39 Sexy Ways to Arouse a Man & Get Him in the Mood If He's Not Horny

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Want to know how to arouse a man fast, even if he’s “not in the mood”? Here are all the playful, irresistible ways to get him in the mood instantly.

10 Fastest, Irresistible Ways to Arouse a Man Instantly

How to arouse a man even if he isn’t in the mood

Want to know how to arouse a man fast, even if he’s “not in the mood”? Here are all the playful, irresistible ways to get him in the mood instantly.

You: in bed, candles lit, wearing your sexiest lingerie.
Him: face-down on the couch, binge-watching a Netflix docuseries on killer whales.
You sigh. Not because you’re annoyed, but because this is the third time this week your man is “not in the mood” and you’re wondering how to arouse a man or turn him on subtly.

Contrary to every magazine stereotype, yes, men also have days when their libido hits pause. Stress, burnout, low testosterone, performance anxiety, it’s all real. In fact, research shows that emotional and psychological factors can dramatically affect male desire, even more than physical arousal.

📚 Source: Brotto et al., 2016, Psychological and interpersonal dimensions of sexual desire

So what can you do when you’re ready and he’s… not? Skip the guilt-trip and try these spicy, science-backed ways to arouse your man, whether he’s low-key tired or just in a different headspace. From quick, flirty tricks to emotional turn-ons that actually work, here’s how to get your guy in the mood (without making it feel like a chore).

[Read: What turns guys on? 34 sexual turn ons that arouse all men in seconds]

10 Fastest, Irresistible Ways to Arouse a Man Instantly

1. Wear nothing but his favorite hoodie, and nothing underneath.

2. Whisper your naughtiest thought in his ear, no context.

3. Text him: “I’m not wearing any panties… just FYI.”

4. Straddle him while he’s gaming, and ask, “So… can you multitask?”

5. Tell him his hands look good, then guide them where you want them.

6. Send him a selfie captioned, “Guess who’s thinking about you right now?”

7. Ask: “Can I tell you a secret fantasy of mine?”

8. Leave a lipstick kiss on his neck before walking away.

9. Ask him to help zip up your dress, then “accidentally” drop the strap.

10. Slide your hand into his lap and say nothing. Just stare.

Want the full play-by-play? Here’s how to turn him on even when he’s “not in the mood”, with subtlety, sexiness, and serious skill.

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👉 Want to arouse a man, in difference scenarios? Use these guides and you just can’t fail!

How to arouse a man even if he isn’t in the mood

If you’re all ready to go and want him to help you out, there are a few things you can do that will make him immediately forget why he wasn’t in the mood, and his attention will be 100% on you.

Slip on something sexy and get ready for these sneaky but powerfully sexy ways to arouse your man even if he isn’t in the mood! [Read: How to tell if a guy is turned on – 22 signs he’s horny AF around you]

1. Help him “unwind”… in the sexiest way possible

Sometimes men aren’t “not in the mood”, they’re just mentally somewhere else. Work stress, burnout, pressure, and mental fatigue can knock a guy’s libido flat. So instead of playing hostess by pouring drinks or putting on his favorite show, shift the entire vibe.

Sit next to him, slide your hand onto his thigh, lean in, and whisper, “Want me to help you unwind?” Then kiss his neck or graze your nails along his inner arm.

Little sensory touches like these lower cortisol (the stress hormone), which naturally helps sexual desire return. So instead of feeling like you’re doing chores just to get him in the mood, you’re teasing him into relaxation, erotic relaxation. Not only does he feel taken care of, he feels wanted. 📚 Source: L. D. Hamilton, et al., 2008, Cortisol, Sexual Arousal, and Affect in Response to Sexual Stimuli

2. Give him a massage with hot oils

To relax him even further, offer to give him a hot oil massage. There’s almost no way that any man would refuse this. Get him naked, slather him up with oils, and in no time, he’ll surely be ready to go.

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Take it a step further and take your clothes off halfway through. Why not? He’s already oiled up for you! And with your hands slowly working their way down his body, there’s no way he can resist! [Read: How to make love to a man – 31 hot ways to make him cry with passion]

3. Slip into lingerie… and make it impossible for him to focus

Instead of quietly changing into lingerie and hoping he notices, turn it into a full‑body reveal. Stand in the doorway, rest your shoulder against the frame, and let your robe fall open just a little bit, enough to show lace, skin, and the outline of exactly what he wants. Then walk past him slowly, giving him half a second to take in the view.

