right personality to live with it, you have to genuinely not want commitment or lasting love. That might sound confusing, but for some women, it’s just not on the menu. So I present my rules for dating a married man:

    CAUTION: Unless you are as level-headed as me, results may vary.

    1. Don’t fall genuinely in love with him. Enjoy the intimacy, the passion, the attention, whatever drives you, but falling in love with him is just another way to set yourself up for a world of hurt.
    2. It will end. Accept it. Don’t even suggest it. He’s not going to do it. In fact, he might think less of you for even asking him to do it. This is not a fairy-tale romance, this is a temporary companionship that will end at its appointed time and place. If you ever feel like this is something you can’t accept, get out and look for a man who is single, because…
    3. He will not leave his wife and kids. If he does, he’s not worth your time, and if you want him to, you’re obviously in the wrong relationship. Again, get out and find someone who is single.
    4. Do NOT get in cahoots with his family and friends, and have no coworkers in common. You want to have absolutely no ties with this man outside the bedroom. If you already have family and/or friends or even a workplace in common, rethink this whole debacle. As archaic as it may seem, you, the woman, will be blamed for this whole thing if it lasts long enough for you to be caught, and then to avoid the fallout you’re guaranteed to receive, you’ll have to move away, change your name, shave your head, gain 200 pounds… Too much hassle in my mind.
    5. Do not expect him to put you above his wife and kids. Ever. I don’t care what the reason is. You’re the other woman. Accept your place. If you want someone who is devoted to you before anyone else, get your own husband. His wife is HIS WIFE, his kids are HIS KIDS, and by all rights, they come first. If he’s putting you first before either, there is something wrong with this picture. Get out, move on.
    6. For the love of Gouda, do not to anything to jeopardize his marriage. This includes letting his wife find out about your affair by any means. Whether you “accidentally” let his wife catch you, or tell it to her straight. This is a very bad move. You will not come out on top.
    7. If you do get caught, walk away with your head held high. Don’t apologize, don’t try to keep the relationship going after the fact, don’t beg and plead, nothing. It’s over. Just walk away, end all contact, and move on with your life. You may not want to, but this isn’t about you anymore. That poor bastard has a marriage to save, he doesn’t need you around to muck things up even more.
    8. Go through any possible lengths to make certain his wife has as little access to information on you as possible. If you have the money, get a disposable track phone and only give him that number. His wife will likely go through his phone to get to you. And don’t send anything intimate over email or txt, or you will get caught much sooner than later. And no pictures, whatsoever. Nothing good can come of that.

    Okay, that’s all I can think of for now. And by the way, these aren’t based on personal experience so much as common sense. And I’m not saying I approve of having an affair, but neither am I saying I disapprove. Honestly, I don’t really care. Each person has to do what’s right or wrong for them. I just offer guidelines. Just how schools offer guidance on safe sex. Sure, teenagers shouldn’t be doing it, but a lot of them probably will, so just in case, here are all the dos and don’ts so you don’t get stupid and slapped with something you will live to regret and can’t take back.

  8. Mucha says:

    Samantha James, i will like to have a private conversation with you on this. I’m male and currently in this. contact me on: olivebrown1@ymail.com. Lets chat or exchange email.

  9. Jessie says:

    The only thing a woman needs to know is he has a wife or girlfriend. I don’t care if it’s complicated or they’re roommates or she’s a blob or whatever. If he’s partnered, butt out or take what you deserve in the end. He may or may not get what he deserves. If he’s sincere and really makes it up to her for a looong time, maybe she’ll forgive him if he’s lucky. But maybe she won’t and he will be kicked out. No sympathy for him either. And none for the other woman. She gets hurt? Well, good! She deserves to for participating in hurting the wife.

  10. Roxanne says:

    Wow. I am glad to see so many articles about not dating married men. I just found out my husband was having an affair with someone for the last eight months. I confronted him about it when I found a picture, but he denied the whole thing. I decided to ask the other woman how long they had been together and she told me how long they had been seeing one another.

    She also said, ” I knew he was still married. I am sorry, but he wasn’t completely lying to you he was working a lot.” I couldn’t believe it. I mean I was really confused. I have sat around and wondered if the morals of this world have just slipped. I mean even I have been approached by married men, but I always said no simply because I would never want to disrespect another woman in that way and because like this article says there is too much emotional drama with a man who wants to start a relationship by lying to other people.

  11. Stepford Mistress says:

    I’m involved with a married man and I LOVE IT! I’m not the desperate type sitting around waiting for the phone to ring. I have my own life but on a weekly basis, I enjoy the company of my married lover. I’m not in it for expensive gifts or money like some of the women who are digging for gold, rather I have a solid career of my own and just LOVE the sex and the passion.

    My goal isn’t to be a homewrecker or interfere with his marriage at all as I believe that is a part of his life that is separate from me and although I don’t really care about his wife I don’t wish her any ill will. Rather my thought process is that if it wasn’t me it would be someone else so why not?

    If you can handle this type of relationship for what it is, just a secret friends with benefit arrangement, then by all means go for it and try not to listen to the criticism of others. Also I recommend limiting the people you tell to your least judgemental friends as this is something that the majority of people will have an opinion about and will TRY and make you feel guilty for it based on their own moral compass. Good luck and keep your head held high; and also don’t limit yourself to the man your having an affair with; accept dates and try and find your own Mr. Right but in the meantime, enjoy your little secret.

  12. HaydenG says:

    So why did I pursue a married man? I didn’t. I just found myself in that situation and that all the other guys I’ve been dating didn’t quite match up with him. He was pursuing me and I just followed my heart rather than listen to what society had to say. Happy I did that because we did get on really well to the point that he mentioned we’re each other’s twin and felt a strong spiritual connection (yes that was how similar and attracted we are to each other) – I seriously think we are soulmates, just not meant to be together in this lifetime.

    Sad but really love comes in different way. Morally acceptable or otherwise.

    It’s literally like a drug. The “high” feeling keeps you coming back for more even though it will hurt you. So don’t even start if pain will affect you immensely.

  13. bianca J says:

    Comment I am dating a married man as well but I try to keep things as a secret, because the more persons you tell the chances of his wife finding out. It is not you being a selfish person but everyone needs to be satisfied in life, enjoy it while it last cause if he was oh so happy he would of never pursue you in the first place. Never try to fall in love cause shite can get complicated. Please for the love of GOD don’t try to be number 1

  14. Bobbie says:

    I have kind of a unique perspective on this as I’ve been “the other woman” and I’ve been the wife that’s been cheated on.

    12 years ago I had an affair with a married co-worker (I was married too). It was a friendship that got out of hand, we were both having marital issues…blah, blah ~ any excuse will do when you find yourself in that situation and want to continue it. We ended up hurting our families tremendously (both had children) and our spouses were just destroyed but didn’t want to lose either of us so we each worked out our marriages. Looking back, I had no idea the kind of pain I really caused my husband. He told me he forgave me and I had to believe that, although it did come up through the years when there would be arguments and it bothered me tremendously but I figured it was my karma for doing what I did. Let me tell you, I had no idea what a bitch karma really is.

    One night in Feb this year, I drank a little too much wine and went to sleep on a Saturday night around 10 pm. I woke up at about 1:45 am to find myself alone in bed, with the door locked from the inside (?), all the cars in the garage and my husband missing. Upon a closer search of the house, I found a note that said “Going for a walk since you always go to sleep.” Now, my husband won’t walk to the mail box if he can help it and I knew he had been drinking that night so I was terrified that he had actually gone for a walk and been hit by a car or something horrible had happened to him. I won’t go into the whole sordid story of that night, but I’ll just say that he did indeed take a walk ~ to a neighbor’s house. A woman (divorced) that he had met in a neighborhood bar several weeks before and she had told him they could be “buddies, no strings attached” and he figured, hey, she’s making this easy, I’ll just get my revenge and satisfy my curiosity and life will go on as normal.

    What people don’t ever understand is that you can’t predict how the spurned spouse is going to react to betrayal. I expected my husband to leave me. He didn’t. He expected me to say ok, now we’re even. I didn’t. I was so incredibly angry and hurt that I left. It was months of hell for all of us, even our grown children and our dogs. He went to pieces when I left and I went crazy. We have ended up losing our house, our health, everything we’ve worked for for the last 24 years. We are together again, but it’s tentative at best. I am full of sadness and anger and yes, remorse still for 12 yrs ago. I became obsessed with the other woman and she’s not the brightest bulb and I know ALL about her ~ which is too much to know, ladies. Don’t do that to yourself. I hounded him for all the details and now sometimes I can’t get them out of my head. I have days that I feel so much anger and despair that I can’t function. And the other woman just goes on with her life, frequenting the same bar, just having a good old time while we have lost everything. To say I hate her would be a gross understatement. And to know that my other man’s wife must have felt this way about me just makes it all worse. I’ve actually thought about calling her and telling her that karma really does exist and it’s brutal and I just want her to know that I really got mine.

    I don’t feel one bit sorry for myself, let me set that straight. I shouldn’t have done what I did any more than he should have taken his little walk. Doesn’t even matter who’s to blame. I’m looking at the ruin that is left of my life after all this and even though my head is still clearing, there are 2 lessons I’ve learned deeply. 1. I wouldn’t wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy, and 2. Cheating is NEVER worth the pain OR the karma. Learn from me. Seriously.

  15. mariana says:

    I’m with a married man, and I have a partner, my own partner. One of my dilemma in having this kind of relationship is to get caught and end this relationship. I never intended to be in this kind of relationship, but the love that we have is the love the we had for each other more than 20 years ago.

    Now that we got the chance to be with each other I don’t want to lose him anymore. I know that I’m in the losing point but experiencing his love, his care and everything is the best thing that happened in my life. I have already accepted that I was his second priority. I feel sorry for his family but I love him so much that I couldn’t stop this relationship. Maybe in the future in the right time… You may say that now is the right to make up my mind, but I just can’t.

  16. Sheila says:


    Not all men are honest about being married. I had an affair with a married man who claimed to be divorced; his coworkers thought the same. Turned out he had an absolutely miserable marriage to a borderline psychotic woman. Too bad for him but that was not what I signed up for so I split. His wife found out; started to call me. Long story short, I got a new number, blocked their numbers and needed to get security cameras for my house. Me a homewrecker? I think not. He managed to do that himself if not with me it would have been with someone else.