Men are wired to respond intensely to visual cues; even subtle glimpses can spike dopamine, anticipation, and sexual motivation. So you’re not “dressing up for him,” you’re activating his visual imagination.

And the moment he realizes you put in effort for him, not for Instagram or for a special occasion, you become the only thing he wants to focus on. 📚 Source: Rupp & Wallen, 2008, Visual sexual cues significantly increase male arousal and attention

4. Tell him all the things you want him to do to you

Lean in really close and whisper in his ear exactly what you want him to do to you in the bedroom.

He will begin visualizing all of this as you are barely touching your lips to his ears. He’ll want to hop off that couch and head to the bedroom straight away! [Read: 10 sexy conversation starters to get both of you really horny]

5. Put some sexy music on

Dim the lights, put the lingerie on, and turn up the baby-making music! By putting some key music on, he will see that you mean business.

In order to really get the fire going in him, put some music on that has significance to your time spent in the bedroom.

Maybe it is your wedding song or the song that was playing for your first time, whatever the case, his mind will go back to how much he wanted it then, and that will definitely inspire him now. [Read: The absolute best list of songs for sexy lovemaking]

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6. Kiss him very slowly and leave him wanting more

Lean in very close and give him a long, slow kiss, and then walk away without another word. He will be stunned and curious to know what else you have in store for him. This sexy gesture is the perfect thing to do if you want to know how to arouse a man!

7. Text him from another room

Go to your bedroom, remove your clothes, and text him that you’re patiently waiting for him in bed. His curiosity will immediately be piqued and he’ll be wondering what exactly you’re waiting for.

If you want to go a step further, send him a picture of exactly what you look like in bed; he’ll be at the door the second you hit send. [Read: 18 Hot Male Erogenous Zones & Places to Touch a Guy Most Girls Don’t Know]

8. Spray a little of his cologne on your inner thighs

Here’s the truth: perfume is nice… but it’s forgettable. What actually turns a man on is scent connected to memory. So try this instead, take his cologne, spray a tiny bit on the inside of your thighs, then sit beside him or straddle his lap.

When he leans in to kiss you or touches your legs, he’ll catch that familiar scent in the most unexpected, intimate place. It’s subtle, primal, and unbelievably sexy. [Read: What men like in bed – 32 things they desire and absolutely lust after]

Scent is one of the strongest triggers of emotional and erotic memory. When he smells his own scent on your skin, especially near places he already finds irresistible, his brain automatically associates you with desire, closeness, and arousal. 📚 Source: R S Herz, 2004, Scent triggers emotional and erotic memory more powerfully than visual cues

9. Talk about the first time you guys had sex

Casually bring up that evening, or morning, who knows, and tell him your favorite parts about it: what he did that you just really loved and how much you want him to do those things again.

Chances are, the first night he was more than in the mood to get naked with you, and by talking about everything you two did, his memory will do the work for you and he’ll be ready to go in no time at all. [Read: How to talk dirty to a guy and arouse him with the sexiest words]

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10. Snuggle up close and put his hands right where you want them

Get really close to him, have a minute or two of snuggling, and then slowly take his hands and put them right where you want them.

This gesture will not only surprise him, but get him thinking about what he really could do with those hands. [Read: 20 kinky things you can do with your boyfriend before getting into bed]

11. Be demanding

Men love a woman in charge. Get up and tell him you’re going to have him tonight no matter what, so he better get in the bedroom before you find a way to put him there. If you’re not someone who typically takes charge, he will be both surprised and intrigued.

This will make him start thinking about you telling him what to do in the bedroom and it will force his curiosity to see what you have in store for him.

12. Turn off the distractions

Men are distracted quite easily. That might be a little mean, but it’s true. If there’s a game on, or his favorite show is playing, or there is anything that could be taking his attention away from you, he’s not going to be in the mood to leave it just to appease you.

Turn it off. Turn the game off, take his phone and put it elsewhere, and climb right on his lap and demand that he pays attention to you only. This is a surefire way to arouse your man even if he isn’t in the mood! [Read: 27 fun sex games you can play with your man to get him horny in no time]

13. Sext him during the day

When he’s at work, his mind is probably not on sex. But you want to set up his expectations for when he gets home.

You should probably wait until later in the day to do this because you don’t want him to get too distracted with his work. But send him sexy photos and text him naughty things. Tell him what you want to do to him when you see him later at night. [Read: How to take jaw-dropping nudes – 36 tips for the sexiest nude selfies ever]

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14. Match his energy, then gently shift it toward intimacy

Timing absolutely matters, but not in the boring “wait until his game is over” way. Instead, pay attention to his energy and join him there before steering things where you want them. If he’s tense, sit beside him and put your hand on his chest. If he’s distracted, crawl into his lap and kiss his jaw slowly. If he’s tired, slide your hands up his back and ask softly, “Want to feel good with me for a little while?”