  17. natalia says:

    What a misogynistic article! It doesn

  18. Merle says:

    Ok, am an older woman, not a real young sexy chick. I have had 3 affairs with a married man. In all 3 I know the wife was in a relationship with a guy at the time we started our affair. I prefer a married man for more reasons that I have found here. Number one, they treat you like a queen, they are grateful for your time, if you are smart enough to know it is just time……If you give to them what they don’t get at home, you will receive gifts, vacations, etc the list goes on. Two of mine ended my be when they were going for a divorce, not what he said but what was actually going down. I damn sure didn’t want to do his laundry, cook his meals and think he would be true to me so I busted the affair pretending I couldn’t be a home wrecker………….one after over 20 yrs is still hung up on me and yes he did divorce his wife. Both of them did. The one I am in now is not going to last…….I have met a single guy that has no clue about my affair and we are doing things together on the side at the times my married man can’t be with me. Know I am going to get a lot of slack, but I love having an affair with a married man…..works really good for me……don’t give a hoot what anyone says…..do it with a man that has money to burn on you and take you to famous places…….a traveling business man oh yes is the greatest……and does he sleep with someone out of town……..who cares as long as he is careful……..After all you got to be smart enough to keep your heart in your chest and not give it to him, just let him think he has it……too cool huh

  19. Merle says:

    This is for Samantha……….girl oh yes you are so right……I am like you, do not want a committment, don’t want to flash around the town and the high class married man will fly you out of town on business trips, dine you in fancy restaurants, buy you gifts and you name it. The list goes on……….It is amazing what they will do for your time………and you can “love them outside your heart……..chatting telling them what a wonderful guy, your sex is out of this world the whole thing is wonderful if you take care of ME!! love your remarks

  20. younggirl says:

    i am a fresh graduated and working for around 8 months. i got a new hod 4 months ago, a married man who i have been date for two months already.
    after our first date, he clarified that the problem between him and his wife, and he decided to divorce very long ago. He promised me that he will take action once he settled down.
    We are really love to each other. His wife stays in another state.
    So somethimes i wonder his intention, and recently he seldom date me out on weekend with excuses of tired.
    I never to think to be a third party at all, to be homewrecker or to ruin a marriage and family, now it is so hard to go away, but still, i will try, try hard and harder.
    Thanks lovepanky to let me out my feeling while i can’t tell anybody.

  21. Lisa says:

    I work in a field where I’m traveling from one project to another and the married man I met does the same. We met on the same project. He told me he is married and that him and his wife are always apart, which happens in this line of work.

    He, also, told me that him and his wife do not have a sexual relationship. We found ourselves very attracted to each other and found ourselves caught up in a 3-month affair of very passionate sex. He just left the area where we were working together to go to another project. I am devastated and heart-broken, however, I know that it’s best that he’s gone.

    It was wrong and I knew it and I tried to separate myself from him during the 3 month period that we were together and he did, too. But, we always found ourselves right back in the same situation, wanting to fill the void of lonliness that this line of work brings. I know, now that he’s gone, it has to be over, no ifs and buts about it, no matter how heartbreaking it is and yes, I deserve to feel every ounce of pain that I’m feeling right now because I did something terrible to his wife.

    Even though, she didn’t find out, she didn’t deserve this, no matter what excuses he gave for cheating and not matter how hard I tried to rationlize in my head that it was ok. If you’re in a situation where you’re the “other woman” get out as soon as you can, it’s wrong and no good will come of it. It only leads to heartbreak, lonliness like you can’t imagine, and a flood of overwhelming guilt.

  22. lostone says:

    Thanks for sharing this story..I was thinkin me getin out of it was a mistake.. but after reading realised all r same..he was jus one of them.. Thanks a lot

  23. nice gurl says:

    iam learning fast, i have to get out of this terrible act, it is evil, and i know its me manipulating this guy

  24. kat says:

    Girls if you have any decency in you- do not do this!!! Oh it may be flattering, exciting etc- however do yourself a favour and don’t betray another woman like this. If you want him, and he truly wants you- talk it over, have him end his relationship first, and then maybe your relationship will work and on the correct terms. I found out my partner had an affair- with a woman who I trusted to be his friend, but who I have nothing but contempt for now…he hid the affair from me (for two years) and he totally humiliated the other woman…..he then asked me to marry him….I had known something happened- spoke to her and she lied, lied and lied again….they made me question my sanity……he played her like a well tuned violin- he kept her sweet so she wouldn’t tell me- but it sure backifired on her. While he is just as guilty, at first I took comfort in how she was so publicly humiliated and rejected- Maybe she wishes she had of saved her dignity and done the right thing by telling me the truth- I may have respected her for it…..However once I discovered it (2 years later- and I realised that the two of them were in bed together, while I was in A&E having a miscarriage- but he couldn’t be contacted)……Well she was getting hassle and abuse of him, and phoned ME!!! It was only when I threatened to go to her family and tell them what she was like, that she admitted anything….and believe me, I would have taken out global billboards to get the truth- that was how strongly I needed to know the truth!!! I went through a dreadful time….devastation, rage, hysterics, and I was convinced I was so heinous a person……however it wasnt me at all- it was that tramp who wanted to steal my life and be me….but I don’t see that as a good thing…..I wouldn’t spit on her if she was on fire…..as for him- once I realised I truly would never be able to forgive- he was also kicked to the kerp…and I will never even speak to the rat again!!! Oh and even though I gave him the perfect opportunity to run back to her, by very pblicly and honestly telling all friends and family why I cancelled my wedding…..he still didn’t want her…..karma!!! So my advice is don’t do it unless you can cope with knowing you have devasted an innocent persons life, and your own in the process….

  25. gisele brady says:

    I’m emotionally envolved with someone at work i feel so guilty about it. He on the other hand cant understand why i won’t endulge in a relationship with him. I feel so pressured even though i know its not right. We haven’t done anything sexually speaking but i just feel so wrong. I just don’t know how to get out of it, we work together and theres absolutely no avoiding him. I really don’t want to look for another career but i feel like thats the only way out. I feel like im going to have a mental breakdown but i still cant shake him off. I wish this wasn’t so difficult!

  26. Jo jo says:

    I met my husband when he was still married to his now ex wife. A lot of relationships are over long before you leave the building. I was married as well but it was all but done years before. I am not proud of how and when we got together but we both left our marriages …we really did fall in love. We are both really happy now and have been for the past 7 years. It doesnt always end in tears.

  27. Rina says:

    All you women who think sleeping with some woman’s husband is rockin’, try checking out Sarah Seymonds, queen of whores. She’s “clean” now, hasn’t been someone’s dirty little sidepiece for three years now. And Gordon Ramsay? He still says he never had an affair while even though she’s gotten rich giving America the details, she’s still considered a slut. A 40 year old slut who is single and wishes she had a partner of her own. How are those Christmases? What’s your birthday like? How about his birthday? Doesn’t it feel creepy knowing that he’s sleeping with someone else? At least she doesn’t know about you. Oh, and if he’s telling you they never have sex and you believe him… seriously? So foolish.

  28. Annabella says:

    I’m a young, attractive single woman and happens to be extremely sexually attracted to a married man at work. Lots of long eye contact, flirting, him calling me to his office because he needed something when it was an excuse to check me out, to just bending over the right time when I know he is coming by. Oops did I drop my file again? Silly me!

    I don’t care about his wife. She is not MY problem. I’m definitely NOT in love with him nor do I care to be in love with him. At the end of the day – he goes home, gets fed, burped, and has clean clothes on his back. It’s all good. I love being at work and the fact he is married turns me on. It is 2012, get over it. Affairs is the new black.


  29. Katherine says:

    Annabella: I think you mean ‘affairs ARE the new black .’ FYI you sound like an idiot. You should try opening a book as opposed to your legs.

    Women who have affairs with married men are: desperate. No one wants to date them or marry them. They carry on with married men and create sick fantasy lives because their own are so empty and pathetic.

  30. Unknown says:

    Umm I have to say all that is not true. My boyfriend left his wife, kids and lost his job for me. Stop judging people.

  31. Denise says:

    Hi my name is Denise, I’m 26 years old and I am the other woman. I met, S, when he was introduced to my training class as my direct boss almost 9 months ago. When he walked into the room I swear the world stopped. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. Charismatic, outgoing, gorgeous smile and the most beautiful blue-green eyes. I realized at the time that he had to be married, so initially I shied away– but I couldn’t stop thinking about him, I had to know him. So one night after our graduation from training, he was sitting at the bar where we had all met up to celebrate. I sat next to him and we began to talk and realized we had so much in common, he asked if we could go outside to talk… one thing led to another… and six months later we are meeting at hotels and secretly text messaging all day and he comes to my department and gives me these sexy looks and the girls around me are starting to talk! I thought he only had a girlfriend… and when I found out he was married his response was “I’ll only be married for a little while” while in the same breath asking me to move into an apartment across from where he and his wife reside so that he can have “access” to me! Everyone knows now and I am constantly uncomfortable at work and job related events! I’m here to say its not worth it. I left a really great relationship to be this guys fuck buddy. And for what? To be alone on weekends… to only talk to him when he is away from her… to spend holidays alone and be shunned by friends? Its not worth it and I’m still trying to get out…

  32. cocoagirl34@excite.com says:

    My name is Angela and I am married and currently involved with another married person. I feel that I am an intelligent woman. I have earned several college degrees and a license to teach. I want many things from my marriage that my husband is not willing to give, even though I have asked for them. (Communication, Happiness, Intimacy, etc.) I am confident enough to say that I deserve these. Now please note, I have always bent over backwards to put his needs before my own. I’ve recently lost 20 pounds, colored my hair and bought a whole new wardrobe. He did not blink twice. But guess what other men have noticed. At first I proudly flashed my big diamond at them to scare them away and now I do not even wear it. I appreciate the attention. The attention that I know I am deserving of. My new friend is a little bit younger than I am but that is ok. He too is married and has time for me, time for talking ,hanging out and rocking my world. We all need to butt out of other people’s business and worry about whom we are sharing our own bedrooms with. Congregating at the altar is not a guarantee for a lifelong commitment filled with happiness. To each their own.

  33. Angela says:

    My name is Angela and I am married and currently involved with a married man. We are both educated profesionals. For me the problem is that my husband has emotionally withdrawn himself from our marriage. I am confident enough to say that I deserve someone who wants the same things that I want. I have suggested counseling, date night, talks, etc. to make our marriage stronger but he refuses. He recently bought me a 2 carat diamond ring. Very nice, but guess what I am still not happy. I have spent almost 20 years bending over backwards to please my husband, doing what he wanted, buying what he wanted, following his train of thoughts. It is old! My BF and I spend lots of time together talking and sharing our issues with our spouses. His spouse has also refuses to see a marriage counselor. My BF is a little younger than I am but seems more emotionally mature than my husband. I enjoy our conversations and yes intimacy. So to each their own, just make sure the kids are not being exposed to the things that need to be kept private. Hanging out at the altar does not guarantee a lifetime filled with happiness. A frankly it is really is noone else’s business but our own.

  34. layla says:

    Wow!! Wish I could have sent this to the homewrecker that helped ruin my marriage. Just as stated in the article she is left out in the dirt while my husband and I are working on our marriage and addressing what went wrong in the marriage to began with. It was all fun and games when the homewrecker was seeking happiness at my family’s pain. But look who’s laughing now. In the end, end the homewrecker always lose.

  35. Lisa says:

    Wow this article is fascinatingly judgemental. Many comments as well.
    First off, a good marriage cannot be ruined by a homewrecker, period. A happy satisfied man (or woman) simply will not to astray for the long term. Short sex-centered affairs..perhaps. Long, passionate, deep ones that are supposedly runing the family? Meh. I dont believe it. It is oh so convenient to blame the other woman, but it hurts to look in the mirror and admit to yourself as Woman NO1, that you have failed to satisfy your man and his needs. Men have emotional and spiritual needs too besides physical. Deal with it. Your shortcomings or incopatibility has a lot more to do with a man straying for a long affair, than a home-wrecker! Other ladies being present is the direct result of their first lady being unavailable or unfit, one way or other. Not the other way round,

    Just to make myself clear: I am a married woman myself, married for almost a decade in a relationship where romance has cooled off and we both have changed to the point where we are very incompatible in many areas and unable to satisfy one anothers deep seated needs. No..not primarily physically. Cannot divorce due to both of us wanting the custody of our children, and coming from two different countries, making custody fight a living hell for our beloved kids. Not gonna happen.
    Are we to grow old without love and romance then?
    I wish my husband had an affair. I wish he found a woman who satisfied his emotional needs (along with physical). I wouldnt break up. I would be happy that he is happier. I suspect, our home life would be more balanced and happy, without all the arguments. Guess what, ladies! I am aware that I am unable to satisfy his needs and because I love him..I want him to enjoy life the most he can given our situation. I would not scream Homewrecker mindlessly, like some of you do, I would be thrilled that my husband is no longer unhappy. I would kiss the lass on the cheeks! And perhaps even introduce her to our kids! Horror of horrors!
    Option one is to live unhappily, option two is to put through the children some serious misery. Option three? More balance in all of our lives and more loving people present in our childrens lives! Voila! Long live the homewrecker!

    And as for me? Yes. I am also in love with a married man. Shock and asp! I guess we are lucky because we do not live in judgemental hypocritical USA!
    His marriage is not a love marriage …but I know very well that his place is with his wife. I would kick his butt back all the way home if he even wanted to leave. Yes..I would love to be his primary woman but I am an adult and I know it is not going to happen. No amount of whining necessery. So I have embraced the idea of giving him all that he needs and unable to receive in his marriage, emotionally, physically and spiritually. And I am more than happy that he has a wife to take care of his other needs, since I cannot, and not necesserily want to either. Have any of you ladies noticed how doing someone’s dirty laundry kills the delicate romance?
    I would rather have it alive and blooming in an affair, than dead in a marriage. His wife puts up with the idea (remember..it is not USA!)
    So stop spreading judgement and direct those pointy fingers towards yourselves in the mirror. For heavens sake, stop blaming others for your miserable lives, step out and make yourselves happy, because ladies, truth is, there is noone out there caring about your genuine happiness, except yourselves, and maybe if you are lucky, your mothers. Stop waiting for your husbands to make you happy. They are busy making their own lives liveable and happy, you should do it too. Life could be ohh so simple if we friggin stopped overcomplicating it!

  36. Monica says:

    Wow, that’s really great how you losers can just sit there advocating having an affair with a married man. I like the one where one home wrecker says “if an affair ruins the marriage, then you shouldn’t be married in the first place.” Right, because I guess if my husband wanted to sneak around and screw a piece of trash behind my back, I should just trust him and forgive him afterwards, hmm? You are sick, sad, sociopathic a-holes. I hope one day you fall in love and decide to get married and someone does that to you. I know that would hurt you the most because you’re probably accustomed to feeling lonely the way you live your life right now. Get help.

  37. tanner says:

    When I met MM he was unhappy in his marriage for several years. They put on a act for most of their marriage because they wantes to appear like the perfect couple. After so many year they had counseling but to no avail, it wasn’t helping. They both threatened divorcing eachother but they didnt want the appearance they built to come out as a lie that it was. We’ve been seeing eachother for 3 years and he’s in the process of divorce. Everything seemed great between us but as the divorce comes to final, it seems like we are going to too. It’s all a draining process for everyone and he hadnt come to terms with what or how to tell his family and friends of why they split. During these final days near his trial, ive come to realize that he is still concerned about the judgments of others. We had this problem when I had told him that I couldn’t continue talking with him if he was still married. Well, she found out about us a few days later. He got served the papers and said he felt relieved. Looking back I feel he was waiting for her to file bc he didn’t want to appear to be the one who ended it to everyone they knew. He never told anyone he was getting a divorce, it took him months to HAVE to finally tell his family and some friends as they would askwhere she was. He just told them they were separated. He said he didnt want people to ask questions. I asked him why he wasnt telling them the truth….that they were unhappy for several years? He said he wasnt ready to admit they had failed and also not ready to admit he hadnt conducted the start of our relationship properly. Now that he will be officially divorced, he now is overwhelmed with anxiety of having to actually face the family and friends about being divorced. Now this is where it gets messed up, and I’m sure all you will say its karma for me…..He is so cowardly to say the truth. He said that he can’t face the follow up questions from people when they ask him. He said he feels guilty about not doing things properly and that he will feel shame and prob won’t feel comfortable bringing me to meet his family and friends because he’s not ready to tell them details. Again, I asked him why is he focusing on me, when he should say the truth first….that they were unhappy, tried counseling several times, and just wasn’t working out. He said they’ll ask and then the next thing he would have to explain is us and he’s scared. He says he knows the divorce was inevitably coming and it wasn’t my fault, but that people will judge and not see it that way.
    So a month before his hearing he said he still cares about me but right now our happy ending might not happen bc he can’t come to grips with what people might say. He said he knows he has to come clean in order to start the healing process but he is afraid to hear what people will say. He went on to say we are still best friends and not to get my hopes up but that maybe after his hearing we could have something again. But that right now he needs to clear his conscience before his court date.
    So basically I am getting the boot because once again he is unable to tell the truth and cares more about what people say. Am I gonna be around after his hearing? Prob not. I mean, for someone to say they care and love you and feel so comfortable with you, then basically send you packing two days later is a real “karmas a bitch”. I deserve it. I know.
    Is he telling me the truth? Is he really that scared of admitting he made a mistake? Is he really that afraid of people’s judgments even tho he loves me? Another thing that was a red flag was when he said “Do you want to live in secret like this forever?”. I was annoyed and said of course not! I felt like he was projecting his feelings onto me. I told him that i would not, and that i hope that after time and healing that we would be able to have a normal relationship. He said hes unhappy with me right now because hes unhappy with himself…..and he said hes unhappy witj himself because of some of the things in our relationship. One of those things is coming clean about our relationship to his family and friends.
    I haven’t talked to him as he slowly stopped contacting me because he was trying to do the right thing for HIM and HIS situation. I told him I would not initiate any contact to give space plus I am still hurt he flipped the script overnight on me. We work together and ehen I saw him a week later he was being nice to me. I didn’t say much. He said he was so happy I wasn’t ignoring him and told me I looked good and blah blah. Next day he was cold and distant. I was so over the rollercoaster ride of his emotions. I just said hi and walked away. The next day he was nice again and saying how he still cares for me and apologizing for being an a-hole. He said he just needed to clean up his life. Who knows what that means or what he’s trying to do but its getting tiring with the hot and cold. Also he’s very ambiguous. Say what you mean and mean what you say! I don’t even know if we are friends or not or what. When he speaks to me, hes honest but doesn’t tell the truth. I’m always left hanging in limbo. I just took our last phone call as him saying its over but he still wants me around if he actually ends up growing a pair to come clean about us. I dont care for his nonchalance in thinking its ok to step on me to make himself look better or feel better. .I didn’t acknowledge his apology and just walked away. Seems like when I was the one trying to make things kosher it stressed him out. And now that I’m frequently walking away from him and not initiating contact, he’s trying to get my attention. He is the biggest mistake of my life right now. Still filling my ears with half hopes and ambiguity.
    I have prayed over and over to ask God for forgiveness many times. I am learning my lesson to do things the correct way. I am also learning how quick people who supposedly love you will hurt you the most…..

  38. Wrecking Ball says:

    I could’t disagree more with this article. While extra marital affairs do often end this way. It is not the only way these situations play out. This article is very skewed. Perhaps written my a woman whom’s husband cheated on her? First off the author assumes the man is just using the woman for sex and nothing more. Never mind the fact that he also might really be in love with her. Never mind that he might possibly see her an inspirational, intelligent, beautiful, caring, talented, strong and confident, confidant. (Also wouldn’t it be an affair if there was no sex involved? Emotional cheating? I think so.) The author also assumes that the man is happily married. Really? Then why is he seeking an outside relationship?? Most mistresses are not waiting for their man to leave his family and marry her. That’s pretty absurd. I don’t think most women want that to happen at all. The author also assumes that the woman has been seduced or tricked into the affair. This is an very violent way of looking at it. I think most affairs are begun mutually. Sometimes the woman is even the seducer. All I’m saying is just like any other type of relationship there are various factors and situations. This article pigeonholes extra-martial affairs into a one-size-fits all scenario. Some affairs actually strengthen marriages! Many men aren’t getting enough attention from their wives and their emotional health suffers and carries over into everything. What is a man to do if his wife dosen’t want to spend time with him or have sex anymore? What is a woman to do if her husband doesn’t want to? Women seek out affairs too! Why are you only focusing on men? This is a very immature article written for teenagers.