You’re not waiting for the “right time”, you’re creating it. This is what psychologists call responsive desire, where arousal grows from connection and context rather than spontaneous libido. Once he feels emotionally or physically synced with you, he’ll follow your lead right into the mood you want.

[Read: 36 Sexy Ways to Tease Your Man & Make Him Want to F You Right There]

15. Feed him something sensual… while sitting on his lap

Instead of cooking a full meal (which feels like work, not seduction), pick something tactile, like strawberries, ice cream, chocolate, or even cold grapes.

Bring them to him while wearing something sexy, then straddle him and feed him one piece at a time. Let the juice drip on your fingers and make him lick it off. Touch his jaw when he bites down. Laugh, tease, play, this is sensuality, not service. [Read: What Men Like In Bed: 53 Things They Want, Desire & Absolutely Lust After!]

Food becomes arousing when mixed with intimacy, novelty, and sensory pleasure. You’re feeding him, but you’re also feeding his imagination. And that combination is way more likely to get him in the mood than playing chef for an hour in the kitchen. 📚 Source: Rolls, 2007, Sensory stimulation (taste + touch + anticipation) increases dopamine and desire

16. Talk about “forbidden” places to do it

You can start a conversation about the strangest place(s) he has ever had sex. And talk about whether that turns him on. You can tell him about your adventures too.

Then, together, you should talk about what other kinds of places you could have sex that would be wildly adventurous.

The beach? A movie theater? A cemetery? The restroom at a restaurant? Joining the mile high club? This will get his wheels turning so he thinks about sex with you… right here… right now. [Read: 60 dirty and sexy things to say to your man + the very secret art of dirty talking and fantasizing]

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17. Go commando

Wear a short skirt or dress with no underwear. Go around the house pretending to clean *or really doing it*.

Bend over to pick up things in front of him. Give him a good look at what’s underneath the dress you’re wearing. It won’t take him long to get the hint, and it’s always a great way to arouse a man.

👉 Looking for more sexy ways to arouse a guy instantly? Try these guides!

18. Lock eyes with him while touching yourself, then pull him closer

Deep eye contact can be sexy, but staring into his soul with no context feels awkward. Instead, make it intentional and erotic. Sit beside him or on his lap, slide your hand over your own thigh or waist, and look him directly in the eyes as you do it. Hold the gaze for two or three slow seconds before leaning in to kiss him. [Read: How to Tell If a Guy Likes Kissing You & Is Turned On While Kissing]

Eye contact works because it activates emotional bonding systems and heightens erotic sensitivity, but only when paired with intimacy and physical cues. When he sees your desire and feels included in it, you ignite both his ego and his libido. 📚 Source: Zeki, 2007, Romantic and erotic eye contact activates the brain’s reward system

19. Wear something sexy and revealing

Men are very visual creatures. That’s a huge reason why they like porn so much! So instead of downplaying your physical assets, turn his attention to you and how you look if you want to learn to arouse a man.

Wear a short skirt, a tight dress, and a plunging neckline. Show your cleavage. Men are suckers for a woman who is dressed for sex! [Read: How to dress for sex – Look sexier for your man and leave him horny]

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20. Watch porn together

As the last suggestion just said, most men like watching porn. But wouldn’t you rather have him watch it with you than alone by himself?

He might even be surprised when you suggest it, but he will probably be happy about it! When you watch, tell him that you would like to do that to him too, and that you should practice what you are seeing on the screen.

21. Role play

Sometimes everyday sex can become boring. Sure, it’s great, but sometimes a man just wants a little bit of variety. One way you can give that to him is by “becoming another person.”

Try acting like his teacher, and he’s the bad student that needs to be punished. Or you’re the police and have to tie him up and arrest him. Role playing can definitely get any man in the mood as long as you bring his naughty fantasies to life. [Read: The sexual role play guide for beginners and how to seduce you man as someone else]

22. Ask him about his fantasies

Everyone has sexual fantasies. But sometimes, it feels taboo to talk about them with your partner. So, ask him about his.

It will not only make him feel comfortable and feel closer to you, but it will also get his mind thinking about doing them with you. After he talks about his fantasies, share yours with him too, and then devise a plan for how you both can make them happen. [Read: The top 17 female fantasies that arouse almost all women and the top 16 male fantasies every guy has in mind 24/7]

23. Slip him a naughty note in his car

Why not go low-tech and get away from your sexting and sending photos?