  39. layla says:

    @ Tanner you got exactly what you deserve. Don’t you feel like a fool for investing years of your life on a man that you willingly shared with his wife?? One thing you dumb homewreckers don’t understand is that a married man will tell you anything to keep you at bay. I can guarantee his wife never knew he was unhappy in the marriage, while instead of communicating this to her he took the cowardly route by having an affair while you fell for the bait. Did his wife ever confirm that there were issues in the marriage when she found out about you? Probably not because she never knew they existed. Let this be a lesson well learned, love yourself well enough to find a man that can love you exclusively.

  40. SM says:

    Maybe alaa and Danillia should have read this , both had affers and alaa left me and danillia left her man and now there marryed with a bby he has abonded our child i dont know his whaere abouts he dont pay child support and is runied my reptuataion they lie to everyone and he tryed to lie and manipulate me into believe his lies , i was with him for 4 yrs we went thru sum real drama but i thought he loved us and we could make it i forgave him his 2 affers even tho i was so deeply hurt but he just cant stop cheating and lieing , he always kicked me when i was doen i dont know im so angery at them and im dealing with my emtions about the shock n lies and what they tryed to do to me and my son by haveing him removed from my care and the fact he was paying for hotels for them to meet in im shocked that he betrayed his friend as danillia is his Ex-Friends childs mother whats wrong with him , what is he doing and he only got worse affter dissapering for 2 yrs he calls me and begin to curse at me while his wife is visting his family in germany as soon as she is bk he gets worse and worse i guess i should be happy its over bc if thats who he really is he is just not worth anything but slowly im healing from the truma but it will be a long time b4 i trust a man again .

  41. MsB says:

    I unknowingly became involved with a man who has a wife, with the intent of being friends. Once I found out he was involved with someone I got upset. His excuse was that he and his kids mother were no longer involved sexually and that he was only in the home to ensure the well being of his children. They have been together for 20 years but have never been married. Technically they are married according to common law. However, I have been around his family and his mom, he constantly tells me that I’m not a secret lover. He also he said he considers me to be his girlfriend. I feel that it’s not my fault that he’s a cheater. I don’t act secretive about our “relationship”. All of my friends and family know about him and I feel that she should too.

  42. MsY says:

    For anybody involved with a married man, don’t go there. I was with one for four years. Said he loved me bla bla bla. I now have a baby by him who he saw for the first eight months of its life. Then he told the wife – with the intention of leaving- but she wanted to keep him, and he has stayed. Now he never makes contact with me or his child. I worry for our child’s future. The pain is awful and I wish I had never become involved in the first place.

  43. nadia says:

    this is disgusting. why in the HELL would you even bother speaking to a married man?!?! no matter what he says to brighten up the situation, what makes you think he would leave a commited relationship? And if he can do that to his wife; he will do it to you. all you are as a homewrecker is a busted nut. he doesnt care about you. and if he does, then you’re both sorry and deserve to be each other outside of the good world

  44. Chica Martinez says:

    Wow, wish my story was simple.
    I’ve been with him almost 25 years & 6 months. We met in high school started as fuck buddies. He is bi. It was easy to b his fuck buddy for 25 years. Then March 23, 2013 two days after our 25 year anniversary he asked me to be his girlfriend. He lived with his boyfriend. I said ok, then under 2 weeks ago he married his boyfriend. I’ve tried to break up he won’t allow it. I’m tossed into being a mistress & he said 2 days b4 he married nothing will change with us our time we do our thing I’m in love with u, I love U. I need a man & u to complete me. We have since day one a hot deep sexual attraction to each other. If he wasn’t an amazing lover & been though 3 brain surgeries with me & no connection I could leave. I just don’t feel good about this. The boyfriend & i hate each other so to hurt him i could careless my boyfriend family always knew we were lovers I never treated bad they love me. His mom treated me as a daughter when she was alive. He said 2 days b4 he married under 2 weeks ago I want u to b my lifetime girlfriend. I know it’s true. But I want a ring cuz he jealous of any male around me or he will loss me. Then put a ring on my finger to show I’m yours. No never want marriage he knows that. I’ll lose my benefits if i marry & i have a way nicer home then he does & His home is build by his dead parents so he won’t move. But it’s not 2 weeks & ca

    n I handle this cuz i make 50% completed & a man does the other 50%. Yes b4 i got my first house 19 years ago I lived with him in his home.

  45. Tau says:

    pretty interesting column, well I am married for 7 years, 5 months ago I found out that my husband had an affair with a much younger woman. I am in my mid30s but OW was someone that always comes over to my house she has 2 kids of her own. She knew all along that he was married and also she was with my husbands nephew. I found out about the affair because she was at my house texting my husband and so forth. that day I found out evdrything went bad I end up beating her ass up because I trusted her to be around my house and my kids not knowing she was screwing my husband. No she moved out of state but can’t stop calling and video chatting my husband. My husband and I are working on things I filed for divorce but he refused to sign the papers and asked for one chance to make things right and what had happen was just a mistake. Last week OW text me and said my marriage is over and she asked my husband not to leave me and my kids and they had much better things. I wrote back to her and told her my husband will never leave me because if he wanted to he would have don’t it when I found out. I even told her that she wasn’t making my life miserable but she wouldn’t stop

  46. UK City Chick says:

    I love the way that women comment about the OW here – I was seeing a guy for about 8 months, initially I refused a date and he chased me ALL day EVERY day for 3 weeks as he came to my place of work for a course. He told me he had gone through a difficult break up but he was single. He used to spend 2 solid weeks at my house then go to work offshore for 2 weeks (while he was away he sent me emails from morning until night) … only he didn’t work offshore, he hadn’t told me he was on sick leave from work so spent 2 weeks at mine then 2 weeks with his long term girlfriend and child. When I found out he lived with her, I was angry and I heard all the usual rubbish – I am only there for my son, we don’t sleep together, I hate her and I am trying to sort out the financial side to get her out of my life. It was all rubbish. One night after a few drinks, we got into a heated row and I erased him from my life … I was emailed by his best friend about 10 months later asking how I was etc etc and my ‘ex’ (if I can even call him that) started emailing, adding me on facebook under a false name and suggesting we meet up. I moved 300 miles away and still got emails every day – 7 years later and he still contacts me every day to tell me I’m the only woman he’s ever been truly in love with (and he has contacted me pretty much every day up to now – often 200 messages a day) I have now blocked his email and texts but I know he will soon come to my door …. my point is, the OW isn’t always a slut or a tart, it’s the man with the commitment so he should honour his commitment, I didn’t make a commitment to his gf! Some men just seek what they feel they are lacking at home and so it’s easier for his gf/wife to blame the OW but he went looking in the first place and the OW could be anyone! I understand that the wife will be bitter and angry but in this situation HE lied, HE was deceitful and HE was climbing in my bed every night so stop pushing the blame on the OW and start giving your man (who can’t keep it in his pants) 100% of the blame because unless his mistress is a friend of yours – she owes you nothing

  47. Lee says:

    Hey Annabella, was it your mother who hated and neglected you, or was it your father who BEGGED your mother to abort you the reason you are an insecure, shallow emotional cripple who can’t act like a decent, healthy human being? Time to grow up and get over your very uninteresting and boring little self. Twits like you are a dime a dozen, idiot.

  48. Trista says:

    I am involved with a married man for about 4 months. I had met his wife long ago were friends -not close 10 yrs ago. they were not happy then and she always told me he cheats on her.and “cheaper to keep her”. I didn’t know him- Lost contact with her, 8 years. Strangely, we ran into each other when 2 years ago He started talking to me-I occasionally see her out at the store, she is distant with everyone. We have a strong sexual attraction and he texts me and ‘sneaks out once every two weeks. If he cheats, why the hell does he only see me once every two weeks? whats the point. {guess I just answered my own question} I work a lot and every time he txts..I tell myself not to respond. Somehow, I allow myself to do it again. I hate it. It is wrong I know I deserve more..yet I wont tell him.
    It makes me mad..my choices make me mad. Why I even fell for it..i don’t know. Strong sexual attraction. I didn’t think it would really go there…He doesn’t talk about her..he wears a ring..he wont leave her because yes, he would lose everything. She hasn’t worked in 18 yrs. and doesn’t want his kids to be raised by another man. He is all ‘about his kids’ I want to end it..yet I think I don’t because I know if I tell him he will not even care. That is not what I want to hear. I hate myself for it.

  49. Elizabeth says:

    In my case the other woman was a home wrecker! l recently found out about my husbands short affair with a co-worker! They have worked in the same company for years but only recently they were put on some projects together. It didn’t take long for him to see her as a friend. They talked about family and life… She was the “putty me” type and he started to feel sorry for her. A tornado of personal events that he created within himself made him vulnerable and allowed her to slipped right through his moral compass. He made one move that she misconstrued as a sign that he wanted more and she pulled him right in, and he didn’t know how to get out. She is in a miserable marriage (where she chooses to stay to this day) and wanted him to be her night in shinning armor! She told him she was jealous of me and the husband and life I have, that she always dreamed about. She spent every day stroking his ego and managing to manipulate him farther and farther away from me. She would even ask him if he would leave me, to which he always said “No”. His first time having sex with her, was like the first strike of clarity he had that he was making the biggest mistake of his life! After the 6week affair (told you it was short) had ended he started seeing her true nature, something that he had been blinded to before. He was repulsed by the woman he had risked all of his family for. He has taken full responsibility for his actions and has dedicated ever bit of energy he has into mending the damage he caused to me and our marriage! She on the other hand has no regrets or guilt. She fell in love with my loving husband and didn’t care who it hurt she wanted him for herself. She felt after a miserable life, she deserved something better and she was going to take what she wanted. I am not a bad person nor did we see our marriage as being strained, actually my husband will tell any one that I am one of the best persons he has ever met and we had a good marriage. He is not even completely sure why he had the affair and why he felt he couldn’t just stop. But he has started to see that he had taken advantage of his wonderful life, all for someone who, had she gotten what she wanted, would have made his life miserable. Had she succeeded he would have resented her for making him loose everything he loved and he would have never had stayed with her (even if had I left!). She was bound and determined to ruin my family for her own selfish need! I consider her a true home wrecker!

  50. Shashikant Hallikeri says:

    It is the married man’s fault.

  51. Alexandra says:

    It takes two to tango. If you’re married, stay faithful to your (covenant) spouse. If you’re dating someone and you find out they’re married–RUN. You have no right to be sleeping with someone else’s spouse, I don’t care what your excuse is.

  52. Robyn says:

    We were not married, but lived together for 9&1/2 years. Because of a drinking issue, he left me for a bar-whore who has no future, sucks as a mother, has a drinking problem herself, is a thief and a baby killer. So, dumbass home-wrecker, all this is going to come back around to you. He has a disease and you are only killing him because you are a sociopath. You a a classless, clueless, good-for-nothing.

  53. bill says:

    i was the other man in affair with a married woman. she was unhappily married with a daughter.
    i thought i was rescuing her, but would not leave her husband even though she said she loved me not him
    i put up with it for nearly 2 and a half years and ended it once we both found new jobs. married people who cheat always tell the same lies and excuses for having affairs and staying married.(the house, the kids, lifestyle, not wishing to start from scratch).
    the other person is not always a home wrecker but sometimes a victim who thinks they have met their soul mate under the wrong circumstances.
    married people who cheat and stay married can never be trusted either by their lovers or their spouses.

  54. Jessica says:

    Yeah, you poor thing! All of you who engage in affairs with married people are selfish bitches….why would you want to cause harm to another person? There is no way of getting around it, but saying you are selfish! “I’m with a married man and loving it!”….REALLY????? That makes you a bitch who enjoys hurting other women! I thought women’s empowerment is about empowering women, not hurting them. Get your crap together. I hope you all get your hearts eaten out of you for breaking the wife’s heart. I hope he gets whipped too.

  55. Wiser says:

    Hi …I think the writer of this article is a genius and I wonder we all get this advice only after all the damage is done…..I am soooo miserable and find some solace in reading up that others have been where I am…..Probably was too busy ‘being in love ‘ with the married man to see the ruin up ahead…but thanks for your pearls of advice….though its a little to late to fix anything!

  56. Elisa says:

    I’m sorry, but men do leave. There are countless examples both in the public life and in private cases. I personally know a few cases. They leave after a few years or after 20. The type of relationships in those marriages are very different. You might it familiar if I mention :” That homewrecker, she ruined his marriage”…that seems to be the way people interpret it, anyway…. I understand you probably wish that didn’t happen, but it’s not fair to advise something that it’s not true. Of course there are also the cases where men are just being cunning and they are leading on the mistress with “Of course I will leave her”. Both situations are stereotypes by now.

  57. laura stoney says:

    I think that any women who is a homewrecker should have the bleep beat out of her. You think we feel sorry for you? I dont.its your fault you put your selves Into that position of getting hurt. If you knew a man had a wife or girlfriend then why in the hell would you wantt to destroy that by starting a love affair with them .There Is nothing you homewreckers can ever say to justify what you did. I have no sypathy for any of you. I lost the love of my life and was faithful to him because I vowed myself to him. He was my first love. My only love. I was so close to marrying him and was so close to speding the rest of my life with him. But a homewrecker like yourselves came along. Yes it takes two. But on the other hand I blame the women more because we know how to hold out and say no! You women have no morales and no respect especially for yourselves. I wouldnt even call you women. Us wives and gf , fiance are left with the haunting thoughts. So before you mistresses go feeling sorry for your pathetic selves, take a walk in our shoes. You give other women a bad name, all because of your own sefish needs. Now that your sitting thete all but hurt, Was it worth it in the end?

  58. yolanda ncube says:

    hie to everyone ,i was reading this ,its really touches me .
    Iam in love with mm ,and i trully love him and i no that its very wrong ,m 26 years old i have got 2 kids ,we still together with father of my kids,but i dont have love for him anymore coz he was cheating to me before ,then he ask forgiveness i dd forgive him ,after that i was have a broken heart .,i total changed ,then i meet this man he have got a lot of love ,caring respect me ,he makes me fill that m the woman,he gave me kove that i ddint even get to my father of my kids.i love him so much i dont see myself without him,i respect him if he is at home m not even coling antil he come to be ,only god knows how will end really

  59. Ash says:


    Before you call the other woman a homewrecker be sure to know that she knowingly participated in having an affair with a married man.

    I was 16 years old when I met this guy who claimed he was 20. I was in an on again and off again relationship with this guy for years and then I remained friends with him on and off

  60. Unpopular Thinker says:

    The term “homewrecker” cannot be applied to anyone who becomes romantically or sexually involved with a married person. It is impossible for anyone other than the married person to “wreck” his or her home. When a man or woman decides to cheat, please keep in mind that the married person is the one who stood in front of his friends, family, neighbors, co-workers, minister, or justice of the peace and made a bunch of promises he or she would not or could not keep. The person involved with the married man or woman has promised nothing and owes nothing to the wife or husband married to the person who cheats. Though this may sound harsh, no one can steal someone else’s husband or wife. Husbands and wives choose to leave, stay, cheat, or be monogamous. Adults have free will and choose to exercise that free will when they cheat or remain faithful. The only person who should be held accountable is the cheater. The person who gets involved with the married man or woman is not accountable to the married man or woman’s spouse and is simply looking out for his or her own interests. It is perfectly normal for Americans to be self-interested in the pursuit of their own personal happiness and desires. How and why is marriage any different? Why is it that married women always insist that the single “mistress” think about the married woman’s happiness? Do married women ever consider the happiness of single women or insist married women consider single women’s feelings? Why should a single woman attracted to a married man (Biblical scripture aside) ever be concerned with the needs and wants and desires of his wife? The wife is not her concern or problem. In fact, the other woman is in some type of competition with the wife, and wives need to understand how competitive marriage and romantic relationships are. All is fair in love and war. Affairs may not fair, but they’re the reality.

  61. Melissa says:

    I am a home wreck but I do not feel bad about it. Because now my I am married to the man I was having an affair with. And my ex-husband can kiss my butt. The man I married is 40 years older than me. My husband married a woman 20 years younger than him. Even though I was the one having an affair with two different married man at least I’m married one of them. So I screwed up a little girls life that would be my stepdaughter and bashed her mom and slandered her oh well. I’m not trying to Sugar coat anything. I was married twice to the same man, first time I was having an affair with a cop. And I kicked my husband out of the house and did not let him even get his clothes. I got a protective order on him just for punishment, I don’t know why he didn’t do anything wrong. I basically made him homeless. I divorced him then married the cop. Then a couple years later I divorced the cop move back to my hometown called up my ex-husband, because I wanted kids and I know he was kind in nature and would never abandon them. After I had a few kids I started up an affair with two married man. And ended up divorcing my husband again. Now I married to someone 40 years older than me and that sucks for someone who love sex like me because I’m not getting any… Yikes!

  62. karinka says:

    Thanks for these postings. I am trying to get out. 4 years ago I was hotly pursued by a very smooth elegant erudite brilliant sexy professional man who is married to an overbearing unfortunate looking woman. People told me he was probably seeking a way out. I resisted for several months, refusing his invitations when he dropped by my workplace until I got to know him and like him. You know the rest. Flowers, jewelry, declarations of love and then kisses. He took me out publicly as if unconcerned about her finding out. During this torrid affair he never dropped by without a gift however small. The most loving charming man I have known in my very long life. I have broken it off many times and dated others. No one came close. He got cancer a year ago and I told him this is it. It’s now or never. That was last January. His shortened life makes it harder to leave him. There’s no one who could take his place. We are off more than we are on now. I so wish I’d have never gotten into a car with him. My heart has been broken, my reputation may be harmed. My friends have long ago tired of my tears and confusion. Maybe reading these stories will help me to stay away from him, I am proof youre never too old to be devestated by a married man.

  63. Nona says:

    @ Karinka, you need to walk, no run as fast as you can! You need to let his wife have the moments that is left in her husband’s life. She is probably already in pain, and if she ever found out about you, this would make her pain even worse. If this man dies, please don’t even attempt to show up at his funeral, unless you have a death wish to be buried right next to him. Think about this man’s family for god sakes, and put your own selfish feelings aside. Lastly my mother told me that there is nothing worse than an old fool. You should be ashamed of yourself.

  64. Nona says:

    Also, you stated he was seeking a way out, but you have been his mistress for 4 years, so if she was so overbearing, he would have divorced her a long time ago and married you. You say unfortunate looking, but ironically she is the one with the ring.

  65. Samantha Gudes says:

    Very interesting topic and replies… I have been in a relationship with a married doctor for five plus years. His wife found my texts on his phone and bam – it was over… This woman who abandoned her husband for ten years and allowed him to fend for himself while she vacationed alone, visited their children, never, ever cooked for him, yelled at him constantly, physically assaulted him, and yet he stayed with her b/c he did not want to lose his children. His children – all grown, were/are attached to their mother and he always felt like an outcast. His wife always said very mean things about her husband to the kids, so this is what they knew….

    She found out about me and now she is wife and lover of the year. She has called me at work to ensure that I am at work and not with her husband, grabs his phone from him and has actually spoken with me on the phone, has changed her tune as soon as she found out about me. Why? Because she lives off of her husband’s salary, she works three days per week herself at as a pediatrician, has low self esteem, as I do, and does not want to start over with anyone else. She admitted to me that she was wrong for abandoning him, but now she is back.

    Word to the wise. If you are even tempted to have an affair with a married man, who in reality thinks more of his own needs than anyone else’s, and then dumps you after a five year relationship, just run the other way before it gets started or serious. I later found out that this doctor had profiles on every married but looking website, hired paid escorts, had sex with his patients, and the list goes on. He has problems, his wife is nuts, and I will be going for counseling until I am old and grey….