Do it the old-fashioned way by writing him a sexy note and leaving it in his car so he sees it on his way to work. It will give him something exciting to think about all day long!

24. Perform a strip tease

Besides porn, another thing that most men like is going to strip clubs. But wouldn’t you rather have him watch you do a striptease than have him go out with the boys and stick dollar bills into random women’s panties? Get some sexy music, perfect your dance, and give him the most unforgettable dance he could ever ask for. [Read: The sexy strip tease – How to strip for your man like a pro even if you don’t know where to start]

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When your man just isn’t feeling like jumping into bed with you, it can be more than a little frustrating. But sex isn’t just about timing, it’s about tuning into each other’s vibe. So if he’s not in the mood, it doesn’t mean something’s wrong.

25. Give him a “Yes/No/Maybe” list

Sex doesn’t always start in the bedroom, it often starts in the mind. And the best way to arouse your man without even touching him? Get inside his brain. Hand him a “Yes, No, Maybe” checklist of sexual acts and ask him to fill it out. You fill out one too. Then compare. [Read: 126 Sexy, Dirty Things to Say to Your Boyfriend & Talk Dirty to Him Like a Pro]

Not only will this turn into an intimate, revealing little peek into what gets him going, but he’ll also be wildly turned on by the fact that you want to know what drives him crazy. It’s permission, anticipation, and vulnerability all in one, and the science backs it up. 📚 Source: Byers, et al., 1998, Communication about sexual preferences increases sexual frequency

26. Wear your vibrator around him

Let’s be real: nothing spikes male curiosity and arousal like the idea that you are already turned on. So next time you’re out for dinner, or even just watching a movie at home, slip on a remote-controlled vibrator and hand him the remote. No big announcements. No explanations. Just a quiet “You’re in control now.”

The thrill of knowing you’re getting hot while he pushes your buttons (literally) is one of the most powerful ways to activate arousal through anticipation, novelty, and power-play. Bonus? You’ll probably both end up skipping dessert. [Read: How to Choose a Vibrator: A Girl’s Guide to Picking the One You Need]

27. Say “no”… then say “yes”

There’s something wildly sexy about the unexpected. Playful resistance, done with a smile and a wink, can ignite his competitive and curious sides instantly.

Next time he reaches for you, lean in and whisper “Not tonight…” Then pause, smirk, and say, “Unless you make it worth my while.”

The sudden switch flips the script, creating tension and release, one of the most powerful patterns in erotic psychology. It’s not about manipulation, it’s about teasing his desire awake with surprise and confidence. [Read: 50 Sexy Secrets to Please & Pleasure a Man in Bed & Leave Him Aroused 24/7]

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28. Use the 6-second kiss

We’re all guilty of the peck-and-go kiss, especially in long-term relationships. But a deep, lingering 6-second kiss? That’s foreplay with zero commitment and maximum emotional charge. [Read: How to Kiss a Guy Well: 21 Secrets to Arouse Him with Your First Kiss]

The Gottman Institute swears by it for reawakening intimacy. Why? Because a real kiss, hands on his face, lips pressed with purpose, sends a clear message: “I want you, not out of obligation, but out of pure desire.” Try it while he’s distracted, like at the fridge or scrolling his phone. He won’t be scrolling for long. 📚 Source: The 6-second kiss, John Gottman, Ph.D., The Gottman Institute

29. Ask him to describe how he’d undress you

Let his imagination do the work. Sit beside him, look him in the eye, and say: “If I asked you to take off everything I’m wearing right now… how would you do it?”

Boom. You’ve just activated fantasy, control, and psychological foreplay all at once. As he starts to talk, touch his hand or thigh slowly, matching his words with sensation. This tip works especially well for men who are more verbal or imaginative, and the anticipation it builds is just as powerful as touch. 📚 Source: Janssen et al., 2007, Imaginative sexual engagement increases arousal and responsiveness

30. Sit on his lap with no underwear

Sometimes subtle is sexy. Other times? You go full bold. Walk over, climb into his lap, and whisper, “I forgot to put on underwear today.”

Watch him short-circuit. This move works especially well when he’s mid-focus, on work, a game, or even just lounging.

It sends a powerful message: I want you now, without saying much at all. Plus, it puts your bodies close enough to create friction and anticipation… without actual sex. Yet. [Read: How to Make Out with a Guy & Secrets to Make Him Explode In His Pants]

31. Surprise him in the shower

Shower sex is great. But what’s even better? Showing up mid-shower with no announcement, wrapping your arms around him from behind, and slowly running your hands over his wet body.