  66. Tom says:

    Follow this and you will never go wrong…do onto others as you would have them do onto you.

  67. Sam says:

    Some of the comments are sickening! Y’all are okay being the other woman, but would y’all like it when y’all are in a committed relationship (with the love of your life) and y’all discovered the other woman? I think not. It will be a big slap on y’all faces. Treat and respect yourself how others want to treat and respect you. It’s that simple.

  68. Rachel says:

    I also believe that someone can not be a home wrecker.People who are in love & happy in a marriage will not cheat. I am speaking as someone who has been cheated on & who has cheated. Funny thing is the guy who cheated on me 20 yrs ago is the same guy I had an affair with. Not funny ha ha but ironic. He the first guy I ever had sex with & he used me & cheated on me when we were in our 20’s. When we met back up on FB & started talking he apologized for how he had treated me & I saw that he was taking care of his kids & thought he really had grown up & changed. He told me he was separated and I know for a fact he had his own apartment since I would go there & his sister lived with him. Well I was miserable in my marriage & kept telling my husband either he needed to leave or I would but I guess I was too scared to leave but when I met back up with my ex it was like we were young again & I honestly thought this was a second chance for us & the reason I wasn’t happy w/ my husband was cuz I was still in love with my first love. I did not hide my affair. My husband knew everything & I told him to leave but he said he was going to fight for me. Of course my ex said how I was the one who got away & how much he loved me & how special I was blah blah blah. Of course he told me his wife & he were on the verge of divorce & already did the paperwork just a matter of filing but that the last time he told he wanted to end things she freaked & made his life hell and wouldn’t let him see his daughers so I believed him. His own sister told me that his wife was crazy so I truly believed he was just afraid to get the divorce. I wish I had demanded for him to show me the papers but whenever I would catch him in a lie he would get mad & turn it around on me. Once he saw I was serious about leaving my husband for him all of a sudden he says how he doesn’t think he can go through with the divorce and that even though he’s not in love w/ her he has been best friends w/ her since they were teenagers & loves her as a friend. This all happened within a 13 month time span. I would give him an ultimatum and say he needed to tell his wife or I would be done with him. some time would go by & my heart would break & then he would show up at my door begging me to tell him I loved him & just be patient that he just has to wait for her to decide the marriage was over. All this time my husband was still asking me to try to work things out with him and so after a year of this loser lying to me about all kinds of things such as his daughter being raped & his wife being this horrible bitch I finally gave him the last ultimatum knowing he wouldn’t leave her & so I got my last email from him ending things and how he wishes things were different and maybe another time & place we had a life together etc. I went to counseling and that has helped. My ex admitted he is a sociopath & I will guarantee that all of these men or women that are being secretive and cheating are all sociopaths too. They say what they know you want to hear. They become what they know you need in your life. They lie about everything. years ago this guy called to say he was sorry what a jerk he was back when we dated & he told me he was a single dad cuz his wife died in childbirth. I then get an email from his wife saying she is not dead and could I talk to her so she called me. So she knows that her husband was ready to kill her off just for me to accept his apology. He didn’t even try to get w/ me back then. that is how sociopaths are. Here it is years later & she is still with him. I know for a fact I am not the first one he’s been with & I won’t be the last. I know how stupid she is for staying with him cuz he has this hold over you that he makes you want to make him happy so I was just as stupid as she is but thank God I am out from his spell and me & my husband are trying to make things work & he finally understands I am serious that I will leave even if he didn’t change & care about the marriage & he said the best thing that happened was me having the affair cuz it woke him up to what he was going to lose even though I didn’t do it for that reason. it was purely selfish and that I wanted my first love and i to have a happy ending but that didn’t happen. I see his wife on facebook and want to tell her so bad that her husband had an affair for a year & she had no clue. So people can say that others are homewreckers but if your spouse can have an affair for over a year & you don’t know then how really vested in your marriage are you? How well do you know your spouse? How do you not know what he does in his spare time and what his text messages & emails say? Nobody can wreck a marriage except the two people in it. Anything that happened in my marriage is mine & my husband’s fault & I never blamed my ex for it. I was the stupid one to fall for him again & think that a sociopath can change. They can’t. Google sociopath and chances are if you are in an affair with someone or if your husband is the cheater I bet you that you will realize you are in an affair/marriage with a sociopath & even if the guy decides to stay in your marriage he will not & can not change. It’s not mentally possible. In a way I am glad what happened cuz I used to be like alot of you & judge the crap out of people and now I know that anybody on this planet is capable of being a cheater if a slick person comes along when you are in a bad point in your life to make you think they can make it better. Just start blaming the spouse & not just the other person cuz even when that other person is gone guess what…..your spouse will just find a new other person & for the rest of your life you will check their phones & emails & follow them where they are going. The reason I know that my ex has already cheated & I’m sure she found out about them is cuz she has a gps locator on his phone & one day while he was with me she texted him saying why is your locator off I can’t find where you are at. Do you want to live the rest of your life that stupid?

  69. julie says:

    I have been the other women, he will say all the rights things, the things you always wanted to hear. The i love you and you mean something to me. The i will leave her for you and we can live happliy ever after, its not wrong to want Your happliy ever after. Its just wrong hearing it from him. If you start as the other women, you will never be his only women. The phase once a cheater always a cheater is ture.
    My advice get out while you still can, yes it hurts like hell, but you have to move on becuase we all dersve better, we dersve to be someine first and finale choice.

  70. Sally says:

    I started seeing a guy 4 years ago, both looking for love relationship marriage family at time. Then he changed and said he wanted to stay single no kids and enjoy his freedom. I’m last year the told me he now had a girlfriend but still wanted to be friends. It’s now I realised we are fuck buddies (something I’ve grown up being totally against ) but I was in love with him and just accepted it. In last year he started going to Asian country a bit and once occasion asked me to pick him up from airport with her. I was intrigued to see who he chose over me so I did. But lately he keeps wanting lifts to airport with her too. And has just invited me to their wedding and really wants me to attend, he says we have a special bond, connection. Intimacy is still passionate and wonderful BUT I don’t think I can handle him wanting to start a life and family with her. No matter how you go into this situation, it never ends well.

  71. Kelly says:

    @ Samantha James, I call BS. You can have the intimacy and passion without commitment from a SINGLE man. There are PLENTY of bachelors who do NOT WANT COMMITMENT. You don’t need to have multiple single partners. Just one single man.

    What? Do you think him being single means he’ll be sleeping around with too many other women? Well you are fooling yourself if you think that the married man is only screwing around with you. A cheater will cheat. You are not special. He will screw anything easy that comes along willing to satisfy his urges.

    If you think you can control your feelings of not falling in love with a married man, then direct those same feelings to a single man.

    When you willingly engage in an affair with a married man you are being SELF-CENTERED and heartless. You want the best of a man and you send him home to be ugly and hateful to his wife. So she deals with the real him, the hard times, the downs and regular times, and you reap the benefits.

    You will get old, dried up and ugly one day and you will realize that you shot yourself in the foot when no married man looks in your direction twice. People get married to have someone to grow old with– faithfully.

    You and your married lovers are robbing wives of that but don’t worry it will come back full circle when you realize you wasted all that time getting another womans’ rightful ‘passion and intimacy’ and now that your looks and energy are gone, you have no one to warm you up at night. You will spend many nights in fear that if you have a fall, no one will be around to save you. And that’s what you get.

    How callous of you to write a list of how to date a married man, KNOWING that a party will be hurt (the wife and kids).

    I understand that some women get tricked into believing a man is single but people like you are why the other woman gets blamed the most for the affair. Because you plot to get a man that you KNOW is unavailable. And that makes you a deliberate, calculating predator. Nobody likes a predator.

    I can’t believe you tried to justify adultery. Disgusting.
    Its been almost 3 years since you posted that and I hope you’ve grown up by now.

    Remember, as you find it so easy to take something from another, so should something you greatly value be taken from you. What you put out in the world comes back full circle.

    You know sociopaths often don’t care about the hurt they cause people either…

    P.S. By writing a list you are approving of it. You wouldn’t write a list on how to make a meth lab if you disapproved of people doing it.

    P.S.S. I hope Mucha ruined your life.

  72. Kelly says:

    @ Stepford Mistress, Yes it’s very easy to not care about the wife. Why should you? You’re getting what you want? Selfish. Who cares if the wife gets cheated on? Who cares if she gets run over? Who cares if she has a stroke? Must be nice to not care about people. It’s okay though. You’ll see it again. When you get stricken with cancer, don’t you dare split your lips to ask why it happened to you. You know what you did… willingly and happily.

    If it wasn’t you it would be someone else. Nice logic. So would you trade places with a bank robber? I mean if it’s not him, then why not you?
    You can limit it to as few people as you want, you will still be found out. Married men think they are slick. They WILL talk/brag about you to their ‘close friends’. Fortunately one of their buddies usually has a thing for his wife and the word gets back. Once the wife knows, you can kiss your reputation and career goodbye.

    As far as the final advice you give, what makes you think that if you’re with a married man, you will find Mr.Right? As if you deserve him. Mr.Right deserves someone with morals. You’ll find someone who you THINK is MR.Right and he will be cheating on you the entire time. That’s how karma works.

  73. Kelly says:

    @ Bianca there are millions of men in this world. You don’t have to settle for a married man. Do you want to be a secret forever? Don’t you deserve a man who will walk proudly with you and introduce you as his woman? How can people be so hopeless?

    Also some men don’t have to be unhappy to cheat, they do it because they have options. Also it doesn’t matter how happy he is, that’s not for you to fix for him. If he’s unhappy he can either 1.go to counseling with his wife and get happy or 2. Divorce her and pursue you as a single man. Don’t fall for his lies about unhappiness, he’s using you and will use you up until he finds another plaything to cheat on his wife with. And dont worry about being nbr 1, you never will be with a married man… evidence in the fact that he’s ashamed to be seen in public with you!

  74. Kelly says:

    @ Merle, there’s a reason they don’t get what you’re giving them at home, because they are out there cheating. It’s pretty hard to give a man needs that come natural once he turns out to be a cheater. It’s hard to look him in the face and not vomit, let alone touch him sensually or let him do vile things to her body. Don’t try and justify your sins. It’s easy to blame the wife for not doing it right when in reality ALL relationships lose excitement and he knew that when he made that commitment. He should be working on what he has at home not getting it from somewhere else. And you’re old enough to know better.

    Yes the wife TAKES CARE of her man (laundry, meals, home…) and the homewrecker TAKES FROM the man.

    You sound happy about your conquests. You will feel an emptiness that cannot be filled …

    You don’t have to give a hoot what anyone says but you will give a hoot when you’re ready to settle down and find your love life unfilled due to Karma. And furthermore since you too well know how easy it is for a man to cheat with a random woman, you will never be secure in a real relationship. You will always think that your guy is cheating because you have a history of dating cheats.

    And don’t fool yourself into thinking that he is only cheating with you… enjoy your STDs.

    No, not cool at all…

  75. Kelly says:

    @ Kat. I so respect you. You did the right thing. Alot of women will hold onto the cheater out of spite so he wont go back to the homewrecker. I say let her have him. 1. They will probably start back up behind your back again but even sneakier. 2. You deserve to be able to trust someone and not deal with the paranoia associated with taking a cheater back. 3. Let her have ALL of him. The good, the bad and the ugly! She can cook, clean, love him and when he gets tired of her, he will cheat on her too… because thats what cheaters do. Meanwhile you will be happy with a better guy.

  76. Kelly says:

    @Jojo, you talk like the world ends tomorrow. So you made it 7 yrs? There is plenty of time for him to cheat on you. And because he is a cheater, he probably has already or will and you just won’t find out. But you’ll cheat too because like you said alot of relationships are over long before you leave the building… well… still no excuse. If the relationship is over, it should be OFFICIALLY over not misleading the person at home thinking it can be saved. But that’s too risky right? Afraid to be alone before you meet someone else? Just hop in and out of relationships so you won’t be lonely.
    You both have the same cowardly character trait though, so guess you two are a good match.

    Homewrecking Tori Spelling thought she was safe too.

  77. Kelly says:

    @Denise, thanks for showing your face while you admit to be a homewrecker. If we see your face, we’ll be sure to keep our men away from you. And thats what you get.

    @Katherine, soooo true. They are desperate. They have to go after the guys that are looking for a way out or not happy. They are an ‘option’. They can’t get the happy men that have real options. They have to get the ones who are ready to jump ship or feeling trapped. Must be sad not to have any self-worth.

    @Unknown… you sound proud. At least you know what your future holds. Since you see its so easy for him to leave his family and kids and his job, don’t be surprised when he does it to you so effortlessly. Funny he’s your boyfriend and not your husband… Don’t do things that get judged.

    @cocoagirl, Angela I sympathize with you because we ALL go through a bad relationship/marriage where our needs are not met. But how is cheating the answer? You can divorce and move on and do it the right way. There is NO EXCUSE (short of him threatening to kill you and being buddies with every officer and judge to get away with it). NO excuse for cheating. You are an intelligent woman why are you letting this married man shortchange you? Don’t you get tired of sneaking around? Don’t you want him to exclaim to the world that you are his? Go for a man that is single and this will happen.
    Yes to each their own. But still no excuse. Split up before you shiit up. If it’s nobody elses business, dont come on here bragging about it.

  78. Kelly says:

    What? A short-centered affair is just as bad as a long term one? Yes true a faitful man will not stray but this article is not about cheating men, it’s about the mistresses who indulge them. Read the comments and see how filthy some of these women who brag about their married lovers are so good. It’s sickening.

    It’s extremely funny that a mistress can say that the wife failed to satisfy his needs. Often times the cheating man is just greedy. Of course he’ll tell the mistress she isn’t doing her role. It makes their legs spread quicker! Truth is if she truly isn’t satisfying him, he will divorce her. Millions of people get divorced. It’s not rocket science. He’s keeping her around for a reason and using the mistress for extracurricular activities. The ‘needs’ she is fulfilling is variety. She can wear costumes and wigs but she will still be the wife. She cannot change her dna or her build overnight every night. You are simply variety. Nothing special.
    It’s very easy to blame the wife so that you can sleep easy but if and when you become nbr 1, remember that yourself when the next homewrecker slips in and gives him more variety.

    Whatever joint custody and legalities can fix this. Major excuse. You are talking a big game about your husband cheating and you being happy. That is foolish talking. You say that because you are happily cheating and you think you’re such a good person. You are making a mockery of marriage. If you are seeking an open marriage you should have clued your hubby in before you started cheating.

    When it all comes crashing down, you’ll regret not doing it the right way.

    Some people should just not get married if they are going to defile it.

    @Layla, Preach it.

    @MsY, how selfish of you to conceive a child with a married man. You get what you deserve, you put pain out and it came right back to you. But I hope the best for your child.

  79. Kelly says:

    I will never understand why women fall for the same tired lines. The wife and him are ‘always apart, don’t sleep together, or working on a divorce. Newsflash if he was THAT unhappy he would be divorced already and if he isn’t already divorced when he met you, it’s not in the plans now.
    Also how do you think he can wine and dine you if he doesn’t have money for a divorce? The things people tell themselves to live a life of sin.
    Lisa Im glad you learned your lesson. Sounds like you won’t do it again.

    @Alexandra! THANK YOU!

    @TOM. Wisest words spoken.

  80. Kelly says:

    I think I’m done today. Obviously I’m extremely passionate about this subject. I just don’t get how people can willingly hurt others and not think that it won’t come back to them in some way.

    You have to understand that some homewreckers are aggressive and opportunistic. Yes a married man has no reason cheating on his wife and should take the blame. BUT there are some women that are INTENT on ruining marriages out of spite.

    There are some that will virtually pin your hubby up against the wall and give him ‘hand pleasure’. Some homewreckers want to take what you have out of spite. That’s why everyone hates them.

    Cheating hubby or not, some women are just relentless. A man can be broken. Even the happy ones.

    Whether hubby is to blame or not. I think the comments speak for themselves in how some of these women are content with their pain-causing role as the other woman.

  81. Honesty says:

    I just came across this article, admittedly, from looking at a pin (of all things, lol) from a would-be former mistress of my spouse. I say “would-be” because it was all online and emotional rather than physically intimate. Oh yeah, it still hurt. It still doesn’t feel the best now and again. I keep tabs on her because

  82. never defined says:

    So all you naive other women out there think the married man wouldn’t be looking to hook up if his wife was still putting out! How wrong you are. My idiotic husband had an affair and affaired down and oh boy did he, he hit a midlife crisis, became impotent, blamed it on the fact that one of our teenagers was in the next room, did manage a mediocre performance when we had our home to ourselves but not very often, i worked nights and he tried the “thought you were having an affair at work”, soooo stupid, like i had time and when did i gecome an immoral, cheap tart?!
    anyhow i found out and does he leave me for her when i threw him out, errr no, on bended knee begging (which is not a pretty sight) for my forgiveness and to take him back, i took him back and she has nothing, no man in her life, no job now, friends dropped her like a hot coal, my husband will nt talk to her or about her as i would find that wrong, lives with her mother since her divorce and all for what. I admit my life was good, not extraordinary and she was jealous of what i had and decided to try and take it away – she got hurt! Me, well i still have my husband who is trying everyday to make recompense, promotion at work, self esteem, the love and respect of our children, my home – the whole shabang so anyone out there thinking being the other woman is a good move, think twice – yes you will initially hurt the wife but she will get over it, you will hurt any children involved and that is cruel but ultimately you may get really hurt yourself and suffer like my husband’s ex mistress.

  83. Annmarie says:

    my twice married college lover contacted me after 32 years of no contact and we met. No problem there but i was in a loveless marriage, with kids almost all grown and feeling ready to bolt. After 3 years of infrequent contact, my old friend and i started a physical/ emotional relationship, and have continued for almost 2 years now. We both are extremely discreet and, although he denies it, i am certain its not his 1st extra marital relationship. Will he ever leave his wife for me or anyone else? Not likely. even if he did, would i want a committed relationship with an untrustworthy man? Hell no. He is intelligent, remarkable in many fascinating ways and a good lover and in some ways i do love him and feel hurt that we can never be an open couple. I know the end will come and it will likely be my doing when i can no longer accept some behaviors that cause me to leave him those many years ago. And i will hurt! but until i can make that move and leave him, i accept what we have and will never ask him to stay with me or do anything outright to hurt his family. And i’m looking for a man to be open with, to love and to love. Until then, this will have to do.

  84. junkhead says:

    it takes 2 to tango, I have just witnessed an affair, and I find it funny that the ow thinks she is special, the man in question was rejected by myself and then quickly went and found himself an easy target who was also screwing lots of other men, someone who will have an affair will have it with anyone, please don’t think you are special because its you, if not you then someone else and although I don’t think highly of the ow either, its the mans fault too.

  85. Sydney says:

    this is bullshit, “theres no alternate endings” i was dating a married man of nine years and he ended up leaving his babymomma and now weve been together for 2 years happily and were engaged..aha

  86. Stephanie says:

    Same way you got him, the same way you lose him..aha

  87. Neo says:

    I am dating a married man. I love him so much in such a way I cant go out. He is started to treat me badly and I started loosing weight. I also witnessed the affair that dating a married man is not good at all.