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The surprise + touch combo instantly activates his physical and emotional arousal. He wasn’t expecting you, but now he can’t stop thinking about you. Bonus points if you wash him slowly, like a scene out of a fantasy. Studies show novelty and unpredictability are potent arousal triggers in long-term couples. [Read: Shower Sex: 18 Sexy Bathroom Secrets to Get Wet, Make Love & Not Slip]

32. Get playful with a blindfold

Remove one sense, and every other one lights up. Blindfolding your man gives him a rush of adrenaline and anticipation. He has no idea what you’ll do next, kiss his neck, nibble his ear, trace his thighs?

The lack of visual control makes even the lightest touches feel more intense. And because his brain can’t predict the next move, it stays highly alert and aroused. Blindfolds = underrated bedroom MVPs. [Read: Blindfold Sex: 18 Sexy Tips & Positions to Mute One Sense and Explore Sex]

33. Start a sexy game of “Would You Rather?”

“Would you rather kiss me for 10 minutes straight… or watch me undress slowly while you can’t touch me?”

Boom. You just made a game out of foreplay. Sexy hypotheticals are flirty, low-pressure, and a perfect way to steer the conversation into steamy territory. It’s also a genius way to learn what turns him on, without making things feel too serious or clinical. Bonus: laughter + arousal is an incredibly effective combo. [Read: 190 Sexy, Dirty Would You Rather Questions that’ll Make Anyone Horny AF]

34. Lick something slowly

Grab a popsicle. Or an ice cream cone. Or just your finger. Then make intense eye contact as you run your tongue over it slowly.

You don’t have to say a single word, just enjoy your snack like it’s the most delicious thing you’ve ever tasted. He’ll go feral watching you. Men are highly visual, and simulating oral play in a playful, suggestive way can be more effective than full-on nudity.

35. Do a strip tease to a ridiculous song

He’s expecting sultry music. You give him… the “Curb Your Enthusiasm” theme. Or the Jurassic Park soundtrack. Or some absurd 2000s boy band song.

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The twist? You own it. Confidence and humor are a dangerously sexy combo. Laughing in bed drops your inhibitions, helps you connect, and makes everything feel less pressured, and that makes arousal easier for both of you. So get silly, get sexy, and strip like no one’s watching. Except him. [Read: How to Strip Tease: 19 Sexy Moves for Newbies to Undress Like a Stripper]

36. Dare him to watch you undress without touching you

Look him dead in the eyes and say: “You can watch. But don’t touch. Not yet.” Then start undressing slowly.

The forbidden element spikes tension and turns watching into an event. Most men are used to being physically aroused by visuals, so this gives him the thrill of watching porn, but it’s real, it’s you, and it’s right there. By the time you say, “Okay, now you can,” he’ll be ready to pounce.

37. Initiate in public (discreetly)

You don’t have to go full PDA to drive him wild in public. Whisper something filthy in his ear at dinner. Gently press your thigh against him under the table. Slide your hand just a little too high when you’re standing close.

Public teasing creates a tension that builds all night long. The promise of what’s coming (pun intended) is often more powerful than the act itself. It says: “You’re mine. Just wait till we’re alone.” [Read: 20 Signs of a Slutty Girlfriend & the Hot and Bad of Dating Her]

38. Say his name when you moan

A simple tweak with a huge payoff. When you’re intimate, or even just kissing, whisper or moan his name. Slowly. Confidently. With intention.

It sounds silly, but hearing his name during intimacy is a huge psychological ego boost. It tells him he is the source of your pleasure, and that affirmation makes him want to give you even more. Studies show that hearing one’s name activates the brain’s attention and emotional centers. Use that to your advantage. 📚 Source: Carmody & Lewis, 2006, Names trigger brain regions tied to identity and arousal

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39. Guide his hand while watching a movie

You’re watching Netflix. He’s got his arm around you. Everything’s cozy. Now take his hand and slowly move it where you want it, maybe under your shirt, down your thigh, or just cupping you gently.

No words. Just your body doing the talking. It’s a subtle, sultry way to say “I’m ready” without breaking the moment. Gentle physical guidance = silent green light.

You now know how to arouse a man with playful charm, emotional connection, and some seriously clever moves. And remember: it’s not about making him perform, it’s about making him feel wanted. That’s the real magic.

👉 Want to take it a notch higher and wilder? Try these guides!