  88. Nareel says:

    I am still in disbelief and shock.I met this Muslim guy 8months ago ,I am a xtian tho!. He was rily all ova me,he is co-worker.I turned him down but he kept coming back .Finally I agreed but I told him I want the relationship on a lowkey,you know how office romance can tarnish someone’s image if not managed properly. We started hooking up,he told me he have a girl but he has broken up with her because she is handsful and difficult,nags&e does not av feelings for her,I told him to mend the relationship with her but he said nope,so we started dating ,I told him I won’t be able to marry him cos e s Muslim,he said his family don’t mind him marrying someone who shares diff tribe&religion. The guy was the best ,he respected me,cares about me,worships me,never let me do the dishes or wash his bedspread after sex(due to cum or body fluids lol)I had to forcefully wash his dishes after we take a meal.we talk on phone 24/7,chat,he initiates communication mostly ,I am not the clingy type .I always give him that mindset I won’t let him take me for a ride or I won’t accept less than I deserve. We have had fight on several occasions like couples do ,he always come begging even if it was his fault fully or partly. I started having strong intuition that he has another woman. I saw red flags,I broke up several times with him,I hate relationship stress,I told him to go,hurl words at him.He swore I was the only woman in his life.The last time we reconciled he said he will take me to his family house. Two days after we reunited,I called him up,he didn’t pick or respond to his chat asap unlike him. My instinct told me he has a woman in his crib. I took the next cab to his crib only to see a woman there ,I was totally shocked,but I didn’t catch feeling.Me and the woman talked,my guy was stuttering ,he didn’t deny me or try to throw me out like some dumb dudes would. I told the lady I never knew he has a chick,she said she knew about me and him,that she has seen us together somewhere and his neighbours called her on phone to snoop on us. She said they have been dating since years that she has been enduring shits from him because she feels if she leaves the relationship,she does not know the character of the next guy ,she is a Muslim like him,she said she prays for him to change. She said he does not love her that no wonder he always complain he is tired,not knowing it’s because he is shagging anoda woman.she said he pays less attention to her when they are together,all he does is pay attention to his fone and chat while she is in d bed. She said she cooks for him,washes his bedspread .she said She is the fiancee,I replied wow,when is the wedding,she told me she does not know, that the guy is unserious. I guess the girl is desperate and maybe the guy is patching up with her due to the familiarity of the two families because the guy dont treat me d way he treats her from wat r gurl said.I was encouraging her to take hart that I didn’t know about her. The guy was begging the two of us to forgive him,we slapped him on diff occasions. I told him to stay clear of me ,I threatened to hit him if he says hello to me at work.I blocked him off social apps on ma way home. He has not contacted since the past 9days now. I guess he is shamefaced to see me or got no nerves to call my fone bcos he knos I av zero tolerance for crap. I won’t take him bk anyway?. Does he rily love me or did he use me?

  89. Smith says:

    You’re 100x more naive if you believe he won’t do it again and again to you. He knows you’ll take him back if he gets down and begs forgiveness. You completely let him off the hook and he’s laughing at you all the way to the next cheap motel.

  90. NoPityForYou says:

    I just read the initial post, and yes, the women who have an affair with a married man are considered home wreckers in the end. What I will never understand is the wound-licking and ‘poor me’ attitude after the fact. Not a SINGLE ONE of you have any compassion for the devastation you are participating in in a crime against your gender. Let’s face it, a man will shag anything willing. Had you considered the fact that you wouldn’t want this done to you after marriage, perhaps you could have grown a conscience.

    I find every single one of your self-intereted pity parties to be disgusting. Look in the mirror ladies. YOU stepped over a boundary, didn’t care about the wife — a woman who wants to be loved just as you did, a woman deceived doubly by both her husband and her own kind — and all you can think about is yourself. I hope there is a special place awaiting BOTH the husbands and you bottom feeders who have no regard for anyone but yourself. So stop feeling for sorry for yourselves and thinking the husband doesn’t get blamed as well. Trust me, they do, but as is typical in the cheating, it’s what’s in it for me and when it’s over it’s still the same…. me, me, me. Take a look in the mirror. You inserted yourself in a preexcisting relationship and it was also YOUR responsibility to keep your pants on. May karma return to once you are in a relationship. Good riddance to all of you who have to moral compass.

  91. Webbgurl2000 says:

    Not all wives blame the so called home wrecker alone. If it were a robbery, and YOU CHOSE to drive the getaway car, too then what do YOU EXPECT?
    I appreciate the honesty of the author. Put YOUR BIG GIRL BLOOMERS on.

    Once You Know He’s attached, STEP OFF. Respect Another Woman’s Territory. The Husband is acting LIKE A TEENAGED BOY IN heat. Would You Believe

    Anything He tells You About His Wife/Mother? Of course she’s the bad guy. His Wife IS now the villain whom he wants to escape from for awhile. You Are his teenaged Buddy whom he rolls with to bash his wife/mother! No one Is Dear to Him in this state.

    See, This is How it often works for the Wife:
    You knew He was Taken. Just because he acted like a JackAss in heat, you are a WOMAN. She hoped you would have been ENOUGH OF A LADY to stop yourself from poaching. This is a SEPARATE ISSUE from Him.

    He will get HIS! Any self respecting Wife isn’t going to be LET HIM GET AWAY BY BLAMING YOU!! Some Women just blame the OW. Take their man back and NOTHING CHANGES. Sad.

    If I Take A Man Back, THERE WILL BE SERIOUS CONSEQUENCES. That’s Not Any of the OW’S Business. I’ve got the Papers, the Kids, the Mortgage, and I could have caught a disease. NO THANKS TO EITHER OF YOU!!

    But, He Can Make Amends and I have No Love Lost for the OW. Remember, the Side Chick who Didn’t Respect Herself Enough to Leave Other People’s Property alone? Of Course, you ARE GOING TO GET HATED ON!!! You earned it!!

    Hey, when you could have “turned the other cheek” you decided to spread eagle instead, so why DO YOU DESERVE RESPECT? Pity? Compassion, Sympathy?

    They didn’t deserve This. Even if THEIR FATHER WAS BEING AN ADOLESCENT, it doesn’t excuse You for Riding in the Side Car.

    You get More Hate because You are a woman, and knows what it’s like to have your heart broken. You get More Hate because you didn’t have ANYTHING to lose, but played ANYWAY, you Get More Hate Because You Put Yourself where You DIDN’T belong to Feed Your Ego… Now You Get Exactly What You Deserve and You Chose to Stay and Play!

    Put Those Tissues Away. You Had It Coming. You Helped Screw Over an Innocent Woman and even More Innocent Children. You may Think You Are Not A Selfish, Terrible Person, BUT YOUR DEEDS PROVE OTHERWISE. Now, go away. Get therapy, beg forgiveness.

    Finally, IT’S REALLY NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS what The Wife Chooses to Do With Her Husband Who Acted Like A poor imitation of a Jackass. Remember, he’s HER PROPERTY..Had The OW thought of This in The First place instead of being Skanky right along with Him…you wouldn’t be in a mess.

    Yes, if You are the Husband or Other Woman you both Suck. But, just Like the OW COULD CARE LESS ABOUT THE HURT TO THE WIFE OR CHILDREN, Why Should The Wife Care About You?

  92. Webbgurl2000 says:

    You said it! True. Karma.

  93. Webbgurl2000 says:

    Not always Smith. People CAN change. Many have when they are forced to look at the hurt they caused.
    The OW needs to do a heart check and straighten herself before trying to judge the wife.

  94. Holly Mark says:

    You are cheating and you want to talk about an untrustworthy man? Look in the mirror, sweetheart.

  95. Camilla Karehana says:

    The other woman in my case was particularly vindictive towards me, and manipulated my children to force the exposure of the affair. She has no remorse. I am an adult I can work through it

  96. CP says:

    HELLO….it always takes 2 to tango. I’m not condoning other women messing with married men, because it is morally wrong. I’m a guy and I’m getting sick and tired of hearing some of these married women complaining and moaning that their husbands keep cheating. Why do they stay with them then? For finances? For love? For sex? Do they have some so brainwashed into thinking that’s all your worth? A bad guy? Bad news? A real love stud that all women want and adore? Half of these type of men think they are bad boys….nope they ain’t bad boys they are doing bad in life there is a big difference. Some women down right know their husbands are DOGS and can’t be trusted within 1 foot of any woman at anytime. They can’t act right at work, at football games, at the grocery store, at the gas station, they flirt with package delivery gals. They get off womanizing, they view women as sex objects. They have drinking, drug, sex addictions or whatever excuse they can come up with to justify lying and cheating. Instead of some of these men growing a set of balls and either going to counseling and working on their marriages or getting divorces and dating the right damn way they will go out and cheat or feed younger gals a line. They feed their wives a line and everyone else. Most have severe issues from day one. Some of these men have lied from day one, lied about cheating on their previous wives, lied about their finances, lied about who what when where. They have the me, me, me, what about me attitude. Instead of acting their middle aged ages or like real true married men they view their lives as a do whatever whenever at the expense account of whomever. Our whole Country is out of whack and balance because women need to start telling these men NO and men need to start understanding it’s time to grow up and act right or for the love of God let their wives go find real men that know the concept of vows, integrity, honesty, sacrifice, and putting someone elses needs above their own for once. Grow up.

  97. Ceci Fenderson says:

    I could not have said it better myself. Thank you for being so thorough about it.
    No home wrecker deserves any sympathy. She was the home wrecker, and mine was one that had a relationship and 2 daughters she never cares for, but promises all the men she hoes around with that she will be there for them. That she would never treat “him” like the wife does. She isn’t even married! After more than 13 years of just having 2 “oops” babies, her man didn’t want to put a ring on it. Not even her own guy wants to keep her around, that should have been an indication to my husband that this bitch was total worthless. Everything she touches get destroyed. I am not exaggerating! Obese, rotting teeth, alcoholic, broke, looks like a dude with thinning hair. Just ugly inside and out and what is worse, she wants to be the “wife”. HAHA! Once you go slut you can never be a lady. And she was never a lady, had baby at 16, got an early start on the drama and irresponsible bandwagon.

  98. Jared33 says:

    The woman tagged as a home wrecker is always forgotten or highly sought after by other men. It means she’ll do what she can to get what she wants. That is a good woman men look for.

  99. Ceci Fenderson says:

    many of them are actually proud that they took the man from the wife. IT doesn’t matter because they will realize the side chick he chose isn’t worth the two cents the wife gave him and he will ALWAYS want the wife, whether she takes him back or not he will always want the wife because she was giving him correction and strength, not some overly practiced ego boost that is a cookie cutter bunch of words. They watch a movie, soap opera and memorize the lines guys react best to and bam…suddenly he home wrecker is so AMAZING to the guys. Crying with the victim card. They stalk the man they are after. women are CREEPERS too men! Women stalk you with social media, they go through your belongings when you go use the bathroom for a hookup, but are seen as meek and docile poor little victim of a woman. WAKE UP.

  100. Ceci says:

    BRAVO! you are right the home wreckers are the wigs, and costumes because they are the fake ones pretending to be something they are not 24-7 .variety/ a patch.. a temporary costume that quickly gets boring, saggy, and discarded. The wives are the real thing.

  101. Amy says:

    Well said.

